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tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 10/22/2008 6:29 PM (GMT -7)   
I wrote a post about how members might be able to assist me in getting my Dad to agree to accept his lifestyle as a tractor driving farmer has run it's course. Everytime I bring up the topic of selling the tractor to cover some bills outstanding in our little town, he gets really cranky. I have tried everything to cut costs and still can't make ends meet. Our only hope is to sell first the tractor, plow, and cultivator, ASAP, then in the new year, the farm, because I can't live there (black mould), and as my siblings won't assist in anyway, either hands on or by assisting financially. I have tried to cut everything to cut costs, got rid of expensive vehicle, bought a little 11 year old car I can do a lot of the maintenance on myself, totally paid for, no extras, no cable TV, no going out to eat, no movies, nothing that isn't absolutely necessary. I still have to rely on credit from local merchants, and that's beginning to get old. Now, the head honcho's take off when they see me coming. I've been questioned sternly about exactly when bills will get paid. My debit card was revoked at the local bank. It's terribly humiliating. Dad no longer uses the tractor but gets very angry when I suggest we must sell it. this siyuation is very unpleasant, is causing me terrible stress, something I need to avoid. How do I get Dad to see I need to do this in order to keep going?

Red_34
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23427
   Posted 10/23/2008 11:51 AM (GMT -7)   
You may NOT be able to get him to see reason and that is sad unfortunately. I'm just wondering - and this is really sneaky and may not even be a good solution - but what if you were to sell it without him knowing it? If you have POA then you have that right. I personally wouldn't feel right doing it but if the circumstances are dire then you may have no choice. Would he even know it was missing?
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tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 10/23/2008 1:44 PM (GMT -7)   
I will have to take it in hand, do the minor repairs it needs and sell it, anyway. I have already spoken to a neighbor over near the old farmhouse who knows everybody in this area, and we've found a price which he feels is attainable. I've offered him an incentive to do the leg work as I don't know to many of the farmers here. I think that has to be the only course. Thank-you red 34.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/24/2008 3:40 PM (GMT -7)   
That just may be your ONLY option'I do hope you will keep us posted

Take care and I am so sorry things are going so badly for you's

.....LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
                                    Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
Moderator @ Alzheimer's,Co Mod @ Anxiety/ Panic,Co Mod @ Crohns 
 
                                    FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
               Look For The GOOD,Even At Your Lowest
 
     Listen To Your Heart,Look Inside Yourself,Understand You
 
 
 
                    


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 10/24/2008 7:11 PM (GMT -7)   
I am pretty sure he will notice. He seems obsessed with the tractor. I think this is because he has lost his drivers license and this is the last thing he has that ties him to who he is/was. My stepmother has explained to him several times that where we are now, and where we'll be going there won't be anywhere to keep the tractor. I may try to look at every other possibility to raise the funds we need to keep going, but ultimately, it will have to go. I don't know if it's even safe for him to be driving it. So, it's a conundrum. Ultimetely it's in my hands as the other two sibs are totallly out of touch with dad and his needs. Sister is in denial, brother is way unrealistic. Brother suggested Dad come live with him in New York but Dad's wife is here, in nursing home and he needs to see her a couple times a week. Also, both my brother and his wife work, so who will care for Dad 24 hours a day. Finally, Dad would not be covered by Medicare or Pharmacare, in New York so who will pay for doctor's, medicine. Then there is the language Brother used "what it he were made to come". I simply explained to brother that Dad has bowel incontinence and that was the end of the ficticious.wrenching power away from me, over Dad's care, foolishness.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/25/2008 3:39 PM (GMT -7)   
I really think YOU have hit the nail on the head
Mom it was her Roses
Dad his garden and prize Zuccinnnis

It seems they have ONE thing they hold onto for dear life
They have really lost just almost everything else
SAD isnt it...and why I despise this DD so much
I do hope it will come to be where he might see the benefits..........
Keep us posted

LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
                                    Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
Moderator @ Alzheimer's,Co Mod @ Anxiety/ Panic,Co Mod @ Crohns 
 
                                    FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
               Look For The GOOD,Even At Your Lowest
 
     Listen To Your Heart,Look Inside Yourself,Understand You
 
 
 
                    


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 10/25/2008 5:49 PM (GMT -7)   

i spoke to the dentleman handling the sale by telephone. He says he'll be ovver tomorrow with two interested in the tractor. Although i spoke with on my cell phone in my gedroom becsuse, from that moment untill now, Dad is andry at me and says ït'll never work, him and i living together.That was right around supper time and he just moved his spaghetti around on his plate, didn;t eat at all. When I  asked

he mumbled there's to much ffghting  between us.He says i have sumeuned reaj 


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 10/26/2008 2:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Wel the kind neighbor who is helping us sell the tractor, came by today. Apparently, he has two interested parties, inquiring after it. I did the important repair, reattaching a battery cabel wire, so the Tractor would start. \\\\\\\\\\\\\it sure did. It was running great when our neighbor showed up. He reved it a bit and didn;t see black smoke coming out of exhaust so he said it wasn't burning oil, a good thing I guess. After an initial temper tanyrum, Dad fell into step with me and seems to be letting go of the tractor. Partly because of the two teeyh in my mouth which are driving me crazy, saying it feels like root canals might be needed and I told him I needed a little extra money for that. He seemed to understand. Sofar, so good. It will be  a day by day thing though, for a while. Thank-you all.

Nathanbr
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 10/26/2008 11:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Partly because of the two teeyh in my mouth which are driving me crazy, saying it feels like root canals might be needed and I told him I needed a little extra money for that. He seemed to understand. Sofar, so good. It will be a day by day thing though, for a while. Thank-you all.

Post Edited By Moderator (Red_34) : 11/9/2008 6:38:52 AM (GMT-7)


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 10/27/2008 12:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Nathanbr, didn't write the bit below, whoever that may be. I wrote it. Thank-you.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/10/2008 4:58 PM (GMT -7)   
Is this Nathanbr a new member Tyno

Introduce us and welcome

LYN
 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
    CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            ~ FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE ~
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
..........LYN


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 11/11/2008 12:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Well, the tractor sold and the funds allowed us to pay down some of the debt load left behind by Stepmom, when she went into nursing home. She (and my Dad somehow signed his name to it) have a 13,000 credit card debt. She is refusing to pay any of it. The collection agency is calling me, making threats. Dad only gets about !!00 per month and all oof that goes to mortgage on old farmhouse, dear old stepmom took out a second mortgage, to facilitate freeing up funds to gamble. There was a tremendous backlash from my Dad last Friday night, he kicked my bedroom door in, police had to be called. I am going to start a new thread about how to handle the aggression.
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