coming to terms with Grandfathers Alzheimers

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socialite
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 6/27/2010 2:31 PM (GMT -7)   
so My Grandfather who I love dearly and have a very special relationship with is in the beginning stages of Alzheimers. He lives in a different state to me so I dont get to see him very often at all but we used to talk on the phone almost every day. Since he started getting sick he has stopped calling me and I know its because he simply forgets. Every time I call him the conversation is very frustrating we go around in circles and recently he has forgotten who he was talking to half way through the conversation and when I tell him it is me it takes him a while to figure out who I am. Its heartbreaking!

I am now at the stage where I almost dread calling him which I know is awful and it makes me feel so guilty. But its just too hard to hear him be so confused and then not know who I am. I miss my grandad and I dont know who this person is, its not him.

I dont know who I can relate to him anymore but I am afraid that if I dont I will regret it when he passes on.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Red_34
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23426
   Posted 6/27/2010 5:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Keep calling him. Even if you think he's not there, he is in some form. Even if it's for a short time, he might find comfort in hearing your voice. I know it's hard. It was very hard on me too when my Gma had it. But I kept plugging along, even if I had a good cry when I got home. But I like to think that she took some comfort in knowing that someone still cared for her and loved her. My Gma is now passed but I feel comfortable with myself because I gave that extra mile to try to ease her mental suffering.
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SmurfyShadow
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Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 7/2/2010 11:16 PM (GMT -7)   
I go through that with my Grandmother all the time. I found with her, that when she doesn't remember me, she remembers her daughter, my mother. So I just go over the family line like saying "x got married to y and they had 6 kids. the kids are a, b, c, d, e, f and I am D." It gets frustrating at times. If she seems really to not believe me, I just agree with her.
 
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Stuck in Wisco
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2010
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 7/5/2010 5:36 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry to hear that I am going threw the same thing with my grandma. Stay in contact as much as you can they might not remember it right away but in the back of there mind they do. My grandma just moved to the stage of getting very angry and just mean to my mother and I the two that take care of her. But you just have to remind yourself that theres nothing to do but be there for them the only way theres even a chance of them remembering you longer is if there is still fresh memories. Another thing I have noticied is if they arguing its best just to agree it will work them up more and get them more confused. I hope the best for you and your family stay strong for yourself and your grandfather.

Peace and much love
Wisco

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 7/7/2010 4:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi
As a mom who now suffers with short term memory loss i see the frustration n pain my cait goes thru when trying to be around me 24/7
i remember things from long ago but hv to write down things i did yesterday or day before
it is very hard on me to be left alone all the time i do need to get out n do things ..live
i hv started going to my brothers place n the beach but i do know they r feeling the strings of caregiver role

i know all to well what that feels like i looked after mom n dad til their deaths
try to keep going there
correct but dont judge her /him
do memory challenges with them
not hard ones..easy so they dont frustrate quick

most of all
KEEP LOVING THEM
i like Red hv lost all my family n i am the head now to this dd
but i do hv the special memory of doing things with them n for them
blessings
lyn
                 Co Mod for... CROHNS..ANXIETY/ PANIC.....ALZHEIMERS
        DX.. a/p ....crohns ...fibro... pyoderma gangrenosum..seizures....deaf
            meds..lyrica..pentasa...valproic acid..ativan...diazepam....t 3 s prn
                  Help HEALING WELL...DONATE...www.HealingWell.com
                        WE CAN N WILL GET THRU THIS TOGETHER
                                                   LYN                       


socialite
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2010
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 7/7/2010 5:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for all of your advice! I do love my grandfather very much and every time I talk to him I am glad of it but it is very hard to think of him not knowing who I am and eventually not being here. I miss who he was, it doesnt even feel like that person is there anymore but i know he is the same person and I know he still loves me too.

I will continue to reach out to him until the very end because I know he still loves me and wants to hear from me. He has done so much for me my whole life now its my turn to do something for him I figure.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 7/7/2010 9:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Very good idea
i need ppl to keep reaching out to me n i know they get frustrated n pain for me especially my daughter
i see her hurt n i wish i could change it
you are a great grandaughter
REMEMBER THAT PLZ
huggles
lyn
                 Co Mod for... CROHNS..ANXIETY/ PANIC.....ALZHEIMERS
        DX.. a/p ....crohns ...fibro... pyoderma gangrenosum..seizures....deaf
            meds..lyrica..pentasa...valproic acid..ativan...diazepam....t 3 s prn
                  Help HEALING WELL...DONATE...www.HealingWell.com
                        WE CAN N WILL GET THRU THIS TOGETHER
                                                   LYN                       


Lululiya
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2010
Total Posts : 104
   Posted 11/8/2010 7:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Definitely keep calling him. My grandfather was one of my best friends, and when he was diagnosed with AZ I was heartbroken. I kept visiting for a while, but after he started to forget who I was I simply stopped - I couldn't handle it. I have felt so guilty since he died for giving up on him. I know it's hard but keep calling him..It's harder if you don't.
“The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of because words diminish your feelings - words shrink things that seem timeless when they are in your head to no more than living size when they are brought out.”

SnowyLynne
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 1539
   Posted 11/8/2010 11:13 AM (GMT -7)   
the person knows you are someone who loves them so never give up trying.......
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