I thought having my Mom in a facility would be the key too; and she definitely is much better off where she is -- that is a fact. But because she has a phone in her room, and is confused all the time, she doesn't realize what time it is, if she just called my sisters/brother, or what's going on. That is the reason for her numerous calls at all hours to them. I keep thinking they just need to take the phone out, but they think it's her lifeline...but she has staff members right outside of her door for any help she needs. So I hear you. Your husband is probably scared too. The person that raised him is no longer the responsible person she once was, and it's tough. Now he has to be the caretaker.
Call a local agency or take the info off the web about caretaking and the responsibilities. Go to lunch at a couple of the memory care facilities -- knowledge is power. And also, his Mom is lonesome and scared. Sometimes I try to put myself into my Mom's shoes and wonder what it feels like to start losing your memory and not knowing where you are. The whole thing is so difficult! Just keep talking -- it's good for me as well!