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tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 10/9/2008 3:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Purple is my favorite color, then magenta then indigo. Anywho. I am a common contributor to two other Healing Well forums, and got to thinking, hey, These Alzheimers folk might have some ideas, suggestions, support for me, also. See, about two years ago my Dad tracked me down (I was in Gypsy Mode) and said please come. So, I did. At the time I thought (as did he and his wife, my stepmother), I was coming for a couple of weeks, maybe a month because she (stepmother) has developed Kidney disease, and needed help getting set-up for Dialysis. Well, lo and behold. I'm still here. Apparently, Dad had been "forgetting" stuff for about five or more years and clever lady she was, she was covering for him. (she was also a compulsive gambler so having him in la la land, facilitated her supply of the family finances). Two years later and a walk through Hades and back, it's just he and I, two very clever dogs, and more cats than I care to talk about. So, if ya'll don't mind, I'd like to dial you up a time or two as some days get pretty rough. My sibs have taken off, one moved 4000 miles (not kms., miles) away, the other moved to New York and got 'real busy, getting real busy', if ya'll know what i mean. So it's just me, and me poor mixed up, sometimes angry and belligerant ol Dad, these two great dogs and more cat's than I care to disclose. Thank-you 

tinybit
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 120
   Posted 10/9/2008 4:19 PM (GMT -7)   
welcome tyno3. i hope i can talk to you and maybe give you some comfort knowing your not alone. i have 2 great dogs to. but no cats. i hope you can find comfort and a peace of mind here. i have. i'm sorry about your dad. i know what you mean about the sibs. not helping. except i have a wonderful older sister that helps with my momma.
tiny


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 10/10/2008 3:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank-you, tinybit. My dogs are my life. i guess my Dad too, but some days I get so frustrated with him. He yells in my face sometimes, like yesterday. He doesn't understand what I'm trying to do and he thinks I don't know what I'm doing, him being A Man and me just a lil ol girl so he yells. This is the part I can't deal with. Also, his coming into my room. I have my bedroom at the far end of the house and he's started more and more to come in when he has a problem, to ask for help. Sometimes it's justified, like this morning, he apparently has a sore back from overdoing it yesterday, but yesterday, and every other day when he's overdoing it, I try to warn him, don't lift so much, take it easy. But no, him being a big man and all, he lifts, then he whines, just like I'm doing know. 
 
Otherwise, the cats. Well, this story is both tragic and funny, like so much else, in life smurf . We have a large property, 20 milles from here. It is a run down farm. I lived there with Dad and briefly with his wife until she got really sick and had to go to a nursing home. So then it was just Dad and i. He built the house, and it's in very bad repair. It leaks and stinks and is damp. We go down every two days, or everyday, when we can, for me to care for cats. I prefer dogs. But because we have all these outbuildings people drop cats off they don't want. right now we must have forty or so. I found homes for three. It's a start. But they keep multiplying. I keep a little heater on, we have lots of old blenkets and stuff, I keep the litter boxes clean but all the shelters are full to overflowing. So, we can say, honestly, but no intentionally, we have forty cats. Thank-you.

Red_34
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23426
   Posted 10/10/2008 5:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Has your dad ever been diagnosed with dementia or Alzheimers yet? If not, then he should see a doctor and if he does have it, he may be able to take medication to stop the advance of the disease. Also, if he does have AZ things are going to get harder for him as well as for you. He may decline rapidly or slowly. The person that you knew is no longer going to person you "knew". AZ is a horrible disease because it robs us of the ones we love - maybe not physically (right away) but the person we knew is no longer. You are welcome in the AZ forum (or any forum for that matter) anytime you have a question.
 @--->--SHERRY--<---@
Moderator for Allergies/Asthma and Co-moderator for UC
~Left sided Uc-'92-Colazal(9 daily),6mp(50-100mgs),Prilosec,Biotin,Forvia,Pro-Bio**Unable to tolerate Asacol, Rowasa or Canasa**~Year-round allergies-Singulair, Zyrtec~Secondary Reynauds Syndrome-'04-Norvasc~Spinal Stenosis(?)~Sacroiliitis-epidural injections~bulging and herniated discs C5/C6 & C6/C7~3rd epidural injection 9/4, Neurontin and Skelaxin
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tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 10/10/2008 4:35 PM (GMT -7)   

