Really struggling with life ...

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Honey Bee
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 114
   Posted 3/31/2008 5:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there

I haven't posted on here before as I usually frequent the Bipolar and Depression forums (my husband is Bipolar Type 1). I have never told anyone how I feel apart from family and a couple of friends, however, I thought I would give it a go and see whether anyone can give me some insight/thoughts/help.

I am in a very stressful and scary situation at the moment and struggling to cope. I have (and continue to) struggle daily with anxiety and panic issues which I have had since very young. Like many of you guys at certain times I get more of a handle on things than others and seem to be able to live a relatively 'normal' life but at the moment I am finding things very very tough. In the past month I have split up with my husband of 22 years, we met when we were 17, we were soul mates until fairly recently and did everything together in life, we had our own business and so worked together as well. We always thought that we would be together for the long haul but for various reasons we have separated. We both live on the other side of the world to any family so don't have much support, but anyway our families are not much help which is one of the reasons why we moved in the first place.

He is actually moving on and doing a lot better than me which is very painful after all these years together, he has met someone else as well which makes it even tougher. I have moved away, left my home and 3 cats which I adore (2 hour flight distance) and am currently staying with friends but have to look for someone else to live within the next couple of weeks. I am also having to cope with finding another job which I have done in the past 2 weeks and trying to put on a brave face at work whilst going through this with my husband.

I have always tried to explain to family/friends how I feel but none of them have ever suffered from anxiety/panic disorders and so don't get it which makes me feel even worse and like a total freak. I have been to the docs on several occasions and been very clear about how I am feeling but have never really got any useful help or advice. The last visit was six months ago when I started to take Lexapro which did not have any effect at all on my anxiety. I would honestly say I do not really feel I suffer from depression but for some reason the docs I have seen do not seem to be able to separate the anxiety/panic from this.

I find it difficult to explain how I feel to people but to have a go I wake up on a morning at the moment feeling very anxious and panicky, I feel sick and feel very very jittery, my heart and head pounds and tingles and the way I feel scares me to death as I feel totally out of control and feel that is is getting worse. It is like I am frozen and do not know where to turn to feel better. The feeling comes and goes and often wears off as they day goes on for some reason BUT it is like groundhog day, I can fight the fear with everything I have and then go to bed and wake up the next morning exactly the same as the morning before. Even quite big things I have achieved in the past few weeks don't seem to have any impact on me. I am very scared of being alone as I am frightened about how I will cope if I get a panic attack and am on my own. Not sure what I think will happen and I am aware that it is an irrational fear but that does not help me in these moments. The problem is now that I am about to have to live on my own for the first time, this has always been my biggest fear in how can I do this and now with all of the other emotional things happening I just do not know how move forward. Fighting the anxiety and panic feelings has been a constant battle for me, even the simplest things can be hard as some of you know but other people just don't seem to get it. A minute during an anxiety and panic attack can feel like an hour which is hard to bear when you have noone close by and I feel totally overwhelmed by the feelings. It is tiring have to fight them all the time but I am really trying although it is getting harder to do so at the moment. I just cannot feel calm and comfortable at the moment with myself as know the anxiety is lurking around the next corner.

I have tried meditation, I do breathing exercises etc but at the moment none of these things are helping with such a high level of stress in my life. I do appreciate ultimately that only I can try and alleviate this but wonder whether any medication etc is going to help plus I feel so abnormal that I cannot 'cope' with things in normal life that others just breeze through, plus it would be good to know that other people suffer like this as well. I am actually going to a new doctor tomorrow who I am hoping is going to be able to work with me on helping dampen these feelings down as well. I have cried more in the past 2 months than I have in the past few years.

Apologies if the post is a little long and rambling but any thoughts would be much appreciated. I think knowing that others understand and feel the same may help in some small way.

Thanks.

Honey Bee

Post Edited (Honey Bee) : 3/31/2008 6:42:46 AM (GMT-6)


nyliz
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 167
   Posted 3/31/2008 6:47 AM (GMT -7)   
I think you will find that there are many people here who understand and have experienced most of what you describe. I know that I have been where you are and to some degree am still there depending on the day. I think that going to a new Doc. is definitely the right decision. Perhaps he/she will prescribe you an anti-anxiety med like Xanax, Ativan, etc... to help slow the idle down a bit so that you can tackle the anxiety from a state other than high panic. Things seem more bearable when you aren't all reved up ya know.

