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inert
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 9/21/2006 11:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi, I am new to this forum. I am basically looking for a support group because there are none where I live.
My mother-in-law has Alzheimers Disease. She is driving me crazy. She lives very close to me and my husband. She comes over every day. When she is confused she stays for hours. She stays for lunch. She usually does this when my husband is at work. She is so bored. I do not think she can read a long book anymore. I know she can not cook and I am beginning to think she can't run a microwave. I think she is in the moderate stages of the disease. She started taking Aricept 2 weeks ago. I have seen improvement in her symptoms but I know it can't fix her and it probably can not give her back what is lost. (like her ability to add and subtract.)
I have questions , but I know they are unanswerable. How long does she have? (before we have to think of serious care for her.) And what on Earth do I do to entertain her? I am ashamed to admit I have just told her to go away sometimes.
There is alot I would like to say, but I myself lose interest in long posts. So thanks for listening.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/22/2006 2:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Inert ....Welcome I am not one that loses interest in long posts so post away .........
I am sorry you are dealing with this .....she is constantly coming to your house right is there a home care place in your area that can come in to her house and spend time with her or a respite care facility where she can go and do some things with peeps here age like cards or whatever? Talk to her Doctor.....
It sounds like you and her son wont be taking her in when she gets to that point,,,,,,I dont think it is easy to say how long she has My mom ( Bless her soul) lived with this for yrs and I know many others that have as well .....
I looked after her and now am looking after my Dad who is also with this DD.......
I take him out fishing and to Market but I dont have lil ones at home anymore ( I have a Teen)........anyways so I am able to do things with him plus I worked in this field for yrs so I am more used to this I guess.......
Does your hubby have anything to do with her or help out with her at all ,or is it just you .......
There is resources at side in yellow and also Alzinfo .com that you may want to check out ........we have alot of members here and I am hoping some will come post for you .....
The aricept is a good med for this so maybe it will help out in a couple more weeks if she has only been on it 2 weeks now I am not sure how long it takes to fully get into system .......
You need to remember or your hubby does that now she is like the child and roles are reversed she is confused and I am sure that being at your house is what she knows most ..........HABIT......
I hope this will settle down for you and you can get some help it is a hard task but I know I wouldnt trade one minute with Mom ( lost her 7 mths ago) nor Dad .......
You cannot give her back what she has lost but new memories can be made ........
I hope this has helped .........My info is under name if you want to talk okay ........
Take care and God Bless...........
Lyn
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inert
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 9/22/2006 3:23 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Lyn, thanks for writing back .....makes me feel welcome.     not many resources in this town. But I am looking into someone coming in a couple hours a week to cook and do some of the more strenuous housework. (she also has arthritis, she is 70) There is this crazy thing about not telling them they have AD so I have just asked her if it is OK to have some one come in and help with housework. She has mentioned the aricept TV commercial and alzheimers but hasn't flat out asked me if she has it. I guess no good can come from telling her she has it and frankly she would probably forget I said it anyway.

I don't know for sure that we won't be taking her in. Mother and son (my husband) are very close and we have always lived near her. (20 years) The problem I have is she has always been extremely critical and overbearing with me. (and everybody else too) And now she seems to have coveinately forgotten all of that and relies heavily on me for just about everything. I do her checkbook , give her rides, help her pay bills, feed her lunch and more. I can not help but feel this is a test from above. My husband is in complete denial of his Mother's condition. I know this is very painful for him. He has asked me to return to work. I have been a stay-at -home mom for the last two years. I have 1 child that I had late in life. He thinks his Mom can babysit while I go back to work. You don't have to tell me that I can not let this happen. I do know about AD, I worked in a Alz. unit for a few years. It is just that all my Alz. training has seemed to go out the window because I am so close to the situation. And I am learning so much that my training didn't teach me. Like she can be almost normal one day and seem incapable of anything the next. It is so frustrating.

I have defiately talked enough. But I want to thank you for the word "habit" I had forgotten how important a routine is to her. Maybe I can revise her schedule (she carries a day planner with her at all times) to get myself a little more free time.  I love my mother-in -law because she has been part of my life for so long and she is not all bad, there are just days that I want to move out of the state.


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/22/2006 4:31 PM (GMT -7)   
WE have been thru the same thing it seems though it was my MOm .......I too forgot what my Nursing had taught me maybe it is is because it is to close to home ya know ..............
Mom was always critical of me all my life as well and then when she started with the AD it was I no matter how sick I was (even with IV lock in) I looked after all her same things you are doing as well as her personal care and daily total care.......
I can honestly feel your frustration I too had my Cait (daughter) at a late stage in life and I am not able to work now due to crohns and other illnesses but I know I would not have worked when she was small had I not had my own retirement home where she was with me .....I do not blame you at all for this decision and U need to stick to your guns ......IMO
It will be hard for hubby to see his Mom like this and accept it so therfore it falls on you ......
I had Cait to help me and with my step dad she helps as well ........
I think the planner would be a great idea as well as someone coming in for a couple hrs dialy this will give you the break you need
if she eventually comes to live with you's you will ahve to really open your huby's eyes and have his help with this : it is too mch for you to bear on your own with a young child ......
Also it is his blood mom and she never let him go without did she ? she was there to feed clothe and take care of him I am sure so now the roles will be reversed ..
We cannot just have the Seniors and seniors with AD as a "throw away" group of peeps they deserve respect and dignity
Please again if you have msn or aol buddy add me so we can chat some more on this
you really are in need of support and I am going to be here for you okay .......As will other members on this forum.......I am here to yak to anytime OKay
I am up at 430 in the am Ontario Canada time lol so if you are on we can talk......
post and vent: you need to it cannot build up inside or you will eventually start to resent her unwittingly but resent none the less.........
God BLess and take care .........Hoping you will continue to post
if your anxiety gets to bad pop over to the other forum I am on Anxiety /Panic and you will find great peeps there and support as well
LYN
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     Believe In Yourself......Live Love and Laugh
 
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Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/24/2006 3:16 AM (GMT -7)   
bump
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
     Believe In Yourself......Live Love and Laugh
 
 Never Give up on Yourself ,Your True friends nor your Dignity
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Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/27/2006 1:55 AM (GMT -7)   
How are you doing have not heard from you for quite some time
Take care and God Bless......
Lyn
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
     Believe In Yourself......Live Love and Laugh
 
 Never Give up on Yourself ,Your True friends nor your Dignity
    Dont Comprimise Yourself....You Are All You've Got


inert
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 9/27/2006 8:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Been busy. Things have been quiet, I believe thanks to aricept.
We do have a lot in common. I hate to say it but when things get rough I'll be looking to talk to you. Thanks again...........Inert

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/27/2006 11:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Inert.........All my info is there please feel free to contact me okay ..........or I will just look for you on hrer
Glad things are quiet for you
Take care and real happy it seems the aricept is working
Lyn
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
     Believe In Yourself......Live Love and Laugh
 
 Never Give up on Yourself ,Your True friends nor your Dignity
    Dont Comprimise Yourself....You Are All You've Got

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