Saucy, I can understand the plight of your son. A couple of years ago we took our kids to Disney World and I can assure you that I know where every restroom in all the parks are. I too have used the porta potties at my kids ball games and soiling oneself is not fun either. There have been times when I was out in the field working that I almost had to turn on the red lights and siren to get to a toilet. Ahhh, the bad ole' days.
As far as outlook, I am 4 weeks post operative and starting to gain a bit of control. In other words, I can hold it if I really have to while I get to a toilet. The first night after the surgery take down of the ileostomy, I was miserable and I call it my "Hell Night". I couldn't get off the toilet because my system was waking up and everything was passing through. Also I started vomiting, but fortunately just dry heaved since there was nothing in my system. The surgery was on a Friday afternoon, and Hell Night was on a Saturday night. Sunday afternoon by 3 P.M. I was on the way home. I still have bouts with the trotsky's, but can control it to an extent with diet and immodium. My Doctor told me I would never have a "hard" movement, but they would be soft and controllable. For the most part they are right now. Others on the J-Pouch website said you notice a difference about 4 weeks and I certainly am. While not 100 % yet, I am probably about 60 % which is a heck a va lot better than the U/C. My doc also told me that I would have anywhere from 3-8 movements per day depending on my system, but they would be controllable. This I can live with.
The difference between where I was with the bag and now is that with the bag I could eat anything I wanted, because it didn't matter if it ran right through. Now, I am pretty much restricted to banana's, rice, breads, cheese and tapioca pudding. I am told to introduce foods to see what they do and if they run through, give them a couple more weeks and try again. I ate a Wendy's hamburger the other day with mustard and pickle only and it worked great. As for Dad getting frustrated, he's just going to have to understand how things work. Nobody that has this terrible disease asks for it and it truly strips you of your dignity. The scars from the surgery will eventually heal, but the emotional scars will remain forever. I remember at age 44 breaking down in the hospital after having to go in for an infection prior to my take down because my 15 year old son and 12 year old daughter had been put through so much for 9 months and it wasn't fair to them. Fortunately, they understand why dad can't hug them tight yet or make all their ball games.
I have been told by my Doc and others that over the next few months my menu will expand and within about a year, I'll be back to "normal" which is limited movements and just about any food. If I can help with anything else, give me a shout.