How Caring For an Impaired Person Affects YOU and Emotions..Exploring Them All......

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Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 2/28/2007 7:06 AM (GMT -7)   
.........Family members may experience a host of emotions when having to deal with those they love with this Horrid Disease
   Sad
   Anger
   Alone
   Discouraged
  Frustrated ...sometimes tired and depressed
In the face of the reality of a chronic illness .emotional distress IS appropriate and understandable ,sometimes family members find themselves overwhelmed by their feelings
As we all know Human feelings are complex and will no doubt vary from person to person
 
             Emotional Reactions
 
PPle have different ways of handling their emotions some may experience each feeling INTENSELY: others do not
Sometimes many will be ridden with guilt thinking their feelings are wrong or unacceptable that they should have different feelings or if they do no one will understand or accept them ......
Most feel alone with their fellings I know I do unless I am able to come here and share and thats what I do ........
Mixed feelings are also a common thing I have seen in my yrs .........
The love they feel will or may turn into a " dislike " or a feeling of a heavy burden .........IT IS NATURAL to feel this way IMO
PPL may get afraid of strong emotions ,probably because they are afraid of STRONG emotions...perhaps because because the " feelings are uncomfortable and make you feel " Guilty"or that they may do something rash or without thinking ......
and also worried about how OTHERS may view them and there caregiving ........
 
I personally have felt some of these BUT I have gotten thru them knowing what I did for Mom was the right and only thing and now for Dad as well
Please keep in mind you are HUMAN you will have mixed emotions with some of this and it is " OKAY"
You are doing what is best for you loved one
If you feel frustrated walk away for a few minutes and think of Happier times and remember they have only you now and that no doubt they would do same for you .........
The role of Caregiver is a hard one at times but MOST rewarding IMO and we all should remember that our parents grandparents ect were there for us
WHY should we not be there for them
Same as spouses
 **There are more aspects to this post but I would like to see what the response is first I am doing this as a retired Nurse  and as a caretaker as well **
Please do not hesitate to add your input positive or negative
.......I mean NO disrespect I am trying to let you know it is okay to have these feelings,I know I have ............
MY opinion only
God Bless the Caregiver........
Luvs
LYN 


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 Never compromise your self nor your dignity... 
 Dream, Reach and Believe ......
 
 
          ** When You FEEL Anothers Pain You FEEL Humbled ** 
 
   
                             
 Co Mod @ Crohns                                     
 Moderator@ Alzheimer's 
 Moderator @ Anxiety/Panic
 
                                     LYN
                                  
                          
                                  

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 3/1/2007 4:56:15 PM (GMT-7)


Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/1/2007 4:55 PM (GMT -7)   
              ANGER
 
 
 It is quite normal to feel some anger at times
angry because you are seeing the person you love change and be something they never can revert back to ........
 Anger at God may happen too not everyone not for sure but speaking personally I was really angry that I thought HE could do this to Mom a person I loved and needed in my life so much
Aperson that was a nurse in Geriatrics and looked after ppl with the dang same disease she ended up with
Anger at family members that dont want to help dont know how to help or just plain pretend it is not happening
Anger at the socail sevices and mental health ppl for not being there and helping out when you need it as well as anger at the way
Most nursing homes are run and how they do not look after your loved one
 ......Never be ashamed at being angry you have that right you feel you are alone in the battle and it is a darn hard road to travel alone .........
 Never show your anger to those you care for walk away as IMO the anger they see or SENSE will only make their behaviour worse ........
Sometimes I know I have gotten angry if Mom would not open her mouth to eat or refuse
Only because I knew she needed the food and needed the nourishments I was trying to give her,
I also would get angry or frustrated at times for her not remembering me and it was NOT her fault at all but I am human I am not perfect by no means
 
   AT the end of the day I would look at her comfy and cosy as a wee babe knowing I had done what I wanted and actually loved and enjoyed doing for her
 I will nor never would ever change what transpired between Mom and I for anything except her not having that Dang disease
She was robbed .....we were robbed ..........
I felt she had a purpose and finally I realized HIS purpose for Mom and I was for us to become the Mom and daughter we were and to make lasting memeories while we could not DWELL on the AD itself nor be angry at the DD but LEARN from it and carry on in your heart knowing you have done all you can for those you love just as my parents looked after me changed my diapers bathed me fed me .......looked after food and finances.........
It was my turn to pay it forward and show myself I had the strnghth and fortitude love compassion and empathy top give her all she needed with this disease......
 
