need help with agorophobia

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

ryleigh
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 251
   Posted 12/29/2007 9:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello All,   Have not posted in awhile..   Don't know if you all know my story I will give you the short version...   I am a 43 year old female with two beautiful girls 8 and 4 I am married to a wonderful supportive husband..   I started getting sick about 10 years ago..  I had gone thru years of infertility treatments with no avail then we adopted our two kids..   I had a complete hysterectomy in 1999 thinking that would solve my pain problems...  It did not..  Went to many many doctors for stomach issues had a million tests all said I had IBS..  Well this was debilitating..   So fast forward to 2006 moved from Florida to Cleveland went to Cleveland Clinic and was dx with a non functioning gallbladder..   Had that removed along with my appendix last nov..   That did help...   I am still dealing with the fear of the fear of leaving the house and having a stomach attack..   I have a great friend Debaser who has helped me so much..   I am on Klonopin .5 twice a day which has helped..  I have tried the ssri's they do not agree with me..   I am not a drug taker hate them...   My big issue now is the agorophobia..   I can drive about 5 miles without freaking out...  Makes it hard with two kids to do anything with them...  We have a moterhome so I can travel better..  I want to know how a perfectly healthy women with no anxiety who went and did everything..  Goes from that to can barley leave the house...   I have made strides...  First i weighed 97 lbs last year before my surgery because I was affraid to eat because i would get these terrible stomach attacks.... Now I weigh 120 I am 5 foot 6  so that is much better..   I just would like some help on how to get past the fear of leaving my safe zone..   I can't imagine ever flying again...  I would like to see a counsler but it is hard to get there...   So any sugguestions would be great...   Thank you so much.... 

Ryleigh


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/29/2007 10:07 AM (GMT -7)   
 
Hey there, good morning.  I remember you.  This is Kitt.  You asked the infamous question, why you and why all of a sudden................I am sorry but the answer to that question is Why Not You?  I learned that in therapy as I kept looking for the answer to why me, I had always been outgoing and never afraid to leave home, now I would  cry  at the thought of leaving home. 
 
I spent a lot of time in therapy...........and I do take an AD which has helped but I understand that meds are not for everyone.  It is a personal choice.
 
This is the route I used and finally I have no fears of leaving home but I sometimes set a time limit on how long I have to attend a gathering.  Or I give myself permission to leave if I start to fell the anxiety.
 
Systematic desensitization involves reducing your sensitivity to certain stimuli in a given anxiety-producing situation in very small, controlled steps. This is done by exposing yourself to the situation a little bit at a time.
 
I started with giving myself plenty of time to get ready to go and I set short attainable goals..........15 minutes at Target.  I had a hard time getting into the car and driving the 7 miles to town but I made it.
Yes I would break into tears of frustration when I got home as this was so Not me.
 
Through therapy I learned to stop beating myself up. I gave myself permission to change my mind or ask my husband to go with me.  Then he could drive and it was like having a get away driver if I needed a quick escape back to my safe house.
 
I hope this gives you some idea of where to start.  I am so glad to hear your weight is up in a better range for you.  That is proof that you are doing better and you will make it.  Be kind to yourself.
 
Gentle Hugs
 
Kitt

 
Co-Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
Co-Moderator Crohn's Disease Forum
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
*Wife of a Crohnie*
******www.healingwell.com/donate***
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 12/29/2007 10:42 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Ryleigh,

I'm glad that you have come back to HW to post again and seek help.  You already know what a great place this is to be.

I'm in the same position as you are.  I went from being active, going anywhere at any time, to being at home and afraid to leave.  During the last 5 years I have had a great deal of trouble with my youngest son who is now 15.  After much treatment he is doing much better.  But the docs have told me that since I had to keep it together during that time in order for my son to get better, I can now "breathe" and now I have broken down from all the stress I had to deal with.  This makes sense to me now, but it didn't a few months ago. 

I am still not able to leave home for too long before I start freaking out - in fact I don't do any errands or go to friends homes.  On Christmas Eve, I went to my son's house for dinner; his house is only a mile away from mine.  I was able to stay for about 2.5 hours before I had to leave.  That's the longest I have been anywhere for six months.  I do go to a therapist almost every week - but this is even difficult for me to do...I know I have to go in order to get better.

In order for you to get better you really need to try going to a therapist.  Believe me, I know just how difficult that will be for you.  You may have to do "trial runs" and drive (or have your husband drive) a little further each time until you are able to get as far as where your therapist's office is.  To get through this will take baby steps and patience with yourself.  Patience, Patience, Patience. 

