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PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 6/4/2007 10:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Alright this is my first thread. I would like to say that I know how it is growing up with someone your whole life and then they slowly forget who you are. I was really close to my grandfather. Almost closer then any other of his grandchildren, (except shellee). I moved to Florida about 6 years ago leaving him. But he came to visit with my grandma just about once or twice a year and I went to visit them. 3 years ago he had to be placed in a nursing home because it was just too dangerous for him in the real world. He wanted to stay in a house that he practically build from scratch until he died. But that just couldn't happen. I saw him 4 years ago right before he went into a nursing home. He looked normal and talked actual words and looked as if nothing was wrong with him. and then 2 years later (which was last summer) I went back up north to see him. Words could not explain how I felt.
 
He was soo different. he had lost a lot of weight, he couldn't have his dentures in anymore because they didn't fit and his eyes looked hollow. I wanted to cry soo bad when I walked in that room. They told me sit next to him on the bed and I sat as far away from him as I could. I couldn't process everything. my mind was still stuck thinking.. that's not him. Well I finally caught up and was bitting my tongue so I couldn't cry. well someone noticed and said "Nikky are you ok?" I couldn't. I cried out no and walked out of the room. I couldn't. on of my contact lenses fell out cuz I was crying so much. I walked out and my aunt came after me. She said we'd go for a walk so I walked all the way to the end of the hall and waited for them because I didn;t know the code to get out. There was old people staring at me when I was rushing by because I was crying so hard. It didn't really affect my brother and sister until the last day because their younger and whatnot. I don't even think I went back in that room that day. I know I didn't return the next day. I just couldn't. I regret it though. I could of spent some more time with him before he left.
 
 But on Febuary third of this year he drew his last breath. When I found out, I did not cry. It didn't feel as if time stopped. It just continued. I felt as if a big weight was lifted from my shoulders. Relif. He wasn't sufering anymore. He was in heaven and back to normal. He knew what was going on and who we were. He is always with us. I graduated a fe weeks ago and I knew he was there. He would of given everything to be there. And he was. I cried at his funeral yes but after that, I was happy. I knew he was happy to see me happy. He is what, I think, brought the family closer together. Over the last few years we have united way more then before. Especially us grandkids.  We get along great and we're pretty much each other's best friends. It's great!
 
Here is a few poems I wrote in his honer.
 
 The first one is entitled "My Special Hero" (This was before he died)
 
The following poem your about to hear might make you cry,
I'll tell you all right now, none of it is a lie.
It's about the hero who never faught,
It's about the hero I love a lot.
He has a wife and five kids, who now have all grown,
They now have children of their very own.
His name is Normand and his wife's name is Shirl,
The first child they had was a baby girl.
What name should they give a child so serene?
They thaught up the name, Shirlene.
After Shirlene was Kathey, Roger and Terry,
For their final child's name was Debbie.
In a small house is where this big family lived,
A bigger house was what Normand wanted to give.
For years, he made that small house bigger
With old wood he foudn that was just a bit bitter.
He hammered through the morning and night,
He wanted the house to be just right.
When he finished he stood back and admired his work,
An on his face he had a huge smirk.
What us to be a house with 3 bedrooms and a closet sized bath,
With this new house Normand and his family could start a new path.
He raised his children doing his very best,
For he has a big heart which lies within his chest.
He has eleven grandchildren who love him very dearly,
For the first one's name is Michelle followed by her sister Ashley.
After Ashley was Tara, Tyla, Teddy, Nikky and Ian,
But that's not all there was still Sammy, Jesse, Alex and Caitlynn.
Nowadays Norman doesn't remember all their names,
His mind was taken by which Alzheimer's now claims.
He can't remember his days from the past,
In my mind is were they shall last.
There is so much more to add to this long story,
about my hero and all his glory.
 

PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 6/4/2007 11:01 PM (GMT -6)   
Sorry that was a long post. Here is a few that I wrote after he passed away.

"Life After Maine"

Living life so full of fun and laughter,
I wish I knew before what happened after.
Not wanting to die the way he did,
Going back in time to when he was just a kid.
Forgetting people as the disease went on,
The memories he had with his family were gone.
Something happened one day, Febuary third to be exact,
all the memories he had lost were back.
Not knowing if it was good or bad,
What happened that day was very sad.
Normand passed away in his sleep,
Leaving all his possetions for his family to keep.
His baby doll is what I'll keep forever,
But between you and me, my memories of him are better.
In heven now is where he resides,
Sharing sotries with god sitting by his side.
waiting patiently for us to join him,
He'll be the first to great us with a grin.
Now our guardian angel he will be,
Taking care of you and me.

