My Mother - My Best Friend

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donna1952
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 6/17/2010 1:50 PM (GMT -6)   
donna1952
6/17/10 11:05 AM
My Mother - My Best Friend

Ok, this is the first time I have joined a group to talk about my Mother. This is really hard as you all know. My Mother was diagnosed 2 years ago. She has been changing since she had a knee replacement surgery 5 years ago. When she came to after surgery, she was so confused and really has never been the same since. She did go home, and seemed to come out of it. She lived in Georgia and I live in Missouri, but I talked to her on the phone everyday. As in my title states, she has always been my best friend, we have always talked every day. It became apparent that her personality was changing. Per my request she gave her Dr. permission to discuss with me my Mother's health. So I called her and told her about the changes in my Mother, and she checked her out. The Dr. told me she had cognitive problems and could not reason well, but it was not altz. Although she was diag. 2 years ago with Altz.(My Mother was worried about that because her Mother had it). My Mother got much worse. She said and did things she would never have done or said before. My Mother was a very kind person, she retired from a hospital where she was a nurses aide. She was the type of person that would loan money to people knowing she would never see it again. She never talked bad about anyone. Everyone loved her, she was so kind. She spent her life taking care of people. She was used by a lot of people because of her kindness, but she never felt bad about it, only said they were troubled and needed help. She always told us kids, she never wanted us to take care of her when she got older, and to put her in a nursing home. She is now in a nursing home in Missouri. I visit her every day. She broke her hip 2 years ago(while still at her home) it did not heal, so she is in a wheel chair. She know me, and asks to go home with me at times. I can not lift her in and out of bed or the car, so I am unable to bring her home. I feel so guilty leaving her in the nursing home, and stay awake nights, trying to figure out how I can bring her to my home and take care of her. Then I remind myself, that she always told us to put her in a home. And I am ok for awhile. It seems so unfair that such a wonderful, sweet person can be in this condition now. Sometimes I don't think she really knows who I am. One day she asked me where my Mother was. But most days when I walk in, she smiles real pretty, and says "There's Donna".



StaceyA
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 114
   Posted 6/19/2010 9:39 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm sorry to hear about your mother. My dad is fighting this right now, but he is still living with my mother. It pains me so much each time I visit, because I really miss him.
Sending you good thoughts and (((hugs)))
Stacey

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/21/2010 2:15 PM (GMT -6)   
imho
you are doing what she asked for
i am very struck by your caring n loving of your momma
both my parents are gone now
mom was a shell of self and im faily certain dad just went with a broken heart...
bless you for being there for your momma
hugs
lyn
                 Co Mod for... CROHNS..ANXIETY/ PANIC.....ALZHEIMERS
        DX.. a/p ....crohns ...fibro... pyoderma gangrenosum..seizures....deaf
            meds..lyrica..pentasa...valproic acid..ativan...diazepam....t 3 s prn
                  Help HEALING WELL...DONATE...www.HealingWell.com
                        WE CAN N WILL GET THRU THIS TOGETHER
                                                   LYN                       

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 7/7/2010 10:10:52 AM (GMT-6)


tiaeight
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 237
   Posted 6/24/2010 9:56 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Donna.  I am in the same situation.  My mother was diagnosed almost 2 years ago and is fading fast.  What a horrible disease.  I too, am in Missouri.  Well, Belleville, Il.  Maybe we can talk.  Take care.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/24/2010 10:28 AM (GMT -6)   
just wondering how you are making out
hugs
lyn
                 Co Mod for... CROHNS..ANXIETY/ PANIC.....ALZHEIMERS
        DX.. a/p ....crohns ...fibro... pyoderma gangrenosum..seizures....deaf
            meds..lyrica..pentasa...valproic acid..ativan...diazepam....t 3 s prn
                  Help HEALING WELL...DONATE...www.HealingWell.com
                        WE CAN N WILL GET THRU THIS TOGETHER
                                                   LYN                       