The other thing you have to do is NOT beat yourself up for this - right now this is beyond your control and you must be nice to yourself.  Each time you are able to leave your home acknowledge that success and give yourself the credit you deserve for doing that.  Then each time you are able to go a little bit further acknowledge that too and take that credit by giving yourself a pat on the back.  These are baby steps, but that's exactly what it's going to take to get through this. I know how hard it is to leave that comfort zone but it has to be done a little at a time.  Please remember that and don't beat yourself up if you slide backwards - it may happen and just tell yourself that next time you go out you will do your best at getting a little further ahead.

I hope this has helped you.  Please keep posting to let us know how you are doing.  You know we will try to help as much as we can.

Wen


Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

  Evey little bit helps, please donate if you can! 

 

Dx: Agoraphobia, Anxiety/Panic Disorders, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Fibromyalgia, I.B.S., Mitral Valve Prolapse, Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Severe Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea, Social Anxiety

Rx: Abilify, Ambien CR, Ativan, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin ER, Valium

 

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important

than any other one thing.

Abraham Lincoln


ryleigh
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 251
   Posted 12/29/2007 11:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello,   Thank both of you for the kind words...   Its like I know what do to but just won't do it..   I do beat myself up all the time when I can't just do like everyone else..  I need to stop that..  It is up to me to get better...  Sometimes I wonder if I really want to get better...  Do you ever feel like that???   Maybe I am afraid to get better..   Anyway have a great New Year..  THanks Again..   

Ryleigh


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/29/2007 11:36 AM (GMT -7)   
 
Hey there, I always wanted to get better it was hanging on to hope that was difficult.  I would feel pretty strong one day and the next just be in tears all day.  I hated who I had become but I wanted someone to make it better and no one could.
 
I beat myself up day after day for a very long time.  I isolated from people as I could not leave the comfort zone, the place where I could break down and cry.  I cancelled lunch date as I was terrified of falling apart in public. 
 
I would guess that you really do want to get better but the fear of something going wrong again is holding you back.
 
We never know what the next week, day or hour may bring so stay in the moment and get through this using babysteps.
 
Many hugs
Kitt
 
Co-Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
Co-Moderator Crohn's Disease Forum
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
*Wife of a Crohnie*
******www.healingwell.com/donate***
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


ryleigh
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 251
   Posted 12/29/2007 12:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Kitt,   After reading that i burst into tears...  That is exactly how I feel...  Thank you so much for taking the time to say those kind words...  I beat myself up everyday...  Everyday that I can't take my kids to the mall to see Santa..  Everyday that I can't go with a friend to lunch.. Everyday that I can't go do the grocery shopping..  Everyday that I just don't want to get out of bed..  Everyday that someone else has to do what I should be able to do...  I am sick of it..  Frickin sick of it..  Sick of being Sick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Sick of crying...  Sick of being needy..  Sick of sitting up hear in my room in the dark on the computer when my kids are downstairs playing..   I don't see a end to the sickness..  I am just in a really bad place right now..   My go to person has been real busy lately, plus I don't want to burden him with all this stuff all the time..  He has his own stuff to deal with..   Thank you Kit..  Thank you.... For just taking the time out for another human being in need...

Ryleigh


Junebug05
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 717
   Posted 12/29/2007 6:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Ryleigh,
 
I remember you too, and am glad that you've come back!  I am sorry that you are in such a miserable place right now, I know it can be awful.  One of the worst things I did to myself was beat myself up for things I couldn't do, it just adds stress to stress.  Now I try to have a more positive attitude, at least as much as I can.  There are still days that I want to kick and scream and throw things, but I don't allow them too often anymore.  I try to keep positive thoughts going all the time, to keep away the negative, destructive ones.  You can't control where you are right now, so don't make yourself feel worse by beating yourself up over what you can't do...work on what you can do and give yourself credit for that...all you can do is take baby steps to get to a better place. 
 
I know it's easier said than done, I was just where you are now, a year ago and I didn't want anything to do with going out, not even just a walk to the end of the block, but my therapist advised me to push myself to go, push through the fear, use my relaxation and just go.  I found that if I didn't think about it before hand it helped, I'd just take my shower, get dressed, put on my tennis and walk out the door before I could spend too much time coming up with reasons why I couldn't do it.  I was never a big believer in baby steps, didn't think it would work, but I was completely wrong.  I started with walks and riding my bike, going for short car rides and to a store that is only a mile and a half away.  Now I am going all the time, far and near with little anxiety, so it does work.  It's hard to be patient, but if you keep at it, it does work.  I truly wish you all the best, and hope that you will continue to post here...coming here helps too!

