Household Anxiety

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TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 2/20/2008 8:46 PM (GMT -7)   
I am not sure if any of you can understand my position... but here goes.
 
I am having a hard time with anxiety, stress, and anger. I hate to say it, but alot comes from my mom. She's great and I love her, but she tends to yell about everything. We fight alot about everything. She really doesnt understand me at all and doesnt attempt too...
 
I am just trying to live with what I have and get better on my own, but how can I do this with my mom around... she drives me insane. I know she is unhappy, like with my dad. Things havent been great between them and I know she wishes she could leave, but she couldnt support herself financially so she has to stay here.
 
I try so hard though... All I want is to feel better and be happy.. but its not an easy thing to accomplish. Physically I have felt better since starting Lyrica 3 and half months ago, but mentally and emotionally Im not doing so great. I have had ups and downs... but I cant handle the downs anymore. I am just so tired of it all the time. I just cant understand why I have to feel this way...
 
I just have all of these feelings and emotions and I am not sure what to do about them. I just want to be happy like any other person, ya know. I want to be able to go out and have fun and laugh and have a good time...
 
Anyways, I just needed to vent really bad. Thanks so much for listening. I know I can always count of you all.

"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."


CassandraLee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 844
   Posted 2/20/2008 10:13 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi TeNNisdoC:

First, let me start off by saying that you did an excellent job of summarizing and presenting the dynamics with your Mom.  It truly sounds like you have really been thinking this through from several perspectives.  ..And this is usually the toughest part of a problem.

In looking at you wrote you have basically stated: (1) how you are doing and what you need to feel better; (2) how your mother is behaving and why and (3) her behaviors' effect on you.

I know because you mentioned your medicine that you are seeing a doctor.  Are you also seeing a therapist right now?  If yes, do you go alone or does your mom go to "family" sessions with you?
I am asking because I am wondering if your Mom is even aware of the effect that her own feelings and behavior is having on you?  Maybe she is so caught up in her own feelings that she might not realize if and how much it is dragging you down.  I have a 12 year old daughter and when her dad and I got divorced a few years ago, I tried to put on a brave face to let her know that everything was going to be okay.  I did not want her to be worried about me - I wanted everything to be as "normal" as possible. But she informed me a month or two ago that she saw right through it.  She knew how miserable I was and while I thought I was doing a good job, I was actually impatient and many times quite snappy.  ...Could it be possible that your Mom might feel the same way I did?  Could she be trying so hard and yet not realize that there is still a lot of stress in the household between the two of you?
 
Perhaps if you first talked about this with your therapist he/she might be able to have a session with you and your mom.  I know this sounds extremely hard.  But if you could let your mom know that you are worried about the both of you (like you described below) and are not being judgemental, she might listen and consider changing her approach with you.  Also, perhaps she might start thinking about how to help herself feel better too.
 
Last, if you do not feel comfortable with these ideas, would you feel comfortable writing her a letter with some of the suggestions I said above?  If you felt unsure about this you could always ask your therapist to read if first before giving it to her, or if you felt comfortable, even sharing it with us first.  Many of us are already moms and many others are daughters, etc. and would be happy to help you with this.
 
Just give it some thought or even toss around this idea with us.  You obviously know what you need to keep on making progress towards feeling better..I know that I would like to help you in any way to get there.
 
Cass
 

TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 2/20/2008 10:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks. I can definatly appreciate your attentiveness to what I first wrote.

But, actually its not that simple. I "did" see a doctor. He was my ortho and he gave me a 3 month prescription and then said go to your PCP when that ends... which it wont for another 2 weeks. My mom doesnt know how I feel because she kind of cut me off when I tried telling her. I havent tried since then. I tell her constantly that she doesnt have to yell to try to calm down... that seems to be very hard for her. We all know she is unhappy, she tells us..

I dont see a therapist. However, I greatly wish that I did. I actually asked my mom for one this past summer for my 16th b-day present! Yea.. she basically said I was just talking crazy. And I told he rI was depressed... she said it would pass... then she said we all go through it... then she said good me too... by then I knew not to say it again, I could tell she was getting upset about it. To be honest, we really dont talk to each other. My family is not close at all. Its just like we all live here and fight with each other, but nothing else. Its hard to tell if they really care, they dont show it anyways...

I tried writing a letter before, but my mom isnt like that. She isnt understanding and she wouldnt take it seriously, ya know. She never does. She doesnt see what it does to us. I have Fibro and so it seems to be harder on me. It affects how I feel everyday. She thinks its just about having joint pain, but no one realizes that it is so much more than that. They have no idea the mental pain I have suffered through for so long. I have no choice but to deal with it myself, and I have been for a very long time... I have made some progress... but I have come to accept that I cant fix it...