This next one I just wrote today.

"Missing you!"

I am waiting until the day I wake,
To find out it's all a dream,
Your still here alive and well,
But nothing is as it seems.

You have gone and passed away,
Leaving me behind to grieve,
But yet there's something else I feel,
mSomething other's would call "Relif".

Why should I feel this way,
Knowing you just passed?
Because I know your not suffereing,
At peace you are at last.

Together one day we will be,
After I grow old and die,
I know you'll wait for me,
So for now I'll say good bye.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/5/2007 6:44 AM (GMT -6)   
Welcome hun
I am so sorry for your loss mom passed inMarch of 2006 and my dad is just about there as well
I do and did look after both parents in their home
I was able to financially and emotionally as I am a geriatric ( retired nurse) but many cannot .....

Yes the Disease robs us of so much BUT memeories I ahve and are making with my dad daily will stay with me forever ya know

I never thought Mom would go before me ( am very ill ) BUT life has its own course and time was not for me

I too am happy and so relieved to know she is gone and w/o pain anymore

YOUR poems are very beautiful and Poignant
I am thankful you shared with us

Read the post MOM first yr w/o you
It is my way of talking to her all the time as well as other posts here

PLEASE stay with us
YOU need the support and ppl that know what you are going thru
Email me if you want I have info under my name at side

I feel your love,pride and respect for your Grampa ....in your post and in poems

Take care and I am glad you found us here at HW

God BLess

........LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
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Co Mod A/P Forum
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Dx with Crohns ,pyoderma gangrenosum ,Anxiety and panic
 Way to many meds to put down ..........
 
                   ONE step..Leads to MORE 
                       
 God Bless
   LYN                               
                          
                                  


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/5/2007 8:39 AM (GMT -6)   

HI and welcome to Healing well.

You have said it all in your poems, you feelings and love for your Grandpa shine through. Keep posting here as the support is wonderful and this group will help you so much.

Lyn is amazing and the best woman you will ever find.

Again welcome.


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
______________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter


PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 6/5/2007 1:01 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you guys so much. You really never notice how much you love someone until their final years. It was a though run but I know he did it for us. He was always a fighter and was always up for a challenge. To me, he could do anything. To me he didn't lose his battle with Alzheimer's. He faught it everyday to stay alive. Everyday he survived was a victory. His mind just left before his body. I have so many memories with him I could write millions of books with it. I just might write one someday. Who knows. He will be my inspiration. He has been for everything else I have accomplished. He told me to follow my dreams and not give up. I know he's behind me every step of the way. I have a section on my bedroom wall that's dedicated to him. Although since I just moved it's not much at the moment. Just a cross, his obituary and drawing my friend made me a while back that says "I love you!" I'll try and scan it someday and show you all. He taught me soo much and one thing that sticks out the most that he taught me physically was to mow the lawn and hammer a nail, which has come in handy with set building for a play. But mentally he thought me that life has many challenges and to just take them one step at a time. Hold my head up high and know that nothing is impossible.

I'm sorry to hear about your mom and your dad. I know how you feel. I find it great that you took care of them. Your a though girl who has a lot of love and cares very much. ... God Bless You.

stkitt- Thank you. I do feel very welcomed here. I have found people who truely understand how I feel. my ex-bff never understood. (She's an ex because... it's a loooonnnnggg story and I feel much better without her around.) I would try to express myself and tell her how I felt and she would either ignore me or turn it all around and make herself seem like the victum talking about her mother and her family problems. No support from her. When I came back from Maine in Febuary I tried to tell her things that went on up north and she just blew me off. I was soooo stressed out that month that I officially changed the name of it from Febuary to Hell (pardon my language). I came back sick as ever, went to school the next day tired and sick (theres a rule that if you dont show up to school then your too sick to go to an after school activity) and since I was made director for a one act play 2 weeks before my grandpa's passing, I had to go to school, then go to a dress rehersal that night. Do the same thing the next day except it was an actual performance. and I also had rehearsals after school for a different play that I was in and I had a weeks worth of choreography to catch up on. That tuesday night after the performance I left and went straight to the doctors. I found out i had an ear infection in both ears. Snow isn't my friend at the moment lol. But what hurt me the most was when my ex-bff said that I changed. That I was a completly different person. I wanted to yell at her and say "My grandfather just died what do you expect?" but I kept my mouth shut. I'm back to the person I use to be just a little more ... emotional? I see something sad and want to cry. I can't explain it.

