Obtrusive Thoughts

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highstrung
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 2/6/2008 10:42 PM (GMT -7)   
confused  I am a 26 year old female.  I was in the military for eight years and during the first five on active duty I was repeatedly seeing a psychiatrist.  I didn't start being see until about a year a half into my service time.  I believe that I suffer from severe anxiety which in turn causes depression.  I also think that I have obsessive thought problems.  The problem is that it's taken me this long to realize that it's just general anxiety.  It has always manifested itself in the form of relationship problems.  I constantly am going over any mistakes that I have made or that my boyfriend has made and I can't let them go so I go back to them repeatedly and obsess and I have to talk about it again to purge it and then I feel better.  But nobody wants to keep having their mistakes rubbed in their face.  When I get thoughts about things that have happened though they become so obsessive that I can't function until I purge those feelings.  It's killing my relationship.
 
Last year we had a little boy.  My boyfriend and I have been together for two and half years.  I didn't think that I had post-partum depression but when he was about three months old I started having these obtrusive thoughts and images in my head.    They would affect me so badly that I would just run to the sink and throw my silverware down and sit on the floor and cry.  I love my son so much he is my life.  The problems with that went away but I feel that the thought problems are all the same and when something like the thing with my son happens I feel that I can't talk to a doctor because i become afraid that they would think it meant that i was going to hurt my child. 
 
That's not what it's about though.  It's just the anxiety my mind always thinks about the horrible things that could happen.  Often when I'm driving down the road I get the sudden urge or image.   Then of course I feel like i'm going insane.  I've taken Klonopin before and it made me so sleepy I couldn't stay away.  I stay home with my son so I can't be sleepy.  Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind and I can't explain to anyone that I'm close to because none of them suffers from anything like this so they think that I am crazy. 
 
Has anyone ever had problems like this and what did you do if so?
Thanks so much
 
Hey there, I edited your post per HW rules............see my post below.  Thanks
Kitt

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 2/7/2008 9:24:57 AM (GMT-7)


Aussieangel
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 510
   Posted 2/7/2008 3:04 AM (GMT -7)   
A psych nurse told me to think of these things like the annoying pop-ups you get on your computer. You don't want them and they don' mean you want to do the thngs you see in yur head so it's a matter of saying stop to yourself and change your thought pattern.

There are other meds that can help with intrusive thoughts but a lot of the psych drugs do make you drowsy until you get use to them.

badfish
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 393
   Posted 2/7/2008 4:30 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey im exactly the same, it could almost be me writing that. I suffer from anxiety which turns into depression and I've always realy struggled wiv obtrusive thoughts altho yours sound alittle worse. sad

An example of my obtrusive thought was a friend made a joke about my sleepin wiv my ex-GF. I trust both of them so much but it planted the seed. I then hav to hear my GF tel me she hasn't cheated despite the fact I kno she hasn't and i trust it the anxiety screwing wiv my feelings. Make it seems like i dnt trust her wen i realy do. If i let them thoughts like this rule my life i hav to plan every eventuality and realy feel the need to predict every possible outcome. And the most likely out come is always the worst. I hav the same road thing as u the sudden urge jus to drive into other lane.

I gotta go bt i post agin later wiv how i try n deal wiv everythin

Hope every1 is doing ok

 


badfish
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 393
   Posted 2/7/2008 6:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Stil cant believe u have same car thought as me, lol.

The way i dealt wiv obtrusive thoughts was by not running from them and facing them . Obviuosly this wont work wiv evry1 and in my case an anxiety attack was guaranteed. In my case the more i ran frm my fears the worst they got. I struggled to make a cup of tea of put the washing machine on as i knew the reason i was making a cup, was so i didn't hav to do the thing tht was setting anxiety off. There no instant cure and in my case the thoughts nevr fully went away i jus learnt to handle them slightly better. I strongly recommened seeing therapist and working thru them rather than a temporary medication fix.

Somthings never stopped bugging me, like my or my GF safety, bt even ppl without anxiety disorders worry bout stuff like tht.

Your not a weak person and ur not going crazy. I wish I had more time to post on is thread I wish all the luck in the world. If you evr hav a bad day post here im guessing ther usualy som1 around to listen and sometimes getting off ur chest is all u need.

Post edited per content.............please see my post below.  Thank youin advance for your understanding.

