MIL with Parkinson's and Alzheimer's

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kramer72
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2014
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 12/22/2014 4:23 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi, I am new here, i came across this site and hoping to get some advice or just vent even. Let me start by saying i am 42 this past October me and my husband celebrated out one year anniversary, we have been together for 3 years. I have known him for almost 10 years. His wife left him and eventually we started seeing each other. Anyways, since i have come into the picture his mother had already been showing signs of Parkinson's it took me 6 months to convince him to change her doctor. When he finally did he immediatly reffered her to a Neurologist, where she was diagnosed with Parkinson's, by this time we were already living together and engaged. (note: she was living with my husband for 5 years before we got together) We got married and her condition got worse. It is now starting to have a strain on our marriage. He is an only child, his father passed away when he was 18, and my husband is all she has, he tells me this all the time, he is in serious denial about her worsening condition, she isn't bathing, she refuses to go anywhere, her fear of public places is getting worse, forgetting our names, and if she has even eaten anything, she is losing her balance a lot to the point of severe brusing where she leans to catch herself, when we ask her about it, she says it is nothing, my last straw was a deep purple bruise on her hand and when he asked her about it she said "she didnt mean to do it" and he asked "Who?" and she said "that girl" and said my name, he has to monitor her meds, her bills and tell her when to take a bath, and fixes plates for her, it is to the point where everyday life revolves around her, i feel like i am being selfish and uncaring. He keeps telling me "If you only knew how she was before." I dont hate her i care for her, but she is so disconnected from people and life already how can i possibly bond closley with her? He gets frustrated with me when i tell him about episodes of her forgetting or saying off the wall things. My fear is if i don't and something happens to her, he will say "You knew about this and didn't tell me?" I constantly listen to how frustrated he is with her, and all he can say is "What do I do?" or "What can I do?" I have considered leaving the marriage over the stress of this situation, I feel like I am responsible for her only when it suits him, but any input into her medical treatment is a no no, unless he asks, and i refuse to suggest anything, for fear it will backfire on me, when something goes wrong. I am at my wits end!!!

Nittany
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2014
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 12/31/2014 2:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello. I'm also new to the forum. My great aunt has been living in my home for the past 3 years. She was not very close or kind to me before she developed AD, but family pressure and circumstances prevailed and here we are. I wish I had more than kind words to offer you. I hope your situation improves without you having to leave your marriage. I'm in my 40's and divorced, and the stress of AD is very overwhelming and I often feel like my life is on hold. Just wanted to reach out to you and say that I empathize and you sound like a very good person in a very hard and delicate situation. Best of luck to you.

Post Edited (Nittany) : 12/31/2014 1:16:27 PM (GMT-7)


Bella33
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 478
   Posted 1/11/2015 8:35 AM (GMT -6)   
There is no doubt about it. Your life IS on hold. My mom has PD and dementia and it's been 24/7 for the past 9 years. The PD wasn't so bad and she's had that for over 25 years but once the mind went then all hell broke lose. You have to really be committed to taking on the caregiver role or the resentment will kill you. I'm 47 and never married or have anyone in my life and it's my choice. None of my 3 siblings want to help so be it.

MIL is family but not your real mom so it is much more stressful and the emotional bond is not as strong. I feel for you both and I'm doing it and living this everyday. Stay well and know you are not alone.
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