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PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 1/21/2008 8:10 PM (GMT -7)   
I appologies for not being on for a VERY long time. I was extremely busy with my studies and working very hard at work trying to earn money for a car. Now on my 3rd quarter in college I feel as though I have grown up and matured a lot more. However the holidays rolled around and I had probably the worst Christmas I ever experienced in my life. First off my grandparents were no longer with us. It was odd not having them around anymore and not being able to shop for them. I remember I would always buy my grandfather a John Deer hat and he would immediatly place it upon his head and smile. Always bought my grandma satin PJs and she always wore them to bed. My birthday was in late September (the 23d) and it was odd. I waited and waited and waited for my birthday card to arrive from them. Every year they would mail me out a really cute and sweet birthday card along with a check. I didn't care about the check, I just wanted the card from them tellimg me how much they loved and missed me. Receiving that card would of told me that everything I went through in 2007 was a nightmare. A long, hard nightmare. But the card never arrived. To this day I still wait for it.

For Christmas the only thing I wanted was to have them back. I wanted to hear their voices. I wanted to receive their hugs and kisses. I needed them. I miss the way pappy would make my sandwitches. I miss taking long walks through the field and down by the creek with him talking about all kinds of things. I miss watching the price is right every time I spent the night or went over for lunch. I miss watching him watch wrestling, how he would really get into it and act as if he was fighting alongside the wrestlers. I miss mimi's famous spagetti sauce. I miss sitting at the kitchen table talking with her as she permed her hair. I miss picking her up form work with pappy. I miss the smell of their clothes that reminded me of every memory I have of them.

As life continues to go I feel as though I'm forgetting them more and more. I don't want to ever forget them. I can't!

However as much as it hurt me last year to go through what I did, if I had to go through it all again to earn the amazing friendship I gained with my cousin Tara, I would. the bond between us is unbreakable. Together we survived 2007 and together will will survive everything life has to throw at us. She is my cousin, my best friend, my sister. She is literally my other half.

As the holidays came and passed the the begining of 2008 arrived, I believe I am more at peace with 2007 and have begun to realize more that they wont return to this life but I will reunite with them once I have lived my life and leave this place.

Enough about my life, what have you all been up to? What have I missed? Lynn how are you and your father doing?
~*~You are gone but never forgotten.I love you Pappy!~*~
 
Love always,
Nikky
 
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/23/2008 3:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Nikky
I so know how you feel my friend and I can tell you this from experience ..YOU will never ever forget them ......any lil remimder or even if you are sitting quietly you will think back ....
I am so sorry you had such a rough Christmas sweetie
YOU need to think about them UP there looking down on you with love and PRIDE in all you have accomplished........
Even though they are not here in body theyare with you always in Spirit
Ya know I talk to Mom all the time like she was right here ......ask her opinions kinda or I should say Wonder what Mom would do
I really wish she was here too BUT I know she is no longer in pain and suffering .........
Keep in touch k hun and always know I am here for you

Luvs
LYN
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PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 1/23/2008 6:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Lynn,
You are the best. Really you are. You and the rest of the squad here have help me through a lot the past year and I can't thank you all enough for it. I love you all from the bottom of my heart! I can't recall if I've talked to them. I know i made an attempt at it but found it uncomfortable. however I do write a lot and I feel as if Im talking to them through my writting. I feel like they know when im having a bad day at work or something because for example i was about to lose patience on one of my managers at work (I do NOT enjoy working with him. he's got a stick up his butt that needs to be removed.) anyway and im on the verge of saying something when "You're Beautiful" by James Blunt comes on. That song was on both my grandparents' CDs at the funeral home. it was like they were telling me "its not worth it. Just be patient." so I get signs here and there. I view them as signs instead of coinsitences. Well I must be off. I have to clock back into work in 20 minutes and don't want to be late for that.

God Bless
Nikky
"To live, would be an awfully big adventure" -Peter Pan


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/24/2008 6:26 PM (GMT -7)   
I am a TRUE believer in " Signs" as well ......
I know Mom is sending me them I know in my heart and in my soull..ONLY she could know some of the things that do come about ya know

THEY know in their heart of hearts JUST how much you love and miss them sweetie never forget that and if the mood takes ya talk to them anywhere and anytime .....THEY can and do hear INHO......

Take care my friend and thanks for the kind words........
LUVS
LYN

I have a poem I will put in here tomorrow that will take you too them ...........It is hanging on my wall and I read it constantly
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PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 1/24/2008 8:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Please share it. I would love to read it.

