Ritualistic behaviors

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tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 11/2/2008 8:38 PM (GMT -6)   
My dad has this particularly annoying behavior the is driving me bonkers. There is the thing about restricting food intake, covered in an earlier thread. The behavior that's so irritating is Dad will take a banana, for example, and eat most of it but always leaves a little bit on the end. Sometimes he wraps it in tissue paper and hides it around the house, or, and more irritating, set it on the carpet "for the dogs". It gets smeared into the carpeting. He'll make a piece of toast and leave an end laying either, on the floor, or wrapped in a tissue and stuck in some odd place. same with an ice cream cone, he will only eat down to the cone and set it somewhere, it melts. What is it about always leaving the last bit of food. Ice cream will be left in the freezer, in a 1/4 cup size serving, he will never eat the remainder. So, there are bits of food laying anywhere and everywhere . the margarine container is rejected in favor of a newer one while still having a couple of tablespoons. Same with p'nut butter. The last three tablespoons, rejected, a new jar opened. What is this behavior? confused

AlwaysRosie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 11/2/2008 9:50 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Tyno . . .

I certainly can't explain "the behavior". But my Dad did similar things. He really liked to carry money and we tried to keep him provided with $1 bills. But he started wrapping them in kleenex or napkins and then tearing them and putting them in trash or hiding them that way. So we simply started to give him fake money. . . . because the money still meant so much to him.

With food . . . Dad developed a habit of eating EVERYTHING with a fork and knife. Even a hard cookie or an apple. He wouldn't "touch" food.

You have the added bonus of finding the scraps!

Here is my tip. Try really hard to "enjoy" him exactly how he is "today". He will only continue to deteriorate and as he declines you may look back and say . . . "I wish I had enjoyed him last month when I 'thought' things were so bad".

This way . . . you won't spend your last weeks/months in total frustration. I'm sorry things are so difficult for you right now. My Dad did hide lots of things . . . . but the oddest thing was . . . that he would hide pieces of pooh!! We even found some after he died. This disease requires SO much tolerance and patience.

I guess you will need to use "the last" of things yourself. LOL . . . I promise you won't be able to change this odd behavior. You can only chose to accept it - or be frustrated.

Hopefully some of the others will have some good advice for you.

Blessings!

In His Grip

AlwaysRosie           "We can't control the waves, but we can learn how to surf!!"

Psalms 139

Co-Moderator - Lupus Forum

UCTD, Inflammatory Arthritis, Diverticulosis, (recent dx - Sjogrens, Crohn’s 4/08)

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tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 11/3/2008 6:23 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank-you Rosie: I love that phrase at the end of your signature :"you can't control the waves but you can learn how to surf". I gottcha. And you're so right. 
I find the "little things" bother me more when we're having a stressful stretch. For the past ten days, we've been on thetherhooks. Both Dad and I. Because we're so intertwined, and isolated, we bounce off one another when it's the outside things that are problematic. I had a friend one time, who used to describe our relationship, as follows "two pressure cookers colliding". Even though i know cognitively, that dad can't help what's going on with his behavior, our lives are so entwined, I lose sight of that reality. All I know is, I'm tired and I hurt and I have too much on my plate. Also, it's being left to me to decide an important family change, being whether to begin to invest in the old Farmhouse, which means tearing the walls out, down to beams, re-roofing, installing some heating system, re-plumbing, re-wiring. Guess what? It just occured to me, I get tired even thinking about it. Then we'd still be out in the middle of nowhere. The other option is to "sell the farm". Pay off mortgage, can you believe there's a 30,000 mortgage on the old house. No fire insurance. If i lean a metal ladder up against the house to clean a window, as soon as my second foot is off the ground, I get an electric shock. Just from touching the house on the outside. My Dad's 2nd wife, who still owns 50% of the farm, had a gambling addiction. I think my Dad has been experiencing downhill symptoms for at least five, maybe eight years. He just let her go to the Casinos, easier than fighting. It leaves me with an incredible mess to clean up, both literally, and allegorically. Thanks for letting me , let it out. 

