I Had To Come Back

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TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 1/9/2008 7:03 PM (GMT -7)   
I know I said I was taking a break but I can't do that. I have been doing good since I started taking Lyrica in Nov. but everything started coming back the night of Christmas. All my depression, anxiety, and panic. Its like it was before. And its kind of bad. I had to come back because I had an anxiety attack at school today. It happened during my last class. I am very close with the teacher, but I havent yet told her about it. She knew something was wrong as soon as I came in. Thats when I started feeling it. I smiled and said nothing, but she looked at me and said no. She always knows when something is truly wrong. After that, I couldnt speak....then I couldnt move. I sat in the same postion for over an hour.
 
I didnt speak for about 4 hours. During my attacks I feel like I cant talk. My best friend who knows came in and asked if I was ok, and I couldnt say anything or even shake my head. I could only smile. But, after I started moving again, I text her and told her what it was....she said she knew something was wrong. I felt like I was numb. My face was numb. I felt stiff and couldnt move. I was shaking for the longest time. MY face felt very hot and I knew my cheeks were red. But, my body felt cold. And I felt paralyzed...I really couldnt feel my body below my neck. It was so strange.
 
It scared me alot because I havent had one in a couple months. I have been doing really good and I have felt so good, but I am scared because it has all come back, worse than ever. I am going to tell my teacher in the morning so she will know as well. I tried telling her today but nothing would come out when I tried to talk. I literally couldnt.
 
So, I decided I had to come back. I am in need of a whole lot of support and I know I can always get it here. So, thank you all so much!!
None


nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 1/9/2008 11:59 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks for posting.  It sounds like you had a big, nasty attack there.  ((((((sympathy hugs))))) I'm glad you have a good relationship with your teacher, she could be a real help to you.  It's good to have friends who (sorta) understand as well. 

Don't beat yourself up for having an attack after not having one for a while.  It happens, it's the cycle of anxiety, congratulate yourself for getting online so quick and asking for support.  That's amazing!

Do you think any one thing triggered the panic attack or did it just "come out of the blue?"  I think talking to your teacher will be a great thing.  She might be able to put you onto some extra support, or let you out of class if you panic again.  Once again, it's great to see you back posting...keep taking deep breaths and let us know what we can do to help :-)


I alone can do this, but I cannot do it alone. 
 
NervyMeg


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/11/2008 4:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey sweetie
WE are always here you know that
I am sure you know too that none of us are alone here and we all have fallen back at one time or another.no worries k
WE will try to help and find out what has set you off this time .and support you in the longrun as well k
Your HW family is always going to be here for you

Talk to you tomorow and I am sure others will pop along
Kitt is away but due back I am sure she will want to talk to you
Luvs
LYN
Contribute Today ..Click On         
Moderator,Anxiety/Panic, Alzheimers,Co Mod for Crohns                     
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/12/2008 10:38 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey there,

It is ok that you came back and it was a good thing that you made the choice to come here where you can feel safe and talk about your feelings.  We are family and here to support you.

Remember one bad day will happen and now it is past, so please don't beat yourself up.  You did not fail.  Your going to be ok, talk to us and we will help you as best we can.

Gentle Hugs


 
Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 1/12/2008 10:55 AM (GMT -7)   

Thanks. Actually is has been getting worse since the other day. I have know idea what happened. I had an anxiety attack at school yesterday and I had a horrible night last night...meaning I cried in my bathroom floor in the dark...like I seem to be doing more often....

I was just wondeirng why I had to go through all of this...why again...you know, why cant things be just a tad easier than they are...why do I have to be the way I am...why cant I just tell someone about my feelings...

I was crying about those things I guess. I have come to the conclusion that I cant tell anyone because of the way I have grown up. When I think about it, I have never really 'talked' to anyone. I have never told anyone my feelings. I have never had any bad feelings before though. I have always been the happiest person who never stops smiling. Until this past year or so...maybe longer.... But, I think because I have never had to, I feel like I dont know how and that I shouldnt because I never have before...its hard to explain...

I want help, I do, but I dont know how ot get it... I know it is as easy as telling someone but I cant. I cant figure out why exactly...I know I am scared, that is expected, and I am probably a little embarrassed for the things I feel, but thats not my fault. Why cant I just speak up!?!?!? confused

I dont know. I told my teacher, and I havent gotten to talk with her more about it. But, since I know it has gotten worse, I am going to tell her my feelings and maybe she can talk to someone for me. Its hard for me to hard to her, but its easier because I know she cares so much, I know she will do everything she can to make sure I am ok, and she listens to me.

Hopefully, I can talk to her more Monday, then see where it goes from there. Thanks!


None


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40573
   Posted 1/12/2008 11:57 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Tennis,

I am so sorry to see that you are going through such a rough time.  I hope that things will be better for you soon.  I think there are ways you can get yourself to relax during the attacks.  Do you practice anything like that?  Try some slow breathing like in through the nose and out through the mouth.  They call it smelling the roses and blowing out the candles.  Then just breath slowly in and out through your nose until your heartrate slows down.  Practice that breathing technique even when you are feeling okay so you know it when you need it.

I hope tthat you feel better soon.

hugs,

Karen


fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, clinically depressed and allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/12/2008 1:11 PM (GMT -7)   

Hey there TeNNis

I am so sorry it is getting worse.  How about a school nurse...........any access there.

