Please help me - long story - sorry

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Little Miss
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 1/15/2008 6:05 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi everyone
 
Well where do i start, basically i left home 3 yrs ago, family didnt agree with my choice of husband, therefore i was disowned by the family.
 
My mum was ill at the the time, doctors didnt know what was wrong with my mother, some said it was alzheimers diesease, and others disagreed, as my mother was young, in her 40s.
I tried to explain to my mother that i was going to leave and get married, my mother seemed to be ok with it, but after 5 minutes would not be able to recall the conversation we had.
 
Well after getting married, i went to my family home, only to get the door slammed in my face, by relatives, and did not allow me to see my mother. My husband also tried to reason with them, but had no joy. Since the time i have left home, i have had two children and my mother has not seen them, due to me disowned by the family.
 
I have tried so much, but feel now to go the legal way, as i believe it is my only choice.
 
But, recently i found out my mother was in hospital, and i went to see her, my relatives where there, but did not speak to me.
I feel so bad, as my mother has changed so much, the last time i saw her was in 2005. My mum got happy and started to laugh, but could not talk, but then it sounded like she was crying, i was not sure if i was upsetting her.
 
Once i left the hospital, i started to receive phone calls and messgaes, stating that i was stupid, and i should of not gone to the hospital, and that no one wanted me there.
 
Well i did go back and luckly no-one was there, i just started to talk to my mother, and it felt so nice, she was laughing, which made me happy. She was really concentrating on what i was saying. The lady on the ward stated how happy my mother was to see me, it seemed like my mother was trying to talk to me.
 
I spoke to the doctors and he advised me my mother has cerebral amyloid, which looking on the internet it states it is linked to alzheimers.
 
The only problem is, my mother will be going home soon, and i know if i go back to my family home, they will not allow me to see my mother.
 
What do i do? Di i take the legal route?
 
I do not want to upset anyone, but i am sure my mother was happy to see after a long time, in my head it seemed she knew who i was, even though she could not talk to me, i feel we still had a connection.
 
Please help, with any advice, thanks
 
Sorry for being soo long

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/16/2008 7:46 AM (GMT -6)   
Being long is not a problem when you have something like this on your mind
First Welcome to Healing Well lots of great ple here and support

Secondly '
YES I would do anything possible and if that means taking the only way /Legal way to see your Mom then plz do it
I am so sorry this estragement has gone on for this long BUT right now you have the ability to change that and as you can see it is making your Moma real happy right so go for it and plz keep posting and stay with us letting us know how you make out with all of this
Take care and I do wish you all the best ...........God Bless

LYN
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CharleyRice1931
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 397
   Posted 1/16/2008 11:52 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Little Miss,
I find it so sad that you find yourself in this sorry mess. Why oh why can't people see that the most important person here is your Mum. Can't they see, you are of her flesh and for her sake they should be bending over backwards to remove any bad feelings. Often I read people becoming upset when they see their loved ones crying. Why can't they see it's their way of showing that they are overwhelmed with joy finding someone cares?
If your family are so blind as not to see they are hurting your Mum by keeping you and your children away, then for both you and your Mum's sake, I'd do whatever it takes to give her some of your time. It matters little whether she can speak or not, she will be able to read what your eyes and face say. To feel your touch can cheer her up no end.
As for your family, one thing you'll have learned is, that when the time comes you'll let your kids make their own mistakes, then you'll be there for them when things go wrong. They, on the other hand I hope don't live to regret denying your Mum the love of a daughter and the sight of her grandchildren. What comes around goes around. Please God they see sense and make up, time is so precious to waste it being stupid.
My best wishes to you. You have only one Mum, go share time with her.
May your God go with you. Padraig

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/16/2008 6:32 PM (GMT -6)   

Hello Little Miss,

There would never be a reason I would not want to see my daughter so speaking as a Mom, you do whatever it takes to visit your Mom.

What a sad waste of time and energy spent on trying to keep two people apart, a Mother and her daughter.  I am glad you are doing this for both of you. God Bless

Kitt


 
Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/18/2008 9:28 AM (GMT -6)   
I do hope you will do everything within your power plus to see your mom and make those memories and make up for so much time lost
Thanks Granpa for your support
Kitt you too

Luvs
Lyn
Big sis
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Little Miss
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 1/18/2008 7:54 PM (GMT -6)   
hi everyone,
 
i just wanted to say thankyou for all your kind words and support.
 
I went to see my mother again, and my gran was there, she wasn't impressed seeing me. I feel really uncomfortable when she is there, as i am unable to talk to my mother freely, but i showed my mother pictures, of my little family, shes a grandma, to a little devil she will be turning 2, and my little girl who is 5 weeks old. She started laughing when looking at the pictures.
 
My gran just ignored me, which didn't really bother me, as i was there just to see my mother.
 
I am going to speak to the doctor about my mother conditions, as i feel i have a right to know, i don't feel comfortable asking my gran.
 
I went again in the evening, and it was just me and my mother, i was talking about random things, and she laughed. My mother only has two reactions, to what i have seen, she either laughs, or crys (sounds like a whale , only way to explain it).
But when she did cry, i would tell her to stop, and said "you can't be angry at me", and she started to laugh.
 
I feel that she was trying to talk to me, but got really frustrated, or she wanted to smack me around my face, and say "why did you leave".
 
Her eyes, were crying, but there were no tears, i want to cry but for some reason i am not.
 
