17 Year Old Trying His Best To Overcome The Anxiety

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Jats
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 4/6/2008 12:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello all,

A few of you might remember me. I posted hear last year right before I turned 16. A few of you might remember me. Here is the link to my first thread:
http://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=9&p=1&m=701936.

Now Its a year and a month later, a lot has changed. I have become 17. My grades in school have dramatically increased (87.5% average). I managed to hold down a nice job in the summer, stayed out of trouble and have tried my best to keep healthy.

But the panic symptoms are still lingering. A week ago, everything came full circlle. I remember when I first starting having panic attacks I used to have a fear of a heart attack. Now im past that fear, but it has shaped the way I eat. I have lost a lot of wieght but I started to realize I was starving myself. When I had paniac attacks my stomach would be turning (I've always assumed it was bleeding because there has been blood in my waste a few times). I've also always had a lot of gas. So I figured if I started eating 3 solid meals a day again (I used to eat 3 but it was very small meals, I realized it wasn't nearly enough) and making sure I was full at all times I would be fine. Sure enough things began to change.

So as of last Saturday I began eating 3 meals a day. The last week has been the best week ive had since I was about 13 years old. All smiles, hanging out with my friends, doing good on my school work and just enjoying life to its fullest. I was able to go to the barbershop without a panic attack. I was able to go to the store without an attack. I could sit ain car without looking at my hands in panic. I could shake someones hands without having sweaty palms. I could converse with my ladies without feeling nervous. I felt I was finally back. I felt as if I was me again. I felt my whole life had come full circle back to where I wanted.

It was all good until today. I was sitting in church when the pastor was preaching. For some reason he mentioned something about "If the person your talking to can't look you in the eyes, they have issues". Immediately my stomach began to hurt. I began to shake it off, but things got worse. I felt heavy. I looked at my hands they were sweating. I felt as If I was on the verge of passing out. For some reason I have always had a fear of passing out during the panic attack. It's like now when I have them I kno wits a panic attack and nothings going to happen that I can't overcome but yet they still happen. I haven't had a panic attack in about 1 week. I told my mother I had to use the washroom and sure enough when I went, I was fine.

Why did I just have a paniac attack? I was doing so good. I had a nice breakfast and was full. Although I feel kind of "shook up" about the situation, I can see some positives out of it. I had no tears which was different because usually my eyes water after the attack. Plus my stomach did not turn.

Is this just the final attack I must overcome in order to move on? Or am I just dragging myself back into the whole I climbed out. I dont feel as bad as I usually do after the attack so that must be a good sign.

Anyone have any advice in what I should do to overcome this? I prefer not to take meds or go to the doctor. I have this desire inside of me to beat this without medication. I know its possible. Over the years I have stopped getting worried about a lot of stuff and right now I feel I am (or was) at the best point i've been in years.

Sorry for the long piece of writting but I had to get this all out! I dont want to lose this battle, I refuse to lose it. I have so much potential to go up but this aniexty is holding me down. Please someone shed some light as to what I should do!

And if your reading this Rock50 or Howlnycat, if you could reply that would be great. Your advice helped me a lot last time.

And if anyone reply's thank you so much for taking the time to read and help me!
Common said...
The karma of the streets is needs and takes
Sometimes we find peace in beats and breaks
Put the bang in the back so the seats can shake

Post Edited (Jats) : 4/7/2008 3:37:11 PM (GMT-6)


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 4/6/2008 2:49 PM (GMT -7)   
HI my friend
I am so glad you posted been awhile
Yes I think you have come so far this past year and I am so bleeding PROUD of you I really am ......
Sometimes my friend even when we are winning the war there will be the odd time we just have to be reminded by the monster A/P that it is there and at the back of us it has not WON with you by no means you BEAT its butt and it is now trying to sneakily get to you DO NOT let it
FIGHT the fight you know best and know I am here as are so many others to help you thru this okay

I have been sick weird isnt it that for some reason I HAD to come to puter..fate.......that you had posted........hmm food to think on.........
I will post agin tomorrow am still bit weak but I am glad I saw this post and again I KNOW you can do this I truly do you have before you will again
I am here so are so many of us now for you okay
STAY with us

Luvs
LYN..

percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 4/6/2008 3:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Jats,

I'm newly back after a hiatus myself.

