How can I talk to my grandpa?

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carolinerocks
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 12/10/2005 2:39 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi,

First let me say I am grateful for this forum and looking forward to any suggestions!

Tonight I went out with my grandparents and cousin. We were all helping my young cousin prepare for a school yardsale. Everything was fine until suddenly my grandpa who has alzheimers suddenly became very angry. He did not want my grandma to help. He kept saying over and over that she is very sick and should not be doing anything. My grandma insisted she was fine but he INSISTED to the point where it became yelling around kids. It was very upsetting for us all. We tried our best to handle the situation but it was very hard!

I didn't know what to do in the moment. At first I told my cousin not to worry and that we should try not to pay attention to his behavior. But he continued on this vein for 15 minutes loudly before we could finish what we were doing. At one point I went up to him and calmly explained to him that grandma was ok and that we would be finished in a few minutes. He was stuck on his belief that she was not fine. He would not listen to reason.

There were other kids around and although my grandma kept reassuring him he refused to listen to her. Is there any way to communicate with someone who has alzheimers to keep them calm? We tried the honest approach but he did not believe us. I tried praying and I tried to rub his arm to calm him down but as I was walking away he grabbed my arm and if I had not been out of arms reach it could have easily become physically violent. Although I know he couldn't hurt me I am concerned because if he gets mad like that when he's home alone with my grandma he could hurt her.

I really need some ideas on how to communicate. We tried listening to him. We were patient and calm but it did not work. We were clear that we would be done by 5:30. I even suggested he could wait in the car until we finished but that just seemed to make him madder. And then he began berating my cousin saying he should do this on his own, etc. My cousin was strong and did not "fight" with grandpa. He just kept telling him we were almost done.

I have never been around my grandpa during an episode. I was struck by how sudden it all happened. We had been there for a half an hour doing everything fine and calmly and happy before he suddenly started complaining. I would appreciate any suggestions!

Thank you,
Caroline

carolinerocks@yahoo.com

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/10/2005 7:40 AM (GMT -6)   
Caroline ...First let me Welcome you to HW .........it sounds like it was a really difficult situation to be in .......personally I prob would have had grandma sit down for a few minutes and then her say something like "yes thanks I do feel a bit better" I do not condone lying outright to AD peeps but sometimes you have to bend to their thoughts and it is hard to do ........Does he get agitated alot and does he take meds for this?? In a way it sounds to me like he was trying to have it all be as NORMAL as possible with him as the head man making the decisions ........Just my opinion........It has got to be so hard on him as it is on you's to see him act like this ..........I look after my Mom and step dad both have AD>......this is a great place to come and I amsure there will be more posts answering yours soon....wknd sometimes are slow but do not give up we will get to you asap......in the meantime you know you are no longer alone in this..........we do know what you are talking about ......keep posting and let us know how things are going for youall.......God Bless.......Lyn
 
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    I cannot keep your feet from stumbling..........I can only offer my hand that you might grasp it and not fall...........Lyn  
 
 
 
 
                              


sportsfanatic girl
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 47
   Posted 12/10/2005 1:20 PM (GMT -6)   
when an individual has alzheimer's they have a hard time understanding us or know what is going on. you need to be at their level and put yourself in their position. it's very hard but you will communicate better with them when you do this. if he thinks that your grandma is ill, then say "ok, maybe we will let her rest and we will all work together on this" and let him help with assistance. they are not in the same world as us and by trying to tell him grandma is ok-he does not understand. they get angry with us if we try telling them different. if he calls you by another name, then you need to be that person.  i hope that helps. if you have anymore questions let me know. take care! lisa

SnowyLynne
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 1539
   Posted 12/10/2005 2:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Tell all truths to someone with AD upsets them & at times agitates them.You have to go into their world,since they are not in ours anymore.Thank goodness I'm still In this world,lol.
SnowyLynne


Suzy2
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2003
Total Posts : 335
   Posted 12/10/2005 2:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello Caroline and welcome.
 
I agree that this board is a great place to come to. I have picked up some very helpful tips on here that I can use when I am with my sister who has Dementia.She is only 55.
 