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/3/2008 6:55 AM (GMT -6)   
I cannot explain neither but I know Mom was so bad for this too

I really wish I could have gotten totally into
her head to know what was going on at times ya know

LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
                                    Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
Moderator @ Alzheimer's,Co Mod @ Anxiety/ Panic,Co Mod @ Crohns 
 
                                    FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
    We Have Anxiety / Panic ..Anxiety / Panic DO NOT have US 
 You have To Have Some Laughter as Well as Those Tears IMHO         
 
    
 
 
 
                    


tyno3
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Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 11/3/2008 8:41 AM (GMT -6)   

Thank-you, all. The bit about "wishing to get into their head to know what's going on," is so compelling. For example, this morning, my Dad started off as usual, got his toast and coffee, watched the news. then as I was trying to get dressed to take the dogs out, he got so clingy, I wanted to scream. He's a big man, he's standing in the entranceway, while two good size dogs and I are trying to get coated and gloved up to go out. I asked if he were coming?, no, he just wanted the temperture outside. I said, well, the TV is on, it's on the morning news, ok, allright, he says and just stands there watching me. Finally I had to say, "Dad, I need you to move inside so I can get dressed to go out". He moved about six inches inside. Like a bounce sheet in the dryer. Just stuck there.

When we did get out, he went back in and sat in his chair watching news. I happened to go into the basement, for something from outside, there were eight light bulbs burning in the basement, through-out the night. I thought about it a bit, then mentioned to him about needing to turn lights off behind himself when he goes down to check the basement door in the evening, to see if it's locked. I always do lock it, but he has to recheck, everything. It's getting so I feel like I have to follow him around, watching what his every move will be. We cannot afford to leave eight lights burning all night. So I debated saying anything, decided it was probably best to mention it, just matter of factly, maybe it would stick. He got really bent out of shape. His wife (from the nursing home) had called and left a message for him to call her. I said, your wife called, she wants you to call her back. He stands up, says; "that's it. I'm going in to lie down"  Into his bedroom he went. I don't know if telling him things like that is worth the hassel. But then if the electricity bill is sky high, that has to come out of our food and trans money. He was late going to bed last night, I'd gone in ahead of him, I don't want to tell him, "go to bed". So, I just wait till I think he's gone in and go out and turn TV off, lights upstairs, check burners, etc. etc. I guess I'm going to have to start checking the whole house after he goes to bed, even if he isn't tired at 10:00 PM, I am. Plus, I'm the one up at 5:30 AM to get little dog out. What to do, tell him things that are important, or stay up half the night waiting for him to go to bed so I can double check, everything. This is getting more prison like by the day.


AlwaysRosie
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 11/3/2008 8:51 AM (GMT -6)   
Wow tyno . . .

You really have it from all directions.

YES! I understand all the stress that all of those issues would bring. *sigh* And then, just dealing with the Alz is really a handful all in itself.

I hope you'll contact your local Alzheimer's Association. Sometimes they are really good at identifying some help for the caretaker. You really need some relief on a regular basis. . . even if its brief.

If you can't find any help through the local Alz Assoc. . . . maybe some folks from church would be willing to help. Its amazing how many people will help if they know your needs.

(((((((((( tyno )))))))))))) Big hugs to you!! YES! the little phrase in my signature IS really helpful in hard times. Sending you a hot cup of tea. If you don't enjoy hot tea or coffee . . . try making a hot cup of water. Sounds gross . . . but even holding the hot cup is therapeutic. I've actually taken to drinking my water hot and in a nice mug!! The warmth is like a nice hug . . . even when no one else is around.

Glad you found us!!

Blessings!

In His Grip

AlwaysRosie           "We can't control the waves, but we can learn how to surf!!"

Psalms 139

Co-Moderator - Lupus Forum

UCTD, Inflammatory Arthritis, Diverticulosis, (recent dx - Sjogrens, Crohn’s 4/08)

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tyno3
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Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 11/3/2008 9:48 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank-you, Rosie. I actually have a tremendous fondness for tea. I drink it in the afternoons. In morning, though, it's that first cup of coffee that brings a feeling of freshness and anticipation of the day ahead. In evenings, it's warm milk with (and this is our little secret, okay?) a piece of really good quality chocolate droped into the hot milk. Stir gently. It's unbelievable. That compatibility of warm milk and really good quality (European) chocolate. The chocolate by itself, is too much sugar. A small piece dropped into the hot milk, just so. We came from a family of dairy farmers. When times were tough they used to drink/eat, a bowl of warm milk with bread in it. I know it sounds odd, but insured self-sufficiency through the hard times. The depression era. My Dad was a lad born into a Dairy Farming family. They were very self-sufficient. I think part of his problem in losing so much to Alz. he has to rely on others, especially me, and he has trouble with that. I certainly would. Odd, isn't it? Dad just a few minutes ago, got up, like he was starting his day all over, in a good mood, and took little dog out to play. So, the demons haunting him this morning seem to have disappeard. Thank-you all. This could turn out to be a pretty fair day.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/3/2008 10:54 AM (GMT -6)   
I believe you do need help from
the AD society as well to give you more direction
on how to deal wih your dad right now