Bravo to you for fighting your anxiety so intelligently! I'm sorry you had a rough episode in church, but I'd bet Lyn has hit the nail on the head: anxiety loves to be a sneak. It sounds like you've had some nice successes. I don't even know you yet and I'm proud of your efforts. Try not to let the setbacks make you lose faith in yourself.

percycat

nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 4/6/2008 3:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Jats, you are DOING an INCREDIBLE job, most of us dive for cover when this sort of thing happens but you have come out fighting..all power to you!
Anxiety loves to hide in the corners and be "sneaky"..jump out when we least expect it...don't see this as a "test"..just as panic having a dig, and you picking up on it and fighting.

You are brave, smart and strong and I am really impressed. If I was as amazing as you at just 17 the I would have beaten this a lot quicker.

Keep fighting and keep sharing with us, thankyou Jats!!

Jats
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 4/6/2008 5:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the responses, and thanks for the kind words.

I am frustrated though, It's ridiculous I have nothing to worry about but still I feel these symptoms? I refuse to let my bad thoughts run my life and limit my potential. It just won't happen.

I feel as if this is a wrestling match. I wast just down for the count after the Aniexty gave me his finisher but i'm back again. I guess Im like Hulk Hogan and I should start Hulking Up :P.

I'm doing better right now, and I realize that I have to start thinking a bit more positive. Because I dont feel the stomach pains anymore, its all in my head now.

If I can just get back control of my thought's hmm..

I just want to feel constantly happy. Sometimes I feel as if I am in this shell. Each time I get happy, im poking a hole through the shell. But I always end up back in it.

There must be a way to break the whole shell. Not just my shell, but all of your shell's that are preventing us from seeing the sun thats shinning.
Common said...
The karma of the streets is needs and takes
Sometimes we find peace in beats and breaks
Put the bang in the back so the seats can shake

Post Edited (Jats) : 4/6/2008 6:31:33 PM (GMT-6)


FitzyK23
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 4/6/2008 7:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jats!

I don't really have panic disorder or anything but I suffer from crohns disease and that can lead me to get really anxious in some situations where my bathroom access is limited. I just wanted you to know that I always get panicky in church. I talked with some friends who have panic issue and all of them shared the sentiment. Church is tough for someone with anxiety.

First, it is often in the morning. You are probably still groggy, you may have just eaten and may have gas or digestion issues or you may have gone there without eating and as a result you are hungry and probably just a little bit dizzy. Next, church is a big open area with lots of people in it. It is often hot and crowded. You are often stuck in the middle of a row. There are rituals and ceremonies and you are suppost to sit there, be still, and quiet. If you get up, everyone will see you. You may disturb others that are praying. The priest, who most view as somewhat of an authority figure is looking at you. He or she will see if you get up. And heck, you are in God's house! Who wants to get up when you are supposed to be talking to God. Ever since you were a kid you were probably taught you have to be most respectful at church. No moving!! No wonder so many of us get anxious at church.

It sounds like you have a great handle on your anxiety and I would cut yourself a little slack with church. Try to figure out what about your situation made you nervous. Next time, get there early and sit in an aisle seat in the back, or in the front if you are near a door. You might find you feel a lot better with an easy escape route. Good luck!
26 Year old married female.  Diagnosed w/ CD 3 years ago, IBS for over 10 years before that, which was probably the CD.  Currently on Pentasa 4 pills/4x day, hysociamine prn, nexium, and ortho evra.  Good times!!!
 
 


nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 4/6/2008 10:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Fitzy, thank you..what wonderful words!!! I never really thought of things that way...church can be a little scary at times..


Jats..I can empathise with your confusion, sometimes I just want everything to be "happy" and "safe" and all those ideal things but sadly..we all have periods when nothing goes to plan...Blah!



Try and keep balance and love in the forefront of your thoughts and try not to get too frustrated when things..well, go pear-shaped!



I think you are already a Hulk Hogan of self inquiry (yeah thats sounds wierd huh!!) and you will win this battle..keep being open and honest Jats..I look forward to your next post xx

wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 4/7/2008 5:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jats, welcome back to Healing Well. I don't know you but wow you are an incredible person and at such a young age. It sounds like you have already learned a lot about yourself and have acknowledged your achievements. You should be very proud of yourself.

