Update.... not so good

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PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 8/11/2007 10:27 PM (GMT -6)   
yeah  Hey everyone,
 
It's been a while since I last posted and thought I would give you all an update on how life is going. My grandmother, who has lung cancer, is doing better. She's living at home now and has a nurse's ad helping her out and everything.
 
My grandfather was officially burried back in May. He doesn't have a tombstone yet. I think we're waiting until after my grandma passes away. It's expensive! I cannot believe the price on those things. We are still paying for his funeral. But he's worth every penny.
 
I've been thinking about a tattoo to get in honor of my grandfather. Although I am waiting until after I have kids to get it. So far there's going to be a Jack (As in the card game jack) because he was a jack of all trades. That's all I came up with so far. It's going to be a small tattoo. I have PLENTY of time to think about it. I ain't having kids for a couple more years that's for sure.
 
As with my life, well it's been pretty busy. I got a job. I'm a cashier in a grocery store. Make good money so. I have also been going to college the last 5 weeks. It's SOOO much fun and SOOOOO much better then high school. No drama whatsoever. I love it there! Been filming a few things and writing some scripts. It's amazing. I'm thinking of making a movie about my grandfather's life. How he grew up and I think it would teach a lot of people about Alzheimer's Disease and what it does to people. Not really anyone gets the feeling. It breaks family's hearts. I know it broke mine. That's why this place here helped me because you all know exactly what I was feeling and how to deal with it. And I thank you all SOOOOOO much for that.
 
One of my good friend's grandfather passed away on tuesday. Of what, I'm not sure. It wasn't Alzheimer's but when she told me he passed away I was immediately reminded of mine. I felt soo bad for her. I wanted to go to the funeral to be with her on friday but I was at school and couldnt make it there. I did get her a card and wrote a medium sized message in it.
 
I also found out that my cousin is now engaged. Don't know when the big day is. They haven't thought of one yet. But I can't wait for it.
 
Well everyone that's my update. I'm sure you'll see me around again very soon. I love you all. God bless each and everyone of you!!!
 
Nikky  xoxo


~*~You are gone but never forgotten.I love you Pappy!~*~
 
Love always,
Nikky
 
 

Post Edited (Pappysbabygrl) : 8/14/2007 11:24:31 AM (GMT-6)


PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 8/14/2007 12:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Alright so my grandma was placed in the hospital yesterday for a hard time breathing and a possible heart attack. they were going to transfer her to a different hospital today but they are no longer doing so. She is taking a turn for the worse and she's not doing good at all. I don't know what I'm going to do now. I just went through all this crap back in Feb with my grandfather and Im pretty sure I'm about to be going through it again. Twice in one year. God why? I don't even know if I'm going to fly up there now or what. I just started a job. I mean I know they would let me take a few days off and whatnot but I also dont want that to come bite me in the butt when I actually do want some vacation time ya know? But I can leave school because its 4 hours long making it pretty much a weeks worth of stuff to make up and 90 percent of most of my grades are in class participation. I dont want to risk losing 16 graduation credits for this. I mean I know this is family and everything but I also want to be able to graduate with everyone else. I dunno. I guess I'll figure it out when the time comes. It might be different. although this time theres no snow so I know I wont come back sick as before. AHHH I hate this.
~*~You are gone but never forgotten.I love you Pappy!~*~
 
Love always,
Nikky
 
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 8/15/2007 8:34 AM (GMT -6)   
Nikky
I am so sorry hun so very sorry
I have been away ....moving and come back to so much pain and sorrow

I wish I could tell you why and have iit make sense but I cannot

I am going to be quite honest as always though okay not trying to hurt you please dont take it that way

Your Nana lost her love her one true love less than a yr ago and she may NOT have the will inside her to get better nor to fight this anymore she may want to go be with him .........
My dad is doing the same and I have seen so many pass from a yes being sick but truly the underlying factor is a BROKEN heart in my career and in my family life ...

