Thank-you, Time takes it's toll

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 1/14/2009 6:36 AM (GMT -6)   
cry  Unfortunately, my Dad has been transmogrified by this disease, into an angry, cranky, unmanageable person whom I don't even recognize. I saw him in hospital yesterday, actually twice. I popped in on my way to get his wife (in a nursing home), to bring her to see him. I think he was mildly sedated as he said  " Ï suppose she would come anyway even if I told her, no." This was an odd remark, I just said "yes, probably" and told him it would be 1.5 hours to get her, and left. She was no sooner there, now this is a big lady who cannot stand on her own, so it's no picnic trying to transport her, but with my son's help, I was able to get her there. She wasn't in his room five minutes when she looked at me and said "well, I guess we should be going now". I was floored. Anyway, Dad got up and put his hat on as she told him, "no, you're not going, I'm going back to my nursing home, you stay here." Then he looked at his watch, and looked at me and said " you have exactly one hour to get her wherever she has to go, and get back here". "Sure says I," wheeling her out. Earlier in the day, I'd recieved a call from the placement agency, saying " we might have a placement for him". There is a place called "The Odd Fellows Lodge". I nearly broke out laughing as my Dad always was an "oddfellow". Sleeps on top of his covers, fully dressed, including work boots and all. They have to do a risk assessment due to his having been admitted through emergency, as he had been combative.
 
Then, after we spent half our gas allowance for the month driving the 200 miles to get one spouse to see the other, my stepmom announces "I should have married Gus, he was in the Navy, and he wanted to marry me, my life would have been much better. My son who loves his Grampa dearly nearly drove off into the ditch. I could see him gritting his teeth. On the way home he said ït was all I could do not to tell her what he thought of that remark, she would have had a better life if she hadn't married his Grampie. She managed to run through half a million in real estate, of my Dad's, dropping it into the slots. I don't think "Gus" would've had that kind of money to throw away. So, on it goes. We wait. Then we transport to wherever they can find a bed for him, this man with the hooded eyes who has taken over my father's body. The worst thing is, I never had a chance to take him on a little trip to a closeby Island as he always took us, as children. I wanted to do that before he disappeared. There was just to much else going on. Stepping from crisis to crisis, robbing peter to pay paul, and all. If you are where I was two years back, and your parent with Alzheimers, has some lucidity left, please take him on a little trip for me.
Hypothyroidism, Fibromyalgia, Facet Joint Syndrome, High Blood Pressure, menopause, Migraines, Chest Pain, Anxiety and Depression/BiPolar II
Synthyroid .075mg., estradiol.5 mgs., Amyltriptilene, 100mgs, bedtime, Tylenol 3 PRN (six-eight, daily), Valium 7.5mgs. daily prn. Flexeril, prn (not so helpful), Zoloft,150mgs., Zomig approx. 12 per month, prn., Meds for High Blood Pressure, vary.


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/15/2009 12:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Tyno
So sorry hun I have been out of the loop for the last while
I have been very ill and depressed due to all that has been going on

YOU are the best daughter sweety
I am so sory you are still going thru so bloody much
YOU can only take so much before you too brake
Please do look after self .........

I know times are real tough and many are hit hard but I also know you have the strength to get you thru this
I will hold your hand all the way email me if you would like okay

Luvs
and God Bless you

LYN
 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
              CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            Keep The Fight Going..Or YOu Will Lose
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
                                     LYN


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 1/16/2009 4:47 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Lyn: It got to the point, my Dad was so abusive and angry, I brought my son up to give me a couple of free days, to rest and recreate myself. Within 24 hours, my Dad had my son cornered in the kitchen. This was after the night my son sat outside my bedroom all night so I could sleep. My Dad was wandering all night, opening and closng bedroom doors. He scared the daylights out of me. Then later, that same day I had to step between them, Dad and Son, b/c I knew my son would never strike his Grampie but I had no idea what my Dad was capable of. He does blame me for a lot of things he lost, truck, driver's license, farm, tractor, wife, etc., etc.,
Probably b/c I was the main person in his life through-out. He is no longer home, he is in hospital waiting for a LTC bed. He could be hard to place due to aggression. It is awful waiting. I go see him about once a week, but it creates such an uproar, Dad wanting to come home, me saying no, they're still trying to figure out what's wrong. Since his feet are so bad, we can always blame his feet for being in hospital. It is the most ambivalent feeling, sad, but glad not to have to walk around on eggshells.
Hypothyroidism, Fibromyalgia, Facet Joint Syndrome, High Blood Pressure, menopause, Migraines, Chest Pain, Anxiety and Depression/BiPolar II
Synthyroid .075mg., estradiol.5 mgs., Amyltriptilene, 100mgs, bedtime, Tylenol 3 PRN (six-eight, daily), Valium 7.5mgs. daily prn. Flexeril, prn (not so helpful), Zoloft,150mgs., Zomig approx. 12 per month, prn., Meds for High Blood Pressure, vary.


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/17/2009 4:27 PM (GMT -6)   
I really believe you have
done the right thing with your decision
YOU have to be safe and I know they will look after him

TIME to stop walking on those eggshells and rest my freind

Luvs

LYN
 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
              CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            Keep The Fight Going..Or YOu Will Lose
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
                                     LYN


tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 1/17/2009 8:56 PM (GMT -6)   
And again, Thank-you, for all the encouragement. I saw my Dad tonight. He seems much more at peace, than I've ever seen him. It's almost as if he can stop holding his breath and relax. He's in the hands of competent people, he now knows it, he doesn't seem to need to fight for his territory, anymore, nor does he have to pretend he's got everything under control. He has the time and peace to come to terms with the reality of what is happening to him. Time and spac  e to grieve, as do I. Although it is pure he-- jumping through those last half dozen hoops. He is high on the Dept. of Health's priority list due to Adult Protection's involvement. He has a ward  with one doctor, three nurses, only 1 other person (2 patients), and about fifty channels on his TV. They are seeking a place for him dilligently. If I wasn't so gall darn tired and in pain due to this freezing temperatures, I'd become more active in the selection process.
 