Caregivers Need to Realize their IMPORTANCE in our loved ones lives they have some brain function they still light up in their eyes or give a weak but real honest smile a tiny squeeze of the hand or to reach out to you to let you KNOW that they are happy and so glad it is YOU that is there for them and they are not abandoned or alone  during this horrid Journey .......
Make the most of your time together never utter something you may regret ........
It will haunt you forever.........
 
God Bless the Caregivers
Lyn


 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
              CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            Keep The Fight Going..Or YOu Will Lose
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
                                     LYN

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 3/28/2009 10:52:09 AM (GMT-6)


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/5/2007 3:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Depression is the feelings of sadness and discouragement
Often very hard to distinguish between depression and anger ,depression and grief,depression and worry ......
Often most family members caring for the loved one may feel sad,depressed,discouraged or low day after day week after week ...........
Sometimes the depressed caretaker can become apathetic and or listless.......they also may feel anxious, nervous, and or irritable
 The experience of being depressed is very painful in itself and that is something that IF it happening to you needs to be dealt with ........
 Support groups or online support such as here does help IMO and sometimes couselling is needed but it wont help all of these feelings 'Just go away"
I find that it helps to share experiences and emotions with other families going thru the same things I may be going thru
Having a " buddy " system in place is great too for me
Alot of the times most family will not want to help out or deal with the loved one as they CANNOT accet what is happening  NOT because they dont love them it is just to hard to see and understand .........
Having people to talk to eases some of the feelings we may have
I dont get angry but I do get depressed as I watch Dad go down the path to passing each day and I know it wont be long
I get sad as well as I know even though he doesnt really understand everything he does UNDERSTAND mom is gone and he wants to be with her........
 
There are many caregivers out there that wont feel most of these emotions due to their love and devotion to the one they care for but the sadness I am sure hits all and deression I would think gets many as well
**Grief for Mom is still quite raw for me I have only lost her almost a year now and I looked after her forr many till she went ......I dont think I have really and truly accepted she isnt just "down the street" and I will watch the house just to see  hoping it was a a real bad dream and she will come down that driveway .......
 
These are only my personal opinions NOT ALL ppl feel this way:: as I did say but I do know if I gave self honesty check daily the sadness and depression would be ticked as well as anger
I sometimes get angry at My God as I see Him for whatever reason sometimes I have no idea why I am mad at Him I just am,other times it is because I see dad and I saw what this DD did to a vibrant beautiful woman.......I despise this Disease I honestly do
This is why I do love Healing Well and the ppl on this forum as I am able to bare it all and they know from where I come
As I said not all will have these feelings and I am not trying to portray the caregivers ( me as well ) as horrid angry frustrated ppl
           ** I am only opening up the topics for discussion IF someone needs to talk or to let them know it is OKAY to sometimes feel the way I (we) do or may do
It is a hard day to day job we do 24/7 and it will wear you down but keep a bit of me time to the side if only 10 minutes ya know
** keep self healthy and fit and know you are doing the best job ever in caring and loving that person ......feel free to add anything to this thats what this is about sharing our emotions and our days so......
You are all special people that take the task at hand and work thru it daily hourly .........
               God Bless The Caregiver.........and Their Loved Ones........
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 Never compromise your self nor your dignity... 
 Dream, Reach and Believe ......
 
 
          ** When You FEEL Anothers Pain You FEEL Humbled ** 
 
   
                             
 Co Mod @ Crohns                                     
 Moderator@ Alzheimer's 
 Moderator @ Anxiety/Panic
 
                                     LYN
                                  
                          
                                  


Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/12/2007 2:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Have been exploring all my emotions of late over Mom and dad as well as many other aspects of my life I just need to put them all to one page sorry if I am not really helping
I will get there
I am trying
LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
 
 Never compromise your self nor your dignity... 
 Dream, Reach and Believe ......
 
 
          ** When You FEEL Anothers Pain You FEEL Humbled ** 
 
   
                             
 Co Mod @ Crohns                                     
 Moderator@ Alzheimer's 
 Moderator @ Anxiety/Panic
 
                                     LYN
                                  
                          
                                  


Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/14/2007 1:08 PM (GMT -7)   
                               Greiving....While Still With Us........Normal ........
 