I meant every word of it Lynn. I really did.
"To live, would be an awfully big adventure" -Peter Pan


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/25/2008 7:27 PM (GMT -7)   
  For MY Friend..........
 
                                 Miss Me.......... But Let Me Go
 
        When I come to the end of the road
   And the sun has set for me
        I want no rites in a gloomy filled room
   Why cry for a soul set free
 
 
      Miss me a little ...But BUT not too long
   And not with your head bowed low
     REMEMBER the love that we once shared
        Miss me but let me go
 
   For this is journey that we all must take
        And each must go it alone
    Its all a part of the Master's plan
       A step on the road to home
 
   When you are lonely and sick at heart
      Go to the friends we know
    And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds
       Miss me BUT let me go
 
This I read all the time .........I hope you like it and can understand where it is coming from ...I put this out there for you as I know your heart still pains as does mine
 
...........Luvs
Your Friend .......LYN 
Contribute Today ..Click On         
Moderator,Anxiety/Panic, Alzheimers,Co Mod for Crohns                     
 


PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 1/25/2008 8:03 PM (GMT -7)   
*tears* I loved it Lynn. I really Love it! It's so sweet and sad at the same time. Great job honey.
"To live, would be an awfully big adventure" -Peter Pan


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/27/2008 11:02 AM (GMT -7)   
I am so glad you liked it my friend
I do read this daily it seems to bring me more closure and less pain at most times ya know

Take care hun

Luvs
LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum, Anxiety/ Panic and Other Disorders
         Mod for Alzheimer's, Anxiety and Panic and Co Mod for Crohns
    www.healingwell.com Donate today to keep HW helping others
 
                     
 


PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 1/27/2008 7:50 PM (GMT -7)   
As long as it helps you with closure and ease the pain go for it. I'm glad it helps you. How is your dad doing? How are you doing?
"To live, would be an awfully big adventure" -Peter Pan


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/29/2008 3:06 PM (GMT -7)   
I am doing okay
Dad is not doing well at all is donww to 107 lbs and had to have an emergency Cat Scan today ......
Not good ...I have him home with me as I will NOT let him pass away alone in a hospital ......
It is only a matter of time ........Thanks for asking

Hoping all is well with you my friend .
Luvs
LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum, Anxiety/ Panic and Other Disorders
         Mod for Alzheimer's, Anxiety and Panic and Co Mod for Crohns
    www.healingwell.com Donate today to keep HW helping others
 
                     
 


PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 1/29/2008 8:05 PM (GMT -7)   
An emergency cat scan!?!?? oh no! whys that? What have they found? Plz let me know if anything happens. May God be with you in your time of need sweetie!
"To live, would be an awfully big adventure" -Peter Pan


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/30/2008 4:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks so much
I will know all by Thursday ........it is no doubt Cancer ........that is what the doc suspects anyways .........he is very ill and like I said down to nothing in weight so he will not be able to fight it with his health the way it is

I am keeping him comfy and letting him know I am always here as is my Cait for him and more importantly that he is loved and it is OK if he wants to go and be with Mom.that was hard for me to tell him but I see him more at ease since.perhaps it was what I said or something he has in his mind ..........I may never know but he does know he is loved


I will keep you posted my friend....

Luvs
LYN


  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum, Anxiety/ Panic and Other Disorders
         Mod for Alzheimer's, Anxiety and Panic and Co Mod for Crohns
    www.healingwell.com Donate today to keep HW helping others
 
                     
 

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 1/30/2008 8:28:22 PM (GMT-7)


PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 1/30/2008 11:55 AM (GMT -7)   
awwww. Im sorry to hear that. Wait what does cancer do when its brain cancer?
"To live, would be an awfully big adventure" -Peter Pan


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/30/2008 8:32 PM (GMT -7)   
I am not totally sure it is that I will not know til tomorrow but it will take him quickly I believe he has it in his lungs as well .he has the look the smell and the pain of the cancer..IMHO........
I pray he goes peacefully in his sleep .........thats all I am asking God to do for him .........

I have never despised this DD as much as I do lately ...first Mom and now dad........

How many others are dying daily or are being DX with AD .......you would not believe the numbers my friend .I readin the states the ppl that are afflicted range in the 6 to 7 million .........

