This is for Lyn, Padraig and Linda

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M.Catherine
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 102
   Posted 9/29/2007 8:19 AM (GMT -7)   
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M.Catherine
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 102
   Posted 9/29/2007 8:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Again for Lyn, Padraig and Linda,

Last message went through, so I'll try again.


Yesterday was my husband's move to Crofton Manor. I was up late the night before, getting the furniture marked and ready. Two young boys came with a moving van, and I asked them if a cheque was okay, or did they take MasterCard? They said they would rather have cash; that way, I could avoid paying GST. After telling them that I would rather pay the GST, they went upstairs and went on with the job. When it came time to pay, after phoning their boss, they would not accept the cheque for $290.00. I told them that even though I had spoken to their boss three times, this was the first I'd ever heard it had to be cash. I said I had $120.00 cash on hand, and they could have the balance in a cheque. They wanted me to get in their truck; they would drive me to the nearest bank machine, and I could withdraw the money and take a cab home. I told them I had to pick my husband up at the hosptial and wouldn't do it. They drove away in their truck with the furniture. I phoned the cops; they said it was a civil matter.

Picked up husband, arrived at Crofton Manor about an hour later. The truck was there. But now the price had jumped to $390.00. I said to forget about it. They had apparently been badgering the staff at Crofton to pay, because the staff were all VERY UPSET. It seemed the better part of discretion, for future relationships with Crofton, to pay and get the furniture unloaded and the truck off the premises. Which I did. They drove off, keeping one armchair, one footstool, one table and one printer. I phoned the local paper (Courier) that had taken the ad to tell them the business was not reputable; then I phoned a friend of mine who works in the auditing department of the Income Tax Department, telling her that I thought the company was trying to avoid declaring their income for tax purposes.

Backtrack to when I picked up my husband at the first hospital. He didn't want to leave. I had to phone Crofton to assure him that here was room waiting for him. Spent 5 hours with my husband, getting him settled, arrived home wiped out, ready for bed. His son phoned (he must have used another phone because I've blocked his number; this is his 3rd attempt this week - he wants to know when I'm going to move into Crofton). As soon as he said his name and, "I want to check up...." I hung up, pulled the plug on the phone and went to bed.

Fastforward to this afternoon. I arrived at my husband's room at 1:30 p.m. and was trying to hook up a phone for him when in came his ex-wife. Didn't say a word to me but went right over to my husband (of 27 years!) to kiss him. He said, "Would you mind coming back another time to visit? I have a visitor here."
"Oh."
"Maybe tomorrow? Would that be all right with you?
"Oh, yes. All right. How do you like it here, E.?"
"Not much."
"No, of course, you don't. You should be in your own home."
Whereupon I stood up, headed for the door, intending to ask a nurse for help to get rid of ex.
She said, "Mary, what time do you want me to come back tomorrow?"
"It doesn't matter to me, but E. has asked you to leave now. He doesn't want to have more than one visitor at a time."
"Well, I can come back tomorrow. What time would be all right with you?"
"I don't care. But I want you to go now, as E. has already asked."
Door closes behind her. One minute later, a knock. it's Nancy, a neighbour, goes to the same church and had helped me take care of Eric when he was home. I almost fell into her arms at seeing a friendly face. We all sat and chatted for about 10 minutes.. Knock on the door. I went. It was E.s' son. I said, "Would you mind waiting outside for about 10 minutes?" He said, "I want to talk to you, Mary." I said, "I have nothing to say to you" and closed the door. Went back to sit with Nancy and E. Put on the call light for the nurse.
Few minutes later, very loud knocking. I started to get up. Eric told me that he would handle it. From what I could hear from the open door, he told the son that the family was putting pressure on Mary, and he wanted it stopped. Son put up a defense. E. said,
"Maybe not you, but the rest of the family are, and Mary feels it as pressure." The gist was that it was soft pedaling on E.'s part but with enough firmness to get the message across. Son went away, although I learned later that he went to talk to the nursing manager about it.
Nurse came about 10 minutes later.
I went to the nursing manager before I left to say that this was upsetting to E., to be told he should be at home. The nursing manager said he would check in on E. whenever the family visited.
Told mu husband that I would not be visiting him tomorrow before checking with him by phone to see if ex-wife and son and come and gone. May skip it altogether, though. I'm fair frazzled. I'm planning to go to teh Sunshine Coast next Wednesday after class for about 5 days.
Love to you all,
Mary

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/29/2007 10:59 AM (GMT -7)   
OMG.............I am so bleeding sorry for all that you have had to go thru

YOU deserve to be treated better by all
as well you need to get away from all of this for awhile.........you deserve that as well...........

please stay posting and keep us in the loop.......

we all care and worry about you sweetheart...........

luvs
lyn
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CharleyRice1931
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 397
   Posted 9/30/2007 5:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Mary, I find it so depressing to read what you're being put through. Has the ex-wife or son any idea about what the future holds for a loved one with Alzheimer's? What they are doing, is nothing short of playing very cruel mind games on the person they profess to love. In my book they are a very sad, sad lot. The Alzheimer's road is rocky enough for you and your husband to travel without obstructions being placed in the way. Will they be there futher down that road, should your husband longer be able to walk of talk?
You appear to have managed things well for a lady of your age on her own and it's as well you have a good friend to support you. It's only a shame you don't have a strapping young man to put the fear of God into to these people taking advantage of you. Sorry, but it's things like you've been put through that make me explode with rage.
It's good to know you're taking a break, a time to ponder calmly about your situation and how best to maintain control of it. Seems to me it's a mind game and you hold the strongest cards. Stay strong, you are in my thoughts and prayers, God bless. Padraig

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 9/30/2007 11:28 AM (GMT -7)   
VERY well stated G Padraig............
    Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @
 
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 DX with Crohns, Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety /Panic
 
  
          Be Thankful for the Difficult times..During those times we GROW
 
                 EMPATHY is Always Better than APATHY
 
                 " Friends Are Cheaper Than Therapists "
 
  
                                  


surviveandthrive
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 113
   Posted 10/12/2007 10:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello dear Mary,
I just accidentally stumbled upon this thread and was obviously appalled at what has been going on. The move alone---- without all the myriad of interferences from shady furniture movers, ex-wife, family telling all it would be better had you kept your husband at home----- would have been more than plenty to deal with. I am so sorry you had to go through that. I hope upon hope that things have settled down now and that you got that well deserved and needed rest, mini-vacation. Just remember that you carefully and thoughtfully made the decision you did with your husband's best welfare in mind always, and that it was a good decision for both of you. I so wish we could develop a kind of tunnel vision and extremely selective hearing when things like this happen so when you were in his room you didn't see the ex-wife, hear her or the others talking, and instead just saw the one important person in that room you wanted and needed to see.
Keep strong, you are handling so much and although you must be so exhausted you have done such a wonderful job of tracking down the furniture movers, reporting them in a way that hopefully they will be uable to scam anyone else again, finding a great place for your husband, getting him moved and settled.............and are still sane enough and capable of writing coherently!!
I think about you and hope the best always always always!!
Linda

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 10/13/2007 8:25 AM (GMT -7)   
HI Linda

Yes it is appalling what she has been put thru

Definitely needs her HW family ..........
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  Moderator for Anxiety /Panic
  Moderator for Alzheimer's
  Co Moderator for Crohns Disease 
 
          DX with Crohns, Pyoderma Gangrenosum, Anxiety / Panic
 
      MY HW "FAMILY" GIVES ME MORE THAN THEY WILL EVER KNOW
 
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      LUVS .................LYN                            

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