Personality Disorders??

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TeNNiSd0C09
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Date Joined Jul 2007
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   Posted 2/22/2008 4:22 PM (GMT -7)   
I was just wondering if anyone has ever had an experience with personality disorders? Someone mentioned to me about multiple personalities, I dont think that is me, but I think there is a chance I could have borderline personality disorder.
 
A person with BPD may experience intense bouts of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last only hours, or at most a day.
 
(That explains an experience I had the other night... and I have been having them for months now)
 
Distortions in cognition and sense of self can lead to frequent changes in long term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, gender identity, and values.
 
(All of which have happened to me except values, I think. I think my values are in tact, and if anything they have changed for the better...)
 
So, what go you all think. I mean, I am just asking for personal experiences and opinions, I know you guys arent professionals. But, this is really bothering me now... I am not really sure what to think. I mean, it fits. It explains so much, but that doesnt help me any. I just need to get help from a professional, but I am not able to. My fear is always that it will get worse. I am just left here to wonder. I look totally normal on the outside, but it is chaos on the inside, especially in my head. Its so complicated and confusing... most of all sad and difficult. Thats how I feel about it at least.
 
If you guys want to know about the experience the other night, its in my other post about household anxiety. But, anyways, I just wanted to bring it up and see what you all think. Thanks for everything!
 
HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GREAT WEEKEND!!! yeah
 
 

"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."


stkitt
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Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 2/22/2008 4:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey there, I really think you would need to talk to a professional re these disorders as they take a specialty trained Pdoc to dx either of these conditions. 
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior. This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual's sense of self-identity. Originally thought to be at the "borderline" of psychosis, people with BPD suffer from a disorder of emotion regulation.
I had a friend that was BPD and was hospitalized many times, unable to live alone and was very manipulative to the point of chronic lying.
 
This does not sound like you but if you feel you may be please talk with your physician.
Take care and try to have a fun and relaxing week-end.
Hugs
Kitt
 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


TeNNiSd0C09
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Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 2/22/2008 4:44 PM (GMT -7)   
No, I am not manipulative, but the rest does sound like me. I have read that same paragraph many times now.... and more, and it does sound alot like me... I think there are some things you guys dont know about me... I am still scared to share everything about me, and some of it I am probably not allowed to share so.. I appreciate you speaking up. And I agree with you, I do need to see someone... if only I could. THATS THE PROBLEM!! Goh, its makes me very angry that I am young and I cant even do anything for myself. I have all the problems swirling in my head but I cant do anything about it. I cant tell anyone. I cant get help when I want it. I have no idea what I am supposed to do. I have no idea how to get help when I feel like I have no one...

Sorry. It just upsets me. Everything always goes back to... "I should see someone".... and I cant... so what am I supposed to do... wait and let everything get even worse.... :'( I am tired of waiting. of having no one. of not being able to get help. of being alone. of being afraid. of EVERYTHING.

Thanks for your help.

"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."


nervymeg
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 2/22/2008 5:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey, that sounds a lot like me sometimes too, I get these periods of intense anger and frustration when I just don't seem to be able to CONTROL what I am saying/doing.  It's horrible.
 
If you are having any doubts or worries about this I suggest you talk to your doc about it (I might just do the same - thanks for the post)...it could be really important to learn more about yourself and how you relate to the world.  Goodluck with all of this and, again, thanks for the post :-)
I alone can do this, but I cannot do it alone. 
 
NervyMeg


olivia of course
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Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1523
   Posted 2/22/2008 5:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Tennis,

Like everyone else said BPD is a very serious condition, it is not to say you don't have it. But you should definitely talk to a pdoc before diagnosing yourself with such a disorder. This doesn't mean you should not educate yourself about the disorder, but be careful before you label yourself.
Olivia
Co-Moderator, Bipolar
 
Only by seeking challenges can we hope to find the best in ourselves.
~Robert Rodriguez


TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 2/22/2008 5:56 PM (GMT -7)   
*sigh* I had a feeling about this. Im sorry. I wasnt sure about posting this because of the responses... which I appreciate, but alot of people tend to think I can just go and see a doctor. People assume I can take myself and its no big deal. I feel like its my fault some of you dont understand. I hate even going through things all the time. Thats all I can do...just go through it... I can NOT get help. I just want to stress that. But, I guess its my fault, I probably should post such a thing... knowing people are going to tell me I should see a doctor and that isnt a possibility for me.

I really hate being 16. I hate not being able to take care of myself. I hate not being able to talk to people. I hate that I am not close to ANY of my family. You guys, we dont talk, especially about this kind of stuff. I cant do it. I cant talk to them. So, does that mean I just suffer a few more years....

I am not diagnosing myself. And I dont believe in labels. I do understand this is a serious condition, however, I am obviously suffering from something serious. I am the only one who can see this because you guys are not inside my head. You guys arent here with me feeling what I feel. You guys cant see me sitting in the dark bathroom corner crying with my arms over my head. You dont see me laying in the floor wishing that things were different. You cant feel the distance I feel between people who are supposed to be closest. I try to be so strong. I fear crying in front of people. I fear breaking down in front of people. Thats what needs to happen. But, none of it feels right. Why do I have to continue to go through this just because I am afraid to speak up... just because I am afraid to be close to people. I am afraid to show all that I really am....