YOu dont want to have to chase him around but hun sometimes thats just what has to be done

YOU really need that Christmas present ............EARLY
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
                                    Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
Moderator @ Alzheimer's,Co Mod @ Anxiety/ Panic,Co Mod @ Crohns 
 
                                    FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
    We Have Anxiety / Panic ..Anxiety / Panic DO NOT have US 
 You have To Have Some Laughter as Well as Those Tears IMHO         
 
    
 
 
 
                    


AlwaysRosie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 11/3/2008 10:57 AM (GMT -6)   
Isn't it a blessing to see the "light" in his eyes when he can be a littler clearer sometimes? We noticed with Dad that we could tell when we looked at his eyes if he was "in there".

Oh yes . . . living through the depression would color things for sure. Maybe he is saving his last bit of food for a next meal. Hmmmmmm. Its a thought.

Your rituals don't sound at all strange. We make bread pudding . . . Yum!! I also love to make Pumpkin Pie Filling with half the sugar and bake it in custard cups. No crust. It doesn't feel so guilty and I still get to enjoy the wonderful pumpkin custard.

Your milk and chocolate does sound yummy. I might have to try that. I've taken to buying some 70% chocolate . . .which comes in tiny bars. They really satisfy that chocolate craving we get sometimes.

I'm drinking my coffee right now!! So we have lots in common.

I found some really fun things to do with dad when I realized that he I could still connect to HIS passions. He spent a lot of time driving (policeman, race car, ambulance, driving cross country) and I found that even when he was pretty far gone that he could identify the places where he has been on a world map!!! He could show me where he was born (Detroit) and then he'd drag his finger up to Canada where he grew up and then he'd trace back down to Cleveland where he raised his family. He also showed me the many places he served in the military. Now . . . if I didn't know the background, I wouldn't have realized what he was doing . . . because he couldn't tell me . . . but you could see that he enjoyed tracing the map with his finger.

One day I was paging through a book of ships. He got all excited and stopped at one page. And tried to explain about that ship. When mom returned home, I showed her . . . and she said that they had "kept ship" for about a year and it was on THAT ship!!! Turns out that I was conceived on that very ship!!

I hope that you find a real peace with all that is happening. It is really the only way to remain sane when we are faced with the rigors of dealing with this dd.

I sure found help here. . . . and I think of all the info I gathered . . . the attitude was the most important part. . . LOL and the only piece that I had much control over.

I only cared for Dad about 3 days a week for a few hours at a time . . . so I can't imagine doing it full time 24/7 . . . You are a REALLY special person, Tyno!!!

Blessings!

In His Grip

AlwaysRosie           "We can't control the waves, but we can learn how to surf!!"

Psalms 139

Co-Moderator - Lupus Forum

UCTD, Inflammatory Arthritis, Diverticulosis, (recent dx - Sjogrens, Crohn’s 4/08)

Clickable Links:  Lupus Resources    Lupous.Org   Lupus Criteria (4 of 11)   Lupus Chapter Locator


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 11/3/2008 11:32 AM (GMT -6)   
I kind of got blindsided into the whole taking care of Dad alone thing. I'd been living away and was summonded to spend a few weeks. Next thing I knew, stepmom was in nursing home, brother moved to Syracuse, sister lives in Vancouver. What started as weeks has turned into years. It's not so bad when you can get professional support, and neighbors try to help. It's just the intensity of it all. Imagin being cooped up, I can get out for about 1 - 2 hours, to bank, grocery shop, etc. Except I have to do it all at triple time speed. Either Dad is sitting in car (with my big dog watching over him,) fussing about how long I'm taking, or he's waiting at home with my cell number pinned to his sleeve. I still run like a mad woman down grocery isles, grabbing and trying to think. Even the checkout girls are running to help. It could make for a very funny movie. 