I can imagine how tough for you all that day at the yard sale must have been. I agree with Lyn that maybe one way to have calmed your Grandpa down would be for your Grandma to say somthing like "oh well maybe I should sit down for a while,will you sit with me?" and then "hopefuly" after a few minuets your grandpa would calm down and your grandma would be able to help with the sale again. At the same time your Grandma could be asking Grandpa for advice such as "where shall we put this?" or "could you put this on that table for me?"  I know myself that even then things might not go as we hope and you end up just muddling through to the best of your abilty. Unfortunatly thats all you can do. Thats just my opinion though as I am definatly no expert.
 
I can't remember where I read it now but one example of a conversation with someone with AD realy made me think,it went somthing like this...... Patient in a panic.....  "There is a monster behind the curtain,help!"  Carer looks behind the curtain and says...  "Oh I am sorry that you got frightened but it's ok now because it looks like the monster has gone now"
 
I think that many of us would probably have reacted differently and said somthing like this... "No there is no Monster, there cant have been" The trouble with that reaction is that the person with AD will probably get more frustated and frightened because they havn't been believed.
 
I feel for you and your situation with your grandpa.
 
Sue
 
  


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/11/2005 8:12 AM (GMT -6)   
I hope you have gotten some insigt into the AD world .....It is a heartbreaking one to be looking into .......God Bless .....Lyn
 
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    I cannot keep your feet from stumbling..........I can only offer my hand that you might grasp it and not fall...........Lyn  
 
 
 
 
                              


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/16/2005 6:58 AM (GMT -6)   
Just wondering how you are all doing lately with the saeson rush and all the goodies to bake ..........God Bless ........Lyn
 
Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
    I cannot keep your feet from stumbling..........I can only offer my hand that you might grasp it and not fall...........Lyn  
 
 
 
 
                              


AlwaysRosie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 12/21/2005 12:00 AM (GMT -6)   
Welcome to the forum Caroline!!!

I'm sorry I didn't have time to read the responses to your post, but wanted to add that my dad gets stuck on a thought like that too. What I have done for him lots of times is to write a short note on a small piece of paper . . . nothing too long. My dad often wants to go find my mother when I am staying with him so she can have a few hourse away. When he starts getting too aggitated and trying to leave to go find her, I write something like: "Mom will be back at 3:00. Please wait here." These notes have helped tremendously. He holds it and looks at it repeatedly or if he starts complaining again I ask him to read his note. He eventually puts it in his wallet and looks at it every 10 minutes or so.

Hope this helps.

Blessings!
In His Grip,
AlwaysRosie          "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"
Psalms 139
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Folic Acid, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel (Centrum Silver, B12, B6, Calcium+D,)
 
For lots of clickable links, click here LUPUS RESOURCES


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/21/2005 4:28 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey sis that is a really good idea ......I am going to borrow that one from you for sure .........How is Dad and Mom thru all the holiday rushing about and healthwise ??.......lots of love and huggs to all and all the best to you's for a Warm Loving and Healthy and Happy Christmas filled with the love of family and friends ......and to a prosperous New Year ..........Love ya sis.........God Bless .....Lyn.....Sure hope you are NOT overdoing it either as you do not need to be sicker or I will have to come there and kick butt lol........Lyn
 
Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
    I cannot keep your feet from stumbling..........I can only offer my hand that you might grasp it and not fall...........Lyn  
 
 
 
 
                              


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/22/2005 6:03 AM (GMT -6)   
Just wondering how all are doing and wishing you all the best for a great Christmas and better New Year......God Bless ......Lyn
 
Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
    I cannot keep your feet from stumbling..........I can only offer my hand that you might grasp it and not fall...........Lyn  
 
 
 
 
                              


AlwaysRosie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 12/23/2005 10:40 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey Lynn . . . thanks for the super holiday greeting!!! Back at you sis!!!

Dad is doing ok. He actually made it through our family Christmas party and did really well. He is very confused lately, more so than usual, so I hope he isn't taking another nose-dive.

I hope the note thing works as well for your mom as it does for dad.

No . . . I'm not overdoing it. I traded holday decorating fror cookies!! My only Christmas decoration is a big poinsettia and Christmas cards. But, I did bake 5 kinds of cookis this year :-). I'm having my four adult children, spouses and grandkids for Christmas dinner, but I am making some easy stuff.

I hope you are being careful with your energy as well sis!!

Merry Christmas and Blessings!
In His Grip,
AlwaysRosie          "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"
Psalms 139
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Folic Acid, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel (Centrum Silver, B12, B6, Calcium+D,)
 
For lots of clickable links, click here LUPUS RESOURCES

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