Thank-you. Today was a slightly better day. I got to leave Dad on his farm clearing out the kitchen of junk, while I went to a pdoc (shrink). I've been depressed pretty much since I took on this caregiver role, my migraines have trippled, and somedays I feel like it's me "losing it". When I leave my Dad like that at the farm, I alert a neighbor just to keep an eye on things. Generally, Dad will  clean around his house (he built it, even though it's in very bad repair, he likes the familiarity. So then I get a mini vacation, to see a doc. The doc helps me clarify, helps me to see things objectively and I come away feeling much more in control.

My Dad was officially diagnosed a year ago, July past. His Power of Attorney was done simultaneously, because the doctor alerted us he could sign a release for Dad vis a vis, his knowing what he was doing, at that time but wouldn't for long. We got right on it. I know that it's a very hard road because there is no happy ending, things just keep getting worse. Dad was somewhat intimidating in the doctor's office last visit because Dad scored under 22 on his memory test and the doctor told him he couldn't drive any more. Dad commented about driving a bulldozer right through the building and the doctor told him "√Ź can have you locked up for that". Later Dad told me he was joking, but, anyway, yes the person disappears and leaves a shell. For example, my Dad fibs, alot. about  things where the truth would do as well. I don't know what to make of that.

This forum has saved me, it is a wonderful thing. I reccomend it to everyone who might benefit.  


tinybit
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 120
   Posted 10/11/2008 5:23 AM (GMT -7)   
hi tyno3, i'm glad you know that it is a hard long road. but you can come here and we're here for you. i also see a shrink. i'm bipolar, anxity, panic attacks, and depression. my momma is in a nursing home in the very last stages of this horrible disease. it's been a very long road. try to enjoy the time you have with your dad. they do have thier good days and bad ones. talk more later. hang in there.
tiny


Red_34
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23426
   Posted 10/11/2008 6:10 AM (GMT -7)   
My grandmother "fibs" too but I don't think they know they are lying. I believe that for some reason they become secretive and paranoid on occasion and may think that if they tell you the truth to something that is trivial that you may not like them anymore because to them, it may be trivial to us but it's major to them. If that makes sense? I have caught my grandmother several times in lies but I just let it go. Because as long as it's not harming anyone then it doesn't really matter.

My grandmother moved in with me 4 years ago and she is legally blind so she appointed me her POA as well as her health advocate. She didn't have any mental disturbances at that time. But when her mental health started declining, I am glad that she had that in place so I could care for her like I wanted. But yes, it is very important to have that paperwork to back you up. To me, it allows me to control her finances better without having to worry about some vulture coming in to swoop up her income.
 @--->--SHERRY--<---@
Moderator for Allergies/Asthma and Co-moderator for UC
~Left sided Uc-'92-Colazal(9 daily),6mp(50-100mgs),Prilosec,Biotin,Forvia,Pro-Bio**Unable to tolerate Asacol, Rowasa or Canasa**~Year-round allergies-Singulair, Zyrtec~Secondary Reynauds Syndrome-'04-Norvasc~Spinal Stenosis(?)~Sacroiliitis-epidural injections~bulging and herniated discs C5/C6 & C6/C7~3rd epidural injection 9/4, Neurontin and Skelaxin
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tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 10/11/2008 7:37 AM (GMT -7)   

