She Wont Listen To ME..Bellas Story PART 2

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Howlyncat
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   Posted 4/15/2010 6:30 AM (GMT -6)   
As i posted in last thread i hv started another one for you n the support you need
please know you are being heard n i do understand i truly do
i went thru it with both parents
mom passed n dad was fine til she passed
he went downhill very quickly
his soul mate in life was gone he did almost all for her with exception to bathing changing ect n i was there daily

As mentioned try checking into Soaker pads for her
The Alzheimer Society should be able to direct you or a good pharmacy
i do hope you find a couple of these as they are so good for saving changing sheets
keep looking after you as well the caregiver can easily get sick imho

huggs
lyn
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Bella33
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   Posted 4/15/2010 11:39 AM (GMT -6)   
Yes I do have a liner pad under her sheets and it's catching the urine so her mattress is dry. The problem is the sheets are still wet so I have to clean that whenever it happens along with the liner. Last night I had the liner on top of her sheets but they don't stay in place because when she gets into bed she slides in instead of getting on top of the liner which then shifts it all over the place.

I slept with her last night and told my sister to sleep in my room instead. I got up twice with her and she peed both times in the toilet only. Praise the lord! My sister suggested I get a part-time job during the graveyard shift since I don't sleep anyways. I said this is my part-time job and she said I could get one more in addition. smilewinkgrin She's been exhausted from the many interruptions in the night from hearing us get up even though she hasn't done a thing to help out. I'm used to the pressure while the lady of leisure is ready to go back to her tranquil life.

jujub
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   Posted 4/15/2010 12:02 PM (GMT -6)   
Bella, a little hint from a retired nurse. Put the sheet on the bed. Put the liner pad on top. Take a second sheet, fold it in half, put it over the liner and tuck tightly on both sides. When wetness happens, you can change just this "draw" sheet and liner, and the sheet will hold it in place.

Blessings on you for the care you are giving her.

Bella33
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   Posted 4/15/2010 2:18 PM (GMT -6)   
Good idea, thanks very much.

Howlyncat
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   Posted 4/15/2010 3:49 PM (GMT -6)   
Yes that works well too
huggs
lyn
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Bella33
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   Posted 4/15/2010 3:55 PM (GMT -6)   
oops I accidentally unsubscribed to this for future replies to this. How do I subscribe again? I clicked on the wrong link when I got the email notification. Sorry.

Howlyncat
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   Posted 4/15/2010 10:16 PM (GMT -6)   
GO to control panel n i believe you can fix it there
if not let me know n i will check in am
huuggs
lyn
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Bella33
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   Posted 4/16/2010 3:45 PM (GMT -6)   
Nope. I made it worse. It has x on all the topics I've contributed and when i click on it thinking it would take the x away, it took the topic away instead.

Meanwhile. My mother has ear wax the size of a rock in her ear so her doctor cannot drain it for now. We got ear drops to loosen them up first. I knew she seemed off recently from not responding to questions and generally not here.

She's also probably diabetic now. The list of ailments just keep growing.

Howlyncat
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   Posted 4/17/2010 5:34 AM (GMT -6)   
OMgoodness
more issues to deal with
the wax should loosen up with drops
did doc check her BSL when she saw him
i am eally not 100 percent sure how to fix this i will ask other mods n get back to you asap

huggs
lyn
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Bella33
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   Posted 4/17/2010 10:41 AM (GMT -6)   
I did get notice about this posting so I think I'm fine now.

My sister has diabetes and used that thing that pricks your finger. She did it on me and I was under 100 but my mom came up with 122 so she took her to the doctor to get a real blood test. When she had a blood test done back in Jan she was already close to that so he said she was pre diabetic. I was always concerned that my mom would have it because my grandfather had it. Her doctor told me last year that at her age if she hasn't had it by now then she should be safe. yeah right!

Here we go again. This morning she kept a pill in her mouth. I brushed her teeth right after wards and orange water came out of her mouth. Good grief!

Howlyncat
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   Posted 4/18/2010 4:55 AM (GMT -6)   
It never seems to end i know
im so happy she did get up n piddle in toilet during the night thats great

ya i hv a younger sister i call..maiden of the manor..she was the spoiled one for sure but she never did a dang thing for mom nor dad n that ticks me off to this day
when the house was sold i had to get4 of us together to gv checks her n 2 brothers the 2 brothers took dad out n stuff n visited alot with mom n dad but 98 percent was on me

i handed her her check for quarter of the house money n said here i think this is plenty for what you didnt do.. lol we dont talk at all

i so despise what this DD does to our loved ones
hang in there n keep posting
huggs
lyn
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Bella33
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   Posted 4/18/2010 12:02 PM (GMT -6)   
Last night was a setback. She peed at 3:30 in the toilet and then when we got up at 6:30 she had already peed in her diaper which leaked into the bed sheet yet again. This time it was a lot more than the last. Her Pj's were soaked too. I feel like all I do is the laundry. Yesterday morning she kept her pill in her mouth for at least 3 hours. She spit it out when I fed her first bite of lunch. I'm really surprised it didn't melt by then.