Fitzy has some great thoughts about why church can be scary and why you may have had this panic attack. Now that you have had time to calm down, you can look back and try to figure out what it was that may have triggered the attack. Process this and see if you can pinpoint when it started. Give yourself a break and try not to be so hard on yourself. You have done a great job at fighting the A/P and although it may never completely go away you can beat it when it tries to sneak up on you.

Please keep posting to let us know how you are doing and let us know if you figure out what caused the attack. I would be interested in knowing.

Take care,
Wen

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 4/7/2008 8:20 AM (GMT -7)   
I too have wished for many years that it could all " be okay and safe and not so bleeding confusing" but to no avail my friend
Anxiety is the sneakiest of the sneaky it comes at you when you are not ready and even when you are at times
I like Fitzky have crohns and other DD that cause my a/p to flare up as well .........BUT I know I have all the ppl here that know what I m and have gone thru
It can cripple you and yes it can make ya feel like you have just been tackled for sure..but always remember this please my friend
YOU have ANXIETY and PANIC
ANXIETY and PANIC .....DO NOT have you ......fight with all you have and then some .
We will always be here for you ..you know this

Luvs
LYN

Greeat support here ppl thanks so much for all you's do to help this forum and the ppl coming to it

YOU HAVE come so far do not let this get to you
YOU took the step of coming back to your old friends and support system that was " spot on and I believe a smart move on your part"

Jats
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 4/7/2008 2:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for all of the help.

To answer your question Wen I believe the reason I had the panic attack was because ever since I have had this aniexty I have always had a problem looking people in the eyes. I guess when the Pastor said that I felt he was talking about me and I got really defensive (e.g. People with anxiety have a problem with conflict). The combination of that and eating a not so heavy breakfast must have set me off.

I had a good day today. Not a single panic attack yet. I had one last night just before I went to sleep but I didnt fear it, but embraced it. Because I figured the more I have the more prepared i'll be.

Today I realized something, I have never really delt with the problem. I have always been finding solutions on how NOT to have a panic attack but not HOW to deal with a panic attack. The truth is we can run from a panic attack all we want but it will catch up with us one day. If we can train ourselves to not fear a panic atack and not think in that negative way, we can be comfortablle having one, and it will eventually go away.

So what I have been doing is now whenever I get a bad thought in my head, instead of thinking negatively I begin to counter those thoughts with positive phrases. This way i'm not anticipating a panic attack but rather filling my head with postivies so I can stop overeacting. I've been feeling good all afternoon doing this.

For everyone to truely be happy we must not fear the panic attack, and learn that we wont die from one. Its just a natural thing that our body does to deal with the stress.

Thanks for all of the replies, real confidence booster with everyone. I am going to try and keep in touch here for a while even if I dont have anymor attacks. I think the mistake I made was I taunted it and never really learned how to deal with a panic attack, but rather how to escape one. Because I dont want the panic attack to dicate what I can and cannot do. Life just wouldnt be the same.

After many efforts over the past month I feel I am bulking up for the biggest battle against anxiety that i'll ever have. I look forward to winning this, just as Hulk Hogan would :P.
Common said...
The karma of the streets is needs and takes
Sometimes we find peace in beats and breaks
Put the bang in the back so the seats can shake


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 4/7/2008 5:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Jats,

That is marvelous insight! I still spend most of my energy fighting and wishing not to have an anxiety attack. But you're right - it'll sneak up and try to get us -- and probably succeed anyway. The best way to deal with it is to face it down, just like the bully it is.

I'm glad you had a good couple of days after your tough Sunday. Stay strong!

percycat

nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 4/7/2008 6:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Jats, I'm glad you had a better day. It also sounds like you are making a few connections between your attacks and the underlying causes...this is really helpful, trust me, and can help us understand or predict another attack or bout of anxiety..

Then sometimes they just pop along to say hello anyway!! Keep up this great work, keep fighting and keep posting. I look forward to how you are doing very much xx

Jats
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 4/10/2008 9:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Ugh right now im having such a rough night.

I had good days all week since last Sunday except for tonight.

I had a pretty good day I overcame an attack but tonight my ideas are just boucning everywhere. Im becoming fed up with this. I cant keep living like this. There must be a cure to paniac attacks. I dont want to take medication there has to be a natural cure to this. I stopped worrying about pretty much everything but ive been anticipating an attack tonight so I guess thats why it hapepnd.