Im sorry, Im just.... I've just been struggling with all of this so long... I am so tired of it now. I just want help that I cant get....

"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."


TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 2/22/2008 6:49 PM (GMT -7)   
:') Thanks BabyT. I really appreciate it! I have gotten better with my voice. But, it only speaks the simple stuff, I havent been able to voice the major things.

For example, I told my teachers about my anxiety and anxiety attacks, and one about panic attacks. I havent told anyone out loud about the depression (except the time I tried telling my mom)... I havent told anyone out loud about anything else either. I have no idea why I cant. I really really want to, honest I do, but my voice wont allow it. I dont know, maybe I am afraid of all th echange it will bring to my life. If I tell an adult about everything that I have experienced, it is going to spark so much. That scares me since I have no idea how my parents would react, since we arent very close I cant imagine them actually being compassionate or anything....

Thank you so much. I would very much appreciate your help, or anyones help! That would be great! Thanks!

"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."


TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 2/22/2008 8:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks! I sent you an email!

"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."


Panike
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 505
   Posted 2/22/2008 8:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Tennis this may be a little more serious than i thought sweety! I mean i figured it was serious but i really couldn't figure out how serious until now! I had no idea that is what you were going through! I know you said you dont want to talk to anyone but i'm worried about you and i just dont know what other way you can get help considering your age and everything. I couldn't imagine going through what you are going through at such a young age! And if you dont talk to a PDoc how can you get meds if that's what you need sweety? I can't imagine how you must feel.It's like your'e suffering in silence And i dont want you to have to suffer any longer? I know we just asked you this,but just think! Is there anyone in your family that you can ask to take you to see a Dr.,anybody! I know how you feel about not wanting to talk to anyone but just think if you go to a PDoc they can put you on meds and it would improve your quality of life tremedously and you would feel much better! You have to decide sweety,what's more important telling someone so you can get help or continueing to suffer? I think it is pretty clear what the most important thing is but you have to decide for yourself!

TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 2/22/2008 11:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Yea, I agree. I have thought... alot... like I said though my family is not close at all so... Plus I dont ever talk to anyone in my family outside the ones who live in my house.... I know what is more important. And obviously I have made a decision, I am just not sure how I carry out my decision. Telling someoen is not as easy as it sounds. When I tried to tell my teacher more, I couldnt. I freeze. I usually end up having an anxiety attack. I literally lose my voice. Like when I try to talk, nothing comes out, literally. But, once I get away from the situation my voice comes back. It is that hard and scary to talk to someone. Its even worse when I try to tell someone I am not close to. Its very hard. I wish I couldnt just say it. I have tried before to just say it and not think. After a few tries I was finally able to blurt out my anxiety issues. I have tried many times to say more, but I havent been able to yet... Im sorry. I know everyone wants me to. I feel bad that I cant, but I try really hard too. I am going to keep trying though, I promise.

"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."


badfish
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 393
   Posted 2/25/2008 6:52 AM (GMT -7)   
I dnt kno wht going on exactly, but u cud try writing letter to the person u want to tell if ur struggling wiv ur voice. Hope get the help u need soon.

Ant
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 2/25/2008 8:04 AM (GMT -7)   

Good Morning TeNNiS

I am sorry we did not understand your whole story and I truly forgot your age.  I am just going to toss out a few questions and you do not have to answer unless you are comfortable.

Your medical insurance is through your folks, am I guessing right? Do you have a physician that you see with your parents permission?

Please know that 16 year olds have rights too, and do not give up, we are here and you can talk to us whenever your comfortable.  We did not mean to give you pat answers about seeing a physician but we would never want to jepordize your health by taking on the job of a professional.  If you  need a  personal consultation with qualified health or medical professionals to meet your individual health or medical needs we will try our very best to help you figure out  how to obtain that.   Remember that what's right or has worked for one person may not be what's right for you. 

I am so sorry for the pain you are in and please know that we are here and reading and supporting you so stick with us. 

Many gentle hugs and prayers for you. 
Kitt 


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


Panike
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Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 505
   Posted 2/25/2008 12:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Tennis I know exactly how you feel when you say you try to tell people and you feel like you cant speak,but when you walk away you have no problem speaking.I remember when i was around your age i was very shy.I felt like that alot.There would be certain things i would want to tell people and certain things i would want to express my opinion about and couldnt bring myself to say it for nothing in the world.One reason was because i would be scared of what people would think of me and afraid of how I would sound to other people. Mostly i was afraid of rejection.However on those few occassions when i would get up the courage to speak out I can honestly say the response was never as bad as i thought it would be.Then i can remember thinking wow,I could have done that or said that a long time ago and not caused myself all this torment! And most of the time the results i would get from speaking up would far out weigh the torment of having to speak up.If that makes any sense! That was one thing that helped me to climb out of my shell,seeing that alot of the time people wouldnt reject or judge me. In alot of cases i came to see that alot of the people i was afraid to talk to struggled with some of the same issues that i did,but i wouldnt have never known that if i hadnt spoke up.On the other hand i'm not trying to force you to talk to anyone but i bet if you did you would be suprised to see that it wasnt as hard as you thought it would be and that in most cases people will understand more than you thought they would.But once again it's your decision sweety and your life.You have to decide what's right for you! I know things will get better for you one way or the other Tennis!

