I don't know how I missed this post. How are you now? Did you have the surgery in the end?
I have an Ileostomy now after suffering 25 years of Ulcerative Colitis. so I know exactly what you mean about always needing to be near a bathroom. I can only tell you that my life with a bag is so much better than it was before surgery. So much so that last year I traveled by airplane for the first time ever to go on holiday to Menorca.
I also think it is wrong that you have had to get so sick before they will consider giving you the surgery. I would have thought that it is much better to avoid having to have an emergency surgery. Sometimes it is difficult to understand the way some Doctors think. I wonder if they are stalling because they are concerned that you will have trouble with accepting the bag again.
I hope that you are feeling better now.