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/29/2007 7:22 PM (GMT -7)   

ryleigh

I am so glad if I was able to help and my email is posted if you need it.  I am here nearly everyday....................I would be glad to talk with you.

You are not alone in your feelings and the anger toward the disorder was overwhelming at times as I wondered too, is this going to be me for the rest of my life?

My daughter said to me one day that she wanted to help me get better but it was hard for her to be around someone who was so upset and sad.  I truly felt alone and felt I was driving people away. It was very hard not to blame myself.  Why could I not just get a grip or just get over it.

Well I did make it through and you will too................I promise we will hold you up even on your worse days we are right here.

I know exactly what your going through as does Junebug and many others.

Hugs for you.

Kitt


 
Co-Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
Co-Moderator Crohn's Disease Forum
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
*Wife of a Crohnie*
******www.healingwell.com/donate***
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


ryleigh
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 251
   Posted 12/29/2007 8:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello,   Thank you all for the kind words...   I did get out today!!!   Debaser made me..  haha  He said just do it..  Just drive 5 miles today...  Then try 6 tommarow..   So I took his advise and did it...  Kicking and screaming but I did it...  We will see what tommarow brings...  My biggest issue is beating myself up about not being able to do things..  I will try to stop doing that so much..  I am glad I am posting again..  You guys are great..  Take Care...

Ryleigh


debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 12/31/2007 5:34 PM (GMT -7)   
See, "Ryleigh" has made a whole lot of progress in the last few months. She really has. I think that maybe she got caught in the trap...the new medicine helped so much compared to the old medicine that she subconsciously thought that it would handle the whole problem. But not so! Ya still gotta do the work.

I know she drove at least two days in a row, so she's getting started. Not sure about today...forgot to ask. But two days in a row and possibly three is really good! It sounds too simple to be true, but I think she's at the place where she just needs to get used to going out. The apprehension and resulting anxiety will eventually melt away if she goes out a little at a time and at some point tests herself with a bigger trip every now and then.

Congrats, though!
BRAINFRIENDENEMY is no longer an A/P blog:
www.brainfriendenemy.com/
BRAINFRIENDENEMY2 is now an A/P blog, though:
www.brainfriendenemy2.wordpress.com


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/31/2007 5:48 PM (GMT -7)   

Ryleigh

Kudos to you my friend............I am so proud of you.  could you drive here to MN and take me shopping.................I hate driving around in the snow and the ice.  What fun we could have. eyes

Keep up the good work and please do quit beating yourself up.  You have enough bruises for now. :)

Kitt


 
Co-Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders
Co-Moderator Crohn's Disease Forum
*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*
Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression, GERD, Osteoarthritis
*Wife of a Crohnie*
******www.healingwell.com/donate***
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 1/1/2008 12:04 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Ryleigh,

I am so happy and proud of you for being able to go out for awhile.  I'm glad Debaser was able to help you and I should Debaser's advice as I'm having an extremely hard time leaving my home.  I did go to the fabric store on Sunday for a very short time - I was only gone about an hour.  It was short, but it's better than nothing.  I didn't drive, as I'm not up to that yet, but at least I went.  The last time I had even stepped foot out of the house was Christmas Eve.  I know that I really want to get better, but it's so difficult.  I won't go to any stores or do any errands - thankfully my husband is being extremely supportive and has taken on these things without question.

So we need to be proud of ourselves for our accomplishments no matter what the size they are because they are all important to helping ourselves get better!!  I have a meeting at my son's school on Thursday and I'm going to try like crazy to go because it's an important meeting.  I'll let you know how it goes.

I'm so glad that you are continuing to post and letting us know how you are doing.

(((((Hugs))))),
Wen

Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

  Evey little bit helps, please donate if you can! 

 

Dx: Agoraphobia, Anxiety/Panic Disorders, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Fibromyalgia, I.B.S., Mitral Valve Prolapse, Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Severe Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea, Social Anxiety

Rx: Abilify, Ambien CR, Ativan, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin ER, Valium

 

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important

than any other one thing.