Take care you and I will keep you posted....Luvs..LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum, Anxiety/ Panic and Other Disorders
         Mod for Alzheimer's, Anxiety and Panic and Co Mod for Crohns
    www.healingwell.com Donate today to keep HW helping others
 
                     
 


PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 1/30/2008 10:24 PM (GMT -7)   
wow! thats a lot of people.

the smell of cancer? it has a scent? !!!!O_O!!!!
"To live, would be an awfully big adventure" -Peter Pan


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/31/2008 6:18 PM (GMT -7)   
I am a retired Registered Nurse and I have always been able to smell the Cancer as I am sure other Nurses do as well ........

Will post tomorrow

News is not good at all ......Luvs
LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum, Anxiety/ Panic and Other Disorders
         Mod for Alzheimer's, Anxiety and Panic and Co Mod for Crohns
    www.healingwell.com Donate today to keep HW helping others
 
                     
 


PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 1/31/2008 6:37 PM (GMT -7)   
awwwww. im sry sweetie.

I never knew you could actually smell it... unless you mean "i can feel it in my bones" kind of smell
"To live, would be an awfully big adventure" -Peter Pan


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 2/2/2008 4:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi sweetie
I will be away for the WKND.....
I and I have told all siblings to be at Mom and dad's house to prepare it for the Real Estate market .......
Am anxious and wondering IF they will all show up

Dad has Cancer for sure and an Anuerism on his heart that is cutting off some Oxygen supply to the brain...Surgery is not an option at all

Will try to check in from Public Library in Bothwell but cannot promise...
Take care sweetie plz.....Luvs
LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum, Anxiety/ Panic and Other Disorders
         Mod for Alzheimer's, Anxiety and Panic and Co Mod for Crohns
    www.healingwell.com Donate today to keep HW helping others
 
                     
 


PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 2/2/2008 7:21 AM (GMT -7)   
I hope your siblings do show up. Sorry to hear it's cancer and anerism. I hope its not painful for him. Good luck sweetie and god bless.
"To live, would be an awfully big adventure" -Peter Pan


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 2/4/2008 6:11 AM (GMT -7)   
HI there
Unfotunately yes it is very painful
I give him his morphine to help with that but it doesnt take it all away ......
Basically he is ready to go be with Mom and I am keeping him here till his last breath ,..I have to do some rearanging with the main flor bathroom and bringing in a hospital bed BUT I will do all I can possibly do to make his last time here as good as I can and as comfy for him
Thanks for your support
Yes siblings all showed up so at least that was a good thing .....am still tired out from all the work we did there.....
Be well sweetie.....Luvs..........LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum, Anxiety/ Panic and Other Disorders
         Mod for Alzheimer's, Anxiety and Panic and Co Mod for Crohns
    www.healingwell.com Donate today to keep HW helping others
 
                     
 


PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 2/4/2008 11:32 AM (GMT -7)   
You let me know how everything goes hun. My thoguht and prays are with you and your family.
"To live, would be an awfully big adventure" -Peter Pan


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 2/5/2008 8:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you my friend ...I so appreciate your support.........I will keep you updated.......

Luvs
LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum, Anxiety/ Panic and Other Disorders
         Mod for Alzheimer's, Anxiety and Panic and Co Mod for Crohns
    www.healingwell.com Donate today to keep HW helping others
 
                     
 


PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 2/5/2008 8:25 AM (GMT -7)   
on a possitive note i survived my first year without my grandpa. It was a yer ago on sunday.
"To live, would be an awfully big adventure" -Peter Pan


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 2/5/2008 9:45 AM (GMT -7)   
I am so proud of you
YOU have come so far and what you did is fantastic ..I know I will be okay as well it is just so dang hard losing him but he has to be out of pain that is harder for me to see hour by hour

Thanks sweetie for all your concern and,support.it means so much to me

Luvs your friend.....LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum, Anxiety/ Panic and Other Disorders
         Mod for Alzheimer's, Anxiety and Panic and Co Mod for Crohns
    www.healingwell.com Donate today to keep HW helping others
 
                     
 


PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 2/5/2008 12:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Not a problem Lynn, Once he's gone he won't be in anymore pain and he wont be suffering and he'll be back wth your mom. and they'll both be looing down on you and smile and they are sooooooooooooo proud of you sweetie. And Im sure you father thanks you SOOOOOOO much for taking care of him this whole time. Once he's gone you take care of yourself you hear?! (you said you had something i just cant remember off the top of my hed what it was) be strong and keep on going. No matter how hard life gets the sun will always rise the next day. Everyday is a chapter. The chapter starts the moment you wake up and finishes when you go to sleep.

God Bless hun. Love you!

Nikky
"To live, would be an awfully big adventure" -Peter Pan

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