getting it off my chest

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tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 12/3/2008 6:45 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm really struggling here. My Dad's wife (my stepmother) had to go to hospital yesterday, to register for a total hip replacement, due for surgery, tomorrow. I had to leave my dad at the hhouse as drywaller was supposed to come to work on basement, (Dad has Alzheimers), and my son and my large dog had to come. My son to help lift her, she's over 200lbs. and has no strength in arms or legs. Large dog had to come because she is not good with strangers (unless I'm present to make introduction, then she is fine). I always leave my cell #, plus several neighbor's tel. #'s on phone (taped) so if dad has any problems he can call me or a neighbor for help. I didn't have much choice in the matter as it is a small car and wheelchair had to fit in also. Soooo, Dad and I discussed it at length prior to finalizing plans and said he agreed, it would be best for him to stay at home with his little dog to greet the drywallers. Off we went. I ran as fast as I could through the admtting process but we all know how that goes. It took nearly four hours from arrival at hospital untill the bed was ready for stepmom. Then we had to return her wheelchair to the nursing home. Finally, we arrived home at 7:45 PM and my dad came out of his room ready to have a massive tantrum. According to him, some strange lady (that would be me) ran off in his car (my car) and left him stranded all day.The drywaller situation is completely out of my hands because we rent.  I know many will say I need respite etc. but they are not always available in thse types of circumstances. While held up at the hospital for four hours, I would be worrying about getting back to relieve the respite worker that would just add to the stress. Usually, i can manage being sole caregiver, and POA for both Dad and his wife, but yesterday, all needed me at the same time. That's where I need a clone. thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/3/2008 6:00 PM (GMT -7)   
TYNO
I will not say what you think I am going to
That you need a time for self

I will say that it is good that you have gotten all this off your chest and I do hope that tomorrow will be a better day
I dont want to say anything else except I believe you are doing the work of a few ppl plus

God give you strength...........LYN
 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
    CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            ~ FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE ~
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
..........LYN


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 12/4/2008 11:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank-you Lyn: Sometimes I feel like my life is on fast forward and I can't find the pause button. God did give me strength in the form of my son coming to help out this week. Alas he has to go home tomorrow as he starts a new job Monday. At least for the time he has been here he's been available to supervise Dad from about 2 PM till dad's ready for bed around 7:30 - 8:00 PM. That's another blessing, dad goes to bed early enough that I get a couple hours of "me time" from dad's bedtime till I turn in around 10:00 PM. I usually just watch some of my favorite shows which Dad describes as "disgusting", the CSI trio, Criminal minds and so on. I cannot watch them in the living room as he gets worked up so while my son is here, I can watch them from my bedroom. Dad did something the night before last, that was extremely rude. As my son is on vacation, he  often stays up late watching TV. Apparently, Dad came out while my son was watching TV and just walked over and turned the set off. My son just stared at him, incredulously, speechless. It wasn't that the TV was disturbing dad, we keep a "white noise" generator on at night outside his room because he goes to bed so early, we're not going to tippy toe around. I rent this house through my disability cheque. Dad is a guest here. he really steps out of line, sometimes, and I correct him. Not that it's so gall darn important but rather that when he eventually ends up in a long term care facility he will have some regard for others. His wife who is presently having hip surgery, today, allowed him to yell at her, be disrespectful towards her, and verbally abusive towards her. He doesn't know how to be civil to females. He's gotten away with that behavior for far to long. He will be at the mercy of  primarily female caregivers once he is placed and he won't get very far being rude and not watching his tongue, when dealing with female caregivers. I think partially, his action towards my son was to try to drive him off so Dad could have complete control over me (isolating me from my supports). I don't think he's even aware he's doing it, he's been doing it that way for ages. I have set down some ultimatums for my two sibs regarding our somewhat desperate situation, they may respond as they please. If they don't hop aboard the bandwagon and get involved in Dad's care, I, who have POA, will take it upon myself to do whatever needs to be done in order to save myself and see that Dad is adequately cared for. Thanks again, for listening.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted Yesterday 6:04 PM (GMT -7)   
I think setting boundaries and guidlines for siblings
is a dang good idea and if they dont pull up then by all means you take the lead and
Do what is best for you .....your family
and your dad

I was in the same boat with mine as you prolly know already
They never cared at all til it was done nd over and the wills were coming out
I still get msn messages 's IF house has been sold
Not how are you making out ya know
'Ticks me right off
I hear ya for sure
it is so hard to go at this as you are
Thank God you are spelled for a bit ..........