 
 I know that I have gone thru 2 " suddendeaths" in my life pple that were so close and I loved so deeply that was very difficult to deal with and still is
 
  When you are the one seeing your loved one literally going in front of you eyes maybe on a weekly or shorter time frame it is Hades it really is
  I saw mom go from being out in her gardens and going with me for "Just ride Lyn just ride" in the car no destination she just loved the car and being in the outdoors to a woman who hid the fact from dad and all siblings she was sick and wetting self and the as time came on the delusions and the feces soaked pants till I got there or Cait /she only trusted us and was ashamed I know
I got her depends and would take her up and have a wonderful tubby for her waiting where we talked about all
We had so many good /great talks up in the bathroom just her and i and those I cherish
I knew it wasnt gonna last and I also knew the other kids DID not want to ACCEPT the fact the MOm was not perfect now she had problems so they stayed away
Me I stayed with her and I grew as a woman by doing this and as a mother
I knew and found out more about here that I have in my heart and I know why she did the things she did in life why she always depended on me all of it
I made a new memory everyday wheth it was having to cut her pubic hair right close and shave there as well we constantly were laughing that day I had to do that she called me SHAKY,afraid I was gonna snip her ..you know lol.......we could not stop laughing about it for days
I said MOM  this is not easy ya know lol but we had a memory a funny albeit out of the ordinary memory BUT one just the same
THen in the flash of a minute she would be staring off to a place I was not privy too I could not get in nor would I ask her about it it was her "Place"
WE started getting all the paper work and all done and she was owed alot of money from family (siblings) and it was all written down and in lucid times she had me take her to the notary and I have also a copy
  Then dad started showing small signs and I thought my God WHY
Leaving stove on ligths on just the normal thigs I alwasy was taught to look for when assessing AD peeps
Agitation hit him and I believe he knew about mom completely
Anyways I had watched her go from about 105 lbs( small and small boned lady) to 65 at death this is not because she didnt eat or have the food avilable she wanted to go she having been a Geriatriv Nurse all her Career did not want to be all balled up and in fetal position losing any aspects of communication totally
 She was tired of the dirtying self and not remembering putting ON a face not hers ya know
She also knew I would and never did take any renumeration for any of what I nor Cait did  NOT RIGHT imho for me
 She told me she was tired and for me to take some time that my sister was coming for this weekend I said MOm I still have to come down and do the baths ands stuff ....
I should have known Honest to God I should have known she said no it will be okay I will get Telle or her to do it so that your sores will clear up and you rest for the weekend and so I did but I find out she was sent home by my doc with A toch of pneumonia on the Friday ( no one told me this my doc did ) and was in hospital on Saturday night because my sister with her infinite wisdom DECIDED to pull 40 yr old wall paper and Paint the kitchen with Mom laying on couch
Yes they tell me they had fans and ya da ya  da .............
Mom was never to come back home again
I saw her Sunday just before the alrams went off like crazy said I love you mom and God dont dont leave me yet please............She was intubated and the airlifted to a Hospital in London
London Health Science Centre....we were all there this is when I learnt AGAIN from my doc that the paper and painting had been done ....................they knew not to tell me
Later that night sister calls and says mom is okay and resting so for me to rest I told her I had some Major things to talk about with her she justs stayed quiet
I hung up a knawing feeling kept coming and going
I must have finally fell asleep for at 6:05 am on Monday March 20th mom was GONE...........
I was not with her and  was not first they called I was last thinking i would flip out
I have more class than that
NOW I am still waiting for her ashes and YES this time I will flip it has been about a yr and there is NO reason they are not here
I have been wallowing in grieif being helped by my HW friends this past yr BUT I know the time is coming
I have dad in Hospital worried he is gonna go thats why I am constantly there I WILL not let him die alone he told me he wants to be with mom........
Broken Hearts are a big Death Cause in the world today
Sorry for ranting I had to get it out
Thanks to those that have read
LUVS
LYN........
PLEASE......Make memories cherish every second possible for there will be a time when memories is all you have,I am glad she is out of pain and with her Maker but darn I miss her more each day,Never take for granted what can be taken in a minute 
 
Please share here if you would like
lYN
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 Never compromise your self nor your dignity... 
 Dream, Reach and Believe ......
 
