WHAT WOULD YOU DO

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dave z
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2004
Total Posts : 164
   Posted 3/18/2005 12:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Dave z here.  My mother-in-law is 87 years old and has been in a alzheimer's nursing home for the past 5 years.  She is presently in a phase where she thinks that she is at bording school.  When my wife visits her, she refers to her as mom, not as her daughter.  Yesterday my mother-in-laws remaining sister passed away.  Our family now must make an informed decision as to weather or not to inform her of the passing of her sister.  As to any family we seem to have a difference of opinion and have not as of yet made a final decision.  Any thoughts on this matter would be greatly appreciated.  Thank You.

SnowyLynne
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 1539
   Posted 3/18/2005 2:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Talk to her about her sister,feel her out about it without mentioning her death.If she thinks she's in a boarding school,She may not even know what death is,or understand.Might be best to not say anything.
SnowyLynne


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/18/2005 5:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Dave z.................I am truly sorry to hear of the difficulties you are facing.Does she even remotely remember her sister?Has the sister been visiting her at the home?I dont envy the position you are in but I personally would make a decision based on how much she remembers of her and how close they were.I know if it was me and had to do with my mom I would tell her whether she totally grasped what was being said. Sometimes my mom has better clarity on certain days than others and I would not want her to find out by someone other than the family........such as a good hearted nurse with all the best intentions........I think this is something you will have to feel out for yourselves and I wish you all the best .......you are in my thoughts and prayers as is your mother in law .God Bless
    I cannot keep your feet from stumbling..........I can only offer my hand that you might grasp it and not fall...........Lyn


AlwaysRosie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 3/18/2005 10:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Dave!!!

You really make the rounds don't you!!! Sorry to hear about your troubles. I agree about telling m-i-l about her sister passing. . . Snow and Lyn made good point about feeling her out first.

Dad thinks that his house is a boarding house. He takes his flashlight and goes upstairs a couple times a day to see if anyone is up there. When my brother visits from out of town, Dad reminds him not to leave his room too long or others will take his place. Dad also intorduces me as his mother. I don't think that he thinks I'm his mother, but he can't get the daughter word to come out and mother is close enough to suit him.

You are a good man to visit with her. How has your daughter been doing? Any news from the doc yet?

Blessings!
In His Grip,
AlwaysRosie
Psalms: 139

UCTD, Hashimoto's, SAD, Diverticulosis, Glucose Intolerance


dave z
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2004
Total Posts : 164
   Posted 3/19/2005 3:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Snowy, LKE and Rosie for your very informative advice, greatly appreciated.  Family cousins from out of town, whom we havent seen for years, visited mothe-in-law at the Alzeheimer's unit.  She was plesant but did not recognize any of them.  So we decided not to disturb the present state she is in and to leave well enough alone.  Somewhat fearful of causing a state of agitation.  We informed the nursing home staff of our decision.  Hopefully we have made the right decision for her and also us.  Thank you for your input, it was very helpful.                                                                               
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