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Ellie 1
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Date Joined Apr 2005
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   Posted 7/1/2006 10:26 PM (GMT -7)   
I don't really know how to explain this, but I'm going to give it a shot.
Mom was over for her birthday.  She just turned 79.  Best visit we've had in years.  Oh she's forgetting the kids names etc, but I'm adjusting to that.  She seemed vague, like part of her was somewhere else.  Not ill, just a shadow of her former self.  And I have this terrible feeling that somehow she's just going to fade away.
She talks about how she leaves extra food out for her cat at night because she's afraid she'll die in her sleep and the cat will be hungry before someone finds her.  Say's she doesn't feel that she'll be around much longer.
Do they know sometimes.  Or is she giving up.  I've been calling her at least once a day to check on her but she doesn't sound right.  She just sounds so resigned.  Old and tired and finished.  I hate this so much, and I can't fix it.
Ellie
 
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Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 7/2/2006 3:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Ellie I am so sorry my sis ......I honestly do know how you feel and what you are going thru ....Mom was like this prior to her passing and now my dad is literally hiding out in the den in the big house ( den was only rom Mom never went in ) ......only time he seems a shadow of former self is when I take him yard saling and to the wednesday market ....I really think he will pass waay from a broken heart ,they were together for 40 yrs .......Your Mom is alot older than mine was went she went .It could also be that she feels she is a burden on you and I know you to well to even think you would feel that way about her .......I know how much you love her hun ........You are doing all the right things she has to want to be here ya know ....Please email me and we shall talk in greater length or I will call you ( no I am not an axe murderer lol or weirdo as you know ) I only worry about you .......Take care sis and DONT beat self up over this please......Luvs ya ......Lyn.....you are doing all you can


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Ellie 1
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Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 7/3/2006 11:11 AM (GMT -7)   
I will e-mail you at a later date Lyn. Right now with all that you're going through with your health, I wouldn't even consider troubling you will my problems. I was honestly surprised that you responded to my post.
My mother is hanging in there.
Take care of yourself. I worry about you also.
Ellie


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Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 7/4/2006 1:36 AM (GMT -7)   
My health is kinda under control lol...........I would like to tlk with you so I do hope you get ahold of me I wasnt on all day yesterday ........at the hospital and then slept .Am going to my own doc am tired of the nurses not listening to me about what vein can and will work ya know .....Sis I am truly sorry you are going thru this and I dont want you to go thru it alone .......lots of love and God Bless....Lyn
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Howlyncat
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   Posted 7/6/2006 7:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Sis how are things going for you and your MOm??.......God Bless....
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Howlyncat
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   Posted 7/7/2006 8:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Bump Am worried about you both ,..post if you can please......God Bless..............Lyn
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Ellie 1
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Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 7/8/2006 8:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Sorry Lyn,
My ex-husband was in town all week and staying at the house. My oldest daughter was still in town as well and acts much differently around her father. Big meltdown on the fourth, won't go into details here but I hadn't been able to spend as much time on the forum as I would have liked.
Mom is mostly the same. I've finally put my finger on what's so different though. She's not complaining or talking badly about people like she's always done. Not AT ALL. Now you would think this is a good thing but somehow this alarms me. This "quietness" about her is settling in and is unnatural. I feel this sudden need to spend as much time with her as possible. That perhaps we are nearing the end of the road. I can't get out there as much as I'd like but I've spent alot of time on the phone with her.
Hopefully I can pick her up tomorrow and bring her over for dinner and then my husband can take her back when he goes home to his parents house. My daughter has cheer practice for the next two weeks and I won't be able to make it out there at all then.
Thanks for caring Lyn. My mom has a wonderful friend who gets her to most of her dr. appts. but when it comes to all her emotional stuff, I feel very isolated. She doesn't see her friend often and the rest of the family has just ignored her when she really needs help.
Thanks again hon.
I'll let you know what they say after her appt on wed.
Take Care
Ellie
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.
 