Tinybit, I share the diagnosis of BiPolar and do have these attacks where it feels like someone is reaching inside me and grabbing my heart. I can't breathe. All I can do is lie down, get my comforters going (my heating pad and bed buddy, a rice bag,) get in my jammies, close the curtains, take a small sedative and wait for it to pass. I also suffer migraines, and take zomig for that, and have Fibromyalgia, I have pain meds for that. But I can't take the pain meds when I'm feeling anxious because the codeine and caffeine make me more anxious. Also, my pdoc has cut way back on my anti-anxiety meds, because they are cns depressants and it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to take antidepressants and also cns depressants. It kinda like swimming upstream. However, he does allow me 1.3 per day. It's kinda funny cause I always need one at bedtime so I have to have three days with no panic attacks, before I can have one. The pharmacist and I were laughing about that. The .3 part. She suggested cutting them in 1/2, and seeing how that works. I put so much faith in these doctors, I sure hope they know what they're doing. Gosh knows, I wasn't doing such a great job when I was driving the bus. Anyway, today is shaping up to be an ok day. My Dad and I are getting along ok. He took a bath first thing this morning (he has grab bars and all in his bathroom.), Also, we probably will get to go visit my stepmother tomorrow in the Nursing home (It's Thanksgiving Sunday in Canada). You want to hear something ironic. I love irony. We are living in this beautiful house overlooking a bay, lots of ducks and geese, three bedrooms, three bathrooms (my youngest defines it as a "Mansion"when there are as many bathrooms as bedrooms.) We are driving an old car, I picked up for under 3,000. We have about a quarter tank of gas and thirty dollars to get to the end of the month. The irony is, myself and my two sibs own a million dollar piece of real estate just five miles up the road and my brother and sister won't let me sell my share in order to get food, gas, housing (that is ours, not rented), to take care of me and my Dad. They both have really good jobs and really good pensions and won't return calls when dad himself calls and asks for money for food and gas. They just go about their lives like we don't exist. My two sons, one makes $12.00 an hour, the other $14.00 an hour work six days a week and are trying to scrape together enough for us to get a turkey for Thanksgiving. I think that's ironic.

My Dad has just again come into my room to ask me what day it is. This is going to be a big problem. he has the run of the place, yet came in at 11:00 PM to ask me about turnips, and just now came in to find out the day of the week. This is going to cause me major anxiety. I can feel it building. I am locked up with this person, 24 hours a day. I can't get away. Now he invades my sanctuary. i will not be able to tolerate that.

 


Red_34
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23426
   Posted 10/12/2008 6:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Tyno, I have a question for you? Was your father good to you when you were younger? If so, what is your fondest memory?


 @--->--SHERRY--<---@
Moderator for Allergies/Asthma and Co-moderator for UC
~Left sided Uc-'92-Colazal(9 daily),6mp(50-100mgs),Prilosec,Biotin,Forvia,Pro-Bio**Unable to tolerate Asacol, Rowasa or Canasa**~Year-round allergies-Singulair, Zyrtec~Secondary Reynauds Syndrome-'04-Norvasc~Spinal Stenosis(?)~Sacroiliitis-epidural injections~bulging and herniated discs C5/C6 & C6/C7~3rd epidural injection 9/4, Neurontin and Skelaxin
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Post Edited (Red_34) : 10/12/2008 7:28:48 PM (GMT-6)


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 10/12/2008 6:55 PM (GMT -7)   
I have to think, a little. One, although he was absent, a lot, and we had like thirty housekeepers to raise us, every summer he would take just the three of us camping, in this hugh Camping Park in the highlands. We'd use one of those trailers that fold down into itself, to haul, but can be put up quickly. Then we'd venture out during the day to waterslide parks, horseback riding, all that. One day he was with us wearing a business suit as he was talking business with this fellow who owned the riding stable (trail rides). We insisted on going for a ride so we all get on these horses and off we go, Dad in his suit, and we came to a river, to cross. Well, the horse Dad was riding stopped halfway through the river, put it's head down to get a drink, and my Dad in his suit just slides forward (must have been polyester), right over the horse's head and lands in the river, my Dad in his suit, soaking wet, got right back on that horse and on we went. There were other moments. Primarily, my Dad was busy making money, and he would pay me to take care of the younger kids. He was really generous with money, when he had it. My mother, well, that's a nightmare. My Dad did the best he could under the circumstances, just as I am doing now.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/13/2008 2:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Good questions Red
I am in Canada as well and it is Turkey day today ...Monday