Im feeling a little relieved writting this but my thoughts are just wondering everywhere. Nothing will calm me down right now : /.

I just dont want to live like this, I just dont want too..

Im trying my best to keep strong but its just not working...
Common said...
The karma of the streets is needs and takes
Sometimes we find peace in beats and breaks
Put the bang in the back so the seats can shake


Jats
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 4/10/2008 9:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Ok ive calmed down. I just dont want to have anymore paniac attacks. I have done such a good job all week now im back to square one. I just hope I dont have any tommorow. Im hoping for the best.

Just typing here helped me calm down. I am really contimplating telling my parents / loved ones about my paniac disorder? Is that a wise decision. I have kept this hidden for about 1 and a half years :(.
Common said...
The karma of the streets is needs and takes
Sometimes we find peace in beats and breaks
Put the bang in the back so the seats can shake


wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 4/11/2008 4:32 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jats,

I'm glad to hear that you were able to calm down last night - that's a big step in the right direction. You know that overcoming an attack is not an easy thing to do. Just remember that the Pastor was giving his sermon and not speaking directly at you - it was a general thing.

Are your parents very supportive and open-minded people? I can't tell you what to do, but I can recommend that you sit down and talk to your family about your panic disorder. They may not understand it, but I bet they would support you and help you. Tell them all that you have gone through in the last year and a half - the symptoms, triggers, your incredible attitude and insight. Maybe seeing a therapist is the answer for you. But you won't know until you talk to them, keep this all to yourself is not healthy and isn't helping you. If you do decide to talk with them, make sure to be clear about what you are going through and make sure you are calm when do this. Then the next time you think you are going to have an attack (or are having one) you can go to them so they can help you through it. Before you talk to them have some ideas written down of ways that they may be able to help you (i.e.having you focus on your breathing, talking to you, getting you to talk about something funny or some nice place to focus on, etc.).

Please let us know what you decide and what happens. Best of luck and no matter what you decide we will be here to support you.

Take care and (((((hugs))))),
Wen

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/11/2008 10:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Good Morning,

You have done a wonderful job of recognizing your anxiety and coming here to work with the wonderful members. Kudos for you. Now please give yourself a pat on the back............

Anxiety is one of those disorders that is so very difficult to explain to someone who does not have it. I hope you can do as Wen suggested and sit down and have a good talk with your parents. You will benefit greatly from having people in your life that understand what your going through.

I see Wen pulled up the thread for CBT, that is a great thread to read and if your interested CBT has successfully helped many people.

Keep on working on the anxiety as what your doing seems to be right on.

Keep posting to us.

Hugs to you my new friend
KItt

Jats
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 4/11/2008 2:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the help guys.

I never told anyone this but I think the reason I have had these attacks in the first place is because my parents fight a lot. I know its not my fault they fight but It just doesnt seem right to me. Sometimes I feel like I could do more to help them stop fighting.

I remember when they first stopped fighting a month later I had my paniac attack. It seems that it all has spun off from there fighting.

I am doing better today. I just wish I could get over this. Theres nothing more I want than to be not anxious. That Gandhi quote you have really puts how I feel right now into perspective.
Common said...
The karma of the streets is needs and takes
Sometimes we find peace in beats and breaks
Put the bang in the back so the seats can shake


nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 4/11/2008 9:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh no my post got eaten..I had really good advice!! I'll try again..Jats!!

I've forgotten it all. lol!! I"m sure your arguing parents have not helped at all with any of this...it surely is a difficult thing to live with.

There must be a way to break the whole shell. Not just my shell, but all of your shell's that are preventing us from seeing the sun thats shinning.

What a beautiful, insightful thing to say. I think we just keep chipping away jats and one day..it comes together (or apart!!)..I'm going to take this thought away with me today..thank you xx

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/12/2008 6:36 AM (GMT -7)   
Good Morning Jats,

I am sorry your parents have a lot of "fights" but please remember you are not their keeper, their counselor or responsible for their behavior.

If you can pull from deep inside you and talk to them just telling them how the fighting makes you feel without accusing them it may help them understand you better.

I know you want to have a family.............don't you give up. If we grow in a Loving Family We are ready for the world. You will work this through with help and remember your family here at HealingWell.