Red_34
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23353
   Posted 6/27/2010 7:00 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. It is so hard to watch the people we love decline in health and mind. We are here for you and anytime you want to chat, come to us because we can understand.
 @--->--SHERRY--<---@
Moderator for Allergies/Asthma, Co-moderator for UC and Alzheimer's
~Left sided Uc-'92-Colazal(6 daily),6mp(50-100mgs),Bentyl, Prilosec,Biotin,Forvia,Pro-Bio**Unable to tolerate ALL mesalamines**~ Year round allergies-Singulair, Zyrtec~Secondary Reynauds Syndrome~Sacroiliitis~OA (hands and spine)-Tylonel Arthritis, Celebrex, Scoliosis, Dry eye - Restasis
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SmurfyShadow
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 7/3/2010 1:11 AM (GMT -6)   
Out of love she bade you and your siblings to put her in a home. She didn't want you to have to go through all the pain, hardship, time of all the care she needs. There is a thing called Sara Lift (a machine that moves the patients from bed to wheelchair, etc) that can be used to aid in moving a person who otherwise can not. You are doing what she wants. My best advise, since she is in a nursing facility, go every day like you are, but make sure it is on different shifts every day. Do not do a spefic time, do not call ahead. I spent 4 years working in a nursing facility, and I know what happens when family is not around. The patients that has family coming everyday at any moment of the time of day gets the best care. It is indeed sad, of what the elders go through. It shocked and dismayed me to walk on shift and find out from a patient they were soiled and hadn't been changed for an hour. I put all my patients first, I worked through my breaks and just claimed to take a break, listened to them, talked to them, showed them a kinder heart, just so they know someone actually cared and had some respect. That is why, I told my family when my grandmother needed to go to a home, I told them over my dead body and I was moving in first. She still is now in her very house, with me as a 24/7 caregiver doing it all for her. I am now starting to get help from the rest of the family, for the first time in two months I'm just now starting to get a few hours to myself here and there. Since your mom wants the nursing faciliity, do that for her, so she gets good care. I tell people how it is behind the scenes- of what we hide from people to make them aware so they can avoid it happening.
 
Smurfy Shadow/Desirèe 
DX: Wegener's Disease, Migraines, Diabetese Type II, PCOS, Lactose Intolerant, Benign Heart Murmer, Depression, Asthma, Asperger's Syndrome, Necrotizing Gramultous Inflamation in eye, A.D.D., Acid Reflux, Tumor Behind the Eye, Carpal Tunnel, Fibromyolgia, Clasterphobic, Arthritis
Medications:  Tri Nessa, Percocet, Metformin, Prilosec, Protonix, Zantac, Advair, Cingulair, Albuterol, Calcium + Vitamin D, Pro-Air, Pepcid, Rolaids, Zofran, Compuzeen, Refresh Plus Eye Drops  PRN: Epi-Pen, Albuterol Nebulizer, Benedryl
Undergoing Radiation Taking Lorazepam (Ativan) on Radiation Days


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 7/7/2010 11:14 AM (GMT -6)   
Not all homes are like that imho
i owned a retirement home and this was not the case
check out their rep n if charges hv been filed or anything against home you are looking at
tk care
lyn
                 Co Mod for... CROHNS..ANXIETY/ PANIC.....ALZHEIMERS
        DX.. a/p ....crohns ...fibro... pyoderma gangrenosum..seizures....deaf
            meds..lyrica..pentasa...valproic acid..ativan...diazepam....t 3 s prn
                  Help HEALING WELL...DONATE...www.HealingWell.com
                        WE CAN N WILL GET THRU THIS TOGETHER
                                                   LYN                       


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 8/19/2010 6:01 PM (GMT -6)   
wondering how you are doing and how your momma is
CO MOD FOR CROHNS..A/P...ALZHEIMERS

DX..PYODERMA GANGRENOSUM/ CROHNS..FIBRO

SEIZURES,,NEUROPATHY..DEAF
MEDS..LYRICA..VALPROIC ACID..DIAZEPAM..ATIVAN
DILANTIN..PENTASA
LYN

Mimi723
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 38
   Posted 12/31/2010 5:40 PM (GMT -6)   
It is so hard to see your mother deteriorate before you eyes. It was probably 2006 before I realized my mother was growing frail and getting confused. She didn't relate to her doctor, so I took her to another one. After a few appointments my sister and I decided to try a new one and that has worked out well. She has been on Namenda and Aricept but is still deteriorating to the point where she is probably at Staes 4-5. I joined this forum when my husband learned he had prostate cancer, and I see I should have been visiting the part of the forum, too.
Husband, 62
Gleason 6, PSA was 6.6
RP Surgery was Aug. 16
No lymph node involvement; tiny bit of cancer on outer wall of prostate.
Heart bypass/carotid artery surgery in 2003
Catheter and stitches out on 9/17/2010
Husband has better bladder control in the a.m.
Back to work on 9/20/2010

Red_34
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23353
   Posted 12/31/2010 8:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Welcome to the AZ forum Mimi :) I'm so sorry to hear that your mother is deteriorating. This disease is not easy on everyone involved. Please don't hesitate to stop in more often. I'm also so sorry to hear about your husband as well :(
SHERRY
Moderator-Allergies/Asthma and Alzheimer's, Co-moderator-UC
~Left sided Uc-'92**Unable to tolerate ALL mesalamines**
Colazal(9 daily)/6mp(50mgs)/Bentyl-Prilosec~allergies-Singulair/Zyrtec~Reynauds Syndrome~OA-Tylonel Arthritis~Scoliosis~Sacroilitis~Dry eye-Restasis/GAD - Klonopin (.25mgs)
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