I do hope you wil stay with us and learn as you go along

Tke care plz and it is great you are so good with your dad
I have lost both mom and dad within 2 yrs of each other

I hate this DD

Keep posting

LYN


  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
                                    Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
Moderator @ Alzheimer's,Co Mod @ Anxiety/ Panic,Co Mod @ Crohns 
 
                                    FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
               Look For The GOOD,Even At Your Lowest
 
     Listen To Your Heart,Look Inside Yourself,Understand You
 
 
 
                    

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 10/14/2008 12:21:47 PM (GMT-6)


Red_34
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23426
   Posted 10/13/2008 4:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Tyno, thank you for answering my question. The reason I asked you that is because even though the man that is in that fond memory is gone now - the memory will always live on. Sometimes when we think we just can't handle anymore, as a caregiver, we have to look back on the person that we love, not what they have become. So when the times get trying, just think back on how much your father worked for you to make a good as home as possible. Being a caregiver is tough and it is a challenge - but never be afraid to ask for help if there is any given. The caregiver has to take care of themselves too.
 @--->--SHERRY--<---@
Moderator for Allergies/Asthma and Co-moderator for UC
~Left sided Uc-'92-Colazal(9 daily),6mp(50-100mgs),Prilosec,Biotin,Forvia,Pro-Bio**Unable to tolerate Asacol, Rowasa or Canasa**~Year-round allergies-Singulair, Zyrtec~Secondary Reynauds Syndrome-'04-Norvasc~Spinal Stenosis(?)~Sacroiliitis-epidural injections~bulging and herniated discs C5/C6 & C6/C7~3rd epidural injection 9/4, Neurontin and Skelaxin
To help Healingwell - click here: DONATE
 
 
 
 

 
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/13/2008 4:47 AM (GMT -7)   
A Very GOOD post Red
Thanks for giving us all something to think about and to work on
You definitely have a way that shows us all
How to care for our Loved ones


I have so many good / wonderful
Memories of both parents

Luvs

LYN


  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
                                    Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
Moderator @ Alzheimer's,Co Mod @ Anxiety/ Panic,Co Mod @ Crohns 
 
                                    FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
               Look For The GOOD,Even At Your Lowest
 
     Listen To Your Heart,Look Inside Yourself,Understand You
 
 
 
                    


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/13/2008 4:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Tyno
Thanks also to you for sharing with us

My parents did the best they could and I am proud to have
Had them as parents ......

Stay with us

LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
                                    Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
Moderator @ Alzheimer's,Co Mod @ Anxiety/ Panic,Co Mod @ Crohns 
 
                                    FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
               Look For The GOOD,Even At Your Lowest
 
     Listen To Your Heart,Look Inside Yourself,Understand You
 
 
 
                    


