When You're Alone

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tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 10/28/2008 6:35 AM (GMT -7)   
I am sole caregiver for my 73 year old Dad who has Alzheimers. He gets really confused about stuff, we begin talking about his tractor, which I'm trying to sell because we're way behind on our bills and where we live now, and where we're going, come spring, there will be no need for, or space for the tractor. So here we are discussing the tractor, and all of a sudden we're talking about a piece of land, just up the road from here, belonging to myself and three sibs, who are less than helpful. So, today and yesterday, I've had the toothache that is so painful it's making me nauseous. From my bed it's eight feet to the BR. Last night I was crawling on my hands and knees, because the pain was so awful I was dizzy and disorientated. This morning I got up long enough to hear my Dad giving hell to our neighbor who understands our problem, and is trying to help me by finding buyers for the tractor. My Dad was informing him (the neighbor) that it was his property and he'd decide what's going to be done with it. However, what he was talking about was the land owned by the four sibs. So, I spoke with the neighbor and he says he'll talk to us tomorrow. For heavens sake it's a forty two years old tractor which needs new rubber on the hugh back wheels, has two leakes in the fuel take, and frankly, I don't think there's ant paperwork on it.
So, lets get to the point, shall we: I am stuck in my bedroom scared to venture out. My Dad is perched on a chair staring at the million Dollar view out the hugh living room window, we're on about 1.5 acres of grass with beautiful stately trees. He's complaining of not having anything to do. I'm ill. I can't sit there and hold his hand, I need a rescuer. There isn't anybody available. I'm trying to pull myself together enough to go get him a rake and some clear lawn bags, so he can rake leaves. I've given him crossword puzzles in large print, really short and easy puzzles, he won't even try. I've made simple cuts to a piece of wood that if fit together, would net a birdhouse. He can go downstairs and hammer to his heart's content. I give up. Uncle

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/28/2008 8:31 AM (GMT -7)   
First I am so sorry
I do know what it is like to be really ill and still have to look after both parents my friend
It is very difficult at times for sure

When you get the chance to talk to the neighbor
explain whats going on with your dad

Can you at least look for the number for the Alzheimers Socity and they will point you in right direction for some real HELP at home and with you and dad

Plz keep me posted k

LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
                                    Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
Moderator @ Alzheimer's,Co Mod @ Anxiety/ Panic,Co Mod @ Crohns 
 
                                    FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
    We Have Anxiety / Panic ..Anxiety / Panic DO NOT have US 
 You have To Have Some Laughter as Well as Those Tears IMHO         
 
    
 
 
 
                    


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 10/28/2008 9:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank-you, for your kind response. I just woke up, again because the dogs need attention. I'm going to get moving and see what I can get done before my toothache knows I'm up. The problem with getting some real help in, is when I talk to the Community Services, Dept. that is in charge of all that they tell me my Dad isn't supposed to be living here because I'm on disability,and that since we'll be moving again in spring, there's no point in putting services in, until we're settled someplace. I don't know where we'll be going come spring. I know I can't go back to the old place, it made me ill (blk. mould). I'm between a rock and the deep blue sea, that's me.I'll just have to focus on the 1.3 acres and the beautiful view outside my window.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/28/2008 4:07 PM (GMT -7)   
I am so sorry
Surely they can offer RESPITE care for a day so you have some ME time

Keep me posted

LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
                                    Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
Moderator @ Alzheimer's,Co Mod @ Anxiety/ Panic,Co Mod @ Crohns 
 
                                    FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
    We Have Anxiety / Panic ..Anxiety / Panic DO NOT have US 
 You have To Have Some Laughter as Well as Those Tears IMHO         
 
    
 
 
 
                    


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/1/2008 5:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Just wondering how you are making out sweetie

It is a hard but rewarding road

Luvs

LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
                                    Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
Moderator @ Alzheimer's,Co Mod @ Anxiety/ Panic,Co Mod @ Crohns 
 
                                    FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
    We Have Anxiety / Panic ..Anxiety / Panic DO NOT have US 
 You have To Have Some Laughter as Well as Those Tears IMHO         
 
    
 
 
 
                    