Red_34
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23352
   Posted 11/3/2008 1:08 PM (GMT -6)   
Tyno, I know how hard it is to be dealing with all this - especially on your own. You need help - please try to get in touch with the AD society asap. I was the sole caregiver to my gma, but I did have my husband to keep an eye on her once in a while as well as my 17 year old son. Even with the help I did have, I was overwhelmed. I lost myself and my life when my gma started going downhill. I realized that it was making my health suffer and for the sake of myself and for my kids, I had to do something. I absolutely hated sending gma to a assisted living but I didn't have a choice. I guess what I am trying to say is that even if you don't think there is help out there - it truly is. It's just the matter of finding it. You shouldn't have to deal with this on your own. It is just too much for one person to handle and if you feel like you can't go on that way, do not blame yourself. You are trying everything in your power. But in the meantime, yes - you are going to have to follow him around. Yes you are going to have to turn off the lights behind him and yes you will be finding lots of odd things that he hides. You have to think of your father not as an adult anymore but a big child that needs supervision. He can not help it - it's this horrible disease.

Oh and yes, my gma would hide her food too. When we moved her out and we were cleaning her room. I found a slice of cheese and a banana that who knows how long it was in there - the cheese was petrified and the banana was goop. She would also go in the cupboard and take ONE bite out of every cookie. She wouldn't eat the rest! lol I had no clue why she was doing that. She would also slam the cupboard doors when someone came into the kitchen like she was feeling guilty for "stealing" food.

This DD is such a trial for everyone involved. Hang in there Tyno, you have a lot on your plate hun but know that we are here for you.
 @--->--SHERRY--<---@
Moderator for Allergies/Asthma and Co-moderator for UC
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Bella33
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 478
   Posted 11/4/2008 4:38 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello everyone,

My mom has many many quirks. She has been folding the comforter on her bed daily on many occasions for the past year. It never gets old for her. She can do this for up to an hour and be completely drenched in sweat. I will say she does get a workout out of it. She takes tissues in thick bunches and hides them everywhere. If I give her a magazine or newspaper or even a photo album to look at she ends up ripping them to pieces. My mom used to love jewelry and my dad when he was alive would buy her expensive pieces. When she started losing them I put them away in the safe deposit box and bought really cheap knockouts to have her wear in their place. At first she seem to really appreciate these new baubles on her finger but lately she takes it off and puts it in her mouth. The senior center called me this morning while I'm at work to tell me she did just that and they asked me to not have her wear them anymore. My mom has amazing strength if anyone tries to take off her ring. She will not allow it to happen unless it's on her own will. She also does the typical dementia thing of wearing her underwear over her pants or not wearing them at all after she goes to the restroom. Speaking of restroom, she's stuffed a hand towel down her pants before or not wipe at all. She also started to smear lipstick on her cheek and forehead out of boredom. She's even tried to color her greys on her temple area of her scalp with a red lipgloss. I know all these things are not harmful to her with the exception of putting the ring in her mouth but nevertheless it's very draining to see your own mother acting possessed.

I have her on Ginkgo 120mg for the last 7 weeks now and I see some slight improvement but none are enough for me. Why have there been so little news lately about research on this? I don't feel like any progress have been made on this humiliating disease since forever. Yesterday while I was going home from work, there was a slight traffic jam on a residential street. I couldn't see what had happened until I got right up to the front. I only noticed lots of onlookers slowing their car to see. Turns out it was a very elderly man was blocking the road by just standing there. His son casually walked to get him and they both slowly walked away. I guess it's not the first time that it's happened because the son looked really calm.

My aunts are scared that this will happen to them as well. Funny thing is I don't even think about that happening to me. I guess I think it's just too far off for now. I would appreciate other examples from your family so I won't feel so bad and alone.

Thanks!

Red_34
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23352
   Posted 11/5/2008 8:32 AM (GMT -6)   
Bella, it's so hard to understand where their mind is. I often tell my hubby when Gma would have one of her bad days that I felt like I was Alice going down the rabbit hole! :)

My Gma does some strange things but she is mostly vocal when it comes to her confusion. For instance, she was having lunch at the home when she started crying. The aids came to her and asked her what was wrong, she said that I was put in the hospital. So they took her to her room and let her call me. I had to reassure her that I was NOT in the hospital nor do I plan to be but for some reason she had it in her head that I had to go there. She also calls me up quite frequently and asks when I am going to see her because she hasn't seen me in months so then I have to remind her that I was there only 2 or so days ago and that I took her out shopping/lunch etc. She has got so much better though since she started on medication.