I appreciate your help. Its really hard for me to talk to people and I am not comfortable discussing my feelings with people, thats why its so hard for me to get help from someone. (like my friends, school counselor, or teacher) btw, I have tried all of those. I just cant seem to be able to talk to them about it... I kind of feel like I am the problem. And I dont want to put it on anyone else....

But, thanks so much for your help. I really appreciate it. I have alot to think about now! Thanks!

"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 2/21/2008 7:34 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey TeNNiS,
Good Morning and I am so sorry you are going through all of this.  It feels to me like your trying to be the parent to your Mom by talking her down and out of her anger.  IMHO your Mom needs help to as it seems she is very unhappy.  I wish you had a counselor or someone you could talk to at school. 

How about through your church if you are a member of one, could you talk to  the minister?  Is there a youth group in town you could join to get you out more and with people your own age.  You need to have some peace and happiness in your life.  When you see your PCP please discuss your home situation with this person.  With the privace laws now, your PCP cannot reveal your conversation to your Mother. 

Keep posting and vent away, whatever it takes to help you. :)
Kitt

 


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 2/21/2008 11:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks. I am really not sure how I can get her to listen. She never does.... and when I try she interrupts.. and she assumes I am not serious. I have no idea how to make her see that it is... I did try talking to my school counselor, but I wasnt really comfortable with her. I thought if I got her to talk to my mom she would believe me, but I wasnt able to talk much with my counselor so it didnt work out. I feel bad if I get someone to talk to my mom because I cant. Shouldnt I be able to? ya know...

I do know what can happen. When I first realized how bad it was, my worst fear was that it would only get worse and would go to a very critical point. To be honest, it did get worse, and I have gotten to that critical point before. Although, I have been able to pull myself back so... But, right now my worst fear is that I will never be able to talk to someone to the point I can actually get help and then it will get to the point where I cant pull myself back. I have gotten close and I would rather nothing happen. I have talked to one of my friends who understands and I talk to one of my teachers some, but she doesnt know about everything...

I am trying so hard to talk about everything. I want to get help. I know that I really need it and I know what can happen if I dont get it. I have fought this alone for about 9 months. I thought at first maybe I could get better on my own, but I have realized that I cant. I have had the strength to try and keep on trying, but it isnt helping anything really. I guess its complicated...

But, I really appreciate you guys being here for me. I know that I am not completely alone, thanks!

"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."


jeeper
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 30
   Posted 2/21/2008 2:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi.  Sorry you are having a hard time.  I've been there with my mom and she made me feel like I was psychotic. I think it is so important for you to find someone you can talk to.  Someone mentioned a hot line and a church pastor.  These are both excellent ideas.  Even if you don't go to church most pastors are open to people just walking in or calling and they can find you other resources as well.  Pastors are also good mediators and that would be helpful in your situation.  Good luck and keep posting.

Panike
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 505
   Posted 2/21/2008 3:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Tennis,i feel so bad that you are going through this difficult time but you do sound like a really strong person so at least you have that working in your favor.Because believe me,i've been where you are and it takes a very strong individual to endure what you're enduring and i admire your strength! I'm the type of person that has always felt like your parents are suppose to be the ones you can go to when everyone else has turned their back on you.I think they should be the ones you feel like you can talk to even when you cant talk to anyone else! But unfortunately they are human too and have their share of problems as well.And sometimes we have to remember that! Your mom sounds like she is in a bad position herself,this should be a time when you guys should be trying to lean on each other.Maybe you could talk to her and start the conversation off by letting her know that you reconize that she's in pain as well! And that you want to try to help her as well as needing her help. Tell her to share with you what she is feeling and let her know that you are not going to judge her but also let her know in the process you want to share how you've been feeling as well and you want the same underdstanding ear that you gave her. So that way it doesnt feel like to her that you're being selfish and thinking you're the only one who who's going through something.Sometimes it takes understanding to be understood.If that make sense! We as people see our parents as being the super hero not remembering that they were a human being before they were your mother or farther. Now,i'm not saying that justifies all her yelling and anger because she is definitely wrong for that! Like Kitt said after all she is the mom and suppose to be the more mature bigger person.But there are those rare cases when the children's maturity surpasses the parents and they take on the parenting role.I'm not saying that's right but sometimes that's the way it is.I can vouch for that because i think that is the case with me and my parents! I've always been told by other people and could see for myself that i started at an early age becoming more mature than both of my parents! And there were many times even now that i felt like they were my children instead of me being theirs! So,in other words i'm saying maybe she appears to not be taking you serious because she's going through her own trials and needs someone too! So this is a perfect time for you both to talk to each other about your thoughts and fears! When you let a person know that you are willing to listen but also want to be listened too sometimes things work out better! I really hope everyting will turn out ok and if the advice i gave you doesnt work you still have the suicide hot line and various resources you can use too! Good luck Darling and never feel like you're alone because were always here.

