Well I woke up from a dream hot,sweaty, and in a panic. My thoughts are I'm losing my mind or lost my mind. I am freaked. I have a long hx with panic and anxiety. It all started back in 1996 March to be exact. For three complete years I lost my life. Constantly thinking What If and I was dying. I thought anytime I would be passing to my next life. Somehow through medication but very little, eating right, excercise, support groups, and lots of reading I managed to get my life back for the most part. However, I still had episodes. I am able to work through them for the most part. I think I have finally reached my limit. Halloween my Mom Passed, in doing paperwork after her death, I found out my blood relation had stole over $50,000 from my parents. Yes, I pressed charges. He got 30 days and three years probation...Whoopi....I have this need to protect my 78 year old father from my blood relation's acts. Well just recently he,the blood relation supposedly lost his mind or should I say he acted that way. Something about when an alcoholic/addict suddenly quits they can halucinate. He sounded convincing but my gut says it was all an act so he could have a place to stay and food in his stomach. I don't believe you can come in and out of hallucinations and somehow remember the scientific names of animals. Then there is the way he spoke. Basically, I feel he is manipulating my father once again. There is a long hx with this blood relation...utterly crazyiness. My parents always tried to fix him. He has a hx a violence but of course it is excuseable because he was on drugs or drunk. What ever..... I feel using is a choice...I mean no one forced you. Whatever happen to responsibility? As my mom was on her dead bed in the hospital with machine's all hooked up to her I find it very dis-hearting that when this blood relation came into her hospital room that her pulse rate would jump from 68 beats per minute to 160 beats a minute. My Mom was scared to death of him and rightfully so. He did really mean and hateful things to my Mom. I should of protected her. Now, I 'm very scared for my father and there is really nothing I can do. The only good thing is I have power of attorney. At least I can protect a little that way. However, I really don't know what really is going on. I live 3 thousand miles away in another state. My recent conversation the blood relation is now acting as if he is in control and once again my gut says he is up to something. I spoke with my Father told him what I felt and warned him that even though he is your son he is probally playing you again. I warned him to watch out. My Mom collected alot of things. Very valuable and it would not suprise me if he tries to get his hand on some of those items and sell them for his gain.
In Nov my house flooded and well I am still in the process of getting it back to normal. I am completly overwhelmed. Too much to do and not enough time. I have guests coming to stay in two weeks and I just can't seem to get anything done. I need to finish painting, organzing, cleaning and getting the carpet put in.
And if that was not enough I am a public speaker which has it's share of anxiety.
In the past week I had to take my daughter to the ER for tonsillar abcess and deal with her anxiety and panic.
My husband is out of town for a week.
I feel helpless.
NOW I THINK I'M LOSING MY MIND.