Husbands Dr says it's Dementia and not alzheimer's

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lisab88
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2012
Total Posts : 191
   Posted 1/31/2013 1:07 PM (GMT -6)   
I just wanted to post an update on my father in law. So far things have changed but not for the best. My father in law is more confused than he used to be. The other day he went out to change the oil in his truck which he has been  doing for 10 years. He got under his truck and had no idea where he was at, he commented how he was lost and didn't understand what was going on. My husband had to get under the truck and show him where the oil filter was located. The moodieness is still on going as well as basically doing nothing around the house. He used to help with the ice trays and little things like that and now that we help with it he doesn't do it at all. I have noticed he does this with other things as well. I am not sure if this is the dementia or just him feeling like since we are here we can do it. He still is capable of doing things for himself and little things around the house and I would like to see him continue but my husband enables him. I feel like I am constantly picking up after people and it's getting tireing. I just really need to know if his behavior of not doing things to help out is a normal part of this illness or something else. I am still trying to educate myself about dementia but still need all the advice I can get!

Red_34
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Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23547
   Posted 1/31/2013 1:49 PM (GMT -6)   
It's hard to tell what is what. He may not be doing things for himself because maybe he thinks why bother, someone else can do it or it can very well be part of his dementia. If he shows confusion over something, than its probably the dementia. Or if he throws things on the floor and doesn't bother to pick it up (when in that past he would), it might be the dementia as well.

You guys know him better than us obviously, so it's hard to say because we don't witness it nor do we know his history.
SHERRY
Moderator-Allergies/Asthma, Alzheimer's, IBS, Co-moderator-UC
Diagnosed Left sided UC '92 - meds: Colazal, Remicade (6mp discontinued due to neuropathy)*Unable to tolerate ALL mesalamines*, IBS, Diverticuliar Disease, Fibro, Sacroiilitis, Raynauds, OA, PA, Rosacea, Psoriasis, Dry Eye and allergies controlled by Zyrtec and Singular

lisab88
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2012
Total Posts : 191
   Posted 1/31/2013 2:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you for your response. I can definately say he is not confused when it comes to not doing things to help out like he used to. That is one of the reasons  I had wondered about him just decideing he didn't need to help. I believe he just doesn't want to do it anymore! Which I really don't apprichiate we do alot for him so that we can help him. I don't like being taken advantage of though and it really does feel like that. I am a compassionate person but I have my limits like everyone else mad

Red_34
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Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23547
   Posted 1/31/2013 2:29 PM (GMT -6)   
I totally understand!

Have you talked to him about it?
SHERRY
Moderator-Allergies/Asthma, Alzheimer's, IBS, Co-moderator-UC
Diagnosed Left sided UC '92 - meds: Colazal, Remicade (6mp discontinued due to neuropathy)*Unable to tolerate ALL mesalamines*, IBS, Diverticuliar Disease, Fibro, Sacroiilitis, Raynauds, OA, PA, Rosacea, Psoriasis, Dry Eye and allergies controlled by Zyrtec and Singular

lisab88
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2012
Total Posts : 191
   Posted 1/31/2013 5:18 PM (GMT -6)   
My husband and I have tryed to talk to him about it, He just laughs so I just get more upset. My husband has been trying to call his attention to these things and it doesn't make a difference. I think maybe were going about it the wrong way sad

LexiRae
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2012
Total Posts : 828
   Posted 2/1/2013 6:16 PM (GMT -6)   
I know this sounds a little weird but....have you tried just NOT doing things for him? I don't mean the big or important things, but the filling of the ice trays.

You mentioned your husband seems to be enabling him. If it really is laziness or a desire to have things done for him, the enabling definitely won't help.

Eventually, he's going to get tired of hot drinks, and hopefully will take the hint and start filling the ice tray, that kind of thing.

If it is the dementia though, and it ends up that trays are in the freezer but theres no water in them, or he leaves the water running, or things like that, then you'll know.

It could be that he's embarrassed. If he's having trouble doing things (like the incident with the oil change), he might not want people to see how bad its getting. So he just allows people to do for him and hopes noone notices what's happening?

My grandpa has horrible dementia now as a result of fluid build up in his brain. But before it got really bad, it used to be that he would purposefully avoid doing things he had trouble with, so that people *supposedly* wouldnt notice.

Hs laughing off your concerns could be a part of that too.

Lonie
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Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 6447
   Posted 2/8/2013 9:29 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm also thinking he's embarrassed as well because he may not remember how to do some of those simple tasks. This is how my Mom started out. She knew it had to be done...just couldn't remember the process and was embarrassed to ask. I second the post to stop doing the simple tasks and see if he can do them. It's hard to tell at this stage because they seem somewhat rational, so it's tough to figure out. My Mom used to laugh about her forgetfulness too and shrug it off; one time my Dad was in the hospital, I came over to visit and went to his room. He said my Mom had just left, so I went to find her, and she was sitting in the lobby. She had no idea where the car was. That was the huge red flag we all needed. I talked to my Dad and he admitted that she could no longer do the simple stuff. Even dinners were half done because she didn't turn the oven on, or forgot something to go with it...something totally off for a person who was always totally with it! Take care and hugs.

Traveler
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Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 35853
   Posted 2/9/2013 9:53 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm new to all of this, but I've begun to notice that my FIL - who has moderate (??) dementia - too is frequently too embarrassed to ask for help with the simple things, but that it changes from day to day what he needs help with.

Last night, he forgot the whole process of putting his dentures "to bed" (again), so hubby and I worked together to help him remember. This allowed him to do the task by himself, with as few hints and just telling him what to do as possible.

We don't want to give his brain less stimulation, so we try to have him try to remember without allowing him to get too frustrated. When he gets too frustrated with the chore, he just decides it's not that important!
Treating with Acupuncture, Traditional & Modern Chinese Medicine & Western Herbs. Before tx, I had all but 20 of the symptoms on the "Master Symptom List" for Lyme disease.

"Absence of proof is not proof of absence" - Dr. Edwin Masters, great LLMD & researcher -RIP

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lisab88
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2012
Total Posts : 191
   Posted 2/16/2013 11:56 AM (GMT -6)   
To Traveler, I thank you for your advice. I try to do things like you and your husband do, like giving hints and things like that so that we don't end up doing it for him. I do agree that when their going through this that they need to have stimulation so that it helps to keep them active. It can be very difficult to know what is going on from day to day because he doesn't talk about it. We just try to do the best we can without making him angry lol!!!

Traveler
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 35853
   Posted 2/16/2013 12:54 PM (GMT -6)   
I do understand, Lisa. It is a hard thing to know just how much they can comprehend at any given time.

I've had a brain infection due to Lyme disease and have experienced a short lived bit of cognitive dysfunction, and I know that I dealt with a lot of frustration at not being able to express myself and not being able to make sense of the world around me any longer. It's quite scary actually. I too had a lot of anger at these circumstances, so hang in there!!

All we can do is our best each day.
Treating with Acupuncture, Traditional & Modern Chinese Medicine & Western Herbs. Before tx, I had all but 20 of the symptoms on the "Master Symptom List" for Lyme disease.

"Absence of proof is not proof of absence" - Dr. Edwin Masters, great LLMD & researcher -RIP

Questions about what I've posted or just have questions? Please email me!!! Click on the blue envelope under my screen name
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