General Anxiety Disorder is my nemesis and I understand exactly how you feel!!! Please know that you have found the best place for support and feel free to post as often as you'de like, we are here for you!!!

Liz

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/31/2008 7:11 AM (GMT -7)   

Good Morning Honey Bee,

You have just covered all the feelings that the rest of  us have at one time or another or sometimes all at once.  You are not alone and I promise you if you find yourself in a situation where you are into a huge anxiety attack and no one is around you will make it through.  Do the things you have been trying and remember you will make it through the anxiety. Some of the things I do to help lower my stress are, listening to music, reading, taking  long warm baths and going for long walk.

I am glad to hear your seeing a new physician tomorrow and you may want to ask about cognitive-behavioral therapy. The term "cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT)" is a very general term for a classification of therapies with similarities.  There are several approaches to cognitive-behavioral therapy, including Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, Rational Behavior Therapy, Rational Living Therapy, Cognitive Therapy, and Dialectic Behavior Therapy.

I am also happy  you have found the wonderful and caring members of this forum

There is something comforting about baring your soul to the members of A & P and still being able to be anonymous.
Gentle Hugs

Kitt


 


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/31/2008 8:26 PM (GMT -7)   

Hey Honeybee,

Just checking in to let you know I am thinking of you and wishing you a peaceful evening.  Please stay with us and let us help you.

Hugs

Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic  ~ Crohn's
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


CassandraLee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 844
   Posted 3/31/2008 9:48 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Honey Bee:

I am so sorry for everything that you are going through right now.  When I read your post I found many similarities that you expressed versus what I went through about 3 years ago now.

I too separated from and ultimately divorced my husband.  We had been together for 22 years and married for 14 of them.  And despite the many problems we had he had been with me for over 1/2 my life.  Being alone for the first time is quite scary on many levels.  I remember feeling like I had a big gaping hole.  I had nobody that I could share details of my day with and nobody to lean on.  Also, I was suddenly responsible for things like balancing the checkbook, paying bills, and other aspects of running my household that he had already taken care of.  Trust me, it was very scary and I made lots of mistakes.  Also, the anxiety and panic attacks had literally taken over me and my life.  At that time I was prescribed Xanax so that I could start functioning through the day - which also including getting up in the morning without feeling like I had already experienced a day of stress.

I have personally found that losing your partner after so many years of marriage is quite similar to experiencing a death in the family.  I had so much grief and anger to work through.  Also, I was really damaged emotionally.  I have had three years of many baby steps. And I am finally realizing that I am becoming stronger - more so than I ever thought I would be.  I found a thoughtful, caring and challenging therapist who has been there for me no matter what.  I have watched my ex-husband very quickly find a replacement for me and then start to make his own mistakes all over again.  Very tough for me but I have grown from my experiences and mistakes while I have watched him repeat his all over again.

You do have a rough journey in front of you right now.  But you will be able to ride it out.  Just remember this journey will help you find yourself and grow past everything you are going through right now.  Just take things one step at a time. You are lucky to have such good friends to fall back upon.  And now you have found us.  Everyone here at Healing Well are so thoughtful and caring. 

My thoughts will be with you.  And trust me, you can and will make it through this awful period in your life.  And as I am finding out now, you will actually come out better from this.  Hang in there and let us know how your doing.

Cass


jordaNZone
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 752
   Posted 4/3/2008 3:08 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi honeybee...

When I am in panic-mode like you are just now..mornings are just ghastly...aaargh! The good news is that you will get thru all this and be stronger for it - I promise :)

You're under heaps of stress just now...and it is completely understandable that you are feeling so uptight.

Write a list of all the things that you have to sort out over the next month..prioritise them...start with the little jobs first and build up your confidence..before you know it you will be getting your life sorted and leave the Panic Stuff behind and wonder what on earth the big fuss was about.

