MOM passed away

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Forget-me-not
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 6/4/2005 7:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi, everyone:  It has been a while since I was on this site.  It was great to be able to have the help and advice of others that had a loved one with alzheimer's.
 
My mom passed away, at my home, 4 months ago.  Alzheimers Disease won the battle.  Mom was in the late stages, when I was on this board last.  She continued to get worse, forgot how to eat and swallow, and drink.  Her weight was down to 70 pounds at the end.  Her heart finally gave out, and she passed early in the morning.  I was in the kitchen making tea, and wasn't present at the moment, came back and found her gone.  I am still not over this.  I feel so sad.  I loved her very much, and if anything, I am happy that she was able to live at home instead of a nursing home.  She lived to be 96 years old, and had Alzheimers for 15 years.  Just wanted to share this with all of you.
 
Sincerely, Forget-me-not.  P.S.  Please say a prayer for MOM in heaven.  Thanks.

damwinston
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 122
   Posted 6/4/2005 8:04 AM (GMT -7)   
It is a hard disease.
I am thinking of you.
dammy
Thanks for listening.
I hope that we can all help each other.
If I can do anything to help you please let me know.


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/5/2005 10:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Forget Me Not ............I am so sorry for your loss ,it is not an easy thing to live with ......you should be so proud of yourself for giving your Mom her last years with you at home and not in an institution ..........I am a retired RN and had a retirement home yet I would not put my Mom in one and still look after her .........I would not trade it for the world and I am sure you have a whole lot of great memories of her ........When and if you want to share them we will be here .............I always praise those that have the courage (yes it takes courage ),and the love and committment to their Mom or Dad to look after them as they looked after us and didnt put us in homes .......dont get me wrong for some they have no option but I really am one for keeping our loved ones at home with us ...........cry for and with your Mom if you feel you need to and remember that you gave her those last wonderful years with you ............she has a "special daughter " and a strong one and as you cry remember hun that she is in a gentler place with no pain looking down on you with pride .........Take care and God Bless ......Lyn
 
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    I cannot keep your feet from stumbling..........I can only offer my hand that you might grasp it and not fall...........Lyn


SnowyLynne
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 1539
   Posted 6/5/2005 11:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Sorry for your loss.............
SnowyLynne


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/7/2005 3:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Hope you are doing ok ....thinking about you ..........God Bless.......Lyn
 
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    I cannot keep your feet from stumbling..........I can only offer my hand that you might grasp it and not fall...........Lyn


AlwaysRosie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 6/7/2005 2:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Forget-me-not,

I just planted some of those flowers in my garden last week. Now I will think of you and your mother every time I water them.

I am so pleased that you were able to care for mom at home for SO long!! God bless you dear! Of course you are not over it yet. But I hope you don't have any guilt eiter. We do what we can do and we can't do everything . . . so be kind to yourself sis!!

I love to think of your mom in heaven with a brand new (perfect) body that works well!!! I wish you could see how happy she is. You did good sis!!!!

Blessings!
In His Grip,
AlwaysRosie
Psalms 139
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
Plaquenil, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptylene, Salagen, Lotrel
 
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Forget-me-not
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 6/7/2005 6:53 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi, everyone:  Thank you so much for your kind words and thoughts.  I was deeply touched by the replies that I received. 

 The flower that represents the Alzheimer's Society here in Ontario, Canada is the "forget-me-not".  I used to say to my Mom to "please forget me not", but the disease wouldn't let her remember me for the last 10 or so years.  It was hard when she would not know who I was.

I got a job 2 weeks ago working for the Canadian Red Cross, as a Community Support Worker.  I had a lot of elderly clients, and palliative clients.  I only lasted one week, and had to resign, as I was so sad at the end of the day.  It made me miss my Mom even more, and sitting with clients that were terminal was heart-breaking for me.  I can't seem to get my life back on track, yet, but I will keep at it.

Thanks again to all of you that replied. 

Sincerely, Forget-me-not.

"Make your day count"

AlwaysRosie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 6/7/2005 8:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Well . . .I went out and watered my Forget-me-nots this evening . . . and I thought about you and your mom!!

You sound like you will do well. You just haven't found a good groov yet. When you care for someone around the clock like you did for your mom, it is a very difficult loss. It is like losing a child. Your entire life for the last 10 or 15 years has revolved around your mother's care. That leaves a great big empty space in your life now.

To top it off . . . friends probably are relieved for you and think that your life should be better now that your don't have the responsibility of your mom's care . . . so that just adds to the hurt.

I hope that just the right thing comes along for you sis. I'll be thinking of you.

