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momtothree
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 293
   Posted 12/26/2006 7:39 PM (GMT -6)   
For reasons that I do not want to get into, I had been estranged from my mother for a few years.  I found out accidentally two days ago that she has been in an nursing home since August.  I have been crying ever since.  I went to see her today and she was kind and gentle.  We both cried and I am so darn upset that my brother put her there.  He is basically the reason we did not see each other.  He did not even call me to let me know that she was in the nursing home with Alzheimers.  I was told that she is in stage 5.  My mother has no short term memory, but she can remember things that happened years ago.  I was told that she accidentally overdosed on her meds, tried to leave the house in the middle of the night, pacing and rooting through trash cans.  It breaks my heart to see her like this.  I so desparately want to bring her home with me.  I am retired.  She says that she knows that she has to be there annd feels safe.  She also says that she would rather be on the outside but knows this is best for her.  How could I prevent her from wandering and cooking in the middle of the night and leaving the stove on?  Do you think that at this point she does need to be there and I am being selfishfor wanting her home with me.  I love her so much and always have and I hate to see her there.  She can shower and dress herself and care for her bodily functions and she is not wheel chair bound.  She can also feed herself.  She is just so darn scared.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/27/2006 8:36 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there.........
I looked after my mom at home she could basically do most things for self as well
she passed away in March this yr
I know it is a very hard job but it has many rewards and if SHE wants to come home to try it with you I think that would l be the best IMO
I also look after my dad who now is with alzheimers
It is demanding on your time but fulfuls your heart so much
This is something you must really decide for self
I have crohns and other illnesses but I am still able to look after dad ........'There are safety controls such as they have for kids for stoves and all that so do please check into it 'Meanwhile I will bump the NH ratings here and you see if she is in one of those places
I am so sorry this has come to happen
Please continue to post
God Bless
Lyn
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 Never compromise your self nor your dignity...with that ...My God
 Family and Great Friends ........I have it All
 
 Dream, Reach and Believe ......You can Do It........We are Here For You 
 Happy Holidays and all the Best in 2007 .........
               God Bless .........Lyn
 
          All The Best In 2007 To Everyone 
                                  
                          
                                   Lyn


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/27/2006 6:40 PM (GMT -6)   
I bumped that Nursing Home thread for you
If you need to talk hun I am here I know what you are going thru
I really do and I would not mind talking to you privately for support for both of us
Lyn
Info under name
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
 
 Never compromise your self nor your dignity...with that ...My God
 Family and Great Friends ........I have it All
 
 Dream, Reach and Believe ......You can Do It........We are Here For You 
 Happy Holidays and all the Best in 2007 .........
               God Bless .........Lyn
 
          All The Best In 2007 To Everyone 
                                  
                          
                                   Lyn


momtothree
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 293
   Posted 2/7/2007 10:14 AM (GMT -6)   
I really appreciate your support.  I thought that things were going pretty well.  She is about 1.5 hours away from where I live, so I only get to visit three times a week.  I take her out to lunch and we go shopping and have really nice times.  The more I see her, I realize that things are not always as they seem.  She can get angry easily and she does have some incontinent issues which she denies, along with her confusion.  The state has decided that they will now not pay for the nursing home.  Mom is just so upset.  The director called her into his office and gave her this news with my brother on the phone.  I am really annoyed that the home did not have a family member present for her.  She has a 30 day appeal.  I have lyme disease and my doctor advised me not to bring her home with me.  When I saw her on Sunday, she had her things all packed.  She forgot about the appeal and was very upset about leaving the home.  She has made good friends and she wants to stay.  I saw her again on Monday and she was somewhat better.  I have also been advised, since we have this appeal, to not take her on outings until this is resolved.  So, I stop and bring it lunch for her and her friend.  I am still on the fence about bringing her home with me.  I can not afford to pay for the nursing home.  The state wants her in assisted living, which my brother says he can afford to pay.  I am fearful that her being moved will make her get worse.  We travel alot, DH for work and I go with him.  I wonder if I could take her as well???? So many questions and I do not know what I should do.

SnowyLynne
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 1539
   Posted 2/7/2007 12:09 PM (GMT -6)   
It could be that your taking your Mom out so often the state thinks she doesn't need to be there.Being on state aide means they have to stay in the facility but can go to church on Sundays.Moving here most likely would be detrimental to her well being,so if you do take her home you wouldn't be able to travel with her.You would be staying home to care for her,esp.In stage 5............
SnowyLynne


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 2/8/2007 6:40 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Snowy great input and to the point as per the norm
Lyn
How are you n Larry doing??
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 Never compromise your self nor your dignity... 
 Dream, Reach and Believe ......
               
                             
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Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 4/12/2007 7:44 PM (GMT -6)   
Wondering how things are going and what the outcome of all this has been
As well wondering how you are feeling
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Co Mod ..Crohns Forum
Co Mod A/P Forum
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Dx with Crohns ,pyoderma gangrenosum ,Anxiety and panic
 Way to many meds to put down ..........
 
Take that Lil step ..I will hold your hand and we will make big strides
 
                             
 
   LYN                               
                          
                                  


momtothree
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 293
   Posted 4/12/2007 8:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for asking.  The nursing home did not wait until the end of the 30 day appeal.  She still had about two weeks left on the appeal and they wanted her out right away.  She is in an assisted living facility, further away from me, paid by Medicaid.  I now visit her once or twice a week.  The facility is in a home and there is just not that much for her to do.  She does go to a senior center once a week and enjoys that very much.  She does not want to come and live with me.  She fears that she will get worse and that I could not handle it.  The place she is in is very clean and well taken care of. 

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 4/12/2007 8:29 PM (GMT -6)   
Thamks for keeping me in the loop
I am really glad the place she is in is clean and she is taken well care of
Goping to the Senior centre is a good thing as she will have stuff to do and meet others as well

Keep me posted will you

How are you feeling BTW
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Co Mod ..Crohns Forum
Co Mod A/P Forum
Moderator ....Alzheimers Forum 
 
Dx with Crohns ,pyoderma gangrenosum ,Anxiety and panic
 Way to many meds to put down ..........
 
Take that Lil step ..I will hold your hand and we will make big strides
 
                             
 
   LYN                               
                          
                                  

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