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 11/2/2008 2:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank-you Lyn. I popped into action (the only real answer to any of life's challenges), thank-heavens there was finally a dentist who pulled that nasty tooth out of my mouth. It came in slivers and before she started, I explained I would not be leaving her office without some pain medicine so I can function, she explained I was running the risk of having a perforated sinus because there were three roots, whatever that means, and if my sinus were perforated I would need serious, immediate surgery. I said, "just put that needle in there and get pulling."So out it came minus one little piece of bone that she said wasn't worth digging for. So now I have a moderately sore mouth and not excruicating pain. I'm pleased. Then, the financial crunch was temporarily alleviated by our neighbor who did come through on the buyer for the tractor, after all. I think they (he and his wife) are terrific people. He's a very smart man. Now we can begin to problem solve around what we will do with the white elephant sitting on our property, namely the leaky, cold, mouldy, house full of cats sitting over in the mountains behind us. The neighbor to the other side called and said he'd put a roof on in exchange for another piece of property between he and us. However, as my son in Hazardous waste abatement, informs me that putting a roof on, won't solve the problem because all porous surfaces inside will still be contaminated with mould spores. I can't breathe in that house. When I go in now, I wear a mask. So, away goes tooth and tractor, in comes, what our long term living arrangements will look like. I am the one who has to figure this out. It gives me migraines but I have Zomig (which runs risk of stroke/heart attack). Some days I just need to let it be. Today is Sunday, I'm going to let it be. Thank-you (appologies for longwindedness. ) 

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/2/2008 10:50 AM (GMT -7)   
nono
NEVER apologise my friend
I am sure glad that the tractor is now not going to be a problem and
finances will or hopefully will be better
 
YOU are so right and so is your brother
That black mold can and will eventually cause so many many health issues even death
 
I know the neighbor has helped in the past but this is a little more it seems to me
He would / should know a roof wont get rid of the mold .....
Or anything else for that matter
 
How did your dad take the tractor sale??
 
YOU have been going and going like the Everready Rabbit
YES it is time to take today and just try to relax...........
 
Keep me posted though k
 
God Bless
 
LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
                                    Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
Moderator @ Alzheimer's,Co Mod @ Anxiety/ Panic,Co Mod @ Crohns 
 
                                    FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
    We Have Anxiety / Panic ..Anxiety / Panic DO NOT have US 
 You have To Have Some Laughter as Well as Those Tears IMHO         
 
    
 
 
 
                    


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 11/2/2008 6:21 PM (GMT -7)   

Thank-you Lyn: This has been a very busy and stress filled couple of weeks. I'm not sure when I'll be able to settle back into a "normal" routine. Christmas is just around the corner and we haven't heard whether brother and family, or sister, or my sons will be participating, ie. staying here with us over the hollidays. If I could have my druthers, I'd like one of them to come and take over for a couple days so I could go hang out with my sons. Get my favorite motel room in the city which now feels like home, and let someone else handle Christmas with dad and his wife in the nursing home. about three days. Next time someone asks me, what do you want for xmas, I'm going to say "three days off, in a row, and a couple of nights in a motel, near my boys." Heck with the turkey, I'll buy a can of cranberry sauce, a box of Stuff n such, dressing mix and a couple slices of smoked turkey from the deli. I get into a fairly comfortable bed, watch cable TV and only go and do whatever I want. Who knows, maybe there is a Santa Claus. I'm not sure if I'm out of the crunch yet as my dad's older brother , is having open heart surgery this coming week. We're sitting on the edge of our seats, waiting for that shoe to drop.

Then there's the big decision coming about, The Farm. Sell it, or not. You are right as is my son about the poisonous Blk. mould. You can't wish it away. The house would need to be stripped down to the concrete foundation, sprayed, then rebuilt, Not worth, i say. There's nothing holding us there except the memories and dad won't even have many of those. There are no particularly fond memories there for me. I almost died there.

 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/3/2008 4:53 AM (GMT -7)   
I am behind you 110%
YOU do deserve a great Christmas present
and I believe that would be it
Geesshhhh we just got done Halloween
and now Christmas is upon us

Keep me posted k

LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
                                    Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
Moderator @ Alzheimer's,Co Mod @ Anxiety/ Panic,Co Mod @ Crohns 
 
                                    FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
    We Have Anxiety / Panic ..Anxiety / Panic DO NOT have US 
 You have To Have Some Laughter as Well as Those Tears IMHO         
 
    
 
 
 
                    

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