There was this one very special mounty that came all the way, following the ambulance, off duty, but came b/c he'd responded to a Domestic Disturbance complaint one night about 5 weeks back, this one special mountie, who knew the situation very well, heard the call over the scanner and came to back me up and explain how incredibly impossible a situation it really was. That's an angle of mercy. He had stressed to me on the earlier call, that "things are going to get worse", you won't be able too keep up once he starts wandering at night. How right he was. The Fibromyalgia gets extremely bad when my sleep is interrupted, (not to mention the continuous cold).
 
I hurt all over, like crazy. Now there is so much to do, my stepmother, Dad's wife, gets jealous and ticked off when she feels he's getting too much attention and starts to up the ante. She now has appointments she has to be lugged around to. Anyway, duty calls, I'll have to get up real early to get her and go on to Appt. in city, I do have a week or so to adjust to the idea. Yup, I did what I could. No more, no less.
Hypothyroidism, Fibromyalgia, Facet Joint Syndrome, High Blood Pressure, menopause, Migraines, Chest Pain, Anxiety and Depression/BiPolar II
Synthyroid .075mg., estradiol.5 mgs., Amyltriptilene, 100mgs, bedtime, Tylenol 3 PRN (six-eight, daily), Valium 7.5mgs. daily prn. Flexeril, prn (not so helpful), Zoloft,150mgs., Zomig approx. 12 per month, prn., Meds for High Blood Pressure, vary.


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/18/2009 2:15 PM (GMT -6)   
YES you most certainly have done your best and the best for him

There is a thread that shows differnt Nursing homes and the quality of care or lack of I wil bring it up for you
Plz continue to let me know how things are going
I am truly hoping that things get better for you I truly do
YOU are a good daughter.............
Your friend
LYN
 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
              CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            Keep The Fight Going..Or YOu Will Lose
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
                                     LYN


wiggyann
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 171
   Posted 1/20/2009 1:58 AM (GMT -6)   
tyno3,

Just read the post about your dad and your adventure driving to
pick up his wife in the nursing home. It's incredible the things
that come out of peoples' mouths sometimes. I'm very sorry your
son was hurt by her remark which was quite cruel. I wonder if she even thought about the effect her words might have on someone
else present.

Don't be too hard on yourself for not getting to take your dad on the little trip to the closeby island that he took you to as children. You are there for him and you love him and that's the most important thing.

Wiggyann

tyno3
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 1/20/2009 6:30 AM (GMT -6)   

Thank-you for your kind words, wiggyann. I never understood what my Dad saw in that woman  to begin with. She is his second wife, he left my mother for her. Although my mother was no walk in the park either. Before he became so befuddled, a couple of years bback as he was finally waking up to the debt he incurred in his name, I teased him saying Dad, I did that getting married thing, once, it lasted five years, I never could nail the fellow down to get Divorce papers signed so I guess we're still legally married. That's OK because we have two children together and neither of us was interested in re-marrying. We're (in law only) coming up on our 23rd wedding aniversity this coming August.

Anyway, this is the second time she made such a remark, although the first time only I heard it, she said "he's not good for anything, anymore, I didn't respond, pretended I didn't hear her. She has a gambling addiction and that's all she's interested in, getting to the Casino. She says, once the weather warms up, I'm going to take her "just for a couple of hours. This is a woman with acute kidney failure, diabetes, and cannot walk. Shall I take her in a wheelbarrow?

Oter than that i just feel mildly depressed about Dad being in hospital, waiting to get a bed somewhere. I feel so bad. I'm also a tad nervous visiting him cause when he sees me, he thinks we're going home. He gets his hat and coat. I have to explain, we need to find a better place to live, and I will come take him there when we find it. Then I have to go saaying I have an appointment. 


Hypothyroidism, Fibromyalgia, Facet Joint Syndrome, High Blood Pressure, menopause, Migraines, Chest Pain, Anxiety and Depression/BiPolar II
Synthyroid .075mg., estradiol.5 mgs., Amyltriptilene, 100mgs, bedtime, Tylenol 3 PRN (six-eight, daily), Valium 7.5mgs. daily prn. Flexeril, prn (not so helpful), Zoloft,150mgs., Zomig approx. 12 per month, prn., Meds for High Blood Pressure, vary.


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/24/2009 6:41 PM (GMT -6)   
My heart breaks for you hun
I am so bloody sorry that you have to go thru this

Things cant get any worse .............so they say but with this DD anything is likey
KNOW we are all here for you and your Dad.........

Luvs
LYN

Wiggyann
Great honest post.........thanks for posting your thougths on Tyno's problems and all she is going thru

Luvs
LYN
 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
              CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            Keep The Fight Going..Or YOu Will Lose
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
                                     LYN

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Friday, September 30, 2016 1:37 PM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 2,696,759 posts in 297,677 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 152313 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, garshalk.
355 Guest(s), 13 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Nikolas7171, IamCurious, Migz27, Mrs. Brady, GeetarMan, Scaredy Cat, Suzee, drees, Ticker Trevor, Poppie, Mikedangit11, julymorning, LanieG


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer