Can use some advice

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tewcute
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 300
   Posted 7/22/2010 6:46 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi, I am a chronnie and can usually be found on the crohns forum. I am posting this to see if I can get some advice on how to help my boyfriend with his mom. I will try to be short and not bore with details. I was having lunch with my boyfriend and his mom last November and then we took my niece to the park to play. I noticed thru lunch and at the park that she kept asking a lot of the same questions over and over which is not really like her. Also, keep in mind I have not seen her day in and day out for the last year as I have been going thru my own issues with my Dad passing away and being diagnosed with Crohns. Anyway, at Thanksgiving my boyfriends sister was upset that the mother forgot to take out the ham to thaw for dinner. I told my boyfriend my concerns based on the conversation I had with his mom and they decided to take her to a specialist. Also keep in mind that Alzheimers runs in the family on the mothers side. Dr said she was fine after some tests and an MRI. Basically said she had 'old brain'.Well yesterday my boyfriend calls me all upset that noone has heard from his mom since 10:00 am that morning. He can't come over and is going to go look for her. She was supposed to be going over to her sisters house. They finally tracked her down and literally she had been driving around lost for 8 hours! When they stopped her she was almost out of gas, had not eaten and they said she was very calm. She just said she forgot the names of streets and got lost.  This does NOT sound like just a case of old brain to me
 
To make matters even worse my boyfriend calls me today and says that he and his sister are going to a lawyer to get a power of attorney. Well, his mother is remarried and I tried to explain to him that they really needed to talk to the stepfather first. He currently has power of attorney and I can see a battle coming. I just feel they should not rush to take this away from the stepdad as he has never given any reason to believe he would be taking advantage of her or not be willing to get her treatment. I suggested they all three sit down and discuss a plan to make sure she gets the treatment she needs.  I just feel the stress of this battle of control can only make her worse. I realize this is nothing legitimately I can do anything about and it is really not my business but I want to help anyway I can. Ever since the day I started dating him she has been welcoming and kind to me and we have never had any issues that a lot of mothers and girlfriends have. They have already taken her keys away and she is begging for them back. I know that is best but it just breaks my heart to see her lose her dignity while they argue over who should be in charge.
 
Can anyone give me any advice as to how to proceed or even just things I can do for my boyfriend to help him and his mom?
 
 
Dx with crohns February 25, 2010. But suspect I had it since 2002 with very mild symptoms.
4 lialda a day.
3 entocort daily for the next few months
hyosamine for daytime
Bentyl for evening
Multigen


Red_34
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23353
   Posted 7/22/2010 7:50 PM (GMT -6)   
Since you are not "officially" in the family the best you can do is be there for your boyfriend and his mother. Her husband, if he will not take advantage of her and do what is right, has every right to be by her side and make the decisions on her behalf. I know that your bf and his sister are concerned over their mother, as they should be, but if they talk things out and try not to let their pride get in the way then hopefully they will be able to sort things out and come to a reasonable ending.

It's a tough time when someone you know and love becomes afflicted with any sort of dementia and not only is it hard on the person who has it but the others around them as well.
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tewcute
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 300
   Posted 7/23/2010 9:29 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you red. I got more lovely info today. Apparently the sister has it in her head that the stepfather is trying to kill the mother and is giving her drugs. I do not know what is wrong with this girl. I know the father killed himself some ears back after going off medication. He had schizophrenia and suffered from a lot pf paranoia. I told my BF that I am willing to listen and be there but I cannot get involved any further in this. As a crohns patient I do not need this stress. I am fully convinced the mother has alzhimers and don't believe the husband is plotting anything nefarious. 
Dx with crohns February 25, 2010. But suspect I had it since 2002 with very mild symptoms.
4 lialda a day.
3 entocort daily for the next few months
hyosamine for daytime
Bentyl for evening
Multigen


SmurfyShadow
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 7/25/2010 2:05 PM (GMT -6)   
Just hearing what the sister is thinking, is something to look into. Maybe suggest to your bf to set up a nanny camera. They are camera hidden in stuffed animals. I'm sure there's a better adult way, like hidden cameras. Thing is not to let him know he's on camera and to find out if the sister is right or not.
 
Smurfy Shadow/Desirèe 
DX: Wegener's Disease, Migraines, Diabetese Type II, PCOS, Lactose Intolerant, Benign Heart Murmer, Depression, Asthma, Asperger's Syndrome, Necrotizing Gramultous Inflamation in eye, A.D.D., Acid Reflux, Tumor Behind the Eye, Carpal Tunnel, Fibromyolgia, Clasterphobic, Arthritis, Anxiety
Medications:  Tri Nessa, Percocet, Metformin, Prednisone, Cingulair, Albuterol, Pro-Air, Morphine, Rolaids, Zofran, Compuzeen, Refresh Plus Eye Drops, Percocet, Immuran, Alvesco, Allerga, Gabapentin, Visteral  PRN: Epi-Pen, Albuterol Nebulizer, Benedryl Undergoing Chemotherapy Taking Lorazepam (Ativan) For MRIs and Anxiety, Surpressed Immune Sytem


chhinder
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 8/30/2010 3:26 AM (GMT -6)   
This is spam, please disregard; admin notified

Post Edited By Moderator (Red_34) : 8/30/2010 6:14:36 AM (GMT-6)

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