 
          ** When You FEEL Anothers Pain You FEEL Humbled ** 
 
   
                             
 Co Mod @ Crohns                                     
 Moderator@ Alzheimer's 
 Moderator @ Anxiety/Panic
 
                                     LYN
                                  
                          
                                  


Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/14/2007 1:29 PM (GMT -7)   
                                        GUILT.........
 
  Sometimes there may be feelings of guilt for the way we may have treated someone in the past and feelings of guilt for not visiting enough or showing interest with the person (s) looking after loved ones .......or of the loved one .
BUT ....It is not an easy thing for many pple to do it takes strong will determination and you have to give yourself over 24/7 to this person every day not just for one although it can help if you kinda go over and say hey Mom let me do that or Dad or Grampa can I talk her for a walk in her chair??
 
Dont let this guilt eat you up
Sneaky it is and it will if you let it I promise you that
You may have guilt over being embarrassed by loved ones behaviour ...DONT.........its hard but try not too ..we need soooooo much more research and info on this DD to show our children to have empathy and understanding some of what is going on not be guilty
Dont be embarassed I never was except the one time she( mom) spoiled her pants in store) and a comment was directed to her MOM had tears my embarrassment turned to anger and I so wanted to grab hold of that sacastic woman YET instead I said " never mind Momma , we will go and fix ya up k and come back to finish up what we were doing"
Mom did not want to go back in but I finally got her laughing about the woman and her lack of finesse and shpping was done 
I did see that woman again when we wnt back in and told Mom sit tight locked the chair and I had a mission
I went to her and very politely said
MY MOTHER has Alzheimers and you have not only embarrassed her as well as yourself but you HURT her and made her cry.........Hoping your children are of a kinder mind and heart
Have a great day
That was that and we carried on and had a good day
 
PLease do share stories here we have to get them out cannot have them all bottled up inside
Luvs ta all
                                    "God Bless The Caregivers of the World"


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Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 9/23/2007 5:20:35 AM (GMT-6)


Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/16/2007 2:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Am going to save this post on this topic as I have my plate right full with ANOTHER death a friend of Howies for 20 yrs found in his bed died from anuerism at 38 left behind new wife and 2 small babes
I am literally in a anxiety mode and emotions are way outta whack
Will try to do tomorrow .......sorry
LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
 
 Never compromise your self nor your dignity... 
 Dream, Reach and Believe ......
 
 
          ** When You FEEL Anothers Pain You FEEL Humbled ** 
 
   
                             
 Co Mod @ Crohns                                     
 Moderator@ Alzheimer's 
 Moderator @ Anxiety/Panic
 
                                     LYN
                                  
                          
                                  


Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/19/2007 3:27 PM (GMT -7)   
When having to find a home or placement for a Loved one you can no longer look after a whole slew of emotions will erupt
prolly Guilt being the first
You have to tell yourself that if you cannot do it no more they are better off with ppl that can do it ..........

Not all ppl unfortunately are able finacially nor physically to keep a loved one at home
Do not feed into the guilt
LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
 
 Never compromise your self nor your dignity... 
 Dream, Reach and Believe ......
 
 
          ** When You FEEL Anothers Pain You FEEL Humbled ** 
 
   
                             
 Co Mod @ Crohns                                     
 Moderator@ Alzheimer's 
 Moderator @ Anxiety/Panic
 
                                     LYN
                                  
                          
                                  


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/23/2007 6:17 AM (GMT -7)   
                        Isolation...........Lonliness
 
 
 
  Some ppl that are the sole caregivers of their loved one albeit wife,husband mother or father will at one point feel isolated and lonely
The Isolation will or can stem from being the only one caring for loved one ..friends disappear at most times and so do alot of family members .........
 You are looking after your loved one 24/7 and are consumed with thier aspect of care in EVERY way ......it can be at times very lonely
 Try to involve your family members tell them that
" Grandma or Grandpa or Mom / Dad have a disease they cannot help and they still need the love from ALL that loved them prior to this illness "
 
 Most times in my opinion this stems from Ignorance of Alzheimers have them read up if they will and find out what their loved one is going thru
 
....You as the sole Caregiver Have to have some down time and not just when they are sleeping you are kinda like a " soldier on watch" even when they seem to be sleeping peacefully most times you do not ,waiting for that lil noise or movement letting you know they are awake and need attention........
 