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 10/13/2008 6:06 AM (GMT -7)   
You guys are great. It is difficult sometimes to keep a positive perspective when you are (I am) so tied to this person, 24/7/360 days a year. My brother spelled me 3 times  (1.5) days this past summer. I actually spent a lot of that time trying to figure out how it was that I ended up with almost all the responsibility for my dad, and why the other two sibs were distancing themselves from us. The majority of the interaction between my brother and I is phoney, how can I help? but no follow through, if you know what I mean. I suppose the three half weekends last summer was real, but it ended so abruptly. I thought he was coming for the summer to help out when actually he was coming to work, and when that job ended in one month he packed up and went back to New York. My sister came and took my Dad away, didn't tell me she was going to, or where she was taking him, took him to a camp they'd rented about 50 miles away and wouldn't answer any of my phone calls. I had to invoke assistance from the Adult protection worker and the local police to get him home and establish some ground rules around visitation. I have no problem allowing her to come to our house and visit, or even take him for a drive, so long as she tells me when she will have him back, and not drink (as he told it, she and her Hubby broke out the beer midafternoon), he had no idea where he was or how he would ever get home, and said he was terrified when they started drinking. I know I'm whining, for that I apologize but the frustration builds up inside of me and since there is just Dad and I and the two dogs here, I sometimes feel like I'm going to explode if I don't write something, or talk to somebody. Getting the treatment for depression is helping, slowly, but at the same time the reality of the situation which I had burried deep down in the dark place, is coming to the light of day and it's hard to face. I have terrifying nightmares about violence erupting between my sibs and I with Dad off to one side being the subject of the conflict. I also speak too freely in front of my dad about the animosity between we three, and I know, that is wrong. However, sometimes he initiates the conversation asking "what is son up to. Why is daughter so difficult to talk to". He doesn't understand. I don't understand either. I know it is related to their feeling the loss of my dad as the person whom they could turn to for answers and help when they needed it. I feel that loss too. I see him daily so am in the middle of his decline therefore I don't notice the changes as they come to me gradually, day by day. The sibs talk to him rarely, and see him seldom, so the changes must seem abrupt and scarey. Maybe that is why they are trying to distance so. Maybe they are Mad at the Disease and they can't be mad at Dad because he is the victim and their Dad. They then can only be "Mad" with me safely. I'm not a threat, or am I?  Even my pdoc asked me why they are distancing themselves so, and why if they can't physically help out, why they can't at least help a little financially, because we struggle to survive? I didn't have an answer to that question. My dad gave us four (myself, my brother, my sister, and my stepbrother)  this incredible piece of real estate just five miles up the coast from where we're presently renting. I had verbal permission from all three of them to sell my share and my stepbrother's share to generate funds to relocate to a better house, that we would own, not rent. Also it would help out my stepbrother as he has a daughter with two young children, whom he'd like to set up trust funds for, and it would allow some funds to be set aside for rainy days, like today, when we (dad and I) are barely scraping by. They agreed until the surveyor was about to divide out our side (about 33%) and then my sister blew the plan up by writing a letter to the lawyer working on the division of the property, calling me a thief and a liar, and saying Dad didn't have anything wrong with him, he was merely elderly, and I was robbing him blind. Dad was cognizant of each step along the way, as was my stepmother, and they both were totally in agreement until whamo, the whole scenario went sideways. Dad still insists we can just go ahead and survey but I've spoken to two lawyers, both of whom say it would have to be decided in the Supreme court and it would cost a fortune. Basically, they both said, we all four have to sign releases to allow a survey to take place. I know I'm long-winded but I am starting to feel a little bit better by getting this off my chest. Phew, thanks for listening. 

Red_34
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23426
   Posted 10/13/2008 10:54 AM (GMT -7)   
It sounds like you do indeed have a lot on your plate. And it's perfectly ok to let it off your chest here! :) I can so relate with you. I was the primary care giver to my grandmother. I have two brothers who are total deadbeat alcoholics and only offered to see gma when I gave them the guilt treatment. One time I was able to get away for the weekend without gma, my brother watched her and when I came back I found out that he was drunk the entire time. So, nope - no way was I ever going to do that to her again. To me, it sounds as if yours siblings are being selfish and not thinking of anyone but themselves. Have you spoken up for yourself and for your father? Have you told them how you feel?