Now I am NOT saying this will happen honey I am just giving an example so dont take it wrong k

Dont look at it from the negative way hun try to be more positive I know that is very hard BUT at least try

I am keeping your nan close to my heart as are you in my heart thoughts and prayers

Email me if you want to k......KEEP me posted plz

LUVS
LYN
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PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 8/15/2007 5:57 PM (GMT -6)   
She didn't survive. She passed away last night while I was at work. I told my cousin to call me or txt me to let me know if she goes and he txt me and I knew when I felt my phone vibrate as I was scanning my customer's items that she was gone. I finished my shift and as soon as I punched out I call my mom to confirm it. I went to school today and got 2 classes done. I got work for tomorrow's class but havent heard back from my friday teacher. I need to bring my camera and film my midterm and whatnot. I am not offended in anyway. I too was thinking the same thing. I know he was waiting for her with his arms outstreched. He missed her very much and now they are together again. She was a fighter till the end. I look at this trip as a positive one compare to the last time. Last time there was snow on the ground and I was soooo sick by the end of the week that I just wanted to stay in bed. This time it's summer and also I can go visit my grandfather's grave. I miss him SOOOOOOO much! I'm still a wreck from when he left and I thought I would have a break before having to go through all this again but god didn't want that. He probably saw my grandpa waiting patiently for his wife to join him and god probably felt sorry and decided to rejoin them. I know I'll see them again someday. When I'm old and wrinkly and whatnot but I cannot wait to see them again. I will make them proud. I know they are but I'm going to continue making them proud. They are watching over me from heaven with smiles on their faces.

I wish I could write more but I have packing to do and everything. I will be back tuesday night. I will update you on how it all went when I get back. Thank you sooo much. Love you all!!!!! And god bless!!!
~*~You are gone but never forgotten.I love you Pappy!~*~
 
Love always,
Nikky
 
 


SnowyLynne
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 1539
   Posted 8/15/2007 6:07 PM (GMT -6)   
She is whole once again..............
SnowyLynne


PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 8/15/2007 9:53 PM (GMT -6)   
Yup. she is.
~*~You are gone but never forgotten.I love you Pappy!~*~
 
Love always,
Nikky
 
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 8/16/2007 4:45 AM (GMT -6)   
Sweetie
it is sad but it is no doubt for the best for her and yes she is looking down on you holding your Grampa's hand...my Mom and Grammy all having a yak together ........

They are in a wonderous place that is and has no pain.....

Keep posting here and know I am keeping you in my heart thoughts and prayers

Love and God Bless

She is now in HIS hands..........

LYN
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Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 8/17/2007 5:11 AM (GMT -6)   
Just checking to see how you are holding up sweetie

Hope to see you post when you can .........

LUVS
LYN
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PappysBabyGrl
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Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 8/24/2007 10:09 PM (GMT -6)   
I have returned and let me tell you planes are not my favorite means of transportation. took FOREVER to get home. we were suppose to arrive home at 7 and got home around midnight. It was a pain in the butt let me tell ya.

Other then that the trip was good. I went to visit my grandfather's grave. I miss him sooo much. My grandmother's funeral went great... well as great as funerals get. I went to the viewing on sunday and I sware this was harder then the last. I kneeled by the casket with 2 of my cousins and I just cried. I couldnt look at her while I was there. I ended using my sweater that I was holding as a tissue. it wasnt perdy.

Then at the actual funeral I had to read. That didnt go so well. I tried not to cry before hand but then I got up to the podium and looked at my paper and started bawling. I couldnt do it. My mom rushed up there with me. I told her I couldnt do it and I stood there with my mom and I did read it. Not sure anyone understood me... took me forever to read but I did it. Then on my way back to my seat I almost came face to face with the ground because there was a step that came out of nowhere and I missed it.

She was cremated on tuesday and burried next to my granfther on wednesday. I cannot believe she's gone. It wasn't even the cancer that took her. I actually found out that two weeks ago the doctors ran tests on her and the results were that it was pretty much gone. It no longer showed up on the xrays. But its all the chemo and radiation and lack of food that did it. Her heart gave out.

Sorry it took so long to post an update but I've been soo busy this week with school and work and trying to catch up. Im all caught up in school now but work has me working 33 and a half hours withing the next 9 days and I only have 1 day off. It's crazy but at least I get paid for it. Thats the only reason why I do it.
~*~You are gone but never forgotten.I love you Pappy!~*~
 
Love always,
Nikky
 
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 8/25/2007 6:45 AM (GMT -6)   
Sweetie
Breathe

YOU have been thru so much and yet continue on

I am so sorry about your gramma too
I lost my gammy two yrs to the day.......... Almost ..one day different ) as when I lost her daughter my MOM

Am pleased you like college I did as well lots of fun and you are right no drama ............

JUst keep posting here and letting me ( us ) know how you are making out ..........you still need outside support in my honest opinion and you know we are always here for you ..........