Maree


 'Raindrops on roses..'


nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 4/3/2008 11:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Honeybee, what a vast amount of things you are going through, it's little wonder you are feeling anxiety and stress and that horrible "groundhog day" sensation.  I thin you are being incredibly brave and strong and I have no doubt that you will get through this difficult time, but I am so glad you have joined us sweetie.
 
Kitt has already hijacked my list of calming things...! But we can always discover more for ourselves (eating zucchini burgers in bed being one of mine)..I went through a marriage break up myself and it was incredibly traumatic, although we lived apart we ended up on each others doorsteps ever day for a year until I finally got smart enough to move AWAY.  You have already done this so you should probably give me some advice..
 
Cass...please don't feel like a freak, you are fantastic and strong, hold onto that, not the pain of divorce and the (often) anxiety of coming out of that trauma..please tell us how you are going, I really look forward to it xxx you are amazing sweetie x

Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

Weekend Warrior Princess


wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 4/4/2008 6:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Honey Bee,
 
You need to give yourself some credit because you are being strong through this extremely difficult time.  It's no wonder you feel so anxious and stressed, you certainly have good reason to.  Unless people actually experience the anxiety and panic like we do, they just don't understand what it's like to deal with this.  So please don't feel like a freak because you are far from it.
 
I am glad that you are see a different doctor and I hope that goes well for you.  Kitt has some great suggestions for you and I know you have tried different things to help you with the anxiety.  There are two threads on this page that may be interest to you and you may find something in them that will help.  One is the Relaxation Techniques thread and has some great techniques that may be useful.  The other is CBT Therapy - What is it?  It has some information on this type of therapy and may also be useful to you. 
 
Hang in there through the toughest time of your life - many of us know what it's like for a marriage/relationship to break up and it's not easy.  Just remember to give yourself a break and not be so hard on yourself.  This is a tough time and you will need to take things one day at a day and take lots and lots of baby steps.
 
Please keep us up to date on how things are going for you.  We are here to help and support in this, so come here to vent, cry, ask questions, etc.  We care about you.
 
Take care,
Wen

Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

Every little bit helps, please donate to HW if you can!   http://www.healingwell.com/donate 

I am in no way a medical professional, any advice given is purely on an amateur level.

Please seek professional advice from your doctor.

Dx: Agoraphobia, Anxiety/Panic Disorders, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Essential Tremors, Fibromyalgia, I.B.S., Mitral Valve Prolapse, Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea, Social Anxiety

Rx: Abilify, Flexeril, Lamictal, Lunesta, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin ER, Valium

“People have two ears and one mouth for a reason; you need to listen twice as much as you talk.”

Top Fuel pro - Bob Vandergriff, Jr


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 4/4/2008 12:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Honey Bee,

I'm very sorry for everything that you're going through right now.

I understand how it feels to think that you're just holding on by your fingernails, and how tough being alone with it can be.

Remember that you can post to the great folks on this forum any time and know that they've probably experienced a lot of the same things you are.

percycat

nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 4/4/2008 6:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Just stopped in to say Hi Honeybee..hope you're feeling a little better today after all the words of wisdom from all our lovely members...and if you're not I'm sending you many hugs...actually you can have them if you're feeling better too!!! ((((hugs))))) let us know how you're going xxxxxx

Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

Weekend Warrior Princess


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 4/13/2008 6:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi, Honey Bee!

Just checking in to see how you're doing. I sure hope things feel a little smoother. Do post again if you feel you need support. The folks here are great!

percycat

wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 4/14/2008 5:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Good morning Honey Bee,
 
I'm just checking in with you to see how you are doing today?  I hope you are feeling better and not quite so overwhelmed.  When you have time, please post to let us know how you are - don't forget, we at Healing Well are here to help and support you.  (((((HUGS)))))
 
Take care,
Wen

Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

Every little bit helps, please donate to HW if you can!   http://www.healingwell.com/donate 

I am in no way a medical professional, any advice given is purely on an amateur level.

Please seek professional advice from your doctor.

Dx: Agoraphobia, Anxiety/Panic Disorders, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Essential Tremors, Fibromyalgia, I.B.S., Mitral Valve Prolapse, Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea

Rx: Abilify, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin LA, Rozerem, Valium

“People have two ears and one mouth for a reason; you need to listen twice as much as you talk.”

