Thanks Gizzy/Lonie for your replies,
My Mom is in a Nursing home, and she does have her own room. I've had her in an adult day programme for the last couple of years when she was still residing at home.
I don't have any other experiences with Nursing homes. We selected this one because my Brother's Mother-in-law is in there, and it's also only a block from my house.
It's only been a week, but I just don't like what I'm seeing right now. My Brother doesn't share my view at all, and is quite content to leave her there. He doesn't want me visiting her for at least 6 weeks, to give her time to adapt.
I just can't conform to that, as I already feel like I've abandoned her. Also, I've been the one taking care of her for the last 3 years. My two Brother's have wanted nothing to do with her over that time, outside of her Birthday and Christmas. I understand that this is quite common, and have heard from many others that have similar circumstances.
What bothers me the most is, if I had of just taken a tour there before agreeing to put my Mom in there, I would of said no way.
Now I feel like I have to give it a chance. In the meantime, I'm going to start looking at some other homes to see how they compare.
Thanks again guys for the advice.
I went to visit my Mom tonight, and she's still wanting out of there of course.
I asked her if she's had a bath/shower yet, and she said no. The Nurse checked the log, and said that my Mom's refused them. She said that they can't force them and sometimes they've had residents not shower for months.
It seems evertime I visit, there's more things that I wasn't aware of.
I will continue to give it a chance, but she's complaining so much about there being nothing to do all day, and no one to talk to.
While my Mom has dimentia, and very poor short term memory issues, she's leaps and bounds ahead of most of the residents there.
Thanks again for the supportive replies.
MT lady: I understand the "force" issue. I wouldn't be able to watch my Mother not be bathed for 5 weeks though. Don't get me wrong, not being judgemental.
You might be right in the description of things. Maybe she just can't remember what the daily going ons were. I still think that if it were such a great place to spend the final years of your life, there should at least be some contentment. My Mother tells me daily that she simply hates it there, and wants to get out. She cries when I leave almost daily. I don't see it changing. I know that I would hate it there too.
I wish there were some alternative to keeping her there. She seems too far gone for a retirement setting, and not far gone enough for full blown nursing care.
I'm in Canada, so I'm not sure what they're called here. We do have one home like that in proximity to me. It does sound like a better alternative, but the problem is they're extremely expensive here. $5000 per month or more.
I'm now going to visit two retirement homes this week. One that offers assisted living. If that doesn't pan out, I'm going to look at taking her back to her home with a live-in care worker. There's a governement sponsored programme for it. It's still not cheap but it's the only other option on the table.
This too presents problems, as they are all newly emmigrated, mostly from the Phillipines. You sort of have to hope that you get someone that's a good fit, reliable, trustworthy etc. I have seen some very good ones that work well, and also some that end very badly.
Thanks for all the replies, (again).
All of you have made some very good suggestions.
I've come to the conclusion that the best possible solution for my Mom would be a retirement home that offers assisted living.
There's only one in my area, and I've set up an appt. to visit next week. If this doesn't pan out, then I'm at a total loss, and will likely have to keep in the nursing home that she's currently at.
I did visit one other, but while it was a 5 star facility, it was just too independent for my Mom. The actiivities were great, the staff was excellent, the food and apartments were unbelievable. But they just didn't offer enough assistance.