I know how hard this is hun believe me ..........Know that they are both together again ..pain free and whole no more anguish ............

Luvs n God Bless

LYN
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PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 8/25/2007 11:54 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Lynn. I know I can come here and talk to you all more about this. I find it easier to talk online about this stuff then face to face. But it was a shocker. We all thought we had her so at least another 5 years when we found out her cancer was gone. But something funny my cousin said when she was reading the thing she wrote about her infront of church. She said "Pappy was growing inpatient and wanted to be with you again. When you finally joined him he said ' about time you get here' " I can picture him saying that I really can. Also while I was up there I found out a few times about my grandma that I never knew before. A different side of her I guess you can say. She kept EVERYTHING!!! my mom and aunts are still up in maine cleaning the house. They got a lot done in the past 4 days. the only thing their not touching is the atic. My dad and uncle went up there and through some stuff down for us to burn and they burned it. Like old rotting clothes and MANY empty boxes. the rest is all garbage up there. But in the mists of her keeping everything I found stuff that pretty much in a nutshell said how much she really cared about her kids and us grandkids. I didnt figure out the numbers in her screenname until Sunday. After talking to her online for YEARS. because the numbers at the end are 511. meaning 5 kids and 11 grandkids. I found a mother's day card that my mom made for her when she was little. (told ya she kept everything) and when I read it I just about cried. My mom got through half of it and cried. then finished reading it.I wonder if she is gonna keep that card. My dad read it too. It was handmade and what she wrote inside was so nice! My cousin said they found lots of geneology stuff which im interested in finding out. My grandmother helped out my cousin a lot with that. Can't believce how far back they traced. While I was up there I was given a ring and necklace (little blue heart with a cross inside) that belonged to my grandma. Then my aunt (my grandmother's sister) got a dreamsicle that she had given her sister some years ago and told me to take it. The angel is sitting down holding a BIG heart that says "Sister I luv you" and theres a little angel dog sitting next to the angel. I think they bought each other one like that.
It's hard to think that they are gone. I came online the day after my grandma passed away and say her screenname on my buddy list telling me she was online. I IMed it and said "Mimi?" I was hoping she would answer back. My aunt called me and told me it was her that longed onto my grandmothers screenname. I was hoping is was some message from my grandma but it wasnt. I was also still hoping that she would answer back and her passing away was a dream.
~*~You are gone but never forgotten.I love you Pappy!~*~
 
Love always,
Nikky
 
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 8/26/2007 3:46 PM (GMT -6)   
My mother kept everything as well even the cards I made her and the ones her grandaughter cait made her .all the clippings from newspaper of me and sibling as well as my daughter

I am so glad you have the chance to get to know the woman she was deep deep down .........
I also had that chance and it has helped in my grieving process.........

YES plz do keep coming here and talking to us all you are still part of this lil family sweetie okay
God Bless

LYN
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PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 9/2/2007 12:45 AM (GMT -6)   
I had a break down last night. I might have one as I'm writing this who knows. I feel really bad right now after what I remembered last night. Earlier this summer my grandma had asked me to make her a DVD with music and pics of my grandfather. I got my camera and it came with the CD to do it. Well being the lazy person I am broke that promise. I got it in July and didnt download it until the other night where I found out I could do it. I didn't remember my promise I made her until last night. It just REALLY hurts to know that it's too late to make it for her. I was too lazy and didnt do it. I should of done it back when I got the CD in July. Then she could of seen it. I just thought I had more time with her then I did. I stayed up until around 4 this morning and started on a new project. A DVD in remembrance of the both of them. I am making it for my mom.. I'll make a copy for my aunts and uncle too but my mom gets the first one because i said so. I've already showed my dad what I have so far and he says she'll like it. Once I'm finished with it I'll put it on youtube for you all to see what my grandparents have inspired me to do. It's my way of getting through the fact that i broke my promise to my grandma and it's hopefully some way for her to forgive me. I don't know why god would do such a thing. I don't know why he would take her away shortly after my grandpa. I just can't believe it.
~*~You are gone but never forgotten.I love you Pappy!~*~
 
Love always,
Nikky
 
 


PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 9/2/2007 11:00 PM (GMT -6)   
Here is the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyZCHAvtBYo
~*~You are gone but never forgotten.I love you Pappy!~*~
 