Top Fuel pro - Bob Vandergriff, Jr


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 4/14/2008 7:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Good mornign Honeybee and welcome to A/P family
I am glad you have had so much great advice and input so far
How are you making out

LYN

Dont be a stranger
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum, Anxiety/ Panic and Other Disorders
 
Moderator @ Anxiety Panic..Alzheimer's..Co mod @ Crohns
 
   
 
                   
 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/14/2008 8:50 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey Honeybee,

How is your Monday?  We fianly have some sunshine. Please post when you feel comfortable.  We are here for you.

Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


CaryF
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 505
   Posted 4/14/2008 11:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Honey Bee,

Thought I'd offer a hand of support as I am in a similar situation. My 15 year marriage ended last July. My partner & I owned a business and home together as well, so we spent many more hours together than folks who don't. We lived in Australia. I was kicked to the curb (yes, did see it coming - but not as dramatic as it turned out). So, I lost my relationship, business, job, home and lots of family members in one day. I returned to the states where I'm from and am living with my sister in MN (huge change). We fought with lawyers until there was no $$ left and the business is driven into the ground. Then my father had a stroke!

Initially I suffered such panic & anxiety I would go sleepless for nights and shake sobbing uncontrollably during the day. I got myself a great pdoc and therapist and have made lots of progress but still wake up in disbelief and panic (not sure were I physically am)! I am anxiously awaiting the year mark as I've been told its a great healing indicator. I have always suffered GAD and have other ailments as well but this breakup has caused me to dig deeper than I ever thought possible.

It turns out I was (am) emotionally abused and that is what I'm working on now. I couldn't hold a fork right and snapped my gum! Even then I begged to be taken back. I am beginning to get glimmers of a bright future for me but still expect to be on Lexapro (yes, for depression) and Valium (anxiety/panic) and Ambien (sleep) as Dr. prescribed. I went through a period where I was taking some pretty high doses of all and truly believe I wouldn't have made it otherwise. At my lowest I drank for a couple weeks which only made everything worse (please avoid the booze). This was before therapy when I felt I had no support and couldn't cope.

Please get some therapy and don't stop until you find the right meds that work for you.

I looked up some old school friends that have been my rock through this time.

Good Luck to you - Don't give up!

Best, Cary

Honey Bee
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 114
   Posted 4/17/2008 2:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi guys

Thank you all so much for replying. I am very sorry I haven't replied, I am staying with friends as I mentioned and have had intermittent internet access for a while so it has been hard to come back and reply. I actually burst into tears when I noticed so many of you had offered such kind supported and had not forgotten my post.

You have definately made me feel more 'normal' in terms of the feelings I am experiencing at the moment, especially CaryF who's circumstances sound so very much like my own in terms of the marriage break up etc. Your kind words and care really are amazing, I did not expect such responses and have been feeling really bad about not getting back and responding.

I am trying to be strong and remain positive but it is hard. I have had a couple of pretty bad days this week, the mornings are still awful and I feel like I am having to drag myself out of bed to go out to work. Interestingly though the temp job I am doing (for about 5 weeks now) is probably one of the things that is keeping me going. It is busy and I am getting to know the people who work in the same area as me and they all seem pretty nice. Actually it is quite coincidence as the 3 girls working around my area (1 of which I work closely with) are all within 10 years either side of my age (39) and are all single and have been through some v tough times with their own relationships and at the moment are all looking for a partner for friendship/love etc. Because the job is only temporary and so I am trying to be ultra professional I had not mentioned my current situation until recently but actually they have been really good in offering words of support and advice. I actually do believe that some things happen for a reason so it is interesting that I am working with 3 people like this or maybe there are just more single/divorcees out there than I imagined.

