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MartyC
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 1/1/2006 8:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Please, I need advice.
 
My mother is 82 and is exhibiting problem behavior.  My sister and I had to move her from her apartment to assisted living and I feel very guilty about limiting mymother's independence which she values above everything.  She was seeing people in her apartment and claiming men were coming through her door even with a dead bolt lock installed.  We moved her from one apartment in the building to another and she developed another story about men in her apartment.  She claimed people would come in and sleep on her sofa.  Finally, she stopped eating properly and forgot to take her medication.  She went into the hospital because of dehydration.  In an attempt to keep her in her apartment, I hired a person to stay with her overnight and arranged for an emergency call service that could be activated by pressing a button that was positioned around her neck.  She couldn't understand how to use it.  She was however very sharp about how much money she had or didn't have.  I made sure she had enough all the time and would buy her anything she asked for.  As a result of her lack of ability to take care of herself and the many times she had to go to the hospital we decided to move her to assisted living.  I live 200 miles away and my sister 500 miles.  My sister is destitute and I am the only one in the family that canpay for anything.  We found a place near the town she was living in for what I could afford and her social security.  They take really good care of her physically but she remains very unhappy as her hallucinations are continuuing.  She blames her problems on the place and does not recognize that it is a problem with herself.  Whenever I call her, she pleads for me to mover her and then she threatens to leave.  I make sure she has food she likes beyond what they give her there.  Because of distance, I can only visit her once a month.  During my visits I take her out for meals and shopping.  She tells me wild stories about walls opening up in her room and strange lights.  Also staircases behind the wall that opens up.
I feel so bad about her misery I can't sleep at night.  When she talks about other things she is quite understandable and coherent.  She can be highly manipulative and nasty.  She has no inhibition about saying hurtful things.  What can I do?
Marty


AlwaysRosie
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 1/1/2006 9:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Marty,

What are the chances of watching for an opening in a suitable assisted living place nearby your home? I'm sure for some reason that was not a good option, but if your sis is 500 miles away and you are the only one visiting than it makes sense to have her close to you.

It sounds to me like she was unhappy in her apartment too and had lots of problems there, so I wouldn't use your energy feeling bad about the decision if you are convinced that the assisted living staff is treating her well and sounds like they are.

I am very interested in this situation as my dad is still able to live at home with mom, but I dread the day that it becomes necessary to move him to a home. Right now my siblings and I are trying to get over to moms about 3-4 times a week to give her a break.

You sound like a very caring person.

Blessings!
In His Grip,
AlwaysRosie          "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"
Psalms 139
UCTD (Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease), Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis, High BP, GI Inflamation, Diverticuloses
Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Folic Acid, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Lotrel (Centrum Silver, B12, B6, Calcium+D, Glucosamine, MSM, Salmon Oil, Flaxseed Oil, Vit C)
 
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Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/2/2006 4:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Marty and Welcome ..........You do sound very caring and concerened about your Mom .....I think you have made the right decision and I would check into what Rosie had to say as well .......I look after parents at home and I know with all that is going on in my health I wont be able to do it for too much longer............Your Mom I am sure doesnt mean to be miserable or mean it is part of this DD .......Hallucinations go hand in hand as well ......if you have a few minutes there are resources at the side of this page that may help you out .........Know that you are not alone and we do know what you are talking about ......I will bump up some posts for you ok .......take care and please post again .........God Bless ......Lyn
 
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    I cannot keep your feet from stumbling..........I can only offer my hand that you might grasp it and not fall...........Lyn  
 
 
 
 
                              


SnowyLynne
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 1539
   Posted 1/2/2006 11:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Welcome.I agree bringing her near you is a good idea,then you can get her to a Neurologist to test her.Then be put on medication,esp.for the hallucinations.You can keep a close eye on her too.
SnowyLynne


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/4/2006 9:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Marty ...Just wondering how you are making out ...God Bless....... .Lyn
 
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    I cannot keep your feet from stumbling..........I can only offer my hand that you might grasp it and not fall...........Lyn  
 
 
 
 
                              


alexandriacush
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 1/6/2006 7:39 PM (GMT -7)   

My prayers are with you, Marty!

Has it been possible for you to take your mother to her family doctor for a thorough physical examination (to rule out any possible physical causes of her hallucinations), be referred to a neurologist for a thorough neurological examination (to determine whether she displays the warning signs of Alzheimer's)?  Is the assisted living center where she resides, a secured building with special security entrance/exit codes?  Are her medications administered by someone other than herself (such as a nursing staff member at the assisted living center)?

Since your mother appears very lucid as to her finances, she may probably recall short sequences of numbers, such as the entrance/exit codes.  Concern for the possibility that she may wander is very much a top priority.  There are special bracelets that she could wear, that would identify her, in case she wanders.  I am not certain if any have "tracking devices" to know where she is at all times.

As a registered nurse with over 20 years of experience in long-term care, I am now a "new baby" in the role of care for my 81 year-old mother (who needs to be assessed/evaluated, but denies she has any need!!!).  I am her power of attorney for healthcare, and live about 100 miles from her.  No other siblings survive.  Her personality changes are of greatest concern, and I have found an excellent assisted living facility in the city where I reside.  She is very aware of her surroundings, however, I believe the denial is probably her fear of losing independent living.  

Do you have an Alzheimer's support group in your area.  Ours is EXCEPTIONALLY WONDERFUL.

I know that if my daughter and I go to Mom's and take her to the car, she may show great resistance, and the neighbors will wonder what in the world is happening.  Mother does not share important details (such as the name of her current doctor, etc.).

I wish you well, and I'll check this site for any concerns you may have.

Sincerely,

alexandriacush@netscape.net yeah


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/7/2006 5:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi and Welcome to HW........ You will find that most on this forum (at least 3 or 4 ) I can think of off the top of my head are retired nurses or worked in the HC feild in some capacity..........I for one had own retirement home for yrs till sickness took me from it .......At the side in yellow is resources for this DD and they have helped me out quite a lot.........We have fantastic support groups, here in Canada as well (Ontario) and this site has been a God send for me ......I look after both parents Mom and my step Dad and it is a very rewarding ,yet sometimes frustrating thing to have to do as I have NO support from my siblings at all and they all live here in town .....Go fiqure........I am really glad you found us here and hope to see more of your posts in the future.............I believe you will find so much care support and empathy here..........I know I have over the last yr.......God Bless and be well ......BTW.....we do have a National (constantly updated) registry of AD peeps and they do have bracelets as well that you are able to purchase for your loved ones ......Glad to have you aboard .........God Bless ....Lyn yeah

 


 
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I know there are great things out there for you .....and it is within your power to make them happen ..I believe in all of you and know you have what it takes to follow your dreams..Let that strong Spirit of yours be your guide.........Lyn 

Post Edited (Lyn Emerick(Howlyncat)) : 1/7/2006 5:07:57 AM (GMT-7)


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/15/2006 9:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Marty ..........have been wondering about you and hoping things are getting better for you and your Mom .......It would be great if it could be done where she is closer to you .........PLEASE do not take the anger and the pain she is exibiting as YOUR fault it is not ......it is this DD........it robs us of our loved ones for sure .........Please post and let us know how you are ........there are a few on here waiting to hear about how things are going ..........God Bless ........Lyn
 
Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
I know there are great things out there for you .....and it is within your power to make them happen ..I believe in all of you and know you have what it takes to follow your dreams..Let that strong Spirit of yours be your guide.........Lyn 

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