Take care of you plz

LYN


 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
    CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            ~ FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE ~
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
..........LYN

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 12/9/2008 8:43:02 AM (GMT-7)


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted Today 6:10 AM (GMT -7)   
You are bang on as always, Lyn. I can't even get a response by email or by phone as to which way to go from here. I sure as heck will once I do make a decision and they will claim they weren't consulted. My sister is already threatening to sue me, for what, I have no idea. She has called me a thief and a liar for some of the things I've sold in order that we can just keep our heads above water. Best of luck to her. I have friends in low places, also. My brother is just totally aloof. No yes, do that, no no, don't do that,  nothing. Just the occasional email about what if and when the land sells and Öh by the way, say hello to Dad for me".

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/7/2008 3:09 PM (GMT -7)   
..IF it were I ( and I did ) I would keep a log of all the things you had to sell in order to give the best to your Dad.........where the monies went ect
YOU should NOT have to do this but in this case and in mine I found it necessay so that the siblings knew
SINCE they could not or would not visit and see for self I found this the best way to go about it


I truly am sorry you are going thru this
'
At times like this it should bring a family / siblings closer
But alas in our situations it did not cry
SAD but true


Remember you are doing right by your dad..........NOT them...........

God Bless
LYN


 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
    CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            ~ FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE ~
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
..........LYN

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 12/9/2008 8:44:15 AM (GMT-7)


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 12/7/2008 4:55 PM (GMT -7)   
I certainly have records indicating that when Dad's wife went to the nursing home she left $2000.00 per month in automatic withdrawls from the account each month, and Dad's cheques are $1300.00. Therefore, there was approx. $700.00 shortfall between what was owed and what income was coming in. My contribution from my disability pays the rent on the house we now live in as well as some groceries and gas. I have tons of documentation. None of Dad's drugs are even included in the $2000 that goes out automatically each month. So  if they're actively interested in knowing about the shortfall, it's not hard to pinpoint, just view what comes in vs. what goes out.I did unload the leased truck as it was costing about $700.00 per month and replaced it with an old beater the repairs I do myself. That loosened up a bit of the financial crunch, $700.00 per month. therefore we just break even. But drugs for Dad, enough of the proper foods, gas to go visit stepmom all need to be covered. They can make what they will out of that. Ain't family grand?

Hypothyroidism, Fibromyalgia, Facet Joint Syndrome, High Blood Pressure, menopause, Migraines, Chest Pain, Anxiety and Depression/BiPolar II
Synthyroid .075mg., estradiol.5 mgs., Amyltriptilene, 100mgs, bedtime, Tylenol 3 PRN (six-eight, daily), Valium 7.5mgs. daily prn. Flexeril, prn (not so helpful), Zoloft,150mgs., Zomig approx. 12 per month, prn., Meds for High Blood Pressure, vary.


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/9/2008 8:47 AM (GMT -7)   
YOU said it sister............
Yep they sure are grand especially when the wills come out and monies are supposed to be disbursed
I wish I was the type that could hold the monies up for a LONGGGGGG period of time

I just know my Mom N Dad would not be happy at all with the weay things are going with the family/ siblings

I a,m so glad you have had your thinking Cap on sis
It is always good to be prepared
Yep I was a boy scout lol........
Loves
LYN
 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
    CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            ~ FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE ~
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
..........LYN


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 12/9/2008 4:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Everyone used to love camping with me. I always has two tents(one for me and the pitbull, one for stragglers0. Three types of insect repellant, half a dozen flashlight way extra batteries, extra cookstove, tons of extra drinking water, fire starteR, extra wine (don't drink anymore) extra food, and first aid kits, you name it. That's the way I am untill this day. Got all my pokers in the fire. While the sibs battle over our joint property, I have full control of family farm and whatever is inside. That is what I'll be selling to get dad appropriate housing. Once back taxes are paid and bank is settled, anything else goes to better housing for dad. They can kick and scream till they're blue iin the face, that's how it;s going down.
Had a really tough day, somehow, very stressful. Back to, how the heck am I going to get through the next three weeks? Something always comes up, iy;s just a lot of work.
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