I have been back to the docs who sent me for a whole round of blood tests which are actually all okay to my surprise. It is good but I suppose I was thinking that maybe if something was not quite right there then it would explain the anxiety etc which I have suffered from being very little. Anyway he has prescribed me Dothep (one of the Tricyclic antidepressants). I have been taking it for about a week and a half, up to 50mg on a night now but I have to say as yet I am not feeling any benefit from it. I had not heard of this drug before so would be interested if anyone else has any positive/negative comments about it. I do appreciate though that these things take time to work and he has told me to increase the does in another week and then a further 2 weeks if I don't feel any improvement. I know these things usually take around a month before you start seeing any improvement so I am telling myself to be patient even though I could really do with a boost in feeling better! Unfortunately the practice I am going to (husband and wife) are going away for 3 weeks so I cannot start any therapy yet but I am going to see them as soon as they get back to hear their suggestions. I have also booked on one of their 8 week meditation courses which starts in May which I am hoping will be good as well.

I have been staying with my friends for about 7 weeks now and we had a chat last week that it would be good for me to try and find a place to live nearby. They tell me that they are not pushing me out but that they are genuinely trying to help me take some more steps forward. I am finding this hard as I really don't feel anywhere near strong enough at the moment to be living elsewhere but I understand also that they need to get their own 'family' life back to some normality. So I have taken a deep breath, looked in the paper and found a house actually very close by and am looking to move in to share with another girl the middle of next week. As silly as it may sound to some this is my biggest fear/phobia and has been all my life - having to live on my own as it were. I went straight from my parents to living with my husband and so have never had to do this. I am sure lots of other people have been in the same boat but at the moment I am feeling so fragile it is going to be a big challenge. My feelings and coping skills are actually scaring me at the moment so any advice if anyone has been in the same boat and how they coped would be very welcome. I don't have any of my furniture or personal belongings so will have to buy a few things in the next few days. I feel sad that having had my own life with my hubbie I am now going to move into a rental house with a stranger so this will be a massive challenge. I think this is also adding to my anxiety as it is constantly on my mind that the date is drawing nearer when I am going to have to cope on my own.

Cary's words 'this breakup has caused me to dig deeper than I ever thought possible' really struck a chord for me as that is exactly how I feel at the moment, I feel like I am constantly fighting with my own feelings to try and carry on and make it through the day. I think that I have realised in the past few days that although I didn't initially think I was depressed I think I am now which is why I am finding it hard to move forward and see any positive in continuing to fight all of the very strong anxiety/panic feelings which seem to overwhelm me during the day and night. The shaking is something I have definately felt and the fear and feelings of not being able to make yourself feel better are scaring me. Although my friends are really good people they are totally 'together' people and have no concept of what it feels like to suffer from anything like this. I am still talking with my hubbie but we always seem to start off well on the phone and then the conversation degenerates into arguing. I know that you are all probably going to say that we should not be in contact but I am still in the phase where I am really really missing him and I am feeling lonely, so it is hard not to think of him when he is the first person I have turned to for 22 years. it is even worse that he is doing much better than me and seems to be moving on with his life a lot easier than I am!

Anyway, I am hoping to be able to post regularly both for myself and hopefully help others although at the moment the place I am moving to does not have internet access. Apologies for the long post but thanks again to everyone for your support and care, it really is so appreciated.

Take care and hugs

Honey Bee

Post Edited (Honey Bee) : 4/17/2008 3:18:57 AM (GMT-6)


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 4/17/2008 5:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there
I think you have wonderful and caring friends that are trying to help you and as they said not pushing you out but helping you take steps that is the right thing to do IMHO...........

I know you will get thru this and I also have a feeling you will be of benefit to many here on the a/p forum
Take care hun and know we are here for you

LYN

Fixing typos tongue


  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
 
Moderator @ Anxiety Panic..Alzheimer's..Co mod @ Crohns
                               FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
 
   
 
                   
 

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 5/13/2008 7:34:30 AM (GMT-6)


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 4/17/2008 6:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Honey Bee,

I agree with others who've pointed out how strong you're being through all of this. Even though you may not feel like it at all, you're doing some very important things to take care of yourself. Having a job that keeps you busy is certainly one of them. I'm amazed that you have the presence of mind to think about how professionally you present yourself. I don't think I'd be that with it; you're incredible to be able to.

I'm also glad, though, that you decided to open up, so that you have found folks who you can identify with. Your coworkers sound like a real shot in the arm at a time when you need one. Good for you for looking for and then utilizing all the opportunities you have for support while things are so tough.