Mochiah
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 450
   Posted 2/21/2008 6:06 PM (GMT -7)   
I think the hotline is a great idea....They would be able to give you tips on how to get through to your mom, too. The call is confidential so there is really nothing to lose.

I'm not so sure I agree completely with Panike (sorry hun), I agree with most of it, but I am afraid that having your mom's problems piled on top of your own is too much and, at this time, your mom almost sounds like she might make it into a competition of her being worse off than you.

I agree that you should both get in to be seen and I think letting her know how close you have come to hurting yourself will get you both into the doctor. It may also snap her out of her world long enough to remember she has a responsibility to you.
Mochiah/a.k.a. Sue
cervical fusion 2006
L4-5 surgery with cages, plates, and screws in 2005
MEDS:  Fentanyl patch, Norco, Celexa, trazodone, and baclofen
 
To handle yourself, use your head...to handle others, use your heart
 
I'm going to smile like nothing is wrong, act like everything is perfect, and pretend its not hurting me.


Panike
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 505
   Posted 2/21/2008 6:50 PM (GMT -7)   
Sue, That's ok if you disagree with me we all feel different about different things.But i think you might have misunderstood me,i was not suggesting that Tennis should take on mom's problems.I realize that Tennis has problems as well and that would not be a good idea for anyone with problems to take on anyone elses,Parents or otherwise.Because you have to fix yourself before you can even begin to fix someone else. I'm just saying that tennis should tell her that he/she reconizes that mom is going through a difficult time as well but let her know all though she is having problems she is still his/her mom and he/ she still needs her.But in the process if mom wants to elaborate on what's going on with her Tennis will listen too, not to solve mom's problems but at least get some insight on what mom is feeling as well! So they both will reconize that they are not alone. Parents are people too,and i know we all like to think that they can solve everything but sometimes they cant because they need help too,but mom should at least listen to Tennis and find out whats going on.Because obviously Tennis is dealing with some deep rooted emotional issues and from the way it sounds mom is too.Maybe like you said Sue,they can go seek help together once Tennis lets mom know that he/she reconizes that mom is struggling too!

TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 2/21/2008 11:26 PM (GMT -7)   
I wanted to say thanks to all of you for everything. BTW for panike, Im a girl! lol

Its really strange. I cant explain it, but sometimes I just snap and have an emotional breakdown, like last night. But, then thats it. I have felt ok today. Its like it never happened or something. I always have the feelings with me, but sometimes I feel like they are not true, even though they are. I feel like I am 2 people in one. Its a very strange feeling... I am not sure how to explain. I just mean sometimes I feel fine like nothing is wrong an dI have no feelings, but then I have all these crazy feelings and thoughts and I feel like I am someone else. I really hate it because I am not really sure which person I am... Its like it comes and goes randomly, daily, a few times a week, or once or twice a week...

Anyways, like I said, its very strange. I really dont understand it myself. But, it scares me because its like I hae 2 different sets of thoughts, one for each person. I hate it though. Its hard for me to explain my bad feelings when I am not really feeling there strength, like right now, I feel fine. I dont feel like anything is wrong, yet I know what I experienced last night, so I conclude that something IS wrong. I guess its complicated....

But, I really appreciate you guys being here for me! Its means alot to me. To be honest, I went down the road of hurting myself, however, I changed myself for the better. I wouldnt accept what I was doing. Its like the bad me would do the crime, but the good me would have to see it the next day and I wasnt content with that. I decided to quit and I havent done anything since then. It was kind of hard, but I knew what was best for me!! Nowadays I just try to ride it through. Let myself feel whatever Im feeling because I know it will go away.

Sorry, I keep running off track!! Thank you guys so much! I appreciate the suggestions! Thanks!

"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."