BKF1515
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 2/25/2008 1:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Tennis, I am 35 now, but when I was your age, I was really intent on projecting a certain image to everyone, friends, teachers, family--and I suffered through a lot of frustrations and problems because I felt I couldn't/wouldn't dare let anyone know how I was genuinely feeling. I can't tell you how many times in recent years I have thought, "If only I had just walked into my high school counselor's office!" I could've spilled everything to that counselor and he/she would've helped me take steps to solve problems, confront my (step)parents about a few things, etc. I know this sounds like simple advice but I thought it might help. Good luck and good thoughts, tessel

Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 2/25/2008 6:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey TeNNis,

First, thank you for your thoughtful and encouraging post on my thread. Didn't you mention that you've been able to talk to your best friend about some of what you're going through. It seems like she would be a great person for you to lean on right now.

Second, I took a class called "Abnormal Psychology" when I was in college and one of the first things my professor told us was "As soon as anyone starts learing about one of the diagnoses, you automatically diagnose yourself with it. So, don't be so easily fooled!" Now, that is not to belittle the pain you are currently in, it is to point out something that you already know. You are looking for answers and want to alleviate what ails you. One possible suggestion is to talk with your school psychologist. He/she is there to help. It is a big step, but I know you can do it! :)

TeNNiSd0C09
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Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 2/25/2008 6:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Sorry, I havent been on as much lately so I havent replied.

Yes, I have insurance through my mom. I have a physician I see. Actually, my ortho gave me my Lyrica for 3 months and it runs out Sunday... he said when it ran out I could get it through my PCP so I will probably have to go to the doctor Monday. I have to get my ASO checked to see if it is still high, and he will probably want to check my liver... but anyways, my mom will go with me. I am going to try to ask if I can go in by myself, that way I can talk to him alone. I cant talk to my mom so I wont be able to while she is there, but Im not sure if that would be ok or not. But, I guess I might try because it may be a while before I go back...

Its ok what you all said. I know I should see someone and all, and I know you guys probably dont keep up with ages! You guys probably dont think about that! But, yea... its totally fine. It just got to me. I cried reading all of your replies because one after the other they said I should talk to my doctor, and so I cried because I wish I could. I cried because I should be able to. It just really hit me ya know... so... but its ok!

Well, I think I have caught up! I hope! Sorry I havent been around so much... school! Enough said! lol Thanks for the replies!

"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."


Panike
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 505
   Posted 2/25/2008 7:00 PM (GMT -7)   
That's OK Tennis we all have things to do we understand! Well they do anyway,right now i have nothing to do being that i lost my job,that sucks! I hate even thinking about it! I have some things lined up though just through making phone calls! So'wish me luck girlie! And dont cry honey everything will be ok'i promise and if it doesnt i'll let you kick my butt for promising! lol

TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 2/25/2008 7:52 PM (GMT -7)   
lol you guys crack me up! Hmm... Im not employed either... Can I stay home from school and kick someones butt! I would rather do that! lol Of course Im still posting here... I am like never going to leave... then what would I do with all my free time!!! I would like have to get a life or something... or a job... even worse! lol just kidding of course! But yea... =]

"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."


TeNNiSd0C09
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 2/25/2008 8:05 PM (GMT -7)   
lol yea. Im not sure I would get far anyways... You guys could probably chase me down faster than I can run... especially if you guys keep eating whatever it is you all are eating... share some! lol I dont do much running now, it would kill me! The whole Fibro thing, yea, its totally against any physical activity.... thats why I sit here and talk to you guys! Nah, just kidding again! If I could run a marathon I would choose to say and talk to.... wait... ummm... nah this is a hard one... haha just kidding I would totally stay and talk to you guys anyways!!!

Wow... I must be in a good mood. Thats strange. I mean, its new. See you guys make me happy, thats it right there! School was ok today.. so/so.... its work work work again and all of that so... but we have 12 weeks til summer! YAY! And then I will be a Senior! yippy... thats totally going to be the most stressful year ever...

Goh, see, I am already stressing about the stress I will have next year! Ahhhh!!!!

"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."


Panike
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 505
   Posted 2/25/2008 8:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Tennis i'm glad to see you are laughing! See i told you it would get better! Now you can't kick my butt! You either Baby! I knew you were just waiting on a reason to kick my butt Baby! lol I know who i can get for you,Bad Viper Brad!!! lol Seriously I thought you did have a job Baby? I remember when i was a senior in high school Tennis. Of course that was back in the BC. days! lol But my senior year was really fun i went to the prom with my now husband,he'd already graduated 2 years prior.He was a marine he came to my prom in his marine dress blues.It was so cute,i think i'm going to cry!! He took me to his senior prom as well i was just a sophmore.
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