Abraham Lincoln


ryleigh
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 251
   Posted 1/1/2008 6:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello,  THanks again for the kind words..   Debaser thanks for the kick in the pants!! haa  I needed it..  Wen I hope you are able to make it to your sons school..  Let us know..  I have been there many times and sometimes I can do it sometimes not..   You just do what you can..  I will be thinking about you...  Well its Jan 1, 2008..   I am hoping this is my year to shine..  I am going to do the work it takes to get better..  With the help of friends and family I can do it..  I have no choice my kids need me to get better..  Yes there will be ups and downs but everyone has to deal with that..  So to all of you I wish you a great 2008!!!!   Lets all work towards getting well... Take  care everyone.... tongue

Ryleigh


behindtheseeyes00987
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 191
   Posted 1/19/2008 1:07 PM (GMT -7)   
hi all.
i feel the same way. i didint think anyone would ever understand.
 
i cant go shopping, i cant hang out with friends, i cant go anywhere alone. its stressful and i miss being normal. i have such a fear of the public it makes me physically sick when i go out.

ryleigh
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 251
   Posted 1/19/2008 3:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Dw and behind,   Thanks so much for the posts...  Dwfish,  Don't ever ever feel judged for your situation..  Believe me we judge ourselves enough without others doing it for us..  Please either one of you feel free to email me direct..   I have been going thru this for 10 years..  Would be nice to talk to people going thru the same thing...  It is so hard not going to the kids things..  Like today my daughter madison went to HighSchool Musical on Ice..   I could not go so my husband went..  She asked me mom I really wish you could go sometimes instead of Dad..  It made me feel good in someways but terrible in other ways...   ANyway hope all of you are well...  My email is sully03@windstream.net...  

Ryleigh


marthamae
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 1/19/2008 7:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi- Because of some physical illnesses recently, I developed a bout with agoraphobia. Fortunately it was short lived..I am now back at work and doing well. But there were days when I had a fear of getting out of bed and going down the stairs in my own home. I had a fear of my husband leaving the house.

My children are teenagers and I missed some of the holiday programs and hockey games because of my recent illness. However, my husband and mother-in-law were there for everything and covered all of it. Frankly, I thanked God every day my children were lucky enough to have a father who was loving enough to step in when I could not. I grew up with no father and an alcoholic mother. So for my children to have a sick mother for a while and have their father step in...well, I think they still had a good deal.

My point is...you do what you can do. Beating yourself up about it helps no one, least of all you. Self-anger is a bunch of wasted energy. I learned the hard way. If you can't get up, bring your kids to you. Play games or watch TV in bed with your kids. Talk to them in bed. If you can get to the living room, hang with them there. Do what you can do. Let everyone know you are sick but you still love them. You WILL get better. As everyone says...baby steps.

ryleigh
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 251
   Posted 1/20/2008 12:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Marthmae,   Thank you for that...  I really need to remember all of that..  Well today is a test.. My daughter maddie plays boys baseball and is really good..  We signed her up for private coaching and today is her first day..  I got a babysitter for the little one so my husband and I could go..  The big question is will I be ableto do it...  I want to so bad..  I will let you all know if i do it..  Baby steps..  Thanks again.

Ryleigh


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/20/2008 1:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Ryleigh
I am sure proud and glad you got up and out ......with the support of Debaser and others I know you are able to go places

Keep up the good work

I too was in this bad place but I knew I could not stay there much longer
Iwas losing self and my daughter was beign hurt in the process
Take care hun and keep us posted please

Take care you
LYN

I do admire all of you for getting where you are today .....
Contribute Today ..Click On         
Moderator,Anxiety/Panic, Alzheimers,Co Mod for Crohns                     
 


ryleigh
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 251
   Posted 1/20/2008 5:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey ALL,   Just a update..   Well I did it!!!!  Went to my daughters baseball...  Wow it was only 2 hours but still I did it..  Just thought I would let you all know..  Thanks for your support..  Tommarow we are going to try to go to a movie..   Have not done that forever..  

Ryleigh

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Saturday, December 10, 2016 1:39 PM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,736,023 posts in 301,349 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 151444 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Kilgore Trout.
293 Guest(s), 10 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Hope4all, bdbbauden, OldSalty, Lynnwood, panicgirly, dbwilco, GoBU, Traveler, JKVR, multifacetedme


Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook  Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter  Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
Advertisement
Advertisement

©1996-2016 HealingWell.com LLC  All rights reserved.

Advertise | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer