Took a Big Step!

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Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 2/24/2008 1:47 PM (GMT -7)   
I've never really been open to anyone (except those folks here) about having anxiety and depression.  Mental illness has always had a large stigma attached to it for me.  But, I've been dating this great guy for the past three weeks.  And I just told him that I have both.  It kinda blew him away.  He said I could have never told him and he would have never known.  I tried to explain depression to him, which he didn't seem to really understand, since he's never been depressed.  I explained that I feel sad and overwhelmed, but its comforting, since I know what to expect, since I've dealt with it for so long.  I've been struggling with it since I was 16 and I'm 33 now.  Over the past year I've finally gone on anti-depressants, which has made a tremendous difference.  So, once I was able to better explain what I was like before meds and after meds, I think he got it.  He listened and asked questions about my medication and therapy.  It felt like a heavy weight was being lifted from my chest.  I don't think he was expecting hearing anything like that, but he handled it well.  He then told me about his past drug use.  How he was addicted to crystal meth and how he got himself off.  It's like we both emptied out the skeltons in the closet.  I feel closer to him now than I have felt to anyone in a long time.  Plus, I really trust him.  All in all, it was a huge step for me to tell someone in "the real world" about my inner demons and my struggle with irrational thinking.           

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 2/24/2008 1:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Sadsong
I am so HAPPY and PROUD of you for doing this and for him as well
It has to feel really great being able to finally tell him and for him to be open and honest with you

This is the best way for a real relationship to start IMHO

Good luck in your Love sweetie I am rooting for you ..........Luvs
LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum, Anxiety/ Panic and Other Disorders
         Mod for Alzheimer's, Anxiety and Panic and Co Mod for Crohns
    www.healingwell.com Donate today to keep HW helping others
 
                     
 


TeNNiSd0C09
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Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 2/24/2008 1:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Congrats on this step!! I know what it is like! When I first told my best friend I thought she would freak but she was ok with it.... she then told me about her past of dealing with the same issues as I am! So, we are alot closer now. We tell each other everything. It is very nice to have someone in the "real world" to talk to. When I told her at first it felt great to get it out! I was scared but now I can tell her things and I dont expect her to freak out. She is veyr understanding, and I hope your bf continues to be understanding.

You should be very proud of yourself! Its a HUGE step telling someone! I understand, as I have told people, but I am also stil "trying" to tell people so... its a very hard thing to do, but YOU DID IT!!! Congrats!!

"Healing is an energy phenomenon. Hope is another word for Healing.
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."


Junebug05
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Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 717
   Posted 2/24/2008 6:39 PM (GMT -7)   
That took alot of courage for you to share something so personal, be very proud of yourself for taking that step.  It's so important to be honest in a relationship, but it isn't always easy and I'm sure this was tough for you to do, but you did it...Awesome job!

anastasia01
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 132
   Posted 2/24/2008 7:53 PM (GMT -7)   
That's wanderful. That was a big step. If things go well for you guys and he may be a part of your future, it is good that he has an understanding of what you go through. And I'm sure he will be a bunch of support to you now that he knows. It will probley help your anxiety and depression for the better. I am so glad to hear this. I dont know you but am very happy. Good luck to you. Things will keep getting better for you now!
ANASTASIA


crying
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 263
   Posted 2/24/2008 8:28 PM (GMT -7)   
SUPER!! That is a hard thing to do! Coming clean about our what we hide behind closed doors is a very very hard thing to do and takes courage!
You did a brave thing and you opening up helped him to open, I'm sure!
So now its out in the open and things will feel more comfortable when your around him. Your brave to date, lol. My sis has a very hard time even doing that, she fears to much at what others will think of her problems.

You go SadSong!!!
Puttin' the Fun in Dis-fun-ction!


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 2/24/2008 10:21 PM (GMT -7)   

Sadsong

Kudos to you my friend and I am so happy for you. You did it and I am proud of you.  You trusted this young man and he trusted you in return.

Life only lasts so long, so while we're here, we've got to take chances while we've got them. All we can do is extend our line of trust, and hope to pull back something good. It doesn't always work out, but it's the lessons that we take from it that matter. It's all about taking chances, and waiting for the one that works out. Trust gets broken, but it shouldn't affect someone else's chance at earning our trust. You my sweet lady have learned that lesson. :)

I wish you peace and oh so much happiness.  Many happy hugs to you.
Kitt



 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
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badfish
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 393
   Posted 2/25/2008 5:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Congrats Sadsong
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 2/25/2008 1:58 PM (GMT -7)   
SURE hope you are reading all the posts of this family that is so proud of you Sadsong..........