If you want to hear about my ex-bff just message me. I'll be glad to share with you all. And thank you all again sooo much for ALL your support.



Nikky

PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 6/5/2007 2:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Also since his wall seccion is by my door Just about everytime I leave my room or enter I say hi to him and that I love him. To me that let's him know. I know he knows even if I say it on here but for some reason if I don't say it to a photo of him or something like that to me he doesn't hear me.
~*~You are gone but never forgotten.I love you Pappy!~*~
 
Love always,
Nikky
 
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/5/2007 6:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Nikky
I look at Moms pic on my walls and say the same
I talk to her in a thread about what is going on and for me it works

I am glad you are findingHW supportive and theppl empathetic

Stay with us sweetie k

Some ppl just dont and never will understand ......

God Bless
LYN.
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Co Mod ..Crohns Forum
Co Mod A/P Forum
Moderator ....Alzheimers Forum 
 
Dx with Crohns ,pyoderma gangrenosum ,Anxiety and panic
 Way to many meds to put down ..........
 
                   ONE step..Leads to MORE 
                       
 God Bless
   LYN                               
                          
                                  


PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 6/5/2007 8:21 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you lyn. I do plan on staying on HW and help others as well.
~*~You are gone but never forgotten.I love you Pappy!~*~
 
Love always,
Nikky
 
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/6/2007 5:26 AM (GMT -6)   
So glad to hear it ........
I am really getting to know you thru your poems and posts

I believe you are an asset to the forum.......

Luvs ya Lyn

Add any input or threads on info you would like to share

God Bless

LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Co Mod ..Crohns Forum
Moderator .......A/P Forum
Moderator ....Alzheimers Forum 
 
Dx with Crohns ,pyoderma gangrenosum ,Anxiety and panic
 Way to many meds to put down ..........
 
                   ONE step..Leads to MORE 
                       
 God Bless
   LYN                               
                          
                                  


PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 6/6/2007 10:59 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm an assest?.. sry im confused.
~*~You are gone but never forgotten.I love you Pappy!~*~
 
Love always,
Nikky
 
 


Shellee374
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 6/6/2007 5:00 PM (GMT -6)   
Nikky,  Being your cousin I had the advantage of reading your poems before you posted them and knowing our grandfather personally they touch my heart every time I read them.  The accuracy and word display hits alot of my same feelings.  Reading your posts I am glad I showed you this message board and am sorry that I didn't sooner.  I don't write in here often, but I read things often.  It amazes me still all the similarities people have when dealing with AD.  Their are many caring, helpful, and supportive people in the group.  My heart goes out to each and everyone that is involved with loved ones having AD and the loss from the disease.  We know how it is, and know their is only so much we can do, and I'm glad we have this board to help us pull through.  I'll stay posted, and will talk with you later!  Love you!  Shell

PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 6/6/2007 5:08 PM (GMT -6)   
I love you too Shell!
~*~You are gone but never forgotten.I love you Pappy!~*~
 
Love always,
Nikky
 
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/6/2007 6:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Asset meaning you are good for this forum sweetie ......
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Co Mod ..Crohns Forum
Moderator .......A/P Forum
Moderator ....Alzheimers Forum 
 
Dx with Crohns ,pyoderma gangrenosum ,Anxiety and panic
 Way to many meds to put down ..........
 
                   ONE step..Leads to MORE 
                       
 God Bless
   LYN                               
                          
                                  


PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 6/7/2007 7:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Ooooooooohhhh ok. Thank you :D
~*~You are gone but never forgotten.I love you Pappy!~*~
 
Love always,
Nikky
 
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/7/2007 7:58 PM (GMT -6)   
NO problem
Truth is always my way sweetie

God Bless
LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Co Mod ..Crohns Forum
Moderator .......A/P Forum
Moderator ....Alzheimers Forum 
 
Dx with Crohns ,pyoderma gangrenosum ,Anxiety and panic
 Way to many meds to put down ..........
 
                   ONE step..Leads to MORE 
                       
 God Bless
   LYN                               
                          
                                  

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