My name is Krissie and I had a colostomy placed a few weeks ago. This came after 10 years of being sick to the point that my family thought they would be going to a funeral soon. I have crohns and have had 10-12, can't remember anal fistula surgeries, a rectal flap repair and horrible pain. I lost two husbands becasue they could not put up with all that was happening. My first husband always wanted a skinny wife, but I apparently got too thin. I was not having "accidents" back then, but I did have leakage I could not control, but easily enough to take care of.....pantiliners and 4 by 4"s. I ended up having to take medicall leave from my nursing career in Boston, because I could not stay out of the BR. I also had a large amount of intense pain. My ex started cheating a lot. My poor girls would stay in the BR and color just to be with me, because that is where I was all of the time.
When I met my second husband, he said all of the right things for someone who's self-esteem was shot. When I started becoming incontinent it got awful..he left, too disgusting for him. Disgusting for me also. Waking up at 2 am to be covered in crap......horrible.
I am having a huge problem accepting this is going to be me. I don't want to be alone, but what man would want to start dating woman who craps into a bag on her stomach...very sexy. I know it was just a few weeks ago, but I thought I woud handle it better. I spent 2 weeks in the hospital. I don't know if this can be reversed because they found that I have no muscle control in my large intestine.
I have a tremdous amount of anxiety and depression do to all of this. Yes, I have a therapist and I am on meds, especially pain meds.....but I cannot get a hold of what has happened. I am open to any advice, thoughts, anything.......I just need HELP!!!!!
Thanks for listening,