 @--->--SHERRY--<---@
Moderator for Allergies/Asthma and Co-moderator for UC
~Left sided Uc-'92-Colazal(9 daily),6mp(50-100mgs),Prilosec,Biotin,Forvia,Pro-Bio**Unable to tolerate Asacol, Rowasa or Canasa**~Year-round allergies-Singulair, Zyrtec~Secondary Reynauds Syndrome-'04-Norvasc~Spinal Stenosis(?)~Sacroiliitis-epidural injections~bulging and herniated discs C5/C6 & C6/C7~3rd epidural injection 9/4, Neurontin and Skelaxin
To help Healingwell - click here: DONATE
 
 
 
 

 
 


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 10/13/2008 1:24 PM (GMT -7)   
I have told my brother that I feel too much of the burden has fallen on my shoulders. As well, my youngest son (21) has told him that he needs to be more involved. My brother's reply was "my priority is my own family, my wife and my children". Then my brother gets really nasty towards me so I avoid him because it's too painful to even talk with him, much less confront him. My sister is really unstable (I think). Sometimes I don't know if she's for real, or not. If there was some way of figuring her out. She dropped my mother (who has MS,) 50 miles away from her home when my mother flew there to visit her. My Mother is hard to deal with, but you can't just drop her on the side of the road like an unwanted cat. Don't misunderstand me, I wouldn't do that to a cat either. Also my sister changes her temperment so often, you can begin a conversation on fairly friendly terms and she'll be yelling obscenities at you within two minutes. She changes her mood so often. Neither of my sibs accept any ammt. of disagreement, or challenge. They will do everything in their power to make you wish you'd never begun a discussion. I raised an issue with my brother about something he'd done a couple years back, that I would do now, given the opportunity, regarding the real estate we commonly own. He made me so miserable with unwanted and harassing emails, I was considering blocking him. It got so I was afraid to open my mail for fear there would be another from him. I don't see any happy ending here. I recently lost a good friend who helped me through the separation from my children's father. Bob was his name. He used to say, in this case, "expect nothing. If he does make a contribution, consider it gravy. that's how I see it." Thanks for your support. I have to get us through this winter. I need to figure out something we can do to earn a few extra dollars. Like building birdhouses, or tole painting. Something I can do with my Dad that may even result in earing a little extra income. Then come spring I'm going to seriously look at getting closer to our extended family, my sons, and my Dad's sibs.

Red_34
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23426
   Posted 10/13/2008 1:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Tyno, you mentioned that you have BiPolar - do you suppose your sister may have it as well?
 @--->--SHERRY--<---@
Moderator for Allergies/Asthma and Co-moderator for UC
~Left sided Uc-'92-Colazal(9 daily),6mp(50-100mgs),Prilosec,Biotin,Forvia,Pro-Bio**Unable to tolerate Asacol, Rowasa or Canasa**~Year-round allergies-Singulair, Zyrtec~Secondary Reynauds Syndrome-'04-Norvasc~Spinal Stenosis(?)~Sacroiliitis-epidural injections~bulging and herniated discs C5/C6 & C6/C7~3rd epidural injection 9/4, Neurontin and Skelaxin
To help Healingwell - click here: DONATE
 
 
 
 

 
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/14/2008 11:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Tyno
Red poses a great question.......

I am a sober alcoholic and I have been since 1979
My dad quit drinking the same day I did
The day after my hubby was killed in car accident drinking n driving

Have you checked into homecare coming in and looking after dad for a couple hours a day or even for every other day
We have that here and it helps out alot
You have much to carry and I do hope your family will help
MINE never did ....Sad to say
or respite care
At least you would have some time for self and projects you want to do

I know how you feel ....other than the bipolar
I wont lie and say I understand a condition if I dont

God Bless
LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
                                    Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
Moderator @ Alzheimer's,Co Mod @ Anxiety/ Panic,Co Mod @ Crohns 
 
                                    FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
               Look For The GOOD,Even At Your Lowest
 
     Listen To Your Heart,Look Inside Yourself,Understand You
 
 
 
                    