My sister left 2 days ago. She told me she was going to Morocco for a week with her husband. I asked her what for and she said "what do people go there for? Vacation of course" I didn't say anything after that. What I was thinking was "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU NEED A VACATION FROM?"

Life never is fair. Usually the younger sibling is off the hook of parental duties but not in my case. I'm the youngest and I'm stuck with all the crap work. Mostly because I'm willing to do it rather than send my mom to a home which is what my other siblings want to do. Everyone wants the easy way out. No one is willing to sacrifice their freedom to take care of mom. So here I am... over 40 and living in a fishbowl while everyone else in my family has traveled the world.

Howlyncat
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   Posted 4/19/2010 4:35 AM (GMT -6)   
Bella
as lonely n hard as this gets i honestly would not trade the last while with mom n dad
it still very hard on me that they are gone
sandi the youngest had everything handed to her
i worked my bottom off in nursing and looking after them
you will have the real satisfaction of knowing you did all you could n more for her i know this personally

i fought tooth n nail with all 3 siblings all they wanted to do was stick parents in a home
mom had worked all her life in geriatrics n this would hv really not been something she would have wanted
mom did so much for ALL us kids even during her good final yrs babysitting n basically bringing up my lil sisters son
who would hv rather drink then do any real parenting

your comment about living in a fishbowl kinda hit me square in the head as this is what i am doing to self now too
i think that is why cait may be acting out with me
she is used to the up early gone n always on the go mom

i did everything for her and loved it and yes she is youngest too
hmmmm you have certainly given me some food for thought too

i sure hope you had better night with mom n i will keep you in my thoughts n prayers
hugs
lyn
..Co Moderator for Crohns...Anxiety/Panic......Alzheimers

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Bella33
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   Posted 4/19/2010 11:50 AM (GMT -6)   
Last night she was dry. She got up on her own at 1 and then I got her up at 3. By the time we really got up for good at 6 her diaper was dry. When I was getting ready to leave for work and take her to the senior center I took her to the bathroom and this time she refused to sit down on the toilet much less let me take her pants down. We fought for 10 minutes over this. I spanked her bottom and she hit my arm. Finally she got tired of holding on to her pants and standing above the toilet that she finally let go and peed.

Xanax is my savior. Without taking this I would really jump off a building. Every day is drama in my life. I sometimes take out old video tapes taken with my mom from 15 years ago to show her. She has a good time watching herself and doesn't see that she's any different now. All her friends have stopped calling. I don't blame them really. What's there to say to someone who doesn't recognize you and only talks gibberish. My uncle's wife used to be really close to my mom and I haven't heard from them in 2 years and they only live 13 miles away. I used to get really angry and hurt but I have to be in other people's shoes. If this happened to them I don't think I would be visiting either. Their son is getting married in August and I'm sure they will understand that we won't be attending or sending any gifts. I understand but doesn't mean I won't hold a grudge. haha

My friends have been constantly telling me to put my mom in a home for my sanity. I then remembered an article I read about a woman who wrote about taking care of parents. After all do parents drop their kids off in an orphanage when they have behavioral problems or is autistic or is sick? Why is it ok to do that to the elderly and not to the young?

Howlyncat
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   Posted 4/19/2010 10:49 PM (GMT -6)   
i personally thinks its because our Elders are the backbone of the family
i believe in all my time nursing geriatrics we might hv had 2 natives in there and that was because they had no family out here
Elders were revered very very much in some. most Native tribes and looked to for guidancs knowledg n wisdom their basis is still around christianity and for the most part it works for then
bella i must caution you about spanking her i know you are doing this alone n youve done proud but corporal punishiment is not allowed at least not here n you must hv grest doctor that is up with her care n tx regine way

plz do keep positng
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Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 4/21/2010 2:59:08 PM (GMT-6)


Bella33
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   Posted 4/20/2010 11:32 AM (GMT -6)   
Unfortunately spanking her is the only way I can a reaction from her. She's barely talking anymore and does not do anything I ask her to. Changing her is back breaking and getting her in and out of bed and the toilet is no walk in the park either. My mom is not lightweight so spanking her rear end is hardly punishment. She knows she's done something wrong but at the same time she's in no pain. In a way it actually wakes her up and pays attention more. It's not as bad as it sounds.