I have faith that you'll be able to adjust to living in another house with a new roommate. I'm sure it will be hard sometimes, but it's going to give you yet another chance to see how strong you're becoming, little by little. I think healing from such a loss as you are is a lot like healing from a major physical injury -- you have to expect that it will take a lot of time, and that it will still hurt a lot as you heal, but as you rehabilitate your injury, you see that you're doing just a little better day by day.

Hang in there, and remember that you can always come here for caring and support.

Hugs and good wishes coming your way,

percycat

Honey Bee
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 114
   Posted 4/18/2008 4:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks perycat and howlyncat for your comments, it is odd that I feel so weak and have absolutely no self-belief in myself at all when others from the outside at work for example think I am so composed when I am actually struggling and nearly crying for most of the day. Maybe I can try and take some relief from that and not feel so 'crazy' at the moment that other people may look okay but inside it could be the opposite. I think when you are feeling this way you look around and everyone else's life seems to be pretty perfect - or is that just me??

Well I can feel myself getting more and more worked up and anxious about my move next Wednesday. I feel pretty pathetic actually as other people seem to be quite happy being on their own but at the moment I am just scared of my own feelings and how I am going to cope with them, I feel so fragile and I think one of the reasons I like to have others around me is that a) it makes me feel safer for some reason and b) it distracts me from my own thoughts - does anyone else feel this way? For me it is because I have had my parents and then my husband around for the past 22 years so have always had someone to turn to for perceived comfort even if in the end I have still had to deal with things and get myself through them someone else has always been there to help me.

I am trying to live more for today and in the moment but it is hard and I am finding my mind wandering to my uncertain future which just freaks me out even more. At the moment I just cannot feel calm or at peace with myself for any part of the day as everything is out of my comfort zone. I keep trying to work things through in my mind and tell myself that I will be okay but it does not last long, does anyone else have to fight their thoughts and the panic and anxiety like this during the day/evening. I am finding it very draining at the moment.

Anyway I will keep visiting and thanks again for caring.

Honey Bee

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/18/2008 8:50 AM (GMT -7)   

Dear Honey Bee,

It sounds like you are doing well considering you are still in the shock and awe stage of all of your issue.  I am proud of you for getting to work and I agree, I think your friends are really trying to help you start down a new path of independence.  I know it is very scary for you.

I am going to do my staying in the moment advice for you as it has served me well many times.

Staying in the Moment...............I am sure a few of you have heard me use this phrase..........or as I sometimes refer to it as "Be Where Your Butt Is" I learned this in my 9 months of therapy and now I will try to make it clearer for each of you.

One of the major reasons why we fail to find happiness or to create a unique lifestyle is because we have not yet mastered the art of being.

While we are home our thoughts are still absorbed with solving the challenges we face at the office. And when we are at the office we find ourselves worrying about problems at home.

We go through the day without really listening to what others are saying to us. We may be hearing the words, but we aren’t absorbing the message.

As we go through the day we find ourselves focusing on past experiences or future possibilities. We are so involved in yesterday and tomorrow that we never even notice that today is slipping by.

We go through the day rather than getting something from the day. We are everywhere at any given moment in time except living in that moment in time.

Lifestyle is learning to be wherever you are. It is developing a unique focus on the current moment, and drawing from it all of the substance and wealth of experience and emotions that it has to offer. Lifestyle is taking time to watch a sunset. Lifestyle is listening to silence. Lifestyle is capturing each moment so that it becomes a new part of what we are and of what we are in the process of becoming. Lifestyle is not something we do; it is something we experience. And until we learn to be there, we will never master the art of living well. Reproduced with permission from the Jim Rohn Weekly E-zine

Revel in independence! Learn, grow, change, which you are doing but the pain is still with you and all I can do is tell you time dulls the pain but you must do this in your own time frame. We are here so take our hand.
Gentle Hugs to you
Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 4/18/2008 1:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Honey Bee,

I'm right there with you about how feeling fragile makes you want other people around. At those times when I've been very depressed, especially upon ending a relationship, I go into what I call my "baby-sitting stage." I can't stand being alone at those times because I can't stop crying and worrying and grieving, and I can't escape the pain. That's when I just feel so awful that I want a friend to just sit with me and keep me company. We don't even have to talk about what's bothering me, and it's not a very good distraction from it either. I guess there's just some confirmation that you matter to somebody enough for them to acknowledge your pain. For me, at least, this need is very much a natural stage, and I slowly get back to being able to function for myself. You'll get there too; it's just going to take lots of time and gentleness with yourself in the meanwhile.

