In memory of Pappy

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Pappywithwings
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 6/5/2007 2:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi everyone, I'm new here and I don't talk much, but I am here to talk about my grandfather whom I called Pappy and whom had suffered from Alztimers (I think I mispelled that?) Anyway here it goes.
 
 
There once was a man named Pappy who loved is family so much. I have known him throughout my whole life from when I was born to the end of his day. Whenever my family and I visited him and his wife, we would always have a good time being together. I remember going to see him and having fun, he would teach us things like how to stack cards, how to play some games, how to not play in the snow for too long, how your not awake until your out of the bedroom, and all kinds of other stuff. He even told some tales about his past when he was younger and how there wasn't any internet. I remember he would always rock me in his rocking chair, even when I got older and bigger he would always rock me. Then 6 years ago, my family and I were moving and my Pappy was in the hospital because he was sick. When we left the hospital my family was crying except me because I didn't understand what was happening, I was surprised that my younger brother was crying too. I would ask why was everyone crying, but they wouldn't answer me until 20 minutes past by. My mother told me that we wouldn't see Pappy again and then I joined the others at crying. After living far away for a few months I had realized that Pappy had Alztimers, when I found out what it was I became sad, but I was always happy to see him whenever we visited him. 3 years ago, my grandfather was put into a nursing home because it became too dangerous for him in the real world. I remember visiting him last summer in the nursing home, he looked so much different from what I had remembered. His eyes had looked sad, his dentures had to be taking away, and he could barely walk. I wanted to cry, but I didn't because in the past before he had Alztimers, whenever someone cried he would cry too. So, I didn't cry, my sister and brother were sitting with our 2 cousins on the other side of the room, trying to not get close to him. I went by his side and let him hold my hand. I would let him hold it until my hand started to change colors. My siblings and cousins left because they didn't want to cry in front of him. I remember when he said my name a few days after visiting him and a tear came down my face, he remembered us for the first time in a long time. I was so happy. When school started I was in my Freshman year of high school and my sister was in her senior year of high school, I remember on Febuary 2 when I was with my friends at school talking when one of my friends came and hug me, saying that she felt sorry for me. I asked her why and she said that my sister told her that my grandfather was in the hospital. I didn't cry since we were still in school. I went home thinking that I was going to cry, but I didn't, why? I didn't know. That day my mom was on her way with her sisters and brother to go see their father. The next day at home my father told me and my brother that Pappy might not make it over the weekend, my brother cried so much and told his friends on the internet that he was scared. I hugged him and let him cry on my shoulder, I kept telling him that everything was going to be alright and a few tears came to my eyes because my brother was crying and I didn't like anyone crying. That night I went on my knees and prayed really har to god, telling him try and try to help my grandfather survive. On Saturday morning around 11:20am, my father woke me up, and told me that he didn't make it. I didn't cry, but when I entered the kitchan to get myself breakfast I asked my father if he past away on a nice day, but he didn't know. Since my grandfather liked sunny days he would be happy, but if it was raining he would be sad. I cried in the kitchen very quietly until I heard my siblings approching the kitchen, then I wipped my eyes and didn't face them since I didn't want them to worry. We then went and bought what we needed and went on a plane. As I looked outside the window I saw many clouds that looked like they were carying angels and coming to greet their newest member. I cried and tried to not let anyone see me, unfortunetly the men who was serving drinks saw me and asked me quietly if I needed a drink, I nodded yes, then he gave me my drink and continued his job. After arriving and meeting our family members and having fun by watching home videos and telling jokes until the day came, the day I did not wish to have. We walked into the building and took off our jackets and walked, I didn't want to see him in a cascet I DIDN'T I DIDN'T I DIDN'T WANT TO!!!!!! but I had to to show respect. When I walked into the room I froze in fear, I saw him laying there with flowers all around him. My mother walked with me to see him, I saw him and noticed that he looked like his old self and was smilling. My mother told me to say Hi, but when I did there was no sound, just movement. I walked away and sat with my cousins. The day went on and I went with my cousin to go say things to him, my cousin didn't say anything, she only cried, but I told him the many things that we have done and what he has done. After that day I had noticed that all my tissues were gone and that my sister had cried so much on that day. The next day was the sme thing, except we had to go in the church. We all went by 2's, I was with my mom near the front of the line and my sister was with my cousin crying and crying while my brother, my father,  2 cousin's, and 2 uncles went and put his case in the vehicle. The rest of my family were all women, I decided before we went in the church to make them happy and not sad and said "Thank god we have 6 guys" everyone laughed since it was true and even the man who worked their asked if we had 6 guys on perpose, but we didn't. When we entered the church we did the whole thing and the priest asked some family members to come up and say things, unfortunetly he accidently mispernounced my mother's name and made some people laugh. My mother went up and said the most perfect speech, only a few tears came to my eyes as she read it, and I remember looking at my dad, who had tears coming down from his eyes. After finishing her speech my mother came back to sit next to me and as soon as she sat down she kneeled down on my lap, covering her face and crying into tears. My Aunts were in behind us saying that she did a good job, I rubbed her back and said that she did good. She sat back up and wipe the tears away. After the funeral we went to eat, I remembered asking a few of my family members a question. I had said that everyday you learned something new everyday and on that day when pappy passed away what did they learn from him. They told me their answers and went to asked other family members the same question. Our family members left to go back home and we left on Sunday because we missed so much of school. But while we were still visiting I had learned many things from the day he past away, but the most important one was to never change who you are because it can lead to dangerous paths with your family members or your friends in the future. All and all that is my story of my grandfather Pappy, may he rest in piece.

PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 6/5/2007 3:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Took me a few sentences to figure out who you were. I started reading it and was thinking... "Wow this person went through the exact EXACT same thing as me." Now I know who you are. The sister you are talking about.. is me. I never knew you felt this way. You never came to talk to me. You know I'm always here for you and Alex. When Alex was crying at the computer I just let you guys cry. I knew you needed your moment. I knew eventually you would come and talk to me. Never thought it would be on here but you did. And I appreciate it Sam. And I know that Pappy loves you very VERY much and he's waiting for you in heaven so he can rock you again and sing "By lo baby" and tell his stories. And bring us up to date on the new things happening in Heaven and in the world. He'll have an eternitys worth of stories to tell us when we arrive. I couldn't of said any of that better myself. That's how felt and except the only difference between you and I was I did cry.

I froze when we entered his room at teh funeral home. I remember smeeling flowers as soon as we entered. I remember our cousin group hugs we would have. And at the end of the service in the funeral home, as we were getting ready to march to the church. I know that he was crying with a smile on his face when he saw us cousins holding each other's hands (snotty or not from nose blowing) and forming a perfect half circle infront of him. Showing him how much we loved each other and how much we supported and were there for one another. I placed my flower on his heart showing him and letting him know that he will always be in mine. He's at peace now and he finally found his mommy. He 's been searching for her throughout his Alzheimer's years (She was dead) and now he's found her and their together at last. Although he wasn't in the hospital when he died Sam. He was still at the nursing home. He wasn't hooked up to any machine or anything. we didn't prolong the suffering. He drifted away naturally and in his sleep.

I remember when I was kneeling beside him, I told Michelle when she was with me. "He's not dead, he's just resting his eyes." Remember that's what he always told us when we caught him taking a nap in his rocking car? We would hear him snooring away and we'd be like "Pappy your sleeping." He would wake and say "No. I'm just resting my eyes." Then we would all laugh.
~*~You are gone but never forgotten.I love you Pappy!~*~
 
Love always,
Nikky
 
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/5/2007 6:03 PM (GMT -6)   
I am very happy that the two of you are getting your innermost feelings and thoughts out
I am so happy that HW has brought you's together to do tthis

God Bless
LUvs
LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Co Mod ..Crohns Forum
Co Mod A/P Forum
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Dx with Crohns ,pyoderma gangrenosum ,Anxiety and panic
 Way to many meds to put down ..........
 
                   ONE step..Leads to MORE 
                       
 God Bless
   LYN                               
                          
                                  


PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 6/5/2007 8:23 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you Lyn. :D
~*~You are gone but never forgotten.I love you Pappy!~*~
 
Love always,
Nikky
 
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/6/2007 5:40 AM (GMT -6)   
NO problem at all
HW is the greatest and has helped me in so many ways my friend

Keep posting and sharing your thoughts

God Bless

LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Co Mod ..Crohns Forum
Moderator .......A/P Forum
Moderator ....Alzheimers Forum 
 
Dx with Crohns ,pyoderma gangrenosum ,Anxiety and panic
 Way to many meds to put down ..........
 
                   ONE step..Leads to MORE 
                       
 God Bless
   LYN                               
                          
                                  


PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 6/6/2007 11:09 AM (GMT -6)   
yeah I agree. It's a great place to make friends and talk about my pappy
~*~You are gone but never forgotten.I love you Pappy!~*~
 
Love always,
Nikky
 
 


Pappywithwings
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 6/6/2007 11:45 AM (GMT -6)   
^_^ yes it is and thank you so much dear sister for letting me know of this site. And thank you Lyn. One day there will be a cure for all diseases, including the ones our loved ones are suffering through.

PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 6/6/2007 2:18 PM (GMT -6)   
I agree.
~*~You are gone but never forgotten.I love you Pappy!~*~
 
Love always,
Nikky
 
 


Shellee374
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 6/6/2007 5:51 PM (GMT -6)   
Sammy, I am so glad Nikky shared this site with you and not getting much of a chance to talk with you since we lost Pepe I was glad to read your experience. So much of it I can relate to. The memories we shared with Pepe from our horsie rides on his leg, picking strawberrys, to our Christmas Can Can dance! Truley we are blessed to have so many fond and wonderful memories. Everyone deals with greif differently and the fact you were'nt much of a crier doesn't mean you didn't feel the impact of our huge loss. When my Mom called me to tell me that Pepe wasn't doing well I had anxiety to just get to him to be with him, but I didn't cry. Our Mothers made the arrangements for us to head to Maine and I stayed up all night packing. As I was packing I put on a black jacket to see how it looked to wear for his funeral and thats when it hit me and I had my first big cry. When I finally saw him I didn't cry again until the time he passed. Being with him around his passing time Sam I want to share with you that I spent his last night with Pepe, Aunt T, and your Mom. When I looked out the window it was snowing but it was clear out and the courtyard with the tree and gazebo was beautiful. I had left just before he left us and when I got back their was such a feeling of Peace. And by the way it was a cold but sunny day. I think with our family where he was such a funny man we were able to turn our grief quickly into comedy where everyone had such funny memories of him. Going through old photographs where he was always such a ham kept us entertained. The services were hard, seeing him, and having to say our final goodbyes to his body the tears were here and there. I had to try to control myself some however because I gave away all my tissues! lol I loved what he created within our family. The fact we intermingle so well with each other. Some of us don't see each other often but any time we do we see the love within our family doesn't vanish. He's such a family man and seeing us the way we are I know he is one proud man. I remember you asking me what we learned from this and I am not sure what my response was then but I know I've learned a few things. One being the sad fact that no one lives forever. I am reassured that he will be waiting for us when it is our time. Life is to short and we have to do as much as we can to get the best of it. And I don't think that day I learned the following but I know that day I was reminded of the things Pepe taught me about what was important in life. Family, love and togetherness. Home, how to keep a comfortable, clean house. Friendlieness, helpfullness, and humor. Oh their is just so much he taught us. I gotta go and get a few things done. IM or call me anytime Sam I'm always here for you! Love you!! Shell

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/6/2007 5:59 PM (GMT -6)   
I wish all of you the best in Healing

I am still very much grieving over my mom .......

God Bless all of you

LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Co Mod ..Crohns Forum
Moderator .......A/P Forum
Moderator ....Alzheimers Forum 
 
Dx with Crohns ,pyoderma gangrenosum ,Anxiety and panic
 Way to many meds to put down ..........
 
                   ONE step..Leads to MORE 
                       
 God Bless
   LYN                               
                          
                                  


PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 6/7/2007 7:36 PM (GMT -6)   
thank you Lyn and god bless you as well.
~*~You are gone but never forgotten.I love you Pappy!~*~
 
Love always,
Nikky
 
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/7/2007 8:46 PM (GMT -6)   
WE will travel this journey together and we will get thru the hard parts

I promise you that

God Bless
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Co Mod ..Crohns Forum
Moderator .......A/P Forum
Moderator ....Alzheimers Forum 
 
Dx with Crohns ,pyoderma gangrenosum ,Anxiety and panic
 Way to many meds to put down ..........
 
                   ONE step..Leads to MORE 
                       
 God Bless
   LYN                               
                          
                                  


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/8/2007 9:50 AM (GMT -6)   

I am in awe that Healing Well brought you all together to share your feelings. What a wonderful thing.

You will carry Pappy forever in your hearts and remember all the good times you shared with Pappy and with each other.

Gentle Hugs.


Respectfully
Kitt
Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression 
______________________________________________________
"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” 
~Rosalyn Carter


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/8/2007 5:29 PM (GMT -6)   
Hope all is well and yous keep this talking about your
Good memories

It does help.....
Lyn
God Bless.......
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Co Mod ..Crohns Forum
Moderator .......A/P Forum
Moderator ....Alzheimers Forum 
 
Dx with Crohns ,pyoderma gangrenosum ,Anxiety and panic
 Way to many meds to put down ..........
 
                   ONE step..Leads to MORE 
                       
 God Bless
   LYN                               
                          
                                  


Shellee374
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 8
   Posted 6/9/2007 12:41 AM (GMT -6)   
Skitt about being in awe on how HW brought us toghether just adds to the positive side of the message board and how it helps. We are a pretty close family but half of us live in Maine, and the other half in Florida. So we just don't get to see each other as much as we would like. I found the message board a nice suprise for us to get the opportunity to vent how we felt then and feel now. Thanks to the HW family helps us become an even closer family as we grieve our Grandfather. I know we are getting something out of this and hope in some way our experience can help others as well. Thank You! Shell

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 6/9/2007 7:34 PM (GMT -6)   
AS I have said to many ppl over the YRs this is the best place to meet and get things out ......

I am proud of you all for doing so and I will pray that you all try to heal together

I am with you in spirit and I wish you's all the best........

God Bless
LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Co Mod ..Crohns Forum
Moderator .......A/P Forum
Moderator ....Alzheimers Forum 
 
Dx with Crohns ,pyoderma gangrenosum ,Anxiety and panic
 Way to many meds to put down ..........
 
                   ONE step..Leads to MORE 
                       
 God Bless
   LYN                               
                          
                                  

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