Mixed Feelings

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SmurfyShadow
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Date Joined Dec 2008
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   Posted 11/22/2013 6:26 PM (GMT -6)   
I was out of town this week, doing dr appts 350 miles away and visiting family and friends. I went to see a dear friend in a facility that has dementia. He is like a father to me. The state of his health has alarmed me. I spoke to the nurse - and she said his daughter was his power of attorney, and handling all care despite the facility advising he needs to be on certain meds and his daughter is refusing it. I visited 10 minutes with him, he had just got out of bed to see me, and had to get back into bed after 10 minutes. A few months ago, I called his daughter and asked for her father's phone number as I had got a new phone and for some reason it did not transfer over. She deleted my friend status on facebook, and never returned my call. She is cutting me out of the picture, and litterly from what I saw is waiting for her father to pass. I don't have the money to fight her in court for power of attorney but I have to do something. She isn't getting him the medical attention he needs, failing to get medicines the nurses say he needs, not looking out of him what so ever. He refused his lunch, saying it wouldn't agree with him. It was only 1/4 cup soup and a half sandwhich. He lost over 100 lbs from what I saw. What can I do? How can I get him a power of attorney what will provide what he needs? I did ask the nurse if he was sound of mind enough to change power of attorneys, and sadly he is not. Does anyone else have some advice?
~Moderator - Allergies & Asthma , Alzheimer's~
"The Walking Medical Mystery"/~Medical Caregiver and Doctors Worse Nightmare~/ DX: Lactose Intolerance, Gluten Sensitive, ADD, Fibromyalgia, Carpel Tunnel, Arthritis, Clasterphobia, Anxiety, Diabetes Type II, Grave's Disease, Tachycardia, GERD, PCOS, Migraines, UARS, Anterior Scleritis, Orbital Tumor, Bursitus

jujub
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Date Joined Mar 2003
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   Posted 11/23/2013 4:07 AM (GMT -6)   
You'll probably have a hard time getting power of attorney if a close family member objects, Smurfy. Courts would view you as a "stranger."

If you feel he is being abused or neglected, report him to the Adult Abuse hotline in his state. Their authority is strictly defined, but they can intervene if a neglect allegation is confirmed.
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SmurfyShadow
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Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 11/23/2013 10:44 AM (GMT -6)   
I figured I'd be a stranger as I am not next to kin. I know his son and him are not talking, maybe I should clue him in and try to get an ally? I will call the hotline, and thank you for that.
~Moderator - Allergies & Asthma , Alzheimer's~
"The Walking Medical Mystery"/~Medical Caregiver and Doctors Worse Nightmare~/ DX: Lactose Intolerance, Gluten Sensitive, ADD, Fibromyalgia, Carpel Tunnel, Arthritis, Clasterphobia, Anxiety, Diabetes Type II, Grave's Disease, Tachycardia, GERD, PCOS, Migraines, UARS, Anterior Scleritis, Orbital Tumor, Bursitus

Lonie
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Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 6447
   Posted 11/26/2013 9:02 AM (GMT -6)   
Smurfy, I'm not trying to sound mean, but perhaps the daughter is doing what her father asked, and not providing any heroics for him. There is a point where meds aren't going to help the situation. I'm not sure what meds the facility says she is not providing, but remember they might be looking at profit as well.
 
The reason I say this is because my Mom who also has dementia all of the sudden stopped eating (although she never ate very much) and the woman who a month ago walked around with the aid of a walker is down to 80 lbs., and very weak. Trust me, she has a very loving family who monitors her daily by being up at the home. It was the staff at the facility who suggested to my sisters that we bring in Hospice. I try and get down once a month to see her, and her condition this time was alarming. I was shocked to see the her so small and withdrawn laying in bed. There is no malice -- just the cycle of life.
 
I can't say for sure if your good friend's daughter is not treating her father poorly, but as Judy said, the hotline is a good way to ensure that he is not being abused. I just thought I'd give you another scenario from a family that is totally caring for their mother.

SmurfyShadow
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 11/26/2013 11:50 PM (GMT -6)   
I could actually see my friend chose the cycle of life over a ton of pills. I have mixed feelings because I believe there is a fine point of life and comfort til the day verses pain within life til the day. He has restless leg syndrome and dementia. I believe, however, not sure as the nurse did not say what meds he should be on, the medication was for his restless leg syndrome. I believe on the fact of how restless his legs were (they shook a lot), and how fatigued he was. I am a very strong willed, caring, loving person and I of course love all my friends dearly. My friend is older, but like a grandfather. My maternal grandfather passed away when I was not even ten years of age, and my paternal grandfather had dementia since I can remember til he passed on a month ago, today. The grandfather part came from this friend, and it is probably the special bond and friendship that just tears me seeing this happen to him. Paternal grandfather was a touchy one to get close to, and I happened to be the only grandkid to get close to him within the last few years. It was a common factor, and he amazed me with stories on end. I had my army pt shirt on, and he asked me if I had served (LOL, have to love the dementia part). I heard stories of his service, in WWII. It was real interesting. Sorry for being off track, but the bond between family is strong for me, and my friend whom is like a grandfather is family in heart. Thats why I want him to have the best care ever.
~Moderator - Allergies & Asthma , Alzheimer's~
"The Walking Medical Mystery"/~Medical Caregiver and Doctors Worse Nightmare~/ DX: Lactose Intolerance, Gluten Sensitive, ADD, Fibromyalgia, Carpel Tunnel, Arthritis, Clasterphobia, Anxiety, Diabetes Type II, Grave's Disease, Tachycardia, GERD, PCOS, Migraines, UARS, Anterior Scleritis, Orbital Tumor, Bursitus

Lonie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 6447
   Posted 11/27/2013 3:00 PM (GMT -6)   
I hear you SmurfyShadow. He sounds like a wonderful man, and created a very nice relationship for both of you. He definitely deserves the best care possible, and I love that you are there being an advocate for him.
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