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Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 344
   Posted 3/25/2008 5:18 AM (GMT -6)   
Work has been unbelievably stressful.  I've been given a bunch of additional responsibilities on top of everything else.  Plus, I keep "volunteering" for new projects that need to be completed.  I've also been filling in for one of my bosses, who has much more going on than I had imagined.  Our budget has been frozen, we can't spend any money and we can't hire anyone, even though we have open positions.  For the next few days, I'll be out of the office, since I'm in charge of a regional conference that has folks coming in from around the world.  
I also went home to visit my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and second cousins for Easter, which can be stressful in and of itself.  It's as if, since I have yet to get married and have kids (I'm 33) I'm a failure.  That I don't matter.  That I haven't "grown-up" or acheived anything.  Even though, I've gone to college, (the first in my family) and grad school.  It's as though the only thing that matters, that they can understand, is marriage and kids.  I can't get through them and they can't understand where I'm coming from.
So, I'm dating a great guy right now and they want to know if he's got "potential" (i.e. marriage potential.)  I wish they would just lay off.  We haven't even been dating for two months yet.  I'll be meeting some of his friends this weekend for the first time, which also has me stressed out.  It means things are getting kinds serious, so I'm scared $&^##%$$.  I don't wanna get hurt, since I'm really falling for him.      

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 3/25/2008 6:39 AM (GMT -6)   

Hi Sadsong,

First of all, you ARE NOT a failure at all.  You obviously want different things out of life right now and you have different priorities than the rest of your family.  You should be extremely proud of yourself for not only being the first in your family to go to college but also go to grad school.  These are huge accomplishments and your family should be proud of you too.  Big deal that the "typical" family life isn't your main priority right now; that may change - who knows.  But they should all be proud of you instead of making you feel inferior because you are running your life how you want.  Remember, it's your life and the only person you have to answer to is yourself - not your family (I actually had to say that to my mother once).  As long as you are happy with what you have done and are doing, that's what really matters.  You do matter, IMHO you are grown up and have achieved a lot already.  When/if you're ready then you'll do marriage and possibly children - but ONLY when you are ready, not because they are pressuring you to do so.

As far as work goes, is there a way you can at least reduce the volunteering for new projects until your boss gets back?  Do you do anything once you get home to help yourself relax?  It may help to deal with some of the stress.  During your lunch, do you leave the building you work in?  If not, you may want to do this as it will give you that break during the day and get you away from work for a little while.  Even if you just go for a short drive, it may help.  Just a thought for you.

I hope this guy your dating works out for you, whether or not he's marriage potential shouldn't be a factor right now.  It's too early for that and you don't know him well enough yet to make that kind of decision.  Just keep dating and have fun.  If things work out to be for the long run, that's great.  But just be careful, we don't want you getting hurt.  I will keep my fingers crossed that all works out well for you.

I hope something I've said has helped in some way.  Remember that you are not a failure and IMHO you have achieved a great deal.  Please keep us up to date on what's happening with everything, especially after you meet your new man's friends.  :)

Take care,




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Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/25/2008 6:41 AM (GMT -6)   
Honey are so fantastic and such a wonderful person you will win them over

As for your family just let them or try not to let them bother you too much I know it is hard but you have to do what you want to do FOR YOU not for THEM

I am so sorry work is being this bad I do hope things will settle for you and soon

You are sure in my thoughts okay
I hope that helps
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum, Anxiety/ Panic and Other Disorders
Moderator @ Anxiety Panic..Alzheimer's..Co mod @ Crohns

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 3/27/2008 2:10 AM (GMT -6)   

Hey sweetie, I'm 33 too, failed marriage, failed well, lots of other things as well (ok now I'm feeling sorry for me!!)...we are really programmed by our families and society to have "achieved" things at this stage of our lives.  I have very succesfull siblings "in the material sense" but I have wisdom and empathy and knowledge they will never have from living such a mainstream (meaning no disrespect here - just poeple with no huge trauma or illness).  It's not something to jump up and down about in joy but it is a gift we can use to help other people to heal. 

I work fulltime, study (almost fulltime) and I'm often overwhelmed by what I have to achieve in a's really hard isn't it?? You are a complete gem, really, you are going through so much stress and still find the time to care about others..I have much respect and empathy for what you are going through.  Please don't doubt all the wonderful things you are doing..we belive in you so keep on going and don't de-value what you are contributing xxxx

I alone can do this, but I cannot do it alone. 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 3/27/2008 3:36 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi you have been given fantastic more thing..remember who is in charge of your life - YOU, and only you..doesn't matter who you may be involved with or what your relatives just carry on and proud of who you are and what you have attained in your life..sounds to me like you are getting along just fine!
By the way..if you don't wanna get a hard time about wots going on in your don't have to tell everyone everything..keep them guessing...I always think if they be talking about me..they are leaving some other poor person alone :)
As for the work thing..wondering if you can delegate some of the load...remember to prioritise...and most of all smile :))
 'Raindrops on roses..'

Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/27/2008 7:45 AM (GMT -6)   
YOu sure have been given some great support and input here hun
USE it and do know you are loved by us all
Thanks everyone this is what HW is all about

  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum, Anxiety/ Panic and Other Disorders
Moderator @ Anxiety Panic..Alzheimer's..Co mod @ Crohns

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