YOU did it and we are darn proud ya did
Luvs
LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum, Anxiety/ Panic and Other Disorders
         Mod for Alzheimer's, Anxiety and Panic and Co Mod for Crohns
    www.healingwell.com Donate today to keep HW helping others
 
                     
 


badgenetics1
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 146
   Posted 2/25/2008 2:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Yes I had a similar exp. I came to the conclusion if I was going to have a good relationship my boyfriend should love warts, medications and all! He was very supportive. I was concerned b/c he has in the past made comments about our "pill based" society. I think someone who truly cares about you will put your well being first no matter what. There is not a human being alive with no skeletons in their closet, and if they do exist...they probaly are very boring and have nothing to talk about anyway.

Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 2/25/2008 5:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks all! You guys rock! When I told him it felt like the most natural thing in the world. I wasn't nervous or anything. In fact the whole discussion started 'cause I explained what my light box was. I told him about SAD and it seemed like he had trouble believing it was a real thing that I had been diagnosed with it. So, I explained what I was like beforehand and how much it has helped me. Then, I explained that my therapist was the one who suggested using the light box and further explained that I see her every other week for anxiety and depression. I think that took him a bit off-guard to, since it seemed like he couldn't quite believe that a therapist could help. But, I explained that since I've moved here I've lost my strong support network of family and friends, so she more or less just gives me another perspective of anything that I want to talk about. Then, he said something like, "but you pay her?" I said "yeah, but my insurance covers it and it helps!"

It's funny once I told him I was on an anti-depressant he said something similar to me badgenetics like "well, your part of the over medicated majority." But, I explained to him what I was like before - I would stay in my house and not want to leave. I would cancel any plans I had, 'cause I just didn't want to be around anyone. I had no interest in doing anything and anything I once enjoyed I couldn't care less about. I stayed in bed for an entire week and never even changed my clothes or took a shower. Yuck! I'm so much more balanced and self-assured now. Before I was a complete push-over and wouldn't speak up for myself. My self-esteem had never been lower. Now, I'm much more assertive and feel much more like my normal self. But, the thing is, one of the side-effects of celexa is mania. So, my therapist is working on trying to figure out if I should be diagnosed as bipolar instead.

Thank you Kitt for saying exactly what I needed to hear. I do trust him and I do like him A LOT! The whole thing feels so right, I don't second guess myself, it just seems like we should be together. I feel so comfortable, safe, and protected when I'm with him. I also feel respected, understood, and empowered.
 
 1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm).  Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.

I want to be understanding and compassionate, but I'm so torn. I mean it's illegal and I work for the government! Plus, I'm sure when I do go to therapy on Wednesday, my therapist will be extremely disappointed, since I've jumped in with both feet and can't get enough of him.

Lastly, I haven't been in a completed relationship in a really long time and he really hasn't ever really dated. So, in between one of our mad passionate sessions, I asked him if he considers what we're doing as "dating." (I admit it didn't even cross my mind until one of my friends asked me where I thought it was going (i.e. boyfriend, friends w/benefits, dating, etc.) Until then, I was just really enjoying what we had going on, taking proper precautions and acting like mature adults, since I tend to freak out whenever committment is mentioned. But, he said something like, "I hadn't given it much thought, but if one of the people involved think that they're dating I guess they are." Not exactly the answer I was hoping for, but like I said I hadn't really thought about it either.
** Sad.....Had to Edit according to rules .PLZ email me if any questions k ....Thanks for your understanding and I am so hoping all will work out and you will FINALLY be happy....**Luvs
LYN

Post Edited By Moderator (Howlyncat) : 2/27/2008 6:43:20 AM (GMT-7)


Panike
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 505
   Posted 2/25/2008 5:31 PM (GMT -7)   
SadSong i am so proud of you that took alot of courage and i'm glad he understood.You may have also helped him take the huge step in telling you about his past addiction.He may have been wanting to tell you and was afraid so when you shared your story with him it may have inspired him to open up. You would be suprised at how many people are suffering form some form of mental illness.I dont think it is as much stigma attached to it as it use to be because so many people suffer form it or either know someone who's suffering from it. But i still think you have to be careful who you tell because some people are still ignorant about it and will try to label you! But way to go lil'lady!!!

Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 2/26/2008 3:22 PM (GMT -7)   
He left me a voice message last night saying he wanted to talk to me. I started freaking out, since in my mind whenever I've heard "we need to talk" the beginning of the end is near. I started thinking that he somehow read my post above or was about to break up with me. So, we played phone tag and he just called me back when I was pulling into my driveway. As soon as I heard his voice, the entire world just melted away. He wanted to know if I was interested in meeting him for dinner tomorrow night, since he can't wait until Saturday to see me again. I completely forgot that I have my therapist appointment tomorrow night, but I should be able to get there in time as long as the roads aren't too bad! Another storm has hit us here in NH, with somewhere between 6 -10 inches expected by 12 a.m. Wed night. Grr!

Thanks for the advice and support Panike. I agree with you that not everyone understands depression and anxiety. I've considered telling one of my bosses, but not the other one. Since one is very supportive and understanding, whereas the other has said some very judgmental things about her views regarding people with depression (i.e. No wonder that guy shot those people, he was depressed, which made him completely crazy!) Whereas, the other one struggles with SAD and really listens when I offer suggestions and ideas and usually doesn't judge others. He's the one that everyone goes to for advice, where everyone tries to avoid her!

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 2/27/2008 6:37 AM (GMT -7)   
Sad I can honestly see why you are torn here and I am not going to judge at all I never do
I know you from here and I know you will find all the answers to most of your questions and what is really tearing you apart with this whole thing ........
I think maybe you need to talk to him about the Drug issues ( all of them ) ....( due to rules I had to edit that out I do hope you will understand I posted the rule underneath hun)....
I so want for you to be HAPPY finally ya know and you do bleeding well deserve it .........
I am hoping and praying for you that this is not one of those times that the " we need to talk" thing turns out like the others .........

PLEASE know I ( we) are here for you and like I said I really WANT you to be happy and have a great love in your life .....

Luvs
LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum, Anxiety/ Panic and Other Disorders
         Mod for Alzheimer's, Anxiety and Panic and Co Mod for Crohns
    www.healingwell.com Donate today to keep HW helping others
 
                     
 


Sadsong
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 2/28/2008 4:20 AM (GMT -7)   

Thanks Lyn,

You're such a sweetie!  Say, how are you feeling, now?  I usually don't read all of the other threads, since I just don't have the time.  So, I just found out that you were ill.  I do hope that you're feeling much better now. 

I did talk to my therapist about my concerns and she gave me some good advice and support.  So, for now I'm just gonna see how things go, but be careful and be sure to keep watching for any more red flags.  He seems to have a good head on his shoulders and is fully aware of the potential consequences of his actions, it also seems like if he was in a different situation (i.e. married with kids) he would change.  (He actually shared a story to that effect, so I tend to believe him.)  He's also fully acknowledged that since he only has to look out for himself and no one else is relying on him, he can take more risks right now.  Again, I tend to believe him, plus I think no matter how far or how long things last between us, he would respect my boundaries.

We did meet up for dinner last night, which was good.  (He opened doors for me and paid for everything.)  We went to a great little Greek restaurant that he's fond of.  It was cute, he kept listening in on this conversation that these two older gentlemen were having right behind him and commenting on it.  Then, we had a beer at a bar down the street, where there was live music.  I'm cooking him dinner again on Sat.  And I already miss him.    

    

 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 2/28/2008 3:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks sweetie
I am doing al little better due to haing to be on antibiotics so dang much for other health issues the ones for the pnuemonia dont seem to be taking hold as well as they should so another week on them and they whack me out .....

I am Happy you have finally found a love ..isnt it just grand
I love the butterflies and the way I feel as well even at my old age ya know ..lol
openING DOORS hm well I best get on to Howie bout that one it is something he seems to have forgotten BUT I will gently remind him ...lol

Glad you talked about this with theapist is is for the best you know what is what and how to deal with it right
WE are here for you hun always
Luvs
LYN
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum, Anxiety/ Panic and Other Disorders
         Mod for Alzheimer's, Anxiety and Panic and Co Mod for Crohns
    www.healingwell.com Donate today to keep HW helping others
 
                     
 

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