Its horrible to know that when i left in 2005, i could to speak to my mum, even thou she was forgetful, and got frustrated when she couldn't get her point across, but we could communicate. I never thought, that she would lose her speech, the thing that would go through my mind, is my mother would not remember me.
 
Its hard to see her, she is bed bound, and has a food drip, and hardly any movement, due to a stoke, but today she squeezed my hand.
 
I have no idea, how long my mother will be in this world, to be honest i really do not know much at all.
 
I feel that my family are not thinking of my mother, as a mother myself, i would always want my children to be there, even if they did do something wrong and if i didn't agree.At the end of the day they are still my children.
 
I am so upset, and feel lonely, i still love my sister, but have gone to hate her, i feel my mother is slowly slipping away, and my sister can not put our differences aside for the stake of our mother.
 
Lately my worse fears are if i get the same, i couldn't put my family through the same pain, my mother is only 46, what life has she had.
 
So sorry, getting upset, but still no tears, its nice writing down my feelings, i don't really talk about my mother, not alot my friends or  husband family know about my mother as i am a very private person.
But it feels good, telling someone straight, about my pain and worries.
 
Will keep you posted.
 
Ps Spoke to someone, in regards to a legal order, and i will be receiving a form, i thinks it is the power of protection, or court of protection, so once i get that will fill it in and post it asap.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/20/2008 3:17 PM (GMT -6)   
HI again
My thoughts are this Keep going to see your MOm
As for your sister Hate is such a strong word hun and should be used very causiously INHO
Look at it this way AT least you are trying to make up for lost time right now
A wise man says to LIVE IN THE NOW and this is so true IMHO
We value your input and we are always here to support and encourage you
Keep posting and I am truly glad you have found an out let to let your HONEST emotions and feelings out
In friendship and understanding

God Bless
LYN
Contribute Today ..Click On         
Moderator,Anxiety/Panic, Alzheimers,Co Mod for Crohns                     
 


Little Miss
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 1/21/2008 7:06 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi
 
Thanks for the reply, much appreciated.
 
I know i shouldn't use the hate word, but my sister is truly forcing me in that direction.
 
The other day, i received a private phone call, but hubbi answered it. It was my sister, she was telling him, that i caused my mum condition, and that i am not welcome in the family. She also insisted that me coming to the hospital, had resulted in my mother having fits. This was untrue, as when i spoke to the doctor he had advised that my mother did have a fit, but that was before i had even visted her at the hospital.
 
My sister then started to say, that she is going to get an injunction against me, from seeing my mother, and she is happy to go to court.
 
All my sister wants to do is fight, i don't want any trouble, all i want is to see my mum, whilst she is still here.
 
I feel upset, as i don't want to cause any pain or upset,  and i truely do not want to go to court, but i see as my only option.
 
Going to see mum tomorrow, so will update you.
 
Bye

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/21/2008 7:23 PM (GMT -6)   
DO not let your sister bully you
YOU have all the right to see your Mom and of COURSE you did nothing to make your mom ill so do not feel any guilt ..let your sister be angray and bitter it seems it is her way to get thru life

If you have to go to court so be it ...ANYTHING to have your mom is how I feel ......I wish Mom was here for me at this time
I am fighting with my siblings over putting Dad in a home and I will not relent ....I have looked after him and Mom when she was alive for more than 10 yrs I am not about to give up and in now especially since Monetary issues play a huge role in their wanting him in a home

Keep me posted and Have a great visit .....

God Bless
LYN

** BTW you are not causing this trouble she and others are you want and NEED to have a relationship with your Mother you and your Mom do deserve this

Fight hun ......fight

 


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PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 1/21/2008 10:36 PM (GMT -6)   
wow..... I cannot describe how I feel reading all of this. First off I wold like to say I'm sorry to hear about your mother. I don't know the feeling of being a mother nor losing one but I can only imagine the pain you must go through. Secondly, what is your family's problem? I mean dishoning you and then when your mother probably doesn't have much longer to live stil don't want you to visit her??!? If that was my mom I wouldnt care if I was disowned or not. I would spend every waking moment with my mom. Trying to spend as much time with her as I can before she leaves this life. You are right to take legal action. And I agree with Lynn. DO NO let your sister bully you. There is no possibl way you have cause anything to your mother. I cannot believe your sister would be that cold hearted to say. Im sorry... im being mean now arent I? Sorry.
"To live, would be an awfully big adventure" -Peter Pan


SnowyLynne
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 1539
   Posted 1/22/2008 4:08 AM (GMT -6)   
I agree do NOT let them bully you.They are the ones who need a slap up side the head to wake them up.
SnowyLynne


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/23/2008 5:16 PM (GMT -6)   
LOL..Meet our Snowy ........very blunt and very truthful ........

I am so glad she did respond as aperson who does know first hand of this DD........

This is truly a sad situation in all and I can empathize to a point ...am having much problems with siblings wanting to place Dad in a home and I took the " NOT gonna BULLY me " way ......

Please keep seeeing your Mom or I promise you will reget it if you dont for the rest of your life .......

Keep us posted

God Bless
LYN
* Thanks PBG for your input NO you are not being mean just feeling the pain of this poster IMHO.....

Luvs
LYN
Contribute Today ..Click On         
Moderator,Anxiety/Panic, Alzheimers,Co Mod for Crohns                     
 

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