Paulos
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 201
   Posted 2/22/2008 3:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Do you all live together? Perhaps you need time off from your parents..
"Make a joke and I will sigh, and you will laugh and I will cry. Happiness I cannot feel, and love to me is so unreal."-Loony from Rings of Power


Panike
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 505
   Posted 2/22/2008 11:04 AM (GMT -7)   
HI Tennis,I'm sorry i didnt know what gender you were!(lol) i'm glad you told me,SORRY! Anyway i hope you didnt think that in my thread i was suggesting that you try to solve your mom's problems as well as yours. There is no way that i would suggest that, being that i see the kind of pain you are in.I think right now all you need to do is concentrate on getting yourself better.But i dont see any reason why you and mom couldn't come together and support each other and like i said before i think you should go to her and suggest that.Because it's obvious that you both are in pain! I feel that she does has a responsibity to you because she is your mom but i think she's probably not hearing your cries for help because she is probably crying for help as well. As far as the experience you had last night,i'm no expert but that sounds like you are suffering from some kind of personality disorder.Maybe multiple personalities or something! Tennis i feel so bad for you and i hate that you are going through this difficult time sweety! I wish your mom was able to help you more! Is there anyone else in your family that you feel comfortable enough to talk to? That is great that BabyT gave you that #.I hope you can find some support with that.But remember there is always hope,please dont give up! We are all rooting for you! Please feel free to talk whenever about what ever! What ever you decide to talk about with me,you dont have to worry about being judged! I love you!!!

TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 2/22/2008 1:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks everyone! I am doing pretty good now. I mean I feel fine.. goh, I cant get over how weird it is... But anyways, yea, we do all live together. (for now) I really dont want to move away or anything, but I want out of the house! Trust me on that! But at 16 there isnt much I can do, and I have no where else I could stay just to get away for awhile. But it would be nice I think!

Panike, I didnt assume you were saying I should take on my moms problems. I couldnt do that anyways! lol But, I understood what you were trying to say! Umm...yea a personality disorder would be scary. I havent ever really read alot about that so I wouldnt know if it were a possibility or not... I do know about multiple personalities though from my Psych class...

I want to share this, one night I had a very scary experience. I went in my bathroom and I had an oil lamp burning on the wall. As I was leaving something caught my eye in the mirror. I started looking in the mirror an dI felt like I wasnt really there. If felt like I was someone else looking at someone in the mirror, but I felt like I was watching it. I dont know, but it was crazy scary. I was like tranced or something and I couldnt stop looking at whoever that was in the mirror. I didnt feel like the person on the other side was me... I freaked out after that though I had to text my friend and I told her what happen and she had to talk to me a while before I was able to calm down. I know it sounds stupid or whatever, but it scared me alot. I was really freaked out by it...

But anyways, my friend was like maybe you are a multiple personality person... umm, yea sure.. I kind of wondered and I wasnt really sure what had happened. It seemed like it was in my head, but it was so real when it happened. I was afraid for a couple weeks after that to look in the mirror and I dont burn my lamp anymore because it was dark when it happened and the light from the lamp was flickering on my face... so, yea I am scared of that now!

Yea, I know it sounds like a horror movie, but it was real and very scary at the time. I should totally write a book about my life! lol My life is so strange and complicated! But, anyways, sorry that this is so long, I have just never told anyone else about that night... its crazy I know... But I feel good right now! Thank you all for your words! I appreciate it so much. Its really nice to know people out there care about ya! Take Care!

"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."


Panike
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 505
   Posted 2/22/2008 1:50 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm glad you are feeling better Tennis! Man, that what you described does sound scary! I think i probably would have freaked out too! The mind is a tricky thing and sometimes it plays all kinds of dirty tricks on us,if you know what i mean! That what BabyT was talking about could be strong possibilty(MPD) you may need to look more into it like she said.I hope you find some answers soon!

TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 2/22/2008 4:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Actually all of this got me to thinking... I am a researcher.. plus, I love to learn new things, so I looked into personality disorders. I think I am going to do a post and ask everyone else what they think. I havent read about MPD yet but I did read about borderline PD and I fit basically everything about it. And also the avoidant PD and OCPD(ocd personality)... That doesnt shock me the OCD and being avoidant, I already new that, but I found something very interesting to me...

In the stuff I rad about borderline, its said people dont experience hallucinations or delusions, however they may sometimes experience psycotic breaks where feel angry, depressed, anxious, etc and it lasts several hours to an entire day.... That is very interesting because it would explain what happened the other night. I havent found anything to explain what happened with the mirror though... I dont know..

But, I am going to read more about all of it. I do think it would explain alot though. But, the thing is, even reading about it and believing thats what I have, that isnt going to do me any good. I mean, that isnt going to get me any help... But, I appreciate you all being here for me, thank you so so much..

HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!!!

"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."


TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 2/22/2008 4:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you so much for being here for me! It means so much! Thanks! I am saving stuff in folders and highlighting and everything! I am a super perfectionist so I do everything all organized and stuff! lol Thanks so much!

"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."

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