I miss my mom!

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oldestdaug
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 9/1/2007 4:06 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey, Everyone!   I am new to this message board.    My mom has Alzheimers.   Was diagnosed about 5 years ago.  She went to the Dr and he said that she didn't need to live by herself any more.   We have found a wonderful place for her.  It like an apartment complex.  It is such a cute little apartment.     She went to have lunch there yesterday and wants nothing to do with it.    She really does not have a choice.    She has to move.    She lives in a big house that has a big yard.    She has gone off in the car to the grocery with someone that she knows, but she didn't remember.    That was so scarey to us.   We don't want anything to happen to her.   We want her to be safe.   She thinks that we are doing this so we won't have to care for her anymore.  Of course that is not true.  I am the 'bad' daughter.  We were always the closest.   I miss my mom!    Any suggestions would be really helpful. 

Post Edited (oldestdaug) : 9/1/2007 3:14:03 PM (GMT-6)


tinybit
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2007
Total Posts : 120
   Posted 9/2/2007 6:02 AM (GMT -6)   
hi oldest, i'm so sorry about your mom. yes she can't live by her self any more. will someone be watching over her at the apertment? i know that from my momma the diease just gets worse. she's in a really nice nursing home. when she was still at her self more, there was lots of things they could do there. bingo, exersice, games, tv, they took them shopping even. well, keep us updated. i'll say a prayer for yaw.
tiny


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/3/2007 8:48 AM (GMT -6)   
HI and Welcome to HW
I am sorry about your MOm
She will not totally understand nor accept what is happening to her and will blame someone
Dont take it to heart hun it is the DD and I have gone thru it with my mom bless her soul and now my dad
It is very hard to deal with for them and us
Please do stay and post read the other threads we have posted and get the support you need ........

I too am the eldest ........
Again
Welcome
Read the Padraig Posts /thread
LYN
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AlwaysRosie
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 9/3/2007 8:56 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Oldest,

Hugs for you sis . . . I'm also the oldest daughter (although I do have two older bros).

You are taking good care of your mom by keep her safe. Like the others said, she will also have some structure and fun in her day. Of course you and your sibs will be visiting her often. I actually sent out a visiting schedule to my sibs for helping with my dad. I was basically the only one giving mom a break from caring for dad on a regular basis. After I sent out the schedule EVERYONE helped. It was great because we all knew that each Saturday had a visitor for dad and a day out for mom and then I took two days each week and spent half a day so Mom could get out. If they know what to do and when, they are WAY more likely to help.

I hope you'll keep posting and let us know how things go. I'll be thinking about you this week!!

Hugs and Blessings!
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AlwaysRosie          "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!"
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Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/6/2007 10:25 AM (GMT -6)   
How are you doing .........
Post when you can okay

LYN
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          Be Thankful for the Difficult times..During those times we GROW
 
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oldestdaug
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 9/6/2007 6:21 PM (GMT -6)   
WELL, MY MOM IS GOING TO BE MOVING ON THE 15TH, BUT SHE DOESN'T KNOW YET.   MY BROTHER, SISTER AND I ARE GOING TO GO OVER THERE ON THE NIGHT OF THE 14TH AND TELL HER.    DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS ON HOW TO TELL HER    WE WERE AFRAID THAT SHE MIGHT TRY TO RUN AWAY FROM HOME IF WE TOLD HER ANY EARLIER.   THIS PLACE IS VERY NICE.  CUTE AS CAN BE.    I WANT TO GO WITH HER.     ANY SUGGESTIONS WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED.    I AM A TYPICAL BABY BOOMER.   I HAVE AN ELDERLY MOM AND TEENAGE SONS.   :-)     MY BOYS ARE KEEPING ME YOUNG.  ONE IS ALMOST 15 AND THE OTHER ALMOST 18.    HELP!!!!!!!!!! eyes
THANKS I NEEDED TO VENT!

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/8/2007 1:44 PM (GMT -6)   
HI there

I am hoping that you will have a smooth go of it and your mom will be happy in her new surroundings
I would really suggest visiting as much as possible and letting her know that no matter what you are doing and where she is
SHE is loved and always will be
I dont know your mom so I dont know how to approach this with my dad it would be up front and open I would have had to have really hid it from my mom if I were had to put her in a home

It wont be easy on anyone I am sure but do know we are here for you to vent anytime

** could you take off the caps though please** Looks like you are yelling and I know you arent lol
Thanks and hope to hear from you real soon

Lyn
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neely
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 9/12/2007 1:09 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi!
I am a nurse in a Assisted Living facility where most of the residents have some level of dementia.
I commend you for taking the steps you have to insure your Mother's safety. I know it's still a difficult decision. Everything you describe regarding your Mom sounds very typical in comparison to the residents and families I work with. I don't believe I've ever admitted a resident in 15years
that wanted to move into a long term care facility. Even those residents whose dementia is
end stage and can no longer verbalize any negative feelings do usually have an adjustment period.
On the average it takes 2 - 4 weeks at least for a person with dementia to adapt to new surroundings. So the bad news is things could get worse before they better....not always, but usually. The good news is that they do usally get better as the person makes the adjustment.
She may continue to lash out at you. Be strong and remember you are doing the right thing.
You may feel like you've been raked over the coals after a visit with her, but this probably will
improve over time. Each case of dementia is different, yet there are so many simularities. I don't know if there are any caregiver support groups in your area, but if there is I think it would be helpful.
Educate yourself as much as you can on the disease. It will help you deal with Mom's ups and downs. It will guide you in the stages of dementia. When you see or are alerted to a new behavior/ symptom you'll have the knowledge of where this fits within the stages. We often find it beneficial at our facility to ease residents into this transistion. I see you mentioned going to lunch at the facility with your Mom. Perhaps you may want to try that again. Take her around the facility. You might arrange to have her join in an activity at the facility as well as lunch. Of course the bottom line is although these things may help they most likely will not smooth the way entirely.
You have come to that difficult time in life when you begin "Parenting your parent". It's not always
easy, but you can do it. You'll have lots of help with the staff at the new facility. Dementia is a horrible disease. It eventually robs people of who they are. Yet, although their lives are changed
they can still have a good quality of life. They can still enjoy visiting with family, even though
they think you're their sister instead of their daughter. They can still enjoy a good meal, even
if they don't remember and/or refuse to use utensils and just use their fingers. They can still
enjoy a good laugh even if they don't remember it a few seconds later. They can still make
and enjoy new friendships even if they can't remember their friends names. They can still find comfort in long cherished belongings tucked away in their own room even if they can't find that room
without help. : )
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Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/13/2007 7:57 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks Neely
We have numerous threads on this and other issues dealing with AD.....BUT we certaily DO appreciate your input and your knowledge as well

PlZ do keep posting and adding anything you would think pertinent to the AD forum

Thanks again

God BLess
LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
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          Be Thankful for the Difficult times..During those times we GROW
 
                 EMPATHY is Always Better than APATHY
 
                 " Friends Are Cheaper Than Therapists "
 
  
                                  


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/13/2007 7:58 AM (GMT -6)   
oldestdaugh

Hoping you are okay and that you will post and let us know

It is a family here and we do worry about one another

Luvs

LYN
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
Moderator for Anxiety /Panic
Moderator for Alzheimer's
Co Moderator for Crohns Disease 
 
 DX with Crohns, Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety /Panic
 
  
          Be Thankful for the Difficult times..During those times we GROW
 
                 EMPATHY is Always Better than APATHY
 
                 " Friends Are Cheaper Than Therapists "
 
  
                                  

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