 

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 2/7/2008 9:38:25 AM (GMT-7)


Panike
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 505
   Posted 2/7/2008 9:09 AM (GMT -7)   
HI Highstrung welcome to HW, i'm sorry you are feeling the way you are.First of all i want you to know you are not crazy and if people say you are crazy they are crazy for thinking you are! We all have some kind of problem.(s) We just have to find out what it takes to solve our problems.I can relate to some of the feelings you have but not all!! I have been having P/A for about 10 years now and i still have my rough times,i am currently changing meds now because i felt like my old ones no longer worked! I agree with what mish said about not wanting to pop a pill everytime something is wrong but it can be a temporary solution to your problem until you find a permanant solution.Most of the anti-anxiety drugs do cause drowsiness but usually its temporary, once your body get use to them you start feeling better and not so drowsy.I'm sorry that i dont have alot of advice to give you,but i do want you to know there is hope!!! I think you need to go back to your doctor and tell them exactly how you've been feeling and let them know your child is not in any danger but you do need a solution to your problem. Tell them you would like to be on some kind of long term med that will cause as less drowsiness as possible. I think meds along with a little bit of therapy you could be on the road to recovery in no time!!! I hope you will find a solution to your problem soon as i know how it is to suffer! Feel free to post here anytime like Mish said there is always someone here to listen and offer you some kind of advice!!! PS i dont have any kids but i'm sure being a new mom could cause some anxiety within itself!

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 2/7/2008 9:33 AM (GMT -7)   

Dear Highstrung Welcome to Healing Well and the A & P Forum.

I just want to jump in here to remind everyone discussion about self-harming is not permitted under forum rules . As a general rule we dont mind people saying that they have done it but thats it. We have to be careful about such discussions since there are minors as youngs as 13 who use the site and also I believe there are legal implications as well.

I would suggest going to IM or email if you want to talk specifics.

Thanks for your understanding.

1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm).  Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.
 
I would strongly suggest Highstrung that you do see your physician and be open and upfront about your thoughts and feelings.  For you own safety and that of others, it would be wise.
There are so many good meds and therapy available that I hate to see you in so much pain.

CBT therapy has been helpful to so many.

I am happy to see you have met our wonderful members.  They are the best and very caring.  You are cared for here so keep posting.
Gentle Hugs
Kitt
 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


highstrung
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 2/15/2008 9:19 PM (GMT -7)   

Thank you all for your help.  sorry for you having to edit my post I didn't know how else to write it but I understand thanks for explaining.  My significant other and I are scheduled to start couples therapy and I am going to the VA to be seen again.  I guess I'm one of those people that when I'm on meds I don't feel like they are doing anything until I have hindsight and realize that my lows were when I wasn't on medication and my highs were when I was.

Everyone here gives great advice.  I know that any of you who have dealt with these problems know that it's hard not being able to talk to someone about stuff because it makes you feel so lonely but some of these things you just can't say to people, even your friends. 

I just want to feel better for my family.  My son is the best thing that ever happened to me but my mom was this way when I was growing up and I have to wonder if that's not where I got it.  I don't want my son growing up like this all mad and anxiety ridden.

I did have another question though and i know I saw a post but I didn't see anything here.  Do any of you suffer from chronic diahhrea that you think may be due to anxiety?  Last year I had an episode where we drove twenty minutes to the town over to have breakfast.  I had a huge salad and on the way home we had to pull over on the side of the road so that I could number 2.  it was about three months after i had my son c-section and so my stomach was a little different.  every since then i can't leave my house for fear that i'm gonna get diahhrea, so I just stay home.  because I have such problems with thoughts I just wonder if maybe it isn't all related.  My doctor told me to take fiber supplements and I do and they help a little but not much.

I just wondered if anybody else had this problem if they had found a solution.  Anyway, thanks everyone for your advice.  It's great to have support.

 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 2/16/2008 6:26 AM (GMT -7)   
HI and Welcome
I have Crohns and with that comes my daily and constant D ......although anxiety and panic will and cause this as well
Post partum Dep is nothing to be ashamed of and YOU need to get help with this
I so totally agree with Kitt please DO tell your doc about what you feel and you might find a lil bit of a burden has been lifted from your shoulders hun really
Doc's CANNOT help you IF you do not tell them everything.. every symtom ...ect in order to make a proper and professional DX this is a must and you will not be judged they will help you I am sure of it

You want to enjoy life and your beautiful son so it is now time to tell the doc what is going on and see if something can be done in order for you to have this and I am sure you will be pleasantly surprised
Many way to many woman suffer from this in silence and it is truly no needed to be that way anylonger/ Please DO stay with us and keep posting
As for your tummy I would also tell the doc it is daily and perhaps see if some of it has to do with your diet fast food are a big one for this as is the anxiety imho
Keep posting
LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum, Anxiety/ Panic and Other Disorders
         Mod for Alzheimer's, Anxiety and Panic and Co Mod for Crohns
    www.healingwell.com Donate today to keep HW helping others
 
                     
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 2/16/2008 9:31 AM (GMT -7)   

I agree, D can be caused by anxiety.  My sister used to get upset stomach and D anytime she becames anxious.......... That was a good question.