Yesterday when I got home from work, the caretaker was trying to play ball with her. Usually my mom would catch the ball when it's thrown at her but just as I walked in the door I saw the ball in midair and my mom didn't attempt to catch it so it just hit her in the face and she didn't even flinch. The woman kept trying to show her how to bounce the ball but my mom acted like she was invisible. I look at pictures taken of her from 3 years ago and she was so alive and actually would pose for the pictures but now she never smiles and is not aware of the camera at all. :(

Howlyncat
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   Posted 4/20/2010 5:41 PM (GMT -6)   
Yes it is very dang sad i know i saw both parents go thru this but dad could still do his gardens n such
when mom passed he was gone in no time at all
they did share a beautiful life n love together for over 50 yrs
i still miss them both so much its heartbreaker

this is a really sad n horrible disease
takr care
lyn
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Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 4/21/2010 2:59:50 PM (GMT-6)


Howlyncat
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   Posted 4/21/2010 3:56 PM (GMT -6)   
HOW are you doing today BELLA n how was yr moms night
huggs
lyn
..Co Moderator for Crohns...Anxiety/Panic......Alzheimers

DX..Crohns,,,A/P...Fibro...Seizures..Neuropathy...Pyoderma Gangrenosum..Deaf

I Refuse To Give Up....Others Are Worse Off Than I Am

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Howlyncat
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   Posted 4/22/2010 8:05 AM (GMT -6)   
Bella thinking of you n your momma
huggs lyn
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Bella33
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   Posted 4/24/2010 12:36 PM (GMT -6)   
I took my mom to her doctor's office yesterday to get her ear wax drained. She jumped each time the poor nurse pressed the pump to extract the wax through the tube. It got all over the woman. At least my mom can hear much better now and guess what? She's actually following directions from me which gives me hope. All these months that she's been deviant was because she couldn't hear what I was saying to her and she felt threatened with my actions because she didn't know what I was up to. She even peed when I take her to the bathroom and has not resisted so far.

Her doctor gave a prescription so she can start getting diapers/bed liners/chair in the bathtub/toilet handlebar for free because my mom is on govt. assistance. I am so relieved. I hope she will sit in the chair when I bathe her once I get the stuff.

One more bit of good news is that she's not diabetic. I still don't understand how her glucose level is lower now then when she was tested in Jan when she considered borderline diabetic. The test showed her at 29 for glucose and Glycohemoglobin (HB A1C) at 5.6 and he said that's the most accurate indication of all and she's fine. I asked if this was a mistake because she even had some cookies with her breakfast that morning before she had the test done. He said I have to believe that this is a miracle and leave it at that.

While I was waiting for a copy of the blood test a couple of nurse looked at me and my mom and said we look exactly alike. I smiled and said "ain't that the truth"

I took her for a joyride in my car after leaving the doctors office and she was actually enjoying the ride instead of trying to remove the seat belt or unlock the door to escape. I pointed to all the flowers on the side of the road and she actually looked and smiled and acknowledged that they were there. After 30 minutes I asked her if she wanted to keep going or go home and she answered no let's keep moving. I know this kind of interaction won't last but I was really absorbing this in like you won't believe.

I told her doctor about her unwillingness to swallow her pills and he said it's useless to fight it. Eventually she will be fed through a tube because she can't swallow a thing due to her PD. I didn't want to hear that. 2 nights ago she kept her big pill in her mouth when she went to bed. I'm sure it dissolved slowly in her mouth. 2 hours later she woke up choking in thick phlegm and didn't want to open her eyes or get up. I eventually got her to go to the bathroom and made her spit it out. I then had her rinse her mouth and she went back to bed breathing with a clear sounding passage way. That was really frightening.

Howlyncat
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   Posted 4/26/2010 5:18 PM (GMT -6)   
That is so wonderful
i sure can relate to her not hearing n being afraid n misguided
since becoming deaf my relationship with daughter has really gone down n i miss her so much
im proud of you for hanging in n so happy you hv some more memories of you n your momma
huggs
lyn
..Co Moderator for Crohns...Anxiety/Panic......Alzheimers

DX..Crohns,,,A/P...Fibro...Seizures..Neuropathy...Pyoderma Gangrenosum..Deaf

I Refuse To Give Up....Others Are Worse Off Than I Am

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Bella33
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   Posted 4/26/2010 6:53 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks. I took my mom to her regular Neurologist appointment. I told her about the hearing problem and the lack of cooperation in taking her meds. Her doctor at first thought of substituting Stalevo with Sinemet and Comtan but they would have to be generics and she is not a fan of them because they are not the real deal in her books. In the end I told her we will stick with Stavelo and I'll just have her take it by itself before her other pills and hope for the best.