Do not feel guilty if you have a person from Homecare come in so you can go out and have a couple of hours to self you really need to Re group and get your self some time where you are able to talk to others and see what is going on in our world
Yes it is the greatest thing you can do Caring for those you LOVE but you do need a break once in awhile
 
A bit of the time I feel the total isolation when no one comes about for Dad and I nor did they for Mom and us ......
 
Tell your daughters /sons /grandchildren it is okay she / he is still in there and needs all the love and understanding ...SO DO YOU..........
 
Seniors are the Backbone of our SOCIETY and should be treated as the great ppl they are and given plenty of credit for what they have given to the world .......
If not for them where would we be ......
 
 I really use to get upset over no one coming round but now I see it like this I cannot force them and perhaps they dont have that " connection" I do or ability I was given by HIM to do what I do ..........
 
.not everyone is cut out to do this .......
 
DO NOT isolate yourself as it will be all the harder to get back into the swing of the outside world and whatnot when the time comes for them to be called home
If you are depressed lonely and NEED to cry for what could have been and the what ifs ......DO SO there is no shame in emotions and TEARS .....
 
When Mom passed I went into a deep depression and it scared me I am coming out of this by having mentors like Grampa Padraig and others to help me thru
WE ALL NEED A BIT OF HELP.....no matter how strong we are or put forward we are we do need the help .....do not be ashamed to ask for it .nor let stubborness get in the way ......
..This forum and the ppl are fantastic and Padraigs story shows what day to day caring is all about ....
Take the time to read it if you choose I am sure it will hit home with many things he has posted and gone thru
 
 I wish all of you only love ,happiness and peace of mind that YES you are doing the right thing by being there for those that need us /you
BUt I do implore all to get some " time out "
Do not be isolated and lonely ........thats not what your loved ones would want for you .....
I think I am pretty safe in saying this .........
 
 " God Bless The Caregivers "..........
LYN
 
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 **When you Feel Anothers Pain ....You Are Humbled**
 
 
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Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/27/2007 2:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Sorry all had to deal with Daughter having meltdown over too many deaths and too much responsibilty
Is really worried I am going to leave her as the others have

Not going anywhere for a long time .......LYN


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Dx with Crohns ,pyoderma gangrenosum ,Anxiety and panic
 Way to many meds to put down ..........
 
                   ONE step..Leads to MORE 
                       
 God Bless
   LYN                               
                          
                                  

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 5/17/2007 5:02:26 PM (GMT-6)


Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/28/2007 6:55 AM (GMT -7)   
 Decided since we have a few new members now that are dealing with their loved ones living with them I would post some of what may be feeling or going thru and what you may expect or what you can do to help or find another solution...........
 
 
                   If Your Parent  Lives With You and has Alzheimers
 
 Sometimes there is your parent living with you and if you are married you may go thru many hurdles because of it ...the sexual aspect of your marriage can be badly disrupted and this in turn will and can cause other problems in your relationship
 
You may be too tired to make love or you may have stopped going out together on " dates" in the evenings so you end up losing the Romance that may have kindled the " lovemaking" in the firstplace
Your confused parent may be a wanderer and be up and about banging or getting in to things ......could be irritable ....shouting and or aggressive and even knocking on your BD door constantly
 Relationships are hard enough sometimes but with the added stressors it can be very difficult to keep your marriage intact
The relationship should be enriched by all the parts of a open and happy one
 
This includes talking ......facing troubles and financial difficulties together as well as having the intimacy that is so needed at times
 
Strong relationships can and will survive if you put aside some things for a bit but not for too long
 
It is imperative that you find the time and energy for one another ....get someone you trust to come in and go out even if its just to have a cup of coffee or catch a movie .......
 
Make yourself find different ways and avenues to create the romance and as well as the privacy you need so dearly to keep your mariage happy and healthy.........
I was extremely lucky with my hubby he was always there for me and for Mom and we did argue at times which is natural IMHO about losing alot of time together but he also knew just how close I was to Mom and now I am doing the same for DAD but unfortunately Howie and I have split and I and Cait now share the caregiving for Dad........
 