Blessings!
In His Grip,
AlwaysRosie
Psalms 139
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
Plaquenil, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptylene, Salagen, Lotrel
 
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chevy
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2003
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 6/17/2005 5:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Forget-me-not,

I lost my mom too, to Cancer. How wonderful that you could care for her. I did too but I only cared for mine a short time, about 6 weeks. We were very close, my best friend.

It takes time, for me it has been 2 yrs. It takes as long as it takes, I guess for me I had to learn how to live my life without her. Because she was a part of it every day. It has been the hardest thing I have ever done. It is strange even after 2 yrs I caught my self picking up the phone to tak to her.

Dont rush no matter what anyone says, believe it or not we do find our own pace. I had to relearn how to live without her in my life.

Now I have come here because my aunt, my moms sister has Alheimers. The doctors say since my moms death and her grief it has really sped up the process. My uncle takes care of her 24/7 and will not allow anyone else to help they have been married for over 50 yrs. He is getting so tired.

After my mom I hoped that we could have a little time to heal.

I hope perhaps that I could get some sugestions on how to help my uncle he really needs a time out.

Thanks
Belkar

Forget-me-not
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2003
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 6/17/2005 6:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi, Chevy.   Thanks for your reply.  I was sorry to hear about your MOM passing away with cancer.  Also, sad to hear that your Aunt has Alzheimer's.  It really does seem to speed up, when there is a traumatic experience that they go through.  My MOM's Alzheimer's got worse when my DAD passed away suddenly of a heart attack.  My sister and my mother found him outside on the ground with an axe in his hand, as he was chopping wood, (we lived in the country on a farm).  He had a massive heart attack and passed away, while chopping the wood.  Then about 3 years ago, MOM fell in my driveway, and broke her hip, and that trauma to her body, really sent her deeper into Alzheimer's.  Then lastly, her brother died of a heart attack, he was 91 and she was 96, and she used to call him her "little brother", it was so cute, when in a moment of wisdom, she recognized him, and referred to him that way.  His death was 3 months before hers, as the Alzheimer's hit the last stage, and she went down hill very quickly, forgetting how to eat, and speak, etc.  There is a lot of help out there for  family's with a loved one that has Alzheimer's.  In Canada, where I live, the Canadian Red Cross offers homemaker service, the Alzheimer's Society checks up on the caregiver, and helps any way they can, although, the Alzheimer Society kept wanting my sister and I to put MOM in a nursing home, and said at one point, they could do it whether we agreed or not, if they wanted to.  That really bothered me.  Also, there is Respite, we had a lovely lady come in a play songs (the old fashioned ones) to Mom, and sing, and show her pictures in a beautiful big book, etc.  These services are usually free, too.  Hope this helps.  Will keep you in my prayers, sincerely, Forget-me-not. 

tiadesai
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 7/1/2005 2:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi
Your mail did really catch my attention. It reminded me of my uncle who passed away in similar circumstances. Only you can understand the pain you are going through. I pray for your mothers well being.

effie
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2005
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 7/24/2005 10:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear Forget-me-not,

I am so deeply sorry for your loss of your mother and father. I too live in Canada, and have lost both of my parents. My mom died shortly after my 18th birthday after struggling for two years, perhaps longer, and she just never told usthat she was ill. My dad died suddenly, from heart, in 1999. I often wonder which loss was harder. I knew mom would eventually die, but dad was a shocker. I miss them both. I have no regrets. I did everything I could to be a good daughter. They were such wonderful people and I loved them so.
Time makes things easier, but I am not sure we ever totallly heal. I went to see a psychologist who specializes in grief. I went to see him after I lost my first husband tragically to an accident at work. He advised me to tell my story and tell it again and again. He said one day I would no longer need to tell it quite so often, and then I would start to heal. It is in the remembering that we learn to move on and recognize that they are in peace now. I have often struggled with the "what ifs", but I know these are unanswerable questions.

Dear God,
Please lift forget me not, a daughter who dearly misses her parents into your loving care. We know that her parents are in a far better place, but it does not make it any easier on those of us that are left behind. Every little thing will remind us of them. Help forget me not to find better days ahead. Days that are filled with joyous memories and less sadness. Wrap your arms around her and give her your tender loving care and understanding. Grant her parents eternal life with you our dear Lord. Help Forget me not to find her place in the world again. It is so easy to get lost, do not let her get lost. Please guide this wonderful daughter. Help her to grieve her loss and to also find an increasing amount of joy in each day. Remind her that she will never forget them. They will always be silent angels walking on her side.
I ask this in Jesus' name
Lord hear our prayer,
Amen.
Judy/Effie
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