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 10/14/2008 1:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank-you. I wrote a too long blurb earlier today and must have erased it, accidentally, however, it was too long and convoluted. My family all has BiPolar. Some try to get help, some try to self-medicate. I've tried it both ways. Right now, because I'm under so much stress, I need a pdoc to help me find my way. My sister won't get help, so I can't trust her, at all. My brother has gone the denial route. "Hello, my what pretty flowers, we all have." We're starving here. "Well just look at all the pretty flowers." Sooo, I have to figure all this stuff out myself. Respite is kinda not available right now because as a family me shakehead

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/15/2008 8:54 AM (GMT -7)   
I am truly sorry that you all have this DD in your family

I know you will soon find someone that can come in and give you a break
Homecare is paid for by government here in Canada
Check into that if you want
Call the Community Access Care Centre in your area

THey will have someone ( PSW) personal support worker come in and clean or do baths and give you time for self ...

Just a Thought

I hope you will email me . I live in Ontario........Strathroy
I would gladly talk to you on the phone IF I can be of any help

....LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
                                    Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
Moderator @ Alzheimer's,Co Mod @ Anxiety/ Panic,Co Mod @ Crohns 
 
                                    FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
               Look For The GOOD,Even At Your Lowest
 
     Listen To Your Heart,Look Inside Yourself,Understand You
 
 
 
                    


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 10/15/2008 10:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Thak-you, Lyn; The problem I have is that I am also disabled and receiving disability. It's not much but it pays the rent, here. I had been looking after my Dad at his house but became really ill due to black mould. So, for medical reasons I had to leave. His öfficial address is still there. He is here, alot. If I request Homecare or Respite, I run the risk of losing some of my benefits and then I wouldn't have a place to live. He still has outstanding debts he pays with his cheque. he cannot afford to pay rent, here, also. We're between a rock and the deep blue sea. It's bad legislation and needs revision. If only I were stronger, I'd go on a crusade. That issue, as well as trying to get my sibs to contribute somewhat to his care. The only support I get is from my two boys and they live quite far away. My youngest comes sometimes and watches my Dad at his own house. That's all I can say about it for now. Thank-you, ps. the neighbors close to him over there are very supportive and watch him occasionally. Especially when I have Doctor's appointments. Kinda funny, the last Doctor's appt. I had, I was 1/2 hr. early. I curled up in a ball in the corner of the waiting room, laid my head on my balled up jacket and rested. When the doctor came for me, he asked "what are you doing?" I told him it was the most peaceful I'd been for two years. He told me I could come and rest in the waiting room, behind the wate cooler as often as I liked. P.

tinybit
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 120
   Posted 10/17/2008 3:37 AM (GMT -7)   
dear tyno3, sounds like you do need some rest. i'm sorry you have so much on your shoulders. how's your dad doing? hope he's ok. hope you can find some peace. hang in there.
tiny


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 10/19/2008 3:17 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Folks: This week is better. It's odd, how we can have a couple of good weeks and then there's this negative shift in my Dad where he huffs and he puffs as if to blow the house down. It's like he's struggling with the grief of all the losses, and he takes it out on the only person around to take it out on, me. Everything becomes my fault. he told me last week to call the people we're renting from and tell them we're leaving. I can't imagin where he would go, if he left here. He would die in that leaky falling down house of his. The woodstove is next to impossible to light because the faulty plumbing has been dripping on it for months and it's soaked and rusty. Also, because the house is damp, the inside wood is wet. The outside wood is wet also because we've had a lot of rain. I'm usually pretty good at starting a fire in the stove, but the last two times I tried to no avail.Besides, it's my disability paying for this rental and I've no intention of going anywhere until I have to. Then I'm moving closer to my family (my sons and Dad's sibs.)

I think a big part of the problem last week was us talking about selling his tractor. Although he used it 3 times last year, while we were living there, and hasn't used it in over six months, somehow it's a big deal. I can inderstand, having farmed a good part of his life having the tractor is meaningful, but with this dreaded disease, he can't get it started, and I surely can't either. So it sits there, rusting away. I guess a big part of the solution is predicting what will trigger the negativity and avoiding it.

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