Take care of you and your spouse as well as your parent and remember that your spouses are dealing with most of what you deal with as well ........
 
God Bless the Caregiver
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 **When you Feel Anothers Pain ....You Are Humbled**
 
 
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Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 4/11/2007 10:52 AM (GMT -7)   
nono  In my opinion and remember this is just MO
Watching those you care for and love going downhill  in front of your very eyes is the or one of the hardests things you as the caregiver will have to face 
 
Do keep in mind that they are still your loved ones no matter what condition they are in
 
Talk to them show them old pics and really try to keep a routine for them as well as you it is alot easier '
You may also find that many " friends" and some " family" members cannot deal with this at all and so you are left dealing with most of it all on your own
 
Keep a time for you please make sure you have read thru  other emotions I am sure some will hit home with you
 
If possible take them out whether in W/C or not let them see the beauty of nature
Some part of them is still THERE
 
YOU have to find it and nourish it with old memories and making many new ones
 
You ( i) are already grieving for the person you have "lost" to this Disease and that is something you need to face daily not by choice but by circumstance in the progression of this DD
 
I wish all of you the best and know you are surely 'Angels " from above
 
 Love them always and nuture that Love
 
God Bless The Caregiver
 
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Dx with Crohns ,pyoderma gangrenosum ,Anxiety and panic
 Way to many meds to put down ..........
 
Take that Lil step ..I will hold your hand and we will make big strides
 
                             
 
   LYN                               
                          
                                  


Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 4/30/2007 3:39 PM (GMT -7)   
sad  To me I find it very sad if you have a loved one at home and they are able to walk or have a wheelchair ........that they might not get outside and see other ppl and the beauty in the world
 
Yes they are almost non aware of many things BUT they do need fresh air they need to be around other ppl and they need to be accepted by others in Community ......
 
AD is NOT contagious as we all know so if you are able to take your loved one out even to shop I would really suggesst you try it even if its only once to see how it goes .........
They no doubt would sleep better and perhaps their appetite would be better as well
 
They are still able to see the wonders in the world the changes in the world and all of the different things going on
 
Never be embarrassed for doing all of these things for those you care for ....your loved ones
 
I take Dad to Market and I take him around town all the time he loves it especailly yard sales and seeing ppl he remebers a few ....pretends he knows others but I know different as do they BUT they enjoy seeing him as well ..........
 
Remember this is my opinion not something that I am trying to throw down anyones throat ..
I just think if possible get them out .........
 
God Bless the Caregiver......... tongue
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Dx with Crohns ,pyoderma gangrenosum ,Anxiety and panic
 Way to many meds to put down ..........
 
Take that Lil step ..I will hold your hand and we will make big strides
 
                             
 
   LYN                               
                          
                                  


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 5/4/2007 10:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Make sure you get some down time for you as well
It helps not to be overtired and frustrated
Your loved ones can feel the emotions still .........
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Co Mod ..Crohns Forum
Co Mod A/P Forum
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Dx with Crohns ,pyoderma gangrenosum ,Anxiety and panic
 Way to many meds to put down ..........
 
Take that Lil step ..I will hold your hand and we will make big strides
 
                             
 
   LYN                               
                          
                                  


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 5/17/2007 4:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Being the sole Caregiver IS a very hard task and with it comes many emotions as we have read ......
You do need to look after yourself just as well or you wont be able to do what is needed for them you love
In my opinion
Yes the rewards are great for sure
Please take care of you too
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Co Mod ..Crohns Forum
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Dx with Crohns ,pyoderma gangrenosum ,Anxiety and panic
 Way to many meds to put down ..........
 
                   ONE step..Leads to MORE 
                       
 God Bless
   LYN                               
                          
                                  


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/11/2007 1:17 PM (GMT -7)   
sad  YES they have this DD that robs them and us of most of them
BUT I implore you to make " Memories " with your loved ones even if they are bedridden ......