Take care my friend.
Kitt

nervymeg
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 4/12/2008 7:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Just what Kitt said!..we are here for you Jats

Jats
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 4/12/2008 7:56 PM (GMT -7)   
To be honest I feel like everytime I have one, I come back more solid and more determined to get rid of this aniexty. Today was a good day. I had no attacks. I went to my Uncles house and had one comming on but detoured it. Before I left I had a fex anxious feelings but I dealt with it. I am becoming more comfortable in my house.

I figured since my paniac attacks started in my house, when Im feeling extremly comfortable in my house, i'll be fine outside. I am determined to get this out. Today I was watching a wrestling dvd (i'm a huge wrestling fan) and Ive always wanted to go watch a live WWE event and the paniac attack is keeping me back now. Hopefully by next year i'll be ready to attend one!

The one thing I notice from my paniac attack is they seem to be caused by nothing. I'll be sitting there then something in my mind will click "this picture is not right". Then ill be trying to figure out what "isn't right" and i'll start looking at my hands. For some reason during the paniac attack I feel like I dont have enough "grip" in my hands. Does this happen to anyone else? I also feel like im not in my room. Like im not me. And the room is spaced out wierd.

Is there any tips on how to stop thinking about paniac attacks? I figure if I stop anticipating the attacks they'll stop happening.

Thanks for all of the help guys! Although I dont know y'all personally, I feel as if we all know each other on a personal level!
Common said...
The karma of the streets is needs and takes
Sometimes we find peace in beats and breaks
Put the bang in the back so the seats can shake


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/12/2008 10:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Jats,

I am much older than you but I have been really working on my anxiety and depresion for the last couple of years and hey I am doing better. Here are some of my tricks.

When you have depression and anxiety you feel like your always dealing with your emotions. You fight so hard to stay in the moment but then the doubt that you are good enough or anyone cares about you creeps in. Your anxiety starts to kick in and you don't know why?

We are all challenged to find safe and constructive ways to express and share our feelings of anger, sadness, joy and fear. Your ways of experiencing and expressing emotions are unique because you are unique. What is hard is trusting that anyone will care or understand.

Find out what makes you happy, sad, joyful or angry. What calms you down? Learn ways to deal with your moods. Share joyful news with a friend; "cry on a shoulder" when you feel blue. Physical exercise can help you deal with your anger. Keep a stack of your favourite funny cartoons or a collection of humorous stories or video tapes for times when you feel the need to laugh.

Most of all be kind to yourself and remember to love yourself for you are a good person. Remember you have anxiety, it does not have you.

I wish you peace and a good night's rest.
Hugs

Kitt

percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 4/13/2008 5:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Jats,

Bravo to you for fighting down TWO attacks! That's great news. You really are developing some strength and skills in dealing with your anxiety. You're on your way to that goal of going to a WWF event.

Kitt just gave some fantastic advice, as have all the others here. Hang in there, and keep posting.

percycat

wen4003
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 1193
   Posted 4/14/2008 5:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Jats,

Bravo, Bravo, Bravo to you - ! You are doing awesome at beating this a/p beast and I am so very proud of you. Kitt said something that really struck me - you are definitely not your parents keeper - you are at a point that you need to look out for yourself and I truly believe that you can do that. You have some great insight into yourself and that, I believe, is part of what is so helpful to you. We will continue to help you through this struggle, just keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Take care and be proud of yourself,
Wen

Jats
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2007
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 4/18/2008 8:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello all. Haven't posted here in a while.

Have had a great week so far. I acquired some of Lucinda Bassett's old tapes of Attacking Aniexty and Depression. Ive been listening to them and theyve been helping me.

So far I havent had a full blown paniac attack ALL week (well tommorow will be a week). Ive had symptoms, I just keep prevent them from becoming a full paniac attack. Im becoming more comfortbale with myself. I realize that there will be steps back, but im going to have to be ok with mistakes if I want to get better.

I hope tommorow will be good to me aswell. I am feeling more like myself. Today was kind of a setback because I almost had a paniac attack but I made it out of it.

Anyone got any tips on how to stop obessive thinking?
Common said...
The karma of the streets is needs and takes
Sometimes we find peace in beats and breaks
Put the bang in the back so the seats can shake

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