Stupid Worrying

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New Member

Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 2/11/2008 10:18 AM (GMT -6)   
I have been faithfully reading the board each day just to help me get through my day.  I feel like my anxiety is over just stupid things.  Especially when I read all of your posts and realize how you all feel and what causes your anxiety.  Lately I am having a hard time getting through my days without wanting to cry all day long.  I am the biggest "what if" worrier with my children.  I worry mostly about how they act and their social lives. I am one of those people who care too much about what other people think. This week it is mostly with my 15 year old daughter.  My husband is bipolar...unmedicated and usually controlled.  She is not bipolar but has his cold personality.  She is a beautiful girl, very popular with her friends and a great athlete so she has quite the social life.  Keeps me busy.  But I see alot of my husband in her when she is with her boyfriend and I know how it feels to deal with someone who is cold. He truly likes her alot and she says she does too...but is very cold when communicating with him.  Now I understand that she is only 14 so I am not worried about her ruining a relationship with a lifelong mate.  What I am worried about with her is this how she will be for the rest of her life and how can I change it now?  OK...I am sure it seems weird with you but for this week this is where my anxiety and obsessive thoughts are.  When I worry about something it becomes my whole world till I can get past it. I guess I just never wanted my kids to have this one bad trait he has. And for her to possibly loose something good because of it.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 2/11/2008 12:36 PM (GMT -6)   


Welcome to HealingWell and there is no such thing as stupid here in the forums.  Your anxiety is just as painful and frightening to you as everyone else's struggle with anxiety is to them.

You may have what is referred to as Anticipatory Anxiety...........I am blessed with that one myself. eyes Common Anticipatory Anxiety Reactions include :

Feelings: anxious, fearful, angry, confused, hopeless, losing control, numb, sad, moody, irritable, guilty.

Behaviors: withdrawal from others or activities, disrupted routines, startle reactions, easily crying

Cognitions: preoccupation with possibility of trauma, concentration difficulties, self-doubt, worry, indecisiveness, memory difficulties

Physical complaints: muscle tension, headaches, gastric distress, sleep and appetite changes, fatigue

Talking usually helps. Share your feelings with friends, family, on here are all good ways to work through the anxiety.

Relaxation techniques: Try deep breathing, muscle relaxation, visualization (imagining peaceful scenes), and/or listening to soothing music.

Realistic self-talk: While we can't always control what happens to us, we can always control what we say to ourselves. It's important to keep things in perspective. Talk to yourself in reasonable ways. Ask yourself "how likely is my fear?" Remind yourself that you have coped before during other challenging times. Don't just dwell on the negative but consciously look for things you can appreciate every day

Now to address you worries about your daughter, some people just have a more stand-offish personality.  I am a hugger and my daughter is not. She never has been since she grew up.  She is not a cold person but her personality is just different than mine.  Try not to aniticipate that your daughter is "just like her Dad".  Let her be just like herself instead.

All the way through the teen years, you'll have to guide your daughter towards adult life, gradually handing over responsibilities and independence when she shows he can manage them in a mature way. Keep in mind she is also not you, and try to guide her using a method that fits her personality.  Remember every child is different.

I hope this helps and your not alone in worrying about your children.  I promise you that. :)
Gentle Hugs to you

Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* *~*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 147
   Posted 2/11/2008 2:12 PM (GMT -6)   
thx kitt for your helpful read,
dear suzy,
you are a caring and wonderful mom,this world survives due to moms like you,i know how anxious your daughter makes you ,the most you can do is provide mental support in times of need and be her best friend ,once she trusts you ,dont accuse her or judge her unnecessarily as then she wont share her life with you.thats all i can say for now,keep us posted .
god bless
To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.
Gustave Flaubert

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 505
   Posted 2/11/2008 5:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi suzy i agree with both Katy and Kitt. But on the other hand i do understand your concerns too! I am a worrier too it comes with P/A. But like kitt said you have to use different techniques to control it.I really do understand your concerns about your daughter.I come from a family full of emotional people who love to hug and kiss and talk about their feelings and i am the same way! I dont meet any strangers and i have deep compassion for people even ones who i dont really know.Although these personality traits have gotten me emotionally hurt alot of times i have had equal or more posotive results from it. So i dont regret being this way.But on the other hand i married a man that came from a family of people who dont really care about people's feelings,hardly ever hug one another even on holidays and special occassions and rarely tell each other I Love You.And most of them dont have a compassinate bone in their bodies!!! Not even toward one another! And my husband is the same way although he has gotten a little better over the years.His mom made a comment one day that my mushiness iss rubbing off on him!(lol) Anyway although we dont have kids yet i often worry and wonder if his coldness and lack of understanding is going to be embeded in our children.We have talked about it before and he tells me all the time that when he was a child his parents rarely hugged him,or asked him how he felt,or even kissed him! He said there would be times when he would be complaining about not feeling well for days and they wouldnt take him to see a DR because they said the bill would be too expensive.So he says that he is going to make a concious effort to be more compassionate with his children because he knows how his parents lack of compassion made him feel! But i still wonder about it because it's easier said than done! Onced you have learned something it's hard to unlearn it and he is still cold toward me at times! so with all that said i can understand why you would be concerned about your daughter because like you said you can lose out on alot of good things being that way! Not just realtionships but other thongs too!!! But just try to worry a little less doll!! Everything will be ok!!!

New Member

Date Joined Oct 2007
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 2/14/2008 11:00 AM (GMT -6)   

Thank you all for your input.  Especially the symptoms of Anticipatory's like reading a story about myself.  I experience all of them. I have a good friend that I talk to all the time and she really helps me alot.

Panike my husband and his family is the same way.  I am not.  I have three girls and only one of my kids is like him.  It is very weird because we are not like that in our house but she has his traits.  I have seen her in a social setting and she is a fun kid but is not a mushy type of girl with the hugging, taking pictures and doing funny weird things.  That bothers me sometimes because I do feel she is missing out but I am finding that her close friends know how she is and accept her.  To her strong side she takes nothing from anyone and is very blunt with her feelings and people respect that.  She is very protective of her friends and stands ups for them when needed.  I just don't want her to be cold like my husbands family.

I just wish I wouldn't worry about what could happen in the future.  I am finding that most of the time it never happens...but I have to say there are times it does.


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