Sometimes I wonder, how do I stop being "up tight" if that's all I know?

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hopeisreal
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 345
   Posted 1/23/2008 11:24 AM (GMT -6)   
I am working on my anxiety--and doing OK... but, for as long as I can remember---I have always been an 'uptight' person.
 
So, how do I get over being so "uptight"?
 
I know it doesn't help with my anxiety (health anxiety, GAD), but I even tried to do YOga (years back), and sat in the class thinking about everything I needed to do for work, life, hubby, etc... 
 
I just couldn't relax!
 
My PCP even asked me if I ever drink---just to 'relax' once in a while..(don't like to drink anyway..)
 
How do I beat this?  I am 'almost' 40 (lol)---so, how do I change a behavior I probably have had for 40 years?
 
Laurel

stkitt
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Date Joined Apr 2007
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   Posted 1/23/2008 12:14 PM (GMT -6)   

Laurel,
Hey shake hands with another uptight person.  I have always been uptight too.  Even as a child my anxiety ran high.  I had anticipatory anxiety and I can obsess about something that others would blow off as no big deal.  I have been told I am over sensitive........whoa, how does an uptight, obsessive, sensitive person respond when people point out their defecits to them.
We try to be what others want us to be and there is our problem.  I have worked very hard at letting go of all the garbage.  I have tried to not worry about getting to the airport on time..........what is the worse that could happen  - I miss the flight.  There will be another plane along shortly. lol.
I understand you well.  I truly have tried to learn to quit labeling myself and not let what others say make me who I am. 
I was born with uptight genes and I am practicing to relax and be in the moment.

Most of all I am learning not to worry about everyone else. You cannot control others, only yourself.  So practice  letting go of the uptight feelings and thoughts.  Say to yourself, "What is the worse that could happen?"  Then stop and throw away your anxious feeling.  Keep on posting and know we all understand how you feel.

Gentle hugs to you. 


 
Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


bluejelli
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Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 242
   Posted 1/23/2008 12:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi laurel,

I wish I knew that answer also. I truly believe I was a nervous nelly in the womb. I have always worried about everything. I can remember worrying when I was as young as 4. Yes, I do remember certain events from that age. Then I also remember plugging my ears when the news came on. I was around 9 when I started that. Because I didn't want to hear the bad news. I used to also have to plug my ears at night when I went to sleep. Because I was so scared of noises I would hear. Now that I 'am older the worrying has shifted to everything in daily life. Getting everything done, paying bills, worrying I forget to pay a bill etc. It's a curse and a blessing at the same time. I wish I could find a happy medium. Oh and I 'am 37 lol.
I reject your reality and subsitute my own


bluejelli
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Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 242
   Posted 1/23/2008 12:19 PM (GMT -6)   
Kitt, I couldn't have said it better, Worrying about things others would not give a second thought about. Or even a first thought for that matter. That too is a blessing and a curse.
I reject your reality and subsitute my own


hopeisreal
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 345
   Posted 1/23/2008 12:53 PM (GMT -6)   
Kitt:
YOu are right! I was brought up in an extremely "critical' household (well, at least I thought I was)---my Mother (who is almost 80 now) has always been critical, perfectionist, worry-wart, and I always remember hearing my MOm and her sisters talking about BAD things! We always had to look good in front of others (by that I mean---succeed, be smart, behave well, not get sick in front of others, etc...). To this darned day---my mother still talks about 'bad things', or always seems to think the grass is greener on the other side..... she's in Florida right now (until May)---she thinks it's too warm and misses home. When she's home----(where it is snowy and cold)---she thinks it's too cold and icy! OY!

When I was in a serious "anxiety epsiode" a few months back---she told me to look at the eyes of my children--and wonder what I would do without them--that I CANNOT be 'down' because others depend on ME to lift them up! So, there you go------I guess I know the source of my "uptightness".......SIGH!

(tearing up here Kitt---you just helped me with a 'light bulb moment')!

I guess a huge part of my problem is that I do worry about what others think of me: my husband, my kids, my family (I have 5 brothers and a sister--I am the youngest), etc... and I shouldn't care as much. I don't mean I will do irresponsible things, but if I mess up--I mess up! WOW----I need to journal about this!



Bluejelli: LOL---when I was growing up--I remember plugging my ears if a loud car would come down the street (back in the 70s---cars had loud engines)! Seeing you write that--made me remember that from my youth! :)

Thank you for helping me through this KItt and Bluejelli----it really means alot for me!

Laurel

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32601
   Posted 1/23/2008 1:59 PM (GMT -6)   

Hey Guys, It is nice to know we are normal.  I was raised by a stepmom who was always putting me down, I was fat, I was not working up to my ability etc.  I went through a divorce and she said I could not do that, what about my children.  I must stay with this man until the youngest was 18.  The youngest was 2 at the time.  Well I rebeled and did some stupid things but I made it through the divorce.

After that I was told I was lucky to have met a good man who would take on a divorcee with 3 little kids....wow, lucky me.  redface I finally learned that hey he was just as lucky to get me.  I am a good person and my stepmom was warped.

When it is drummed into you that you need to be perfect you are always in anxiety mode as you don't know how to be.  So now I am not perfect, but I like me better and I think I have become a better person than the one who tried so hard to please and ended up in tears .