Cuddle them up ,brush their hair .....anything and take pics ......
or if you dont want pics keep that memory in your heart
 
You never know what can happen and I feel strongly about this memories and I know it is my opinion but I felt I needed to share
If they are in w/c or using walkers /canes whatever mode .......have them outside with you talk to them about the old days the things you remember they did and the fun and enjoyment you and they had doing these things
 
I still take dad out and go places I made alot of Great memories of mom and they are something I draw on daily
 
Am doing this with dad as well as I know he will not be here much longer.......soon he will be with her and outta the Hell he is in.........
 
I dont want this to happen believe me I will be devasted yet I feel it causes me more pain to see him deteriorate and say " he wants to just die" daily ........
It rips my heart out .......
 
Just my thought and my opinions
** NO offence meant to anyone **
 
God Bless

LYN 


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 DX with Crohns, Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety /Panic
 
  
          Be Thankful for the Difficult times..During those times we GROW
 
                 EMPATHY is Always Better than APATHY
 
                 " Friends Are Cheaper Than Therapists "
 
  
                                  

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 9/23/2007 5:29:32 AM (GMT-6)


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 7/5/2007 4:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Taking care of your health physically and mentally is a must in order to help others properly imho

just my opinion

luvs lyn
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 Your Mind is like a Parachute...Works better when IT IS Open
 
 Be Thankful for the Difficult times..During those times we GROW
 
             EMPATHY is Always Better than APATHY
 
 Walk With Us We Will Take your Hand .......
 
  
                                  


minmark
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 182
   Posted 7/5/2007 5:54 AM (GMT -7)   
I just read your postings, I'm really touch. It's true and I can feel it. I know exactly what you mean. I see that to our residents, to their family, the mix emotions that you discussed.

I'm not a family caregiver, but I'm also a caregiver in a facility and an administrator, employee in short, but I share the common feeling with them. I always talk to our caregiver that they must have patience, love and understanding to our residents. Treat them as their family. We're not here just to do the job, or just for money. We must have compssion to the elderly.

Caregiving job must come from the heart. Sometimes the residents are very mean but you must understand them that they are not doing this in purpose, they are sick individual, they have pain and discomfort, if you don''t understand them, caregving job is not for you.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 7/6/2007 4:59 AM (GMT -7)   
HI and welcome
I too worked in the field actually owned my own retirement home and most of my family worked there as well as hubby at the time
Dad cooked in kitchen Mom was Office and assisstant Admin for me I was the owner and Admin
BUT I changed and did everything that I expected the staff to do as well

IN our staff room I had put up a huge piece of Bristol board that read
1...All residents to be treated with respect and dignity
2...Remember that EMPATHY is NEEDED and Given FREELY
3...Love each one differently just as each one is different
4..Family is what this HOME is all about
I was never so devasted when my health went right down and Mom got Alzheimers at the time too so I had to sell home
I can still remember ppls names ...birthdays ,likes and dislikes ect
I honestly wish I was still able to be doing this it really is hard to not do what you love best
THat is why I am on HW so much trying to reach out and give back some of all I have been given over the yrs ......

YOUR post is right on you are definitely one that is a true loving person with them at heart
I thank you for that
Please do stay with us
I am sure you have much input and info to help as well

Glad to have you aboard ........and in "our lil family".

LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Moderator for Anxiety /Panic
Moderator for Alzheimer's
Co Moderator for Crohns Disease 
 
 DX with Crohns, Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety /Panic
 
 Your Mind is like a Parachute...Works better when IT IS Open
 
 Be Thankful for the Difficult times..During those times we GROW
 
             EMPATHY is Always Better than APATHY
 
 Walk With Us We Will Take your Hand .......
 
  
                                  


minmark
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 182
   Posted 7/6/2007 8:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Lyn. I'm talking as a private caregiver.

It's hard to be a caregiver, it's a stressful job. You're not dealing to the residents alone but also to their family. There are those who don't understand and too demandingn. But of course there is always those who appreciate to what you are doing to their love ones. In our facility, I always talk to the caregivers to love their job. To give their best. Our residents need love and compassion. The families are not always there in time of their needs. When they have pain, we're here to comfort them. In their period of depression, we are beside them. And we feel the sadness of the family when their love ones is gone. Years of taking care the residents develop a relationship filled with love and compassion. Caregivers are here to fill up the needs of the residents that the family could not give when they are in the nursing home or board and care. I hope this happen to all residential care facilites for the elderly where love and care are catered daily.

minmark
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 182
   Posted 7/6/2007 9:10 AM (GMT -7)   
On the other hand, it's rerwarding to be a caregiver too. It gives you fulfillment and happiness. It gives you inner joy if you share your feelings with them, make life worthwile, and maintain their independence in their small ways. This feeling of joy is priceless. And the reward that God is giving me, I'm still able and independent for 16 years that I'm sick of Parkinson"s Disease.

