NEeding advice

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SmurfyShadow
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 8/2/2010 3:57 AM (GMT -6)   
Ive been trying to get through to my mom I need more than 3 hours a week off from taking care of my grandmother who has sun downers and dementia. I've gotten to the point when it is a bad moment with her that I take to biting myself to prevent me litterly telling her way to put it. I know it is the disease doing this to her. But I need more breaks. How do I get it through my moms head that 3 hours is not enough time off? During the bad moments, my grandmother threatens to kill myself or herself. Then after about an hour, she has utterly no memory of it happening. It is her disease, I know it. How can I vent out my frustrations more healthy? I have tried locking myself in my room but then she just pounds and pounds and pounds on the door, screaming, yelling, cussing, threatening. This happens about once a week to where it gets severe.
 
Smurfy Shadow/Desirèe 
DX: Wegener's Disease, Migraines, Diabetese Type II, PCOS, Lactose Intolerant, Benign Heart Murmer, Depression, Asthma, Asperger's Syndrome, Necrotizing Gramultous Inflamation in eye, A.D.D., Acid Reflux, Tumor Behind the Eye, Carpal Tunnel, Fibromyolgia, Clasterphobic, Arthritis, Anxiety
Medications:  Tri Nessa, Percocet, Metformin, Prednisone, Cingulair, Albuterol, Pro-Air, Morphine, Rolaids, Zofran, Compuzeen, Refresh Plus Eye Drops, Percocet, Immuran, Alvesco, Allerga, Gabapentin, Visteral  PRN: Epi-Pen, Albuterol Nebulizer, Benedryl Undergoing Chemotherapy Taking Lorazepam (Ativan) For MRIs and Anxiety, Surpressed Immune Sytem

Red_34
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23353
   Posted 8/2/2010 6:35 AM (GMT -6)   
Is your grandmother on any medications for her demetia? It does indeed sound like you need more respite. When you talk to you mother, are you demanding or do you ask politely for more help?
 @--->--SHERRY--<---@
Moderator-Allergies/Asthma, Co-moderator-UC and Alzheimer's
~Left sided Uc-'92**Unable to tolerate ALL mesalamines**
Colazal(6 daily)/6mp(50-100mgs)/Bentyl-Prilosec/Biotin/Forvia/Pro-Bio~allergies-Singulair/Zyrtec~Reynauds Syndrome~OA (hands and spine)-Tylonel Arthritis/Celebrex~Scoliosis~Sacroilitis~Dry eye-Restasis
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SmurfyShadow
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 8/2/2010 5:13 PM (GMT -6)   
Yes she takes a medication for it, but it does not help. I actually am crying when I talk to my mother. I tell her how things are, but in a respectively manner. No one seems to have the "time" she says. She only will do one day for 3 to 4 hours a week because it upsets her too much to see her mother like that. You think she would understand how I feel..but no. One time, my grandmother even managed to trigger my depression severe enough where it took all I had to calm down and not act stupid. I got over it, with the help of my cat. I respond very well to pet therapy, thank goodness. I just be honest with my mom and say "I need more time off mom"
 
Smurfy Shadow/Desirèe 
DX: Wegener's Disease, Migraines, Diabetese Type II, PCOS, Lactose Intolerant, Benign Heart Murmer, Depression, Asthma, Asperger's Syndrome, Necrotizing Gramultous Inflamation in eye, A.D.D., Acid Reflux, Tumor Behind the Eye, Carpal Tunnel, Fibromyolgia, Clasterphobic, Arthritis, Anxiety
Medications:  Tri Nessa, Percocet, Metformin, Prednisone, Cingulair, Albuterol, Pro-Air, Morphine, Rolaids, Zofran, Compuzeen, Refresh Plus Eye Drops, Percocet, Immuran, Alvesco, Allerga, Gabapentin, Visteral  PRN: Epi-Pen, Albuterol Nebulizer, Benedryl Undergoing Chemotherapy Taking Lorazepam (Ativan) For MRIs and Anxiety, Surpressed Immune Sytem

