Usually, surgeons like to wait at least 3 months before reconnecting to give you time to heal. I don't think there is a maximum time limit - I know people who have been reconnected years after their initial ostomy surgery.
Please don't feel guilty about what's happening to you - you have no control over it. Easier said than done, I know. But think of the situation in reverse. What if it was one of your daughters going through this? Would you want her to feel guilty about it? I'm betting you wouldn't and I'm also betting that they wouldn't want you to feel guilty either.
I'm not a complete idiot - some parts are missing!
Ileostomy for 27 years since I was 10 years old, due to UC.