So hugs to us, all of us.  We will survive. 
Kitt


 
Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/23/2008 5:31 PM (GMT -6)   
I too am one of the ppl you are talking about and I totally agree it would be nice if I could be as laid back as others BUT I too am working on it

I dont have the answer yet hun BUT I do know how hard you have been working this past while and that is something you must be proud of ..I know I am very proud of all you have accomplished ........

I do see may of us are of the same mindset and I like Kitt refuse anymore to constantly please others and not worry about myself nor cry myself to sleep

Keep up the great work sweetie .........we will find an answer I am sure

Luvs
LYN
Contribute Today ..Click On         
Moderator,Anxiety/Panic, Alzheimers,Co Mod for Crohns                     
 


hopeisreal
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 345
   Posted 1/23/2008 6:46 PM (GMT -6)   
thanks Lyn! Some days are easier than others---and with the other "physical" ailments I feel most days---it sure makes my days LONG! :(

Laurel........

Panike
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 505
   Posted 1/24/2008 10:20 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi! Hopeisreal! Its funny when i read your thread i laughed because i was just having that same conversation with my husband earlier today! I was talking about how i wanted to get rid of these panic attacks once and for all!!! But then i siad i've been suffering from them for so long i wouldn't know what to do without the worrying ,the wondering, and the what ifs.I wouldn't know what to do if i could just hop in the car and take a long road trip without feeling like i'm dying 30 minutes into the trip and having to turn back around and go home.I do get tired of being uptight and worrying but in a wierd sort of way that kind of defines who i am!!! Without panic attacks i guess i would be normal but i have been this way for so long i dont even know what normal is. Oh, and what you siad about plugging your ears to block out the news i can totally relate! I dont even watch the news now in fear of what im going to hear and i'm a 32 year old woman!!! I also can remember having anxiety symtoms as a child!!!

hopeisreal
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 345
   Posted 1/25/2008 7:35 AM (GMT -6)   
Panike---I remember having anxiety as a child too-- my siblings used to call me, "cry-baby-trip-hater"---b/c I would get so worked up over traveling (anticipatory anxiety)----that I would be sick for days before going somewhere---I don't know why---except I remember how my Mom and Aunts would talk about all of these horrible things about different places---:( People should really watch what they say around young children------I am convinced of that---

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/25/2008 9:38 PM (GMT -6)   
I too was an anxious child and I was made fun of as I grew up to fast didnt have too many friends as I was busy raising the siblings .........

I was always into my education and the kids .......and cleaning up after drunks all the mornings after prior to going to school ..it was rough but I feel I am stronger all the more for it ...........

Take heart all we will WIN this battle ...working and supporting one another

Thats what HW is all about ........LUVS.......LYN

** Yes it should be kid freindly when adults have convo's for sure.I too am totally convinced of that .........** great point hun


  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum, Anxiety/ Panic and Other Disorders
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Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 1/30/2008 6:46:34 AM (GMT-7)


tiaeight
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 236
   Posted 1/30/2008 3:09 AM (GMT -6)   
I am totally different. I can never be bothered with little things and all of the sudden I have Panic Dis order. I have always been so laid back that I just don't know where it comes from! I'm going to win this battle and you will too!

jla-b
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 3/30/2011 4:42 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi everyone,

firstly thank you for posting your comments i have enjoyed reading them..

i have been driving myself crazy trying to find out why im always angry and worry about the littlest things such as if someone slams my car door i feel i have to tell them to leave it open and let me close it myself..pathetic things like this are making me feel people i thinking i am boring and so mardy but im really not i just worry about everything...

i say i worry which i do but im not sure whether its just being uptight not being able to be in control of for example closing my car door to stop it slamming..

other things i notice i need to do something about - i hate it when someone is making me a drink incase they touch anything dirty in the mean time, hate it when people leave a mess in when i know it will be my responsibility to clean up, hate people touching my belongings in case they get ruined (such as my brand new phone), not keen on letting anyone borrow money (even close friends), dont really like going out of my way and my BIGGEST well i think biggest problem that relates to this.....i am only 19 and i have a good bank account for my age but i never ever spend, i always have to be in control of what goes out have to justify why i should buy something etc in reality i know if i ever spend £200 in one transaction its not ever going to break my bank but i just cant make myself do it..its driving me crazy as i wish i could just let my hair down like all my friends at my age.

could someone please explain my problem..whether its anxiety/being uptight or just being controlling? it's really starting to get my down and ive considered seeking medical help because i dont think its "normal".

thank you smilewinkgrin


Crimson Red Scarlet
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 117
   Posted 3/30/2011 8:44 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Jla-b,

First, there is no such thing as "normal"; this is a relative term and has more to do with social norms which change all the time, so please put that particular worry aside.

The things you enumerate as "problems", sound more like common sense. If someone left a mess that would be my responsibility to clean up, I would not be a happy camper. Also, being fiscally responsible sounds like a good plan to me (wish I was that smart at your age!).

You sound like a perfectionist and people who are tend to have higher levels of anxiety. When you have higher levels of anxiety, you want to be able to control your environment (and everything in it) as best you can so there are no surprises.

If this is getting you down, seek therapy so that you can work on these issues. You can learn to change your thought process to be more accepting of your environment and yourself (which is most important). In the mean time, try to physically relax. There are plenty of things you can do to help you chill out like yoga, meditation, Progressive Muscle Relaxation, Massage, exercise...the list goes on.

There is plenty of information on this website that may be helpful and everyone here is super nice! Anyway, best of luck and try not to be so hard on yourself. You sound like a very responsible person so enjoy that about yourself.

Take care,

Skatterprank
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