A big salad may have contributed to the D also.  Depends on your digestive track.

Hope your baby is growing and you are enjoying your Motherhood.
With my firstborn, who had colic, I took him to the Docs after 2 weeks and asked to give him back..............no sleep, constant crying.  We made it through and he out grew the colic at 3 months.

You are a wonderful Mother, believe in you.  (((((((HUGS)))))))))

Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


Panike
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 505
   Posted 2/16/2008 9:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Highstrung! Nice to here from you again.You sound like you might be doing a little better since the last time i talked to you.I think having D could come from your anxiety because anxiety causes intesinal problems as well.Havent you heard of the term"a nervous stomach." I know you've noticed times in your life when you've been nervous about something you get this urge to go.And not trying to sound gross but usually those kind are not like normal times,it seems to come out very explosive.If you know what i mean.So yes anxiety can definitely lead to D. I am glad to here that you and your son are doing ok and i hope you are looking into your post P.Take care sweety!

highstrung
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 2/17/2008 12:34 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks all so much for your concern.  I think that I made things sound worse than they are which is why it's hard to explain.  My son is now 16 months old and I don't have those problems anymore.  I haven't for a long time, that was just the worst part of it and the part that made me so screwed up.  I have scheduled couples counseling though and am trying to get in touch with my nearest VA center to start therapy again.  I think the biggest problem for me is that some of the thought problems and anxiety problems that I have are so innate that I may have to take medication indefinetely.

I have been trying to fight this all my life mostly because having to take medication makes me feel so defected, like if it's this hard why was I even put here.  But I believe in a higher power and I know that there is a reason and that maybe it is just like having diabetes or something and you just have to take the medication and go one about your business.  I know this is going to sound stupid but my favorite book is Prozac Nation.  She makes a comment in there that depression happens gradually and then suddenly.  I have taken prozac and paxil and different things in random intervals but I guess I'm one of those people that once I feel a little better I think i'm suddenly okay and so i wean myself off and then slowly things start to turn upside down again and I don't even realize it til I wake up one day and feel like my world is caving in. 

My problems with anxiety like I said are so innate.  my mother was an alcoholic when I was growing up and she had a lot of horrible coping mechanisms and I think that because of all that I don't know that the way that I deal and feel is not normal and could be helped.  I don't even know what it would feel like to just wake up and not worry.  It's become my life.

This forum is so great.  It's so nice to talk to people who understand.  Thanks everyone so much.  My family is wonderful and my son and I are great and have so much fun.  I am a stay at home mother and I go to school.  He is the greatest things that ever happened to me. 

Will keep in touch and thanks again. 


Panike
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 505
   Posted 2/17/2008 3:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Highstrung i know what you mean when you said you feel like your'e defected because you have to take meds all the time.But you nailed it when you said people with other illness have to take meds all the time too,sometimes even for life.I use to feel the same way you feel until i looked at it that way. Having anxiety disorder and other mental ilness is alot like having diabetes or high blood pressure.Anxiety disorder is a real underlying medical condition that calls for treatment much like those other illness.Just like a diabetic take shots and pills to keep their insulin levels under control.We too have to take meds to keep our anxiety under control.So if you do have to take meds indefinitely dont be sad about it ,just be happy that there is something out there that can help you. I also think you will feel better if you stop going on and off the meds and take them consistently. Because everytime you stop taking them you set yourself furthur back.Just accept the fact like 19 million other americans in the world (true stats)that you have a form of mental illness and it doesnt mean your'e crazy,and start taking your meds regularly.I'm almost willing to bet you will feel better! Good luck with your counceling.Keep us posted on how you are doing!

highstrung
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 3/12/2008 8:17 PM (GMT -7)   
confused  So for those of you that showed concern I thought it best not to let you think I disappeared.  This really is helpful too though, to see that others, and many others at that, have some similar problems to my own.
 