Thanks for the opportunity of sharing.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 7/6/2007 2:42 PM (GMT -7)   
I agree totally with both aspects of caring you have posted about ........
LIKE I said you are an asset to this forum
Feel free to start threads ( titles) on any subject that you feel is relevant and I may have missed

I appreciate your wise and caring ways

God Bless
LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Moderator for Anxiety /Panic
Moderator for Alzheimer's
Co Moderator for Crohns Disease 
 
 DX with Crohns, Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety /Panic
 
 Your Mind is like a Parachute...Works better when IT IS Open
 
 Be Thankful for the Difficult times..During those times we GROW
 
             EMPATHY is Always Better than APATHY
 
 Walk With Us We Will Take your Hand .......
 
  
                                  


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/23/2007 4:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Many outsiders think that because "our loved ones" have that BLANK look that they are not there and do not need any kind of COMMUNICATION..........

IMHO.....that is totallly NOT so ..........

They need touch they need to be talked too and they also need to feel the person's love


AS well never think that THEY do not feel the vibes coming from you as they really do and they take it all in causing more confusion and anxiety.....IMHO

Give them the love caring and unending devotion they REALLY need and soooo deserve

You will be the Richer for it .................Just my half penny worth today

Luvs
God Bless
LYN


    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Moderator for Anxiety /Panic
Moderator for Alzheimer's
Co Moderator for Crohns Disease 
 
 DX with Crohns, Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety /Panic
 
  
          Be Thankful for the Difficult times..During those times we GROW
 
                 EMPATHY is Always Better than APATHY
 
                 " Friends Are Cheaper Than Therapists "
 
  
                                  

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 9/24/2007 5:04:12 PM (GMT-6)


Shelter
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 155
   Posted 9/24/2007 8:35 AM (GMT -7)   
WOW
I am so glad to have come across this today
so see that others share the same compassion, and convictions
to love, care for and
I have worked in long term special care now for 6 years
amen to all comments
SELF CARE also vital to refuel so we can continue to pour out
They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their Strength, they shall mount up on wings as eagles, they shall run & not grow weary, they shall walk & not faint..."  Ish   40 v. 31
 
~
Sjrogrens Syndrome, Asthema, Chronic Fatigue, Chronic Pain, Head aches, Migraines, Gastro Intestinal Problesm,  Esophegial Spasms, L4 & L5 Misaligned, degeneratvie problems, 
~
Meds:  Cyclobeniprine, Amitripaline, Advil, Robaxacet, vitamins,  Rhodiola
Garlic, Vit B complex,  Acidophilous, 
 

 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/24/2007 4:21 PM (GMT -7)   
HI there and WELCOME

I too have worked in NH's and I owned a Retirement home that I ran with almost all my family members.....
Mom was an RN.....My brother a RN specializing in Psychiatry .......Me in Geriatrics .....

My dad cooked in the Kitchen for the Residents and we all had a GREAT family atmosphere there AT ALL times

The residents were top prioity their well being,dignity and being treated as an adult not a child was inner most of importance to me
I also had a ZERO tolerance for any abuse verbal or physical .........

I actually had to FIRE my ex for drinking on nights while supposed to be looking after the residents
I did everything that I expected the Health Care Aides to do including changing and cleaning up after an accident soiling ........

I had to finally sell the place due to many health issues on my part and Moms......who passed away almost 2 yrs ago now ........

I looked after her all the time she was ill and declining friom this DD and I now look after my dad .......he is going fast ........BUT I am making many memories with him

I am sorry for the vent lol

Glad you have fouind us here and I DO hope that you will become an active part of this " Family"

I am positive you will fit right in and you will be an asset

** I did okay you on my Messenger**.......

Again STAY with us and get to know all the others as well
Add input and info where you feel it will benifit .......

God Bless............Glad to have you

LYN


  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
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Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 7/13/2008 9:52:22 AM (GMT-6)

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