Red_34
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23353
   Posted 8/3/2010 6:45 AM (GMT -6)   
Wait a minute, you're saying that your mom thinks it is too hard to see her mother this way but yet you are there 24/7, coping with your Gma while having many health issues of your own??? I mean no disrespect but it seems your mother is being a bit selfish. If that is the case, then you may not be able to find a way to talk her into coming over more. But you can keep trying because no one can be in that situation all the time and not be stressed over it. Do you have siblings that can help out more?
 @--->--SHERRY--<---@
Moderator-Allergies/Asthma, Co-moderator-UC and Alzheimer's
~Left sided Uc-'92**Unable to tolerate ALL mesalamines**
Colazal(6 daily)/6mp(50-100mgs)/Bentyl-Prilosec/Biotin/Forvia/Pro-Bio~allergies-Singulair/Zyrtec~Reynauds Syndrome~OA (hands and spine)-Tylonel Arthritis/Celebrex~Scoliosis~Sacroilitis~Dry eye-Restasis
To help Healingwell - click here: DONATE
 
 
 
 
 

 
 

SmurfyShadow
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 8/3/2010 5:23 PM (GMT -6)   
I have 4 living sibblings, and they live on the other end of the state. And do not be ashamed for saying she's being disrespectful, because I feel the same way. And you guys really understand the full story, that is why I was asking how I could get more help.
 
Smurfy Shadow/Desirèe 
DX: Wegener's Disease, Migraines, Diabetese Type II, PCOS, Lactose Intolerant, Benign Heart Murmer, Depression, Asthma, Asperger's Syndrome, Necrotizing Gramultous Inflamation in eye, A.D.D., Acid Reflux, Tumor Behind the Eye, Carpal Tunnel, Fibromyolgia, Clasterphobic, Arthritis, Anxiety
Medications:  Tri Nessa, Percocet, Metformin, Prednisone, Cingulair, Albuterol, Pro-Air, Morphine, Rolaids, Zofran, Compuzeen, Refresh Plus Eye Drops, Percocet, Immuran, Alvesco, Allerga, Gabapentin, Visteral  PRN: Epi-Pen, Albuterol Nebulizer, Benedryl Undergoing Chemotherapy Taking Lorazepam (Ativan) For MRIs and Anxiety, Surpressed Immune Sytem

MT Lady
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 955
   Posted 8/5/2010 9:24 PM (GMT -6)   
I would call g'ma's doctor's office and find out if they have a social worker on staff, and if so, call a meeting with the social worker and your family, sibs and mom and if not, maybe the doctor would meet with all of you. Someone has to get it through your family's head that you need more than just 3 hours a week. Sadly, most people that have not experienced caring for someone with dementia simply do not get it, they just don't. I went through the same thing. My mom has Alzheimer's and for the first year, she lived with me. My sisters took turns picking her up on Sundays from 1 until about 5. I had a woman come in during the week, but she was here ONLY when I was at work, so that really didn't help me, but my sisters just didn't see it that way. They were just "too busy". My health finally forced me to look for places where my mom needed to live, I just couldn't do it any longer -- I have fibromyalgia. One of my sisters finally stepped in and said she'd take my mom. It was only then that she realized what I was going through.
I really believe you need a professional to try to get through to your family what you are going through. You can also try calling the Alzheimer's hotline which you can get at www.alz.org. There are wonderful people there very willing to listen and offer help. You did not mention that your g'ma had Alz, but the organization covers dementia and sundowning. I wish you well,
Miriam

Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, scoliosis, back problems, hypothyroidism.


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 8/6/2010 9:30 AM (GMT -6)   
Also RED CROSS n other agencies provide respite care or come in for 2 to whatever the doc has ordere in hours
they mk meals do shopping ect

i SO SO AGREE WITH RED

its yr gma n i am proud of you for stepping up BUT she has a daughter that needs to STEP IN N STEP UP
PLAIN TRUTH
I wish you all the best
hugs
lyn
CO MOD FOR CROHNS..A/P...ALZHEIMERS

DX..PYODERMA GANGRENOSUM/ CROHNS..FIBRO

SEIZURES,,NEUROPATHY..DEAF
MEDS..LYRICA..VALPROIC ACID..DIAZEPAM..ATIVAN
DILANTIN..PENTASA
LYN
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