I finally got in at the nearest VA Hospital and since I don't work, student, and my boyfriend and I are not married they go off of my income so I get my treatment for free because of my income.  Not something I like to admit but it took a lot of the worry off and I spent enough time in the military that they should help me I think, besides that is where this all started. 
 
Anyway, I was diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder.  I have been reading a lot about this and it actually makes a lot of sense to me the more I read.  I guess it's not something that I ever considered because most people, I think, just sort of have this preconceived notion that you are only OC if you wash your hands fifty times a day or are afraid of germs or whatever.  This is not the case for me.  Any rituals that I have or ritualistic behavior exists only in my head, which makes it even worse and even harder to make someone understand, luckily there is a lot of info about this now and many psychologists, including my own are very well versed in it. 
 
I was prescribed Xanax for my immediate panic, I had been having a lot of chest pain from the anxiety, and 20mg of celexa.  I am concerned because my evaluating psych said that because Iowa doesn't have a lot of trained professionals in cognitive behavioral therapy that most people who are OC will probably spend their life on meds for the obtrusive thoughts.  The part that I'm uncomfortable with is that she said a normal dosage for OC is about 100mg or better a day.  well i'm young and my boyfriend and I have been trying to find the time and the money to get married for a while and would like to have more children at least within the next couple of years.  It freaks me out because they said for years that women could take paxil and be pregnant and though many did and nothing happened many others have children with horrible heart abnormalities.  I have to talk to the doc about that.  I feel better though because some of the thoughts that i have sometimes scare people because its impossible to explain them rationally even though I know that they are not my desires but are actually the opposite, my fears in life.  I am learning a lot.
 
I was just wondering if anyone else suffers from this?  If so speak up, I would like to know how you deal.
 
Your community here is so helpful, thanks again.
 

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/13/2008 6:20 AM (GMT -7)   

Good Morning highstrung

I am glad you went to the VA and received help.  You have served your time in the military and you have the right to use the medical benefits set up for  our military so please do not feel bad about that.  It was a good thing for you.

CBT:  the MoodGym Training Program is online and free to work through.  Many have used it so here is the link: http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

Take your time working through it, the program is all there and you have to practice what you learn but I know you can do this.

AS for the meds, I have read posts by other members taking meds during pregnancy but the best one to answer that question will beyour PCP when you are ready to move ahead with adding to your family. 

I wish you a day filled with sunshine and happiness.
Kitt 


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


badgenetics1
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 146
   Posted 3/13/2008 6:44 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi highstrung,

Just wanted to say many of your symptoms are not yours alone.  One thing that struck a cord with me is  that your mother was suffering from anxiety and abused alcohol.  So did mine, she is pretty much agoraphobic.  To her credit she has stopped all substances and Zoloft has helped her a great deal.

I also have intrusive thoughts...like if i don't hear from my b/f by say 9am every morning he is obviously dead or cheating on me (I know this is irrational) And is someone is late for something I convince myself that a horrible car accident has occured.  I also constantly have non-sensical words and thoughts running through my head, and music...but I never get to pick the channel :)

Just wanted you to know what you are feeling is part of having an anxiety disorder.  In my opinion, its brain chemisry mixed with environment, and I resisted medication for a very long time and suffered needlessly.

Best wishes to you!  Let us know how you get along :)

 

 

 

 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40590
   Posted 3/14/2008 11:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Highstrung,

I just wanted to mention that I know of two medications that help with obsessive and obtrusive thinking. One is risperdol and can be taken as needed. The other is abilify that is taken daily. They both have helped me so I thought I would pass that information on to you.

HOpe that this helps. And neither medication makes me sleepy.

hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/14/2008 1:25 PM (GMT -7)   
I have sever OCD with cleaning balancing and thoughts....so many I wont even go into them all .....
Thoughts of worrying about everyone and everything all the time .
Did I do this right
Did I lock door ( check it 5 times) and so on and so on.....
I have not been helped by meds but I have been helped with the CBT
Everyone is differnt
Discuss all options wih your doc/ therapist or PDOC.......

I wish you all the best......
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum, Anxiety/ Panic and Other Disorders
         Mod for Alzheimer's, Anxiety and Panic and Co Mod for Crohns
    www.healingwell.com Donate today to keep HW helping others
 
                     
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/17/2008 6:28 AM (GMT -7)   
HOW are you doing highstrung??

LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum, Anxiety/ Panic and Other Disorders
 
Moderator @ Anxiety Panic..Alzheimer's..Co mod @ Crohns
 
   
 
                   
 

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