hi padraig and lyn,
thank youy so much for replying.
and sorry for ur losses
it seems like there are days when i can cope somewhat and theres days where all i want to do is lay in bed and hide from the world.
padraig, ur post really touched my heart!
my hubby is like urself, he too was in care and never knew what love was...even today he struggles with this.
hes often told me i could have done better him
funny thing is i couldnt have done any better
what other man would stood by me,with me looking after my mam and dad for almost 10 years!
hes been my rock throughout all the struggles i've had with mam and dad and was always there with a shoulder for me to cry on when things got too much for me.
i'm sure your wife felt the same about you, and yes, if your anything like my hubby you may have had your moments, but u were there for ur wife till the end and thats what counts!!!
i know in my heart that my mam wouldnt want me to waste my life being miserable, and i'm sure your wife would have felt the same!
i think we need to run with the good days and make the most of them, and do whatever comfort's us on the bad days.
i so get what u mean about going to ring ur mam or dad. i actually went to the counter to buy a sleeveless jumper for my dad and ran out of the shop bawling because i realised he was no longer with me...i must have seemed a right fool to the casheir.
i always thought that life is so strange...its like 1.2.3 and ur gone and everybody goes back to their lives.
but having had both parents die, i realise that it only seems like that, its the family thats left behind who are left to deal with the loss and greif and the pain of losing someone they love.
i have a question,do either of u still talk to the ppl who passed?
when i get really bad days, i talk to my parents asking them to help me get through the day.
sounds mad i know, but it helps.
all the best,
Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 12/9/2008 8:01:15 AM (GMT-7)
Hey Sadeyes2: I am so sorry for what you've been through and what the road ahead holds for you. Not only are we isolated and obsessed with the well being of our loved one with this horrid disease, we are ostracized from the workforce due to the gap in our employment history. As far as getting help, while caring for our Alzheimer's relative or parent, there is no help. There is the fiction of services however, they dig into your private business and get into your affairs and then inform you, there is no assistance available because you're a relative. Relatives are not recognised as caregivers. It's like, if it's your parent, it is expected that you will care for them. If that were true, where are the rest of the siblings? Out living their lives, their way and wouldn't even try to find money to help when we had no food or gas. My brother is a university professor. He claims he is struggling, financially, well he want's to step into my shoes for a week or so. Then he'll understand "sruggling". It is not having to settle for the second best caterer for your Christmas party b/c the best is too expensive. Yup, they're struggling. Sis, well, sis. Last I heard she got busted for contraband at the airport while trying to fly down, pick up Dad although she has been forbidden to do so by Adult Protection, and wanted to take him 4000 miles away from his wife, brothers and sister as well as myself who's been in this position as caregiver 24/7 for over two years.
I wish I had an easy answer for you. I know here, if I had to get work quickly, I'd have social services fund my entrance in to a Personal Care Worker course, employment is guarenteed because the population is top heavy with elderly folk needing care. That's likely the road I'd take. I once was a specialist on High Risk Youth in Social Services, as well, I worked at a children's hospital. Not much chance of wheedling my way back in there. To much time has passed and it's all highly competitive. Good luck and see if you can find somebody to help, often, that helps fill in the hole left by the loss of a loved one.
you know there have been times when i though i was losing it, because i spoke to my parents who had passed away.
its so comforting to know that others do this too!
tyn, you know u could have been talking about my life in ur post, my bros 2 of them.
who i looked after most of my life, fecked off and left me looking after both dad and mam.
all in all i was looking after both parents ten years, and i can tell u, that u dont feel that time going by.
sometimes i think i was so busy looking after my parents that i didnt see days,months,years passing.
my bros actually let my dad go into a nursing home, rather than help out
dad ended up in a nursing home because i couldnt cope with him, he was very agressive after he had a few mini strokes.
it nearly killed me when my dad went into the NH.
you know the day my mam died, i sat at the back of the church while my bros sat up the front bawling their eyes out.
i didnt even cry.
why do ppl do that? why cry for ppl when u didnt care what happened to them while they were alive?
at the moment i'm doing ok, but i'm dreading the 20th cause its my mams birthday.
anyway, talk again, have to get to bed, because its 00.09 here.
my prayers are with you all