Lots of prayers and good wishes heading your way,

percycat

wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 4/19/2008 10:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Honey Bee,
 
I know exactly how you feel about feeling fragile.  I actually had to leave my job because I just wasn't able to function there any more and my work was defnitely suffering from it.  So I felt it best that I not be there and they hire someone who was more capable to do the work.  You are doing a remarkable job at keeping yourself together and being so professional at work - keep up the good work!!!
 
Remember, that we here at HW know how you feel and are here to support you.
 
Take care,
Wen

Co-Moderator Anxiety/Panic Disorders

Every little bit helps, please donate to HW if you can!   http://www.healingwell.com/donate 

I am in no way a medical professional, any advice given is purely on an amateur level.

Please seek professional advice from your doctor.

Dx: Agoraphobia, Anxiety/Panic Disorders, Barrett's Esophagus, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Essential Tremors, Fibromyalgia, I.B.S., Mitral Valve Prolapse, Narcolepsy, PTSD, Restless Leg Syndrome, Acid Reflux, Sleep Apnea

Rx: Abilify, Flexeril, Lamictal, Neurontin, Nexium, Requip, Ritalin LA, Rozerem, Valium

“People have two ears and one mouth for a reason; you need to listen twice as much as you talk.”

Top Fuel pro - Bob Vandergriff, Jr


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/19/2008 4:34 PM (GMT -7)   

Hey Wen,

I did that too as I was having melt downs and having to hide out in my office.  I was at my lowest then so there is an up.  We just need some help and some helium..................hugs to all.

Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 


Top Gunner
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 4/19/2008 8:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Honey Bee

Thanks for being honest in sharing your struggles. I too identify with what you are saying in that it seems that everybody else is doing fine with their life, and this makes the anxiety worse. However, I have found that while people seem ok on the outside, many of them are not ok on the inside. They may not be experiencing the exact same thing as you, but there is some issue that is eating them up.

Another thought that I use to have is that everybody is looking at me and saying things about me. While it may be true that a few may be preoccupied with other people's lives, the truth is that most people are way too busy and preoccupied with their own lives to have oodles of time to think about what's wrong with your life. Just think, if you think rationally, do you spend ooodles of time wondering what other people are doing?

That was an example, but I have found that "changing my thinking" about many things have greatly helped to curb my anxiety and to make it manageable. I can go to work knowing that there isn't a microscope on my life, and even though there may be some people who are talking about me, that doesn't bother me anymore. I cannot preoccupy myself with things that may or may not happen.

This did not happen overnight and it took a long time for me to get to this point, and even though I am successful in managing my anxiety most of the time, something can happen in an instant, and I find that I get a panic attack, like the one I experienced while overseas in China and it seemed to set me back.

Ultimately, what I am trying to say is that life is a process of successes and failures and setbacks. And the most important element is HOPE. Hope that you are going to get better, and that you can manage your anxiety. Keep that hope as your goal. You may not reach it today, tomorrow, or even next year, but's it important to have small little goals and to try them. If you don't succeed the first time, retreat for a little while until your anxiety recedes, then try again. I agree that the success is in the trying.

I hope this post was helpful and encouraging to you.

Please keep us posted.

Blessings,

Ray.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/20/2008 8:39 AM (GMT -7)   

Good Morning Honey Bee,

Isn't it wonderful to have all of these members share and care?  I feel so lucky to have this site and to meet all of the great members.  They are honest and supportive and their wisdom leaves me is awe.  They speak from the heart.

My message to you today is to tell you your not alone, we are here, just come to your computer and you will find support and friendship.

You will make it through the dark to the light at the end of the tunnel.
Hugs and prayers
Kitt


 
Kitt, Moderator: Anxiety ~ Panic 
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
 

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