Do yo feel comfortable here talking more?  Remember we are not therapists but we do care deeply for you and want to help if we can.

Keep positng. Gentle hugs to you.



 
Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


1Shelly1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 502
   Posted 1/12/2008 6:01 PM (GMT -7)   
TeNNis, hi there. I am usually on the hepatitis site but I was browsing tonight thru other posts and read yours. I was so touched by what you said and I feel so bad for you. Can I share a little something with you? For a long time I had anxiety attacks and clearly thought I was nuts. I couldn't breathe (I felt like I had a vise around my chest) my heart rate was high, I would get all sweaty and my skin would turn red.) I had them so bad that I had to lay on the cold tile floor at work just to try to calm down. What's worse is, I am a nurse and I was working in a psychiatric hospital. I was mortified that my patients would see me and freak out. I finally knew I had to talk to someone so I spoke to one of the Dr's I worked with. He was so very kind and gave me lots of tips on how to help myself get some control. First of all he told me to try to determine what set me off (turns out it was the stress I was under at home and work). Also, he told me that I needed to immediately get freezing cold water on my face ad the back of my neck, wrists, and if I could my belly. I started doing that by using water I had in a pitcher in the fridge and at work I used crushed ice from the machine and water. (Interestingly, he said that in olden times they used to throw people in the lake to cool them off. Also, if you are in the car you can turn the aircoditioning on high and aim it right at your face.) Gettingby also suggested that you breath in thru your nose-a deep breath-then blow it slowly out of your mouth. It really does work but you have to practice it. Do it 3-4 times in a row a couple times a day. After awhile it gets easier and more natural so when you are panicked you will do it right away. It is a horrible feeling to be panicked but with practice you may be able to control it somewhat. I had the attacks so often that I could tell one was coming. I would start my deep breathing right away and then follow with the other things. It really helped me.
As for telling someone, maybe you could write it out or type it out and give it to your teacher. Sometimes writing things is much easier than saying them outloud. I would REALLY encourage you to get help. I did and I seldom have the attacks anymore. God Bless and I hope this helped a little.
Shelly

TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 1/12/2008 8:00 PM (GMT -7)   
getting by: Yes, I try to do breathing exercises...sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. Its all about concentration.
 
kitt: I dont know the school nurse. I have never talked to her. And yes, I do feel comfortable talking here. I think it was Karen who said once that she could talk better here because others couldnt see her vulnerability, or somehting like that...anyways, I agree. I can talk about anything over the internet, instant messaging, and texting...but I cant talk out loud in person. I get to scared.
 
shelly: Thanks! Thats interesting. I almost wish someone would through me in a pond to cool me down! tongue   Thanks for sharing with me. When I get off of here I am going to write a bunch of stuff down. When I am ready I am going to give them to my teacher. I am just going to write all of my feelings down. I have been wanting to and I think I should now while I am experiencing a bad time...because it I feel fine I cant explain the feelings because I dont feel them...so I am going to write all of my thoughts down. Thanks!
 
Last year, around April, my mom said something about leaving. I have said my family isnt close and I think its because my parents dont like each other. But, my mom doesnt have a choice. She cant afford to leave. But, she always says how unhappy she is about being here. I think that is part of my problem. My parents fight alot too. I usually start yelling at them for yelling. We have all been yelling for 2 days now. They have drove me completely out of it. I have been overtaken by anger.
 
My mom said she was moving out in June(07) and I didnt think she was serious, she never did though, she cant afford too...but lately she talks about it alot she is trying to figure out a way too. I cant handle them fighting all the time. And my parents dont have good jobs and money has been tight. My mom complains about everything so she is all "eat what you can find" and "I dont have money for groceries"....she drives me insane and I honestly think she is part of my problem....
 
Hmm...I just wanted to get that out right now...I heard her talking to my eldest brother about it tonight....how she is planning on moving out....
 
Thanks so much!
None


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/12/2008 9:25 PM (GMT -7)   

TeNNis,

I am sorry your Mom and Dad are not happy together.  I am very glad you are able to come here and talk and let it out.  You are safe here and we respect your feelings.

Wish I had more to offer but hugs are always good.

Gentle Hugs To You.
Kitt


 
Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/14/2008 9:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Sweetie
You should not be SUBJECTED to that and the fighting your parents are doing is NOT over you it is all about them and their lack of ability to be together.........it seems more and more young teens are suffering out there alone and scared and that so bothers me as I know it is NOT necessary......

We are here for you all the way we will not dump you or set you free til we know you are gonna be okay
You have 3 moms here Me Kitt and Wen that are your online kinda moms..thats not to say put your real moms love and attention away though.......we do see the problems you are facing and we know you have to talk this way to find out what it really is that is going on inside of you that has taken over your young sweet life .....I think being in this house living like this is the first stressor or indicator . Not knowing where your Mom intends to go or knowing she is totally unhappy has to bother you as does the not knowing where your next meal is coming from
I could not do that to my daughter and believe me we have been thru some rough patches and I have yet to have her pulled into them Cait has enough stress being a teen.she doesnt need any from the homefront ya know

anyways hun know we are always here for you and will be k

luvs lyn
Contribute Today ..Click On         
Moderator,Anxiety/Panic, Alzheimers,Co Mod for Crohns                     
 

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