There are going to be a lot strange incidences that it will make your head spin. So you just have to try to put yourself in their shoes and try to go with the flow.
 @--->--SHERRY--<---@
Moderator for Allergies/Asthma and Co-moderator for UC
~Left sided Uc-'92-Colazal(9 daily),6mp(50-100mgs),Prilosec,Biotin,Forvia,Pro-Bio**Unable to tolerate Asacol, Rowasa or Canasa**~Year-round allergies-Singulair, Zyrtec~Secondary Reynauds Syndrome-'04-Norvasc~Spinal Stenosis(?)~Sacroiliitis-epidural injections~bulging and herniated discs C5/C6 & C6/C7~3rd epidural injection 9/4, Neurontin and Skelaxin
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Bella33
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 478
   Posted 11/5/2008 12:23 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi,

Yes my mom often asks for me with other people and even when she's with me. She's actually looking for the me when I was small. She often thinks something bad has happened to me so she wants me close by. Your grandma is feeling very alone and insecure so that's why she always asks for you because you are the only comforting reminder she has. My mom also have this annoying habit of pulling off her buttons from her shirts. The center has been complaining to me about that and I keep telling them that I always have her wear an undershirt underneath so she won't be exposing herself. They also complained about her wearing slip on sandals in the summer time because she keeps taking them off while she's sitting down and they hate having to put them back on her feet for her. They have threatened to kick her out of the center because they feel she's too much work for them. I want to remind them that times are tough right now and they should be thankful they have a job and that the reason they work there is to help people like my mother. I told myself the day they give a date as to when they want my mom out is the when I will send a complaint letter to the county office about how my mother was unfairly treated and hopefully they will be closed down. I think anyone in my position would feel protective of their loved ones and will do anything to get some justice.

I've noticed a lot of doctors do not have sensitivity training when it comes to patients with dementia. Dentists, optometrists, etc. I took my mom to the eye doctor for an eye exam last week and my mom was not very cooperative with keeping her eyes open and what not. They lose their patience and won't try to make it work. The dentist was extremely rude and demanding for her to keep her mouth open and he was constantly talking to his hygienist even though I had asked that he keep the talking to a minimum because my mom gets very confused with constant talking in the background and gets nervous. I finally complained to the office manager and asked for a different dentist the next time around.

Like I said earlier. Dementia is a cruel and humiliating disease. One that does not cause any pain to the sufferer but more so for the caretakers.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/7/2008 1:52 PM (GMT -6)   
I have looked after many Alzheimers and PPL with different demetias for more than 25 30 yrs
Including both my parents til there deaths

I really do believe they are suffering as well ...........

I despise what this DD takes from THEM and all of their loved ones


LYN


 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
     Mod@Alzheimer's..Co MOd @Crohns ..Co Mod @Anxiety/Panic
                                   ~ FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE ~
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
 

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 11/7/2008 4:07:29 PM (GMT-7)


AlwaysRosie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 11/7/2008 3:09 PM (GMT -6)   
((((((( Lyn ))))))))


AND you are such a great roll model for the rest of us. Lyn, you were a gift from God to your parents!! For sure! I'm so glad that you were/are able to share so much with us, here on this forum.

Thanks sis!!

Blessings!

In His Grip

AlwaysRosie           "We can't control the waves, but we can learn how to surf!!"

Psalms 139

Co-Moderator - Lupus Forum

UCTD, Inflammatory Arthritis, Diverticulosis, (recent dx - Sjogrens, Crohn’s 4/08)

Clickable Links:  Lupus Resources    Lupous.Org   Lupus Criteria (4 of 11)   Lupus Chapter Locator


Bella33
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 478
   Posted 11/7/2008 5:41 PM (GMT -6)   
Good Morning America did a segment on something called NPH which is basically having water in the brain that mimics symptoms of Alzheimers. I think they say that's treatable with brain surgery. It would be nice to see real Alzheimers get treated as well. My dream has always been one day to see a breaking news segment on TV that says they have a definite cure and everyone who has it just needs a shot and their brain will revert back to how they were. Doesn't that sound heavenly?

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/7/2008 6:08 PM (GMT -6)   
Yes it does sound wonderful

I do hoper I am alive if this comes to be

Lyn
 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
     Mod@Alzheimer's..Co MOd @Crohns ..Co Mod @Anxiety/Panic
                                   ~ FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE ~
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/7/2008 6:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Sister Rosie

I bow to you
I have learnt so much and we have shared so much'
Thru the tears here on HW
The journeys of our parents
and the death of your Dad
Death of my MOm and then my Dad

What a road we have traveled
THanks for travelling it with me my sweet sis
 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
     Mod@Alzheimer's..Co MOd @Crohns ..Co Mod @Anxiety/Panic
                                   ~ FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE ~
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
 


Bella33
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 478
   Posted 11/7/2008 6:12 PM (GMT -6)   
I love watching House and Grey's Anatomy. They always find a cure for everything and most everyone is saved in the end. Can you think of one disease in real life that can be cured? We don't even have a cure for the common cold. I sometimes wonder if the Pharmaceutical company makes certain that we don't so they can keep selling their drugs to people and causing all kinds of side effects that require more drugs.

AlwaysRosie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 11/7/2008 6:54 PM (GMT -6)   
((((((((( Lyn )))))))))) blush

Yes, dear sis, what a road indeed.

My mantra to those of you who are still deep in the trenches, caring for your loved ones with this dd, is this:

Make sure to enjoy your loved one, EXACTLY that way he/she is today. Tomorrow will bring more and different issues . . . But today is all you have . . . so enjoy it the best you can. Search for help. Call your local Alz associations, call your local church, talk to your doctors offices, each of them. Talk to different people in each of those offices. Do all you can to take care of yourself. And enjoy your loved one exactly the way he/she is.

Blessings!

In His Grip

AlwaysRosie           "We can't control the waves, but we can learn how to surf!!"

Psalms 139

Co-Moderator - Lupus Forum

UCTD, Inflammatory Arthritis, Diverticulosis, (recent dx - Sjogrens, Crohn’s 4/08)

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tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 11/7/2008 8:39 PM (GMT -6)   
Well, he finally crossed the line. Red 34, your post of 03/11 hit thhe nail on the head. My father came at me yelling,  forced his way past me into my room, put his hands on me and told me I better get packing. Only problem is, it's my house. I had to call the RCMP. An officer came, I told him what happened, he went into living room while I stood outside in the rain, and he talked to Dad. Dad had a great time telling him all the houses he built, all about farming and finished off saying I was his daughter, he changed his mind and wasn't going to have me arrested. The only problem is, now I have to sleep with one eye open and one foot out the door. I'm done. Officer said it's escalating and it's only going to get worse. Well, if it gets worse, I may end up physically injured. I feel incredibly defeated. I'm stressed to the max. He is putting my health and well-being at risk. He's not supposed to be living here. That's why services aren't in place. By my having to call the police, there'll be a report going in to Community Services. I'll end up homeless. Why does this happen?

Bella33
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 478
   Posted 11/7/2008 11:25 PM (GMT -6)   

I'm confused. You said it's your house but then you ended off saying you'll be homeless after this ordeal. Please explain. In the meantime I totally can relate to your previous posting about rushing to get your errands done and basically have zero social life. I go straight home after work and time myself each day to see if I can make the 30 minute timeline I allow myself each day. Once the red light at a busy intersection took 5 minutes to change and I started to freak out.

I thank the stars that it's my mom that I watch and not my father and she's got a very gentle demeanor. I feel so badly for you for what you have to go through. Please take care and whatever happens you know you tried your best and now it's your own safety you have to worry about.

 


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 11/9/2008 4:58 AM (GMT -6)   
Dear Bella: I want to clarify. Dad has escalated to physical aggression. His previous Farmhouse was his "official address". However, with this escalation in physical aggression, and his seemingly "rapid decline", I don't know what configuration our immediate future will take. His wife is in a nearby town, in a nursing home. She says she has approached the Social Work Dept. there at the nursing home to have him "wait listed" for a bed, there. Who knows how long that will take. How am I going to survive, trembling in my shoes, living with a human firecracker? I'm only here, at this lovely house to facilitate Dad's transformation from Rural Farmlife, to a close nearby "town" as a means of readjusting his orientation as a farmer, to a country gentleman with a nearby community. I'm kind of mixed up right now. My whole body aches because I haven't been sleeping, and have Fibro.. I am scared b/c the younger sister who kidnapped him last Sept. has been calling, getting him riled up, and now claims she is coming here today to "give me respite". Except his wife is afraid, as I am, that this same sister will put him on a plane and take him to British Columbia. where she lives.

Bella33
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 478
   Posted 11/9/2008 12:42 PM (GMT -6)   
I see... Is it so bad for your sister to take him with her? At least your sister wants him. My sister told me if she ever took my mom off my hands it would be straight to a nursing home which my mom and I don't want.  You are a nervous wreck and in need of help. PLEASE let him go if it will save your sanity. Just listening to what your father is capable of is making me scared for you. I hate to compare him to an animal but I have images of a rabied pitbull who is turning on his master. He can no longer control what he's thinking or doing and I'm assuming his medication is of no use to him? Why haven't you been in contact with his doctor to tell him/her what's been happening??  Somebody needs to be on your side and give you support.
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