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Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 7/10/2006 5:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Ellie my friend go with your gut that is all I can tell you and you will know what to do for her to have the bond you and your mom do is something very rare the same as me and my mom so hun spend as much time with her as possible it is for both of you .........No problem sis you know I care been there and I am here for you .love ya ..sis
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Howlyncat
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   Posted 7/10/2006 6:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Ellie good to hear from you today hopefully I have given you some help........we can yak tomorrow when I get back from Doc;s ......Luv ya ,,,Lyn
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Howlyncat
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Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 7/11/2006 7:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Ellie am hoping to yak tomorrow or next day okay get some of this stuff out ....you need a release hun.......Take care and God Bless,..Always thinking about you ......Love ya sis
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Ellie 1
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Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 7/12/2006 3:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Mom had her Opthamologist (sp) appt. this morning. They took out the third stitch in her eye and say that her glaucoma/cataract surgery was a success. She's still being watched closely and will need surgery on the other eye but for the time being at least thats better.
Odd though, she called me very confused. It was like she was in a fog and after a few moments she seemed more herself but insisted I woke her when I called and thats why she was so mixed up. Hmmmm..........She called me. Actually she woke ME up. It's impossible to nap in this house anyway. My 2 year old kept prying my eyelids open asking, "whatcha doin mommy?"
She really did think I called her though. It was weird when I answered the phone because she didn't seem to remember who she called or know who she was talking to for a couple of moments. I'm beginning to think she's having mini strokes.
She has an appt with her real dr. next week so at least they'll check her BP and get her on some different cholesterol med. She won't take the one they gave her. Insists it makes her sick and perhaps it does. I don't know. She also says taking all these meds makes her feel old and is very resistant to all of them. I guess now it's just wait and see what her GP says.
Take Care
Ellie
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offcourse
New Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 7/13/2006 4:35 AM (GMT -7)   
For the strokes Ellie, trental has been known to be a cure for it, and along with this, it also cures circulatory problems and nerve problems. So you can consult your doc about it, and get your mom treatment, you can try it, good luck with the medications!

Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 7/13/2006 5:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh Ellie I am so sorry you are going thru this and your poor Mom I bet she is so confused ......I use to get those calls all the time until I just finally went with it no sense arguing the fact with Mom.........Sometimes I miss having 2 yr olds running about ,and then others am glad I dont have lol.......I remember those pulling on the eyelids days though awwww it is cute..........can you go to docs with her I know she grips but maybe just tell her so you know in case you have to do something for her .....geez talk about being between a rock and a hard place I am sorry I cant be more help are you on my msn now and if so beep me I always put to busy when I am on .....Talk to you later .love ya ....
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Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 7/13/2006 5:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Off course ....Hi and Welcome have not seen you here before so thanks for your input .......Take care ......God Bless......Lyn
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Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 7/14/2006 7:04 AM (GMT -7)   
Bump
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Ellie 1
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Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 7/14/2006 8:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Finally got mom to agree to come over. Picking her up on sunday for the day. Maybe I can figure out more whats going on if I see her in person than I can over the phone. Somethings going on that's for sure.
I don't know what I'd do without my little one. Really wish I could have another. She drives me CRAZY, they all do, and I love every minute of it. I don't know what I'll do when they're big. Being a mommy is all I've ever known.
May end up taking care of Mom before long though. Ahhh, God wills what he wills. Just have to wait and see. I hope I'm up to the task.
Have a good day
Ellie
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.
 
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Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 7/14/2006 8:50 AM (GMT -7)   
You will do fine you are a nuturing kind of person and having little ones around is a hoot isnt it ....never know what they will do next .....I pick up Cait today Thank God I miss her soooo Much and just want to have her home with me ......I am kinda panicking though about the flight again........ah well lol.........Ellie those same ways you love and look after your lil ones will help with your mom yes she will irritate you and yes there will be those days BUT in the long run u will come out of this all the better I really mean it I would never change one sec all the times with Mom .......it was hard but rewarding ,and you will fill your heart with some good times and memories .......I promise you that and you wont regret it .......God Bless........Lyn
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Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
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   Posted 7/16/2006 7:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey sis dont forget to let us know how it goes today my thoughts and prayers are with you .........love ya ......
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Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
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   Posted 7/17/2006 7:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Well how was it ......I am hoping all went not to bad Grandma...lol.........Loves ya
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Ellie 1
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Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 7/17/2006 3:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Well, lyn, she seems weak and tired. I've been worried that she's having small strokes and I have a friend up north thats a CNA that told me to look for even the slightiest droopiness on either side of her face. Her left eye is markedly drooping but thats also the eye she had surgery on so I don't know. I did mention it to her but she said her eye dr. said it was of no importance. I remain unconvinced.
Shes still confused. Mixing up the kids with the cats and couldn't fill out her check at the store. I'm learning it's easier on the cashier and less embarassing for mom if I fill it out for her and just have her sign it. Using the excuse of her visual problems helps her save face. She wrote a check for 194.00 when it was supposed to be 100.94. I wonder how often she's done that and been ripped off.
She keeps talking about death. Like she's preparing. What she want's everyone to have and all the instructions for her cat, etc. She tells me she feels ill, and tired all the time. Just worn out. That she always puts extra food and water out for the cat at night because she's sure soon she just won't wake up.
I want to go to the dr. with her on wed. but 14 yr. old daughter has cheer practice in the morning and I have a T appt in the afternoon. She didn't want me there anyway. Kinda hurts my feelings that she'll let her friend go but doesn't want me there.
Oh well, anyway, thats our latest update. She has an appt on Wed with both the opthamologist and her GP so we'll see then.
Take Care hon
Ellie
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.
 
