missing my mom

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The Baby
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2014
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 4/17/2014 9:14 PM (GMT -6)   
My mother is in a nursing home with Dementia. I live about 4800 kms from her and am not able to see her but once every couple of years due to work. She has been in 2 care homes and has progressed very quickly. about a year after diagnosis she fell out of bed and broke her hip. Due to the fact that the initial care home had stairs she remained in hospital for a couple of months under excessive medications in order to keep her calm. Finally she was placed. After she broke her hip she was not the same whatsoever. She is in a wheelchair now, she is unable to speak clearly, and has no control over her bodily functions. I was able to visit her this past Sept, which was a releif. The home she is in is taking very good care of her. She knew myself and my husband immediately...and had a good visit. Her condition is progressing and I am worried she won't know me by the time I make it to see her again as when her brother went to see her she didn't know him. I have never know anyone with this condition..is it possible to progress so quickly or could the heavy sedation over a couple of months in hospital cause such an advancement, and if so why would the hospital do such a thing?

Bella33
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 478
   Posted 4/18/2014 2:14 PM (GMT -6)   
From my understanding nursing homes drug patients to get them out of their hair. When the mind is always at rest then the brain cells die quicker. This is my theory.

Try and picture yourself in your mom's shoes. You are sent to a nursing home and away from family and familiar surroundings. That's gotta make her worse. Not trying to make you feel bad but it makes sense that she's going downhill. Even though they are taking good care of her physically there is still the mental care that is missing. They are just doing their job so there is no attachment to your mom like you or your brother has with her.

I know we all wish someone else can provide what you are not able to do but it rarely happens. I keep my mom close and do everything for her. I know it's not always possible but just do what you can. Take care.

The Baby
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2014
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 6/23/2014 7:03 PM (GMT -6)   
On April 24,2014....my mother passed away. I miss her terribly, but she is no longer suffering. She would have been 69 on the 27th. Heaven defnitely has another angel. My thoughts are with all of you who have loved ones struggling with this awful disease. RIP mom, I love you,

Post Edited (The Baby) : 6/23/2014 7:07:57 PM (GMT-6)


Bella33
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 478
   Posted 6/23/2014 9:33 PM (GMT -6)   
So sorry for your loss Baby. I don't know what else I can say. Take care.

The Baby
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2014
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 6/24/2014 8:24 AM (GMT -6)   
Thank you....and be well.

JackLegofAllTrades
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2014
Total Posts : 28
   Posted 7/25/2014 11:51 PM (GMT -6)   
Lost my grandmother in 2002, but sort of in an Alzheimers way. In the course of years passing.
It is quite similar in many ways.
She had Dimentia with Lewy Bodies, where her brain cells were somehow mutating while these "Lewy Bodies" attached themselves to the remaining ones to keep her alive, if I recall the collegial article we read on it.
 
One difference is that they can remember you one day and forget you the next. You can hug her like always and call her grandma one day, and the next day she may think you are her husband from years past.
Then that one horrible day comes when the kids are there to see her and she asks "who are these children" ?
Hard to handle, to say the least.

She was my best friend, and we tried to fix her up for home living, but she simply wouldn't stay in bed at night. She just had to do something for lack of sleep, and her brain activity. Oftentimes some of her common activities were dangerously weird, such as pouring dishwashing liquid into a frying pan and trying to cook something with it.
She wound up in a nursing home as recommended and directed by our family doctor and seemed well-sedated and happy, but losing us more and more each day.
She was 86 when she died, but it was not the illness that got her. It was a urinary tract infection due to poor cleaning of her private area.
We would never have known why, until that fateful day when I was called to the emergency room in her last hours.
The nursing home has changed it's name and our aging family doctor is no longer the director there.
He loved her too, but in a Medicare/Medicaid setting such as the common nursing home, one cannot control who they hire among all the end-of-the-road'ys.
It is the nature of gov't-sponsored "healthcare".

My family never pursued any legal actions.

Post Edited (JackLegofAllTrades) : 7/26/2014 12:01:22 AM (GMT-6)


Bella33
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 478
   Posted 7/26/2014 5:16 AM (GMT -6)   
So terrible. It's bad enough your grandma had to go to the home for her protection but to be neglected by them in the end is inexcusable. She deserved so much better. Sorry that your family had to do go through that too. I will try everything in my power to keep my mom home. There has to be a better way. Thank you.

Gizzy'n me
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2013
Total Posts : 1870
   Posted 7/26/2014 9:53 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello ........
 
   I too lost my mother to Dementia. It was on January 14, 2014. I think, the medicaid choices of care are either very limited - or are mostly poor in quality.
   The term "Nursing Home" is sometimes over-used or mis-used. It seems to be a catch-all for aged care .... and that's just not complete at all.
   My mothers last 16-months were in an Assisted Living Home for Dementia and Parkinsons. It was a wonderful place of caring - with daily programs to keep the mind busy, weekly entertainment brought in and very decent food. I ate there three times - always unannounced!
   Yes ..... it is more expensive than most any medicaid facility.
 
   However, I watched my grandmother (mothers mother) die of alzheimers complications while she spent her last 3-years or so in a medicaid nursing home. Yep - it was cheap. Yep - it was disgusting. But .... I guess my mother chose to put her there and pcket grandma's savings. Nasty - but true!!!!
   When it came time for mother to have help, she first stayed at home with 24/7 care - a required by her doctor - for 15-months. Then, the Dementia got to the point, again according to her doctor, for her to now have daily care by a registered nurse - not a home caregiver any more.
   So ....... for 31-months, a lot of money was spent on her care. Much of that was grandmas money ... and then my mothers house was sold - to help keep her in the Assisted Living Home for up to another 20-months or so.
 