You'll never believe this. As we were about to leave the doctor's office I opened the door that leads into the waiting area so we could go and there was one man sitting there waiting for his turn. My mom started to take off her pants with her back side facing the man. I was mortified. I don't have a clue as to why she did that. Of all things she never allows anyone to remove her clothing so to have her strip like that today was very disturbing.

I dropped her off at the daycare center and I ran errands. I had the day off from work but I couldn't leave her alone at home for the amount of time I would need so I took her to the center. As usual when I went to pick her up she was very disoriented and in la la land. I just don't get it. The nurse that escorted her out with me said my mom is very good client and listens to all of them and really enjoys being there. Well she could have fooled me!

Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
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   Posted 4/28/2010 4:41 AM (GMT -6)   
MORNING BELLA
sorry i have been out n down with flu from hades
i dont think a flu has hit me that hard in yrs

the generic meds hv cheaper fillers n stuff in them but my mom was the same had to be name brand meds or nothing
i think sticking to the med is a good idea for now
my heavens ..what was she thinking sorry im not laughing but they do DO SOME wild n silly things dont they
we had so many that were timid as could be held onto their clothes for dear life while others ran around in bd suits or we had to fight to keep dressed
its all part of the progression i think im not 100 percent sure
but your momma sounds like a kicker like mine was

have you ever been or had the chance to sit back somehow out of her sight n knowledge n evaluate the situation at daycare just for even half hour..or hour w/o her knowing you r there
it is your right n im wondering it seems she does have some issues with this place
many are great dont get me wrong but you yourself n i know how frustrating n hard it is to look after one person with this dd

not saying there is abuse by staff but there could be another member of that day care that sets her off for whatever reason
reminds her of something sets of a warning bell anything out of sorts in her ..world ..ya know
this isnt the first time right so i would check

we had one of people from our RH always come in upset after her day at co op n thru investigating n watching we found that one of the others was constantly bothering her n slapping her lightly on hands for reasons we never could find out but we changed the ppl she was in room with n she became more passive n less aggitated
just a thought idk whats going on there

keeping you in thoughts
blessings
lyn
..Co Moderator for Crohns...Anxiety/Panic......Alzheimers

DX..Crohns,,,A/P...Fibro...Seizures..Neuropathy...Pyoderma Gangrenosum..Deaf

I Refuse To Give Up....Others Are Worse Off Than I Am

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Bella33
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   Posted 4/28/2010 3:49 PM (GMT -6)   
My mom's been going to that center for over 2 years now. At the beginning she would never do what they asked and they got really frustrated and asked me to take her out and put her in a Alzheimer related center far away from where we live. I was really angry because they have other people that go there that requires special attention too. There was even a mentally retarded woman who was there but they said at least she would listen to them. I was very close to writing a nasty letter to the state and hope to close them down. My sister went and talked with the Manager and in the end they let my mom stay. I guess my mom grew on them. I got into a heated argument with my sister over this because she acted like she was on their side and she suggested that it was time we put mom in a home for good. I won in the end and told her no state run facilities would take her if I said I was watching her and does not want their services. So there!

There are a few workers there that I wish would be removed. One time I saw one of the nurses that feed my mom being rough with her by yelling at her to swallow her food. My poor mom's leg was shaking non-stop from being so scared. I happened to be there to take a jacket for her and witnessed it. When that nurse saw me she then softened her voice and I then said my mom was not hungry because I feed her breakfast every morning before she goes in. I cried on my way to work after seeing that. I wished I could win the lottery and not have to work so I could stay at home with her always. Now my mom is used to the place and they are all pretty attentive to her. In a place with over a hundred attendees the workers all know her name so that's saying something.

At the beginning their drivers would take her home with others via van transportation but with my mom in her state of mind or lack of I got paranoid that the male drivers would do harm to her and think that they wouldn't have to answer to anyone because she wouldn't tell. So I hired someone to bring her home and stay with her until I got back from work. You just never know these days....

Still I prefer to be home with her when I have days off. People suggested that I still take her so I can get the break. I don't see it that way. One day I spend with her is one day I get to see her more.

Bella33
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Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 478
   Posted 4/28/2010 3:53 PM (GMT -6)   
oh sorry, I hope you are recovering from the flu. It sounds horrible!

One more thing. 2 nights ago my mom peed in the toilet at 2:30 by 4:00 she peed in her diaper yet again. This morning she snored all the way from 8:30 to 4:30 where I then took her to pee. Her diaper was dry. I just don't get it. I was already up at 2 but she never woke up so I just waited and waited and thinking she probably already peed in her diaper but it didn't happen.
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