My Aunt is Getting worse we have to make important decisions I don't know what to do????

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pr glo
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 78
   Posted 7/31/2008 12:09 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Guys Im back again my Aunt is 70yrs old and has Alzheimers she has always lived alone but she has progressed rather fast she has three son's one of them moved down with her to help her as she can longer live on her own but taking care of her 24 hours a day is too much for him and he also has his family he needs to tend to so he will be going back to Puerto Rico with his Family and her other two sons have families also but do nothing for her not even a phone call to see how she is doing and the funny thing is she remembers every once in a while and say my son's don't ever call me I have to call them what's going on with them. It has been rather difficult for me as I have been her primary care taker since she was diagnosed in december 2007 or January 2008 and even before then because I always felt something was wrong with my aunt I take her shopping, I take her out to my house or out for lunch, I pick up her meds take her to Dr's appt's as my job permitted with no help from her sons at all. her doctor's contact me with anything that goes on. I finally got her involved with a program that is suppossed to alleviate some of the stress they help a bit a nurse comes once a week to administer meds and take her vital signs, she has a medicine box that rings for her to take her meds that defeats the purpose because she needs her son to actually put them in her mouth for her to take them, she leaves the stove on all the time, she doesn't clean anymore she thinks she does but she doesn't she has clutter everywhere and her apartment is small she hords everything and the newest thing is she thinks everyone is stealing from her and check her purse evry 15 minutes as she also has high blood pressure, high cholesterol and diabetes (Not insulin dependent) I am only her niece so ther are lots of decisions I can not make with out consulting with her sons even though they do nothing for her so my hands are tied with a lot of decisions that should be made. My aunt no longer wants to bathe or change her clothes she will wear the same outfir 5 days if you let her and she hides her meds she doesn't want to take them her sugar is high because she hords candy chocolates, ice cream and eats and eats I don't live with her and have to work so I can not care for her 24 hours a aday and once her son leaves I don't know what else to do. My mom tried to take her to lice with her but she became very aggressive with her and went back to her apartment. I took her to her doctor this week and they have noticed the change in her and the fact tha she can no longer live on her own and since she will not live with anybody else because she gets sooo aggressive and we all work and her son's won't take with them her doctor wants me to visit some assisted living places with her and she needs to choose one or if not her Doctor will document and send to elderly protective services a request for a conservator and pick a place to put her in because they feel she could be a danger to others and herself. I know the doctor is right but I feel very sad, mad and frustrated with all of this can someone give me advise on what I should feel or what I should Do. Please help anyone. I just want my Aunt to be safe and okay. PR Glo  

1323
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 7/31/2008 12:18 PM (GMT -6)   
PR Glo,
Sorry you are going through this. I wish I could give you advice, but unfortunately, this is fairly new to me, too. Try to find an alzheimer's support group in your area. You may be able to network with other people who may have some good suggestions for you. Best wishes,
Cindy

jujub
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Mar 2003
Total Posts : 10375
   Posted 7/31/2008 1:26 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm so sorry you and your aunt are having to go through this. Heartbreaking for you and terribly confusing for her. It does definitely sound as if she isn't safe living on her own now. The doctor's suggestions sound right on track, as they would provide the legal representative she so desparately needs to make decisions for her. If you're interested, you might inquire as to the possibility of your becoming her conservator, but in my experience most professionals who serve as conservators will consult with family when making big decision.

I don't know what state you're in, but also consider checking with your state agency that serves elders - they should have information available on conservatorship to help you understand the ins and outs of the system. If your aunt is admitted to a facility by her conservator, she will not be allowed to leave without that person's approval. Hopefully the activities and routine would help keep her occupied so she wouldn't think about leaving. If not, be prepared for her to be in a locked section of the home and/or to be given medication to reduce her agitation.

Good luck to both of you, and my heart goes out to you.
Judy
 
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Avascular necrosis in both shoulders is my "forever" gift from Entocort.
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Please remember to consult your health care provider when making health-related decisions.


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 7/31/2008 2:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Each poster is spot on you's will need to to get ahold of your nearest Alzheimers Organization
or other seniors advocates to help you out with your aunt
Judilyn is right no one can take her out of there w/o conversators okay and approval
Also she may well have to be in the locked ward the home to help her and keep her safe as well as medicated.......

My heart is also with you
You have alot to do and many decisions to make
Know that you are not alone we are here to help.....

LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
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tiaeight
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 237
   Posted 10/28/2008 1:17 AM (GMT -6)   
My mother is going through the same thing.  She is in her own home but can't manage right now.  I hired meals on wheels and "Visiting Angels".  It is a little pricey but a lot less than a full time nurse.  Look them up.  Hopefully they are in your area...

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/28/2008 6:09 PM (GMT -6)   
YOU can also have Community Care Access come in daily
You have to have the doc RX it

Or make sure if you are having to put her in a home check out the Nursing Home thread

LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
                                    Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
Moderator @ Alzheimer's,Co Mod @ Anxiety/ Panic,Co Mod @ Crohns 
 
                                    FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
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tiaeight
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 237
   Posted 11/4/2008 1:34 AM (GMT -6)   
hey pr jlo. E mail me if you can. I'm at aol. I would so like to discuss what our options are. Lyn is awesome an helps alot...

tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 11/23/2008 2:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi pr glo: I was involved with my Paternal Grandmother's care, in her own home by my Dad and Stepmom, but it was pointed out to me by one of my Doctor's that the responsibility regarding an aging and perhaps demented parent, rests on the shoulders of the immediate children of that parent. It sounds as though one son has tried but found it to be too much and the other two are distancing themselves from the situation. This is happening in my family, as well. I am sole caregiver for my 73 yr. old Dad who has alzheimers, my brother has clearly stated that his first priority is his wife and children, while my sister chooses to distance herself by being completely hostile towards me. It sounds like you have a heart and want to see your aunt properly cared for. It may come to pass that the family doctor is correct in his assessment that your aunt is a danger to herself, at least, and may need to be institutionalized. You perhaps could assist by helping her shop for nursing homes, in order to get her the best possible care, preferably one with the more humanistic approach of not locking Alzheimers patients up, but rather, allow them freedom to move about but they employ "minders", people who's job it is to standby and make sure everybody is allright and not a danger to themselves or other residents. It is very good of you to want to assist, but it is ultimately the responsibility of her children to see she is properly cared for. If they choose to distance themselves, then the state becomes involved through Protective Services for Elderly and Disabled. Trust me, they will abdicate the "shopping for a suitable placement" to you, if you are willing and able to assist. 

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/23/2008 5:28 PM (GMT -6)   
I do wish you all the best in what you do end up doing ..

LYN
 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
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               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
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..........LYN


pike
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Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 2/1/2009 2:25 AM (GMT -6)   
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Post Edited By Moderator (Howlyncat) : 2/27/2009 3:49:14 PM (GMT-7)

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