   If the finances don't allow it, the medicaid choices are not good. In my mothers case, I didn't care if all of her money was used to keep her out of a medicaid facility. I saw what it did to my grandmother 25-years ago.
 
Wishing you peace and wellness
 
Rob & Gizmo
 
 

Bella33
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 478
   Posted 7/26/2014 2:41 PM (GMT -6)   
What did your mom do that the caregiver couldn't handle and you had to hand her to a nurse?
May I ask what was the cause of her death?
Do you worry that you will have the same condition being that your grandma and mother had it?

Gizzy'n me
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2013
Total Posts : 1870
   Posted 7/26/2014 2:55 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello Bella33 .........
 
   My mother, while home and under the care of a caregiver - was beginning to get very irrational nightmares. After a particularily bad only - where she was screaming that someone was killing her, the caregiver called the hospital and me. The hospital got ahold of the staff psychiatrist and he ordered an ambulance for her - and to be brought into the hospital.
   She was in the psychiatric ward for over three weeks - did get somewhat better - but the staff doctor would not allow her to go back home. His direction was she must go into a home that has at least one RN on staff at all times. The caregivers did not have enough medical experience.
 
   Her death certificate states ..... Dementia ...... as the cause of death. She was also 96 with a strong heart and never even one major surgery in her life.
 
   I am not the least bit concerned about getting either Dementia or Alzheimers. You see .... I do have COPD, have had kidney failure three times so far - and do have stage #4 cancer. All three are incurable. I would be gratious to make it to 75!!!!
 
   Rob & Gizmo
 

Bella33
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 478
   Posted 7/26/2014 3:09 PM (GMT -6)   
Oh... on everything. I don't get how you die from dementia? Everyone ultimately dies from heart failure but if your mom had a strong heart that I really don't get it. But then at 96 maybe her batteries just wore out and she hopefully died in her sleep? So your mom was acting out which scared the heck out of the caregiver I'm sure. My mom is very quiet like a mouse. If anything she doesn't follow directions or do anything at all.

I'm very sorry about your own health problems. It must be very tough and unsettling for you. I wish you the best and may God look after you and when you are 75 throw yourself a grand party and hopefully you will still have your mind and remember to do so. Good luck!

Gizzy'n me
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2013
Total Posts : 1870
   Posted 7/26/2014 3:21 PM (GMT -6)   
Bella33 .......
 
   As it was explained to me by hospice, there comes a time with a Dementia patient where one of two things will likely happen:
 
1) Eating stops ....... or
2) A part of the throat starts closing up - and often allows food into the lungs - which ultimately chokes off the air to the patient.
 
And of course, pneumonia is very possible. She was in a comma for 10 to 12-hours before she passed - it seems not knowing what was going on.
 
 
R & G
 
 

Bella33
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 478
   Posted 7/26/2014 3:31 PM (GMT -6)   
Too sad to think about. I cannot imagine working in hospice.

If you have stage 4 lung cancer then their is still hope for you. I know 2 people who survived it but my cousin didn't. 2 out of 3 ain't bad.

Gizzy'n me
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2013
Total Posts : 1870
   Posted 7/27/2014 8:46 AM (GMT -6)   
Bella ......
 
   I could never work for hospice myself - but my limited experience with them was very good ...... great care for both the patient and the loved ones. Great communications too!
 
   about cancer - I do not have lung cancer. It is metastisized Prostate Cancer. Metastisized simply means the cancer has spread and is now considered stage #4. In my case, it did spread to my liver, adrenal glands, blocked both kidneys, one lymph node, my ribcage - and recently a new tumor in the pelvic area.
   In blocking the kidneys over 3-1/2 years ago, I have had kidney failure (three times hospitalized) and my left kidney is worthless - even with an internal stent ... and my right kidney is OK as long as I keep a nefrostomy tube in place to aid the kidney function.
   I have been writing for and reading the Prostate Cancer Forum for over 13-months - and there has not been one survivor of this. It is a slow killer, but there are no known full remissions that I'm aware of.
   Lung cancer itself, is hardly a comparison to what I have. I am not minimizing lung cancer - my step-father had a portion of his lung removed because of lung cancer. Metastisized cancer cannot be operated on - and there is NO cure for it whether by chemo or hormone therapy or both!
   It's just life! The reality of life - to accept - then deal with!
 
Initial Dx of PCa in 2003/2004
Radiation (5x5wks) & Brachytherapy (96 seeds) in 2004
Low PSA 6-years then Casodex briefly
Lupron from 2011 to current
Zytiga 2012 (5-mths) - PSA increasing
Prednisone & Xgeva from 2012 to current
Taxotere - Aug 2012 (30-wks) - PSA from 54+ to 12+
Xtandi - June to Aug - 2013 - PSA increasing
Jevtana - Oct to March 2014 - PSA from 83+ to 15+
Lexapro from Oct 2013

Bella33
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 478
   Posted 7/27/2014 8:51 AM (GMT -6)   
You have so much to deal with but you seem very strong. Life really sucks. I wish we can all live in a clean germ free bubble. That would be my ideal world. I'm sure I don't need to tell you but spend your precious time doing what you want and with the people you love. I'm learning to live day by day now and not think so much ahead with the what if's and how can I do....

Take care.
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