Love always,
Nikky
 
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/3/2007 9:25 AM (GMT -6)   
SWeetie
They are both up there KNOWING you kept your promise
DO NOT be so hard on self

It is beautiful............. tears I have
Thanks for sharing
LUVS
LYN


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Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 9/16/2007 6:47:55 AM (GMT-6)


PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 9/4/2007 11:34 AM (GMT -6)   
Your welcome. thank you for watching it. I feel a lot better after I made the vid. Like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. That guilt is gone. Even if I wish she had seen it before she left. She proably saw me making it, smiling the whole time.
~*~You are gone but never forgotten.I love you Pappy!~*~
 
Love always,
Nikky
 
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/4/2007 12:20 PM (GMT -6)   
Are you kidding me they are up there watching it and having Popcorn dripping with BUTTER........

I know they love it sweetie
It is a great testament of your love for them and one another

LYN
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PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 9/4/2007 6:49 PM (GMT -6)   
**** on the whole popcorn and butter thing.

Thank you Lynn. I dunno what I would do without you and everybody here
~*~You are gone but never forgotten.I love you Pappy!~*~
 
Love always,
Nikky
 
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/6/2007 8:10 AM (GMT -6)   
NO worries sweetie
I am in the same boat with Momma gone and dad is not far from going himself told me he wants to Just be with her ..........
Breaks my heart but no doubt it is for the best
I love that man more than anything and I have been bracing myself for this .......he will not talk about it to anyone but me and I guess that makes me closer to him but I shed many tears thru the night .........

Be well darlin
Luvs
LYN
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                 EMPATHY is Always Better than APATHY
 
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PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 9/14/2007 10:18 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm happy to hear that he shares those things with you. It shows just how special your bond is with him and how much you both love each other. I know you both miss your mom. You'll see her again someday. She'll greet you both with wide open arms and say "What took you so long? I was getting tired of waiting for you guys. I missed you too much!" lol.
 
So last night we got a phone call at like midnight with news from my uncle in canada. His ex wife. My ex-aunt. passed away. She was still close to the family and still got along great with my uncle. My cousin is probably a mess right now. She had breast cancer and it spread to her lungs. I havent seen her in like 6 years so it hasnt really affected me. Probably because I haven't seen her is such a long time. I feel really bad for my cousin though. That was her mom and now she's gone. At least she has her dad to take care of her. Poor girl.
~*~You are gone but never forgotten.I love you Pappy!~*~
 
Love always,
Nikky
 
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/16/2007 7:48 AM (GMT -6)   
Ahhh sweetie I am so sorry
I live in Ontario ,Canada ..........

Know my heart thoughts and prayers are with your family


I took my younger brother to see Dad ...( hasnt seen him in 6 mths ) and he was SHOCKED......at the weight loss and how bad dad is .......I had warned him but to no avail

Now that he is staying with me I am hoping he will spend more time with our Dad and get to see what dad goes thru as well as how much he has gone downhill ........It breaks my heart but yep Mom would be saying that lol

Be well hun

Luvs ya
LYN
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PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 9/19/2007 5:20 PM (GMT -6)   
the reaction of your brother sounds like my reaction when I saw my grandfather the first time I saw him in the nursing home. Broke my heart. I was in shocked and couldn't believe the changes. I'm glad to hear your brother is going to live with you and that he can help you take care of him and get to spend some time with your dad and whatnot. I hope everything goes great.
~*~You are gone but never forgotten.I love you Pappy!~*~
 
Love always,
Nikky
 
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/20/2007 11:42 AM (GMT -6)   
He is staying here for a couple of weeks as he is relocating here with his family and yes it has had an effect on him ..not for the good .......Dale now sees what I have been trying to tell them ya know

Take care hun
Luvs LYN
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                 EMPATHY is Always Better than APATHY
 
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PappysBabyGrl
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 65
   Posted 9/22/2007 11:19 PM (GMT -6)   
Oh I see.
 
 
It's my birthday today!!!! I wish they were here to celebrate it.
~*~You are gone but never forgotten.I love you Pappy!~*~
 
Love always,
Nikky
 
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/23/2007 4:00 PM (GMT -6)   
AHHHHHH

Happy Belated Birthday sweetie

No worries they are up there knowing it is your BD

Take care

Luvs
LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
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          Be Thankful for the Difficult times..During those times we GROW
 
                 EMPATHY is Always Better than APATHY
 
                 " Friends Are Cheaper Than Therapists "
 
  
                                  

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