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Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 7/17/2006 9:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Ellie I think you are so strong and I give you alot of credit .......I know you have issues with her but hun stay as close as you can and make some good loving memories if possible will ya .........Mom used to do the dang same and I know she was ripped or give her bank card to an unscupulous family member that always ripped her off til I took over all her banking and that put an end to it .......IMO and its only mine I think your mom is scared and making plans prob of which wont be needed for some time but as you and i well know fear makes us do some silly things ...........Take care sis and I am here for you ........God Bless.....Love ya ......Lyn
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Ellie 1
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Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 7/17/2006 9:59 PM (GMT -7)   
I was impressed with her when she was here. She actually paid attention to my 2 year old. Told everyone the 14 and 6 year old's were her favorite though, and then she said of course the baby too. Shame she makes it so obvious she doesn't care for the 9 year old. He knows it too. It makes me so angry, but I just let it go. I talked to him later and let him know grandma isn't herself anymore and she just forgets to include him sometimes. That she does that to me too, (and she does) I don't think it made him feel any better. When she buys stuff for the other kids and nothing for him, I always get him something and tell him it's from grandma. She always looks confused when he thanks her but I must admit to letting her wonder if she actually did get him something and forgot.
I can't argue with her anymore.I feel like I have an unfair advantage. She just really isn't herself now.
To her credit she did pay attention to the kids (most of them) and thats really unusual. She usually just sits on the couch and talks about how terrible her life is and how everyone thinks badly of her. I'm trying so hard to make peace with her. I think in her way she's trying too. This just may be as good as it gets. She's 79 Lyn, if she goes tomorrow, I want my concience clear, even if her's isn't.
Thanks for caring
Ellie
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.
 
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Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
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   Posted 7/18/2006 4:42 PM (GMT -7)   
I cannot believe the things we and our moms have in common.....Cait would and did anything for her tried to make her proud alwys but she totally acted like she was invisible same with me .......I wonder why that is .........I know cait was hurt as well and I tried as you did to explain it to her but to no avail she thought Nans despised her which I am sure she didnt but sometimes sure acted like it ......My concious is clear as well sis I know I did my very best in bad circumstances at times but still I rose to the occasion and was always the ONLY one of the siblings she honestly relied on....be gentle with yourself you are doing the right thing and I feel your sons pain as well as yours......Take care sis and know I really do relate on all levels .........Love ya .....
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Ellie 1
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Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1291
   Posted 7/19/2006 6:27 AM (GMT -7)   
OMG, she's gonna drive me crazy today! She had a ride with her friend to her dr's appointment. It's 45 minutes from her house. What does she do. She decided's to have a pity party, (I knew there was going to be a problem as soon as she answered the phone, she has a true whine to her voice when she's in that mood) and decided she's too much of a burden to everyone with the rides and such. Told her friend she absolutely would NOT accept a ride to the doctor and is taking the bus. In normal weather conditions this is bad enough, she has to transfer twice to get to the area she needs to be in, but it's supposed to be 105 here today. The hottest day so far this year. Thats real temp. With the heat index it may go as high as 115. She's going to kill herself out there in this heat. I won't even walk to the mailbox. I managed to get that great hulking van of mine in the garage even, it was taking so long to cool off that by the time it did we were home again.
Theres nothing I can do about this. I told her my daughters cheer schedule and also that if she could make her appts on days where there was no practice I'd shift everything else on my schedule to take her to the doctor. Nope. Wouldn't hear of it. I wasn't really worried about this appt. as I knew she already had a ride. She cancelled it AFTER she heard the weather report. Mom plays the martyr once again.
If she doesn't manage to put herself in the hospital she's going to complain about this forever. In addition I may end up getting calls from the aunts (who won't take her anywhere, one of which is much younger, drives all over the place, and only lives a block from mom) because she'll tell them I wouldn't take her and left her to take the bus. This is typical for mom.
Okay, just venting today. It's already started out crazy. Doesn't look good for the rest of the day either. AAAAAaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
Good judgement comes from experience and alot of that comes from bad judgement.
 
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Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 7/19/2006 8:08 AM (GMT -7)   
HUN she is playing you like a violin.....really and she knows you are A/P as well so she has to play on that DONT feel guilty she knew about the appointment and your schedule .....I know you are worried about her and rightly so with the weather........I would call the neihbor if you can talk to her and tell her that she cancelled her ride at last minute .......just to make your day Hell.......God I wish I could come get you and all your kiddies ...we could go fishing and have fun........I am so sorry hun really she needs to stop this with you and immediately but as I said she KNOWS she can pull the guilt strings .....the WHINE I remember all to well ......Good luck today and let her do as she wants she will gripe about it but tell her it was HER choice not yours ........Mom use to play on my guilt and Caits always and always got her way .......Love